by Angharad
We got back to my house and I made us a quick meal of pasta, and a side salad, which we ate with a bottle of red wine. Actually we ate it with knives and forks, but I suspect that’s implicit, isn’t it?
Afterwards, we were lying together on the sofa listening to the Mozart requiem, which is a favourite piece of music of mine and just happened to be on the BBC Radio 3, which is the classical music station. I love the lacrimosa which goes straight to my emotions. I remembered bursting into tears when the film Amadeus was shown in the cinema club at uni. I was supposed to be a man then, so it did little for my credibility.
Today, it had exactly the same effect, and I lay sobbing with Simon’s arm around me. “What’s the matter, Babes?”
“It’s this music,”
“Do you want me to switch it off?”
“No thank you, I love it.”
“But it makes you cry?”
“I know, so does Shadowlands but I love to watch it.”
“Shadowlands? It’s a film, I take it?”
“Yes, with Tony Hopkins and Debra Winger.”
“A chick flick?”
“Not in the traditional sense, it’s a love story about CS Lewis.”
“Doesn’t happen in a wardrobe, does it?”
“Ha Ha, very funny–there’s no witch or lion either.”
“Are you accusing me of being a proper Narnia?”
“Simon, for you, that is almost good.”
“Huh, since when have you been the queen of taste?”
I could have used this sideswipe against him and dissolved into tears, against which he has no defence. If I cry he gets upset and then protective. It does mean he can be manipulated, but I didn’t feel in that sort of mood. The Mozart had finished and something much more contemporary by Philip Glass was emanating from the radio, so the lachrymal moment had passed so to speak.
“Why do girls enjoy a good cry?” He asked as if he genuinely didn’t know the answer.
“I dunno, it’s just something we do, a contrast of emotions, I don’t know.”
“So how come men don’t then?”
“How do I know? But I suspect it’s about the fact that men are frightened of their emotions and so suppress them. It’s quite interesting that men feel emotions more intensely than women do.”
“Is that so? Well I suppose it’s a good excuse for going out and smashing up a bus shelter. I didn’t think the bar-stewards who do that sort of thing had any emotions except annoying everyone else.”
“Teenagers have brains which are rapidly changing physically and mentally, sort of brain soup.”
“So what happens to make so many of them turn into psychopaths and not butterflies?”
“Too much salt?” I ventured.
“Eh? What are you talking about?”
“In the soup.”
“What soup? We didn’t have any soup.”
“Brain soup…”
“Ugh! I don’t fancy that, Creuzfeldt-Jacob consommé.” He made the sound of being sick.
“I was meaning the teenagers, and their pupation.”
“Oh, I was wondering if they did mad cow-tail soup?”
“I doubt it, most of it went into beef burgers, didn’t it?”
“God, I hope not, I ate loads of them when I was at school.”
“You’re not alone, so did I. Can’t stand them now.” He nodded in agreement and we cuddled for a little longer. He started to gently massage my neck, and then his hand came around to the front of me and he began to gently rub my…but you don’t want to hear about that, do you?
I awoke early the next morning, I could hear a church bell tolling in the distance, reminding me it was a Sunday. I turned and looked at Simon who appeared to be asleep still. I kissed him gently on the nose and got up to go to the loo, when I got back the bed was empty. I hadn’t heard the door open or close and I seriously began to wonder if I had dreamt it all again, until I heard the kettle switch itself off and then could smell the toast cooking. I threw on my house coat and went downstairs, Simon was standing at the counter, his back to me. I snuck up behind him and put my arms around him and squeezed.
Instead of the friendly greeting I expected, I got, “Oh shit, look what you made me do!” He’d dropped the butter knife on the floor.
“There’s another in the drawer.”
“Yeah but you’ve spoilt my surprise. I was going to bring you breakfast in bed.”
“I’d rather eat it at the table and go back to a crumb free bed.”
“Oh, all right then,” his eyes sparkled at this suggestion.
An hour later we were lying in bed when he said, “I prefer your bread to the commercial stuff, can you make me some to take back with me?”
“If I have enough of the flour and yeast, of course I will.”
“Oh goody;” he snuggled down under the duvet again.
“I need to get up then or it won’t cook in time.” I slipped out from under the covers and went into shower. A few moments later I felt a draught and a pair of hands massaged my back.
“Is this a private shower, or can anyone join?”
“It’s by invitation only, but you’re invited.”
I did manage to make his loaf for him although I suspect he’d have eaten half of it before he got back to town. I smacked his hands a few times when he was wanting to pick at the crust just after I’d turned it out to cool.
He caught the evening train back, I ran him to the station and waved him off. When I got back in the car the emptiness I felt was almost palpable, by the time I got home and stripped the bed and remade it, I was weeping gently to myself. I found my DVD of Shadowlands and after making myself a cup of tea and getting a pack of choccie biscuits, tissues at the ready, prepared myself for a good howl.
