There was a chill in the air as the frost manifested itself. The sky was clear, as I would have been able to see were the hospital area not so brightly lit. It was eight o’clock and I wanted to get home.

Monica had set off to collect me, however, judging from what I could see of it passing the hospital, the traffic seemed heavy. I shivered as I tramped up and down to keep warm, swinging my arms around me to try and generate some warmth. I noticed the windscreens of cars starting to glisten with their icy coating and wished I’d stayed in the vestibule rather than insisting I walk to the front of the hospital driveway. Why don’t these roadways seem as long when you drive them?

I reflected on my return to Tom’s ward; I’d had a cup of tea and a sandwich which I knew would suffice until I got home. Actually it was quite good, so hospital food had improved no end in recent years.

The dean had only stayed half an hour. We’d nodded at each other as I’d left–we were on reasonable terms–but I wasn’t too sure why he was there. Tom reassured me it was an act of friendship, they’d known each other for years. I wasn’t so sure. Was it just my increasing paranoia? I hoped so.

I knew I had to speak with Neal about the dormouse rota, but then had a text from him to say it was all under control, and I didn’t need to worry. He also told me Spike was fine. So far, so good. Tom had of course attempted to discuss departmental stuff which I could action on his behalf. I reminded him I had two children under five, three if we included Simon. That made him laugh so much, his intravenous drip shook.

Seeing as I wouldn’t play his work game, he went back to his funereal theme. I didn’t want to play that one either, but he informed me that I was designated his next of kin. I was glad he’d told me, though asking me might have been nicer. Then I thought, I am his daughter, of course I’m his next of kin.

I managed to keep one brain cell on his conversation which got very maudlin at times, and the other was worrying about looking after my two charges; somehow it now felt much more official and therefore more under scrutiny. I wouldn’t be doing anything different, it just felt that way. I had a feeling that being married would feel like this for a few weeks–exactly the same as cohabiting, but official or formal, and thus having a different feel to it. Perhaps I was just too kinaesthetic?

Monica drove up in the Mondeo, I was surprised to say the least, but I didn’t say anything. She asked me how Tom was and we passed the return time talking about him. That was a blessing, because I wasn’t sure how comfortable I felt in her company by myself. She behaved, except for fumbling one gear change, when she rubbed my knee. I moved my leg away and she didn’t get another chance.

I felt fairly sure it was deliberate, but what could I say? We eventually got home about eight forty-five. The kids were in bed, Simon had changed them and read them a story. Trish was trying to stay awake to see me, so Si suggested I would come and tuck her in when I got home. I readily agreed and excusing myself from the gathering, went to see to the kids. They were both asleep but I kissed them and tucked them in. They had that warm, cuddly smell of young children.

I lingered staring at my two charges. My life had changed already, I was now practically a full time mum. I shivered a little, my mother’s prediction had pretty well come true. I shook my head in denial; it wasn’t possible–when you’re dead you’re dead. There are no gods, just gullible, needy humans. I returned to the family gathering.

Monica was a good cook and had used some chicken I had in the fridge to do a fricassee. Mine was in the oven, I didn’t think I was hungry, but it was jolly good and I ate it all.

I chatted with Henry about Tom, complaining about his desire to return to work. Henry suggested it was a sense of duty lacking in many younger people–he looked over at Simon while he said it. I told him I was glad Simon had been free to support me, it had been a very trying period with the court business hanging over me. However, it had all been worth it.

“Have you signed the forms yet?” Henry asked me.

“What forms?” my mind was more on Tom than anything else.

“The gender recognition forms.”

“No.”

“Right go and fill them in and I’ll get the attorney at the office to witness them for you.”

“But they can’t if they don’t see me sign them.”

“As I recall, they have a statutory declaration which you sign, they only say they have signed it too. Go on girl, it’s okay.”

I had got the surgeon to do the form that was required, so I suppose I could submit them along with payslips, and other documents showing my two years of living in role. I even sent my masters certificate to show I had been doing something useful.

By the time I’d finished, Stella had disappeared to bed, Henry and Simon were chatting and Monica was messing about in my kitchen. Being a little territorial, I went out to see what she was doing, she was making a new loaf for us for the morning. I thanked her and she smiled at me–I almost ran out of the kitchen with her roaring with laughter behind me.

Henry and she left at about eleven. They were staying at the hotel at Southsea. As he left, I said, “I think I ought to resign from the environmental advisor’s post, seeing as I’m going to be looking after two little bodies.”

“No you won’t, just keep your hand in the environmental stuff enough to be able to deal with queries, carbon footprint and so on.”

“Am I going to have time? I haven’t had a bike ride for weeks. He fell off, if you recall.” I nodded towards Simon.

“I was knocked off–fell off indeed. Huh!”

Henry and I both laughed, then I kissed him on the cheek and the same with Monica. “Tomorrow at eight, be ready for a quick bike ride.”

“It’s going to be freezing and dark,” I grumbled.

“So, wrap up and put lights on your bike, I know you’ll have some.”

“What about the children?”

“If they’ve got bikes they can come too.”

“Henry, don’t be so silly, I mean, who’s going to look after them at breakfast?”

“Their supposed other parent, it’ll do him good to get some practice in.” Simon of course heard this and glowered at his father, who smirked back. “I shall see you tomorrow my dear, Simon leave your cycle shoes out so I can borrow them, oh and I want to use your new bike, too.”

“Looks like you’d like to borrow my wife too,” he muttered which I heard but I wasn’t sure if Henry had.

“Absolutely,” his father beamed, “but not in the way you’re thinking.” He left