Sweet Dreams-64

*Before…

Adam chooses black. “Exactly and it does work like that, Admin being still the head of the place, the office staff is still the office staff, school paper and media things is advertising and the classrooms are division heads as well as clubs and teams are like special projects.”

Alex moves first and they start to play and they’re not bad and they’re not slow at first either the first ten of twelve moves are fast and that’s just positioning and April gets the coffee pot and fills us all up and she sits back down to watch too and Adam says.

“So if you two are going to do this we should take a real hard look at things so…” and he has this look on his face like he’s not quite sure that he even thought that he’d be asking us this. “Tell me about your school.”

*And Now…

I actually don’t mind talking about my new school and I’m pretty damned critical of it too as much as I like it because I’ve been to so many shit schools and I’m not really shy about talking about the differences between the haves and the have nots.

I’m not laying the blame game that much either because well there’s no point really going off on it.

It’s not the subject and Adam only wants the subject and not the fact there’s literally parts of Michigan and Detroit even that literally look like they’re war zones.

And yeah crime’s bad but everything else went bad first.

Instead I talk about how much is there at the school and how much they have in resources that they’re only kind of using.

It’s pretty true to there’s a lot not touched and a lot that’s just focussed on like certain groups like the sports teams that seem to get the bulk of funding and attention when there’s lots of things that can actually be spread out to make the entire school better.

Adam takes one of Alex’s knights. “You can’t attack the sports teams; everyone attacks the sports teams to the point where it’s the default position for the academics and the unpopular kids. You’ll get slapped with that and the jealous thing or the sour grapes thing.”

“But it’s true.”

“I know it’s true and that’s fine it’s why I was so strongly behind Alex going into sports it’s favored, it’s glory and socially primal stuff. People respond to that almost always favorably.”

Alex is giving his dad the squinty eye.

Adam just picks up his coffee cup and sips at it. “I’m not going to apologize for it; it’s a big part of being successful. From the get go so much of life is rigged, it needs everything you can muster sometimes to get by and every trick in the book to get ahead.”

Alex looks at his dad. “Just as long as you’re not hurting other people to do it.”

Adam says. “That’s fine, it’s good even but you don’t let folks walk all over you because some will do it without a second thought.”

They have a stare off for a few moments before Alex moves one of his pieces.

I sit after getting another coffee. “So what do I do then to make this work? I do actually want to win but I want to do something good for the school too but not just the school but the other kids in the school.”

Adam says. “Include people.”

“I’m planning on it.”

“No start now. There’s nothing saying that you can’t actually run you homecoming court or whatever as a sort of non-official student council. Get kids together that you think will have good ideas and start from there.”

I look over to him. “Okay, that might actually work?”

He’s nodding. “It will work, people want to be heard and they want to be noticed even if it’s just to be recognized.”

I pick up a notepad from the coffee table and start writing. “I want to have the title mean something; I want it to have to be something other than something just for the elites and doing stuff like dances.”

April says. “Is there a home ec department?”

I nod. “Yeah it’s kind of broken up into different things I think.”

She looks at me. “High tea, do one for dress up and for like getting parents involved and baking but also to raise money.”

I nod. “That, that would actually work for some folks I think.”

Alex says. “Turn over the Halloween dance, let the drama kids and that crowd actually run the show.”

I’m writing it down…both ideas.

Adam says. “Football events but for the team to raise funds for other things in the school.”

I nod. “I want to get a couple of school wheelchairs; we don’t have any in the building just in case.”

Adam looks at me. “I can actually help with that. I have connections that I can ear bend to donate.”

I look at him. “Done, and as soon as possible really.”

Alex looks at me. “Going to use that already for homecoming?”

I nod and sip my coffee. “I am, plus I really want to push the whole changing the office of homecoming queen to actually be something where the person wants and maybe needs to do things for the school. It’ll weed out the ones that just want to be popular for the sake of being popular.”

April nods. “If you can do that then it’d be a pretty big deal really. It might just change a lot of the way things get done with some of the things in school.”

