... I could say the same but you know what cyclists are after a long hard ride - or should that be before a long hard ride *dirty laugh*

Geoff

Dear Angharad,

I think the problem probably lies in your kitchen table. It's probably just another old scrubbed pine one with one leg used as a scratching post by the cat. This I am afraid is not the ideal venue for spontaneous orgies of unbridled lust. It lacks the essential energising spark that is a basic requirement in triggering a mutual sexual combustion that shreds away all normal civilised restraint.

I recommend a few days concentrated study of the latest glossy brochures devoted to extolling the seductive virtues of the modern table. Something with a top in smoked glass and legs in stainless steel with a platinum inlay for example. Or alternatively an eco-friendly structure in laminated cardboard with only three legs. This latter, although perhaps losing out visually, does offer the strong possibility of a climatic collapse as events move to their inevitable orgasmic crescendo .... 'And did the table move for you too, darling?'

Another tip is to ensure that the breakfast things are cleared away immediately on the termination of the meal. Leave nothing to chance! Nothing is more conducive to a waning of spontaneous passion than a pause necessitated by the hostess hobbling round the kitchen with her knickers around her ankles as she tidies up the debris from the previous meal. Any such clearing up is also liable to be of a somewhat hurried and perfunctory nature and alas manoeuvrings to avoid puddles of coffee and patches of smeared marmalade tend to be distracting. In these circumstances the attractions of the honey pot can be open to mis-interpretation.

If you are blessed with a substantial residence equipped with a billiard room then there is much to be said for retiring there before the actual shedding of outerwear. A billiard table is of course an accepted and altogether proper place for such an activity and its use has been sanctified by aristocratic, even royal, usage at countless country weekends throughout the last couple of centuries. Those unaccustomed to the etiquette involved should however be sure to remove both balls and cues before mounting.

The final factor of course in the surroundings. 'Location, location, location', as they say. The kitchen table should ideally be located in an Italian palazzo, French château or large yacht. Slum tenements, council houses, two/three bed semis, and even desirable mod. com. residences simply do not cut it however House & Gardens the table itself.

I hope the above helps. Do let me know how you get on. (And off.)

Hugs,

Fleurie

So those living downunder are the best at going downunder?

John in Wauwatosa