Somehow, I don’t think Simon would have understood it.
Comments
I find that ...
... a fork and desert spoon works better with some pasta but I suppose red wine tends to make it immaterial.
Nice peaceful episode for a change. I certainly endorse Cathy's dislike of crumbs in the bed but it's a long time since it was a potential problem for me LOL
Are only women allowed to cry when they hear beautiful music? The Mozart Requiem, much as I love it, doesn't but there are pieces that do. I also like Rossini's Little Mass and the Verdi Requiem as well as Britten's War Requiem - not bad for an atheist :0) Just goes to show ... something.
Geoff
Lo mein marinara
And some pasta dishes are even easier to eat with chopsticks.
I think you've really hit on one of the mojor male/female differences. It's not a woman can cry over a piece of beautiful art and a man can't, but that a woman can look forward to crying over it. Men need emotional catharsis just as much as women, but you don't really see them preparing to revisit a good cry.
Good point.
Though, sadly enough I rarely get anywhere near the same impact the second time around. *sighs* Perhaps it's the same problem I have reading a story again. I remember what's comming next too well, and anticipate it which reduces the impact significantly. *sighs* It's really a shame.
Maybe I'm just a criple.
Annette
There are some books, plays,
There are some books, plays, movies, etc. that no matter how many times, I find myself tearing up. Even knowing what's about to happen, and that it gets to me, there I am with teardrops streaming down my face.
Janice
*SIGHS*
I always knew I was defective. *sighs*
Nice cuddling scenes.
Cuddling is very important! Hugging is too, for that matter. Hmmm. Makes one wonder why daddys get so few hugs, compared to mommys. Let's get back on topic now.
Nice thought of Simon - preparing a meal for his bride-to-be. Personally, I prefer said food away from the bed, but hey. The lug is trying... I don't THINK his goal was just to get Cathy back into bed, though, it could have been.
One does wonder how far Simon got with his loaf.
Never seen one of those "bread" machines in use actually. The bread in this house is baked in the oven, after a suitable beating. :-) Much stress is taken out on poor innocent future loafs. Doesn't seem to affect the taste though. :-)
Thanks,
Annette
A Very Sweet And Sentimental Chapter
Gives us a rare glimpse into the domestic bliss that they will have.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Charming and Great Chapter
Angharad; I can see it now were on chapter 999 and she has done her tenth of twelve film and her and Simon still are not married, but I love this story just keep it going. Richard
Richard
On the way home
There I was listening to a show I catch if I'm driving at the right time. This occasion, James Taylor talking about songs n stuff and how Fire and Rain came about... 'Just yesterday mornin they let me......' yep tears start up. Hardly unique to that song, just a current example. I know I did as a guy but it was much more...um, hidden, quiet, surreptitious perhaps. Now I don't care it's open and hey I can smile and laugh at the same time, damn that's a good sad song. The feeling and how you embrace it is one of those differences in approach and understanding, if not simple fact.
A couple of .... quiet episodes...oh dear..... does that mean..?
Kristina
Emotions
Last I heard research suggests women feel more deeply than men. Heinlein thought so too, he described women in general as having a wider range on their emotional palette. Cathy may not be the best judge of this, since she was basically a woman from day one.
Emotions and Heinlein
Heinlein is one of my favorite Sci-Fi authors, and in more than one story or novel, transexualisn or transgendered are a big part of the story. I can think of two novels, and one short story of the top of my head:
"I Will Fear No Evil", "The Cat Who Walked Through Walls" (the sequel to "The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress, which had no TS or TG in it and some of the characters from "Stanger In A Strange Land, and characters from other novels or short stories), and the short story is "All You Zombies"
Kinda makes me wonder if Robt. Heinlein might not have been TG himself...
Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?
Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm
TG in Moon is a Harsh Mistress
Didn't Mike the computer decide to become Michelle for a short while? I seem to remember that
being in the novel, sometime after Mycroft invented CG animation (very prescient of Heinlein)
and could project a face on a video screen. Or maybe not, it's been a while since i read it.
Maybe I'm remembering one of my weird TG robot dreams...
What borders on stupidity?
Canada and Mexico.
.
Heinlein
You don't have to be LGBT to write about them, but being a good author helps you in getting it right; and Heinlein was a damned good author! Heinlein believed in characters who were strong and realistic, not willing to be bound by restraints imposed by weaker people.
And yes, Lakia, Mike the computer, had various personas he used as necessary. The first persona was brought out by Wyoming Knott during a long night of chatting between the two. But Mike admitted to Manny that he preferred his original "self" that grew between him and Manny over the years as Mike evolved sentience.
"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin
OMG ! she's cultured.
Mozart's Confutatis and Lacrimosa ------ Confused and crying ! If you want to cry , watch Disney's "Old Yellar" I cry just thinking of it.
Nice warm emotional chapter.
Speaking of Heinlein, read "FRIDAY" very appropriate for this site.
Cefin