Adam adds in. “Plus it will look very good on college applications.”

I shrug. “That’s actually just a bonus I want to actually do this for the here and now.”

There’s some nods all around and I make some more notes with some wish list sort of things that I kind of want to see for the school and offered for the school too.

Like first aid.

I think we should have the Red Cross First Aid classes offered for the students and I think that students on or in the student council and homecoming should know this since it’s handy to use and might be needed since we’d be around so many people so much of the time.

Adam ends up beating Alex in chess and then he and April left together heading back down into the house and Alex and I have our place to ourselves and I feel better than I did.

He cleans up some and gets a few things ready for tomorrow and he actually comes over and kneels behind the chair I’m in and he starts to give my neck a massage.

It’s really nice.

And it’s something I’m really not used to having.

I lean back into it and I smile and yeah it takes a minute for me to let myself relax enough to enjoy it.

I mean really I have this whole thing with all of the PTSD stuff from Cliff and all the crap from mom where getting touched from behind was usually followed up by pain from usually something bad happening to me right after.

And to an extent that’s still true with sex but this, this is something different.

“You’re tense.”

“I’m really not used to this. Getting touched from behind really hasn’t been good Alex.”

He sounds concerned. “Do you want me to stop?”

I sigh as his fingers actually hit a good spot. “Mmm…no, it’s stuff I have to unlearn.”

“Hunter it’s a normal thing for you to have these feelings.”

I shake my head and have a last sip of my coffee. “No Alex it’s not. Abuse PTSD is the furthest thing from normal and I’m not going to let it run my life or ruin it. It’s done that for most of my life.”

He leans down and I can smell him as he kisses my neck and stays there talking softly. “I hate that this even happened to you.”

I reach up behind me and run my fingers through his hair. “I know, I don’t like what happened to you either. I just want to get through it though babe, I want to be stronger.”

Okay I had enough of this kind of close and I set my notes on the coffee table with a light toss and I move and turn around and I look at him.

Just this long slow look as I touch his face with my palm and kind of marvel at him just existing and that we’re here and together and that he cares for me.

I actually am getting teary eyed in a happy way just actually taking the time to really look at him and have those eyes of his looking back at me so deeply.

Taking him in, taking the time to actually see him.

And falling a little deeper.

In that definite Ow My Heart sort of way.

And the longer I look the more I see and there’s love and care but the more that I look the more vulnerability is creeping in there.

Yeah staring is good but when you’re not used to it your mind starts to make things up in your head especially when no one has ever actually really looked at you.

I make it better by leaning in and kissing Alex deeply.

Yeah it’s a bit of the role reversal ideas and everything but that doesn’t really matter.

I was in the “Guy” space for a good part of my life even if that was a box I was never really born to be fit into and unless a guy is a real insecure knuckle dragger most of them like to be kissed first, like to be treated just as special like that.

Like they’re beautiful to someone too for the stuff that’s there.

And I’m really trying to convey that to him with my kisses.

It gets really good after a while.

He’s a more experienced kisser than I am and that’s okay because I like that he knows what he’s doing as we spend more of our time doing it in our relationship.

He’s my first in so many ways and he is the first person I’ve really kissed or wanted to kiss.

And that sort of kind of takes this out and away from necking.

And sort of makes it really important to me.

Sure it could be me being fixed up and getting healthy, or it’s me getting back on track with my hormones and everything else that came out of me figuring it all out and all.

But it’s not.

I mean it’s not some swooning girly thing.

Though I do get a very girl like thrill or what maybe it seems like to me when he picks me up into a carry and my legs actually wrap around him and he carries me around the apartment kissing me and supporting me with one arm as he locks the doors and starts to turn off our lights before carrying me to the bedroom.

He leaves the bedroom light off and he turns his stereo on and drops in a mixed CD he made and some light rock folk group I don’t know starts playing and it sounds nice and romantic too.

He set’s me on the edge of the bed and kisses me deeply this time in that lay you down kind of really great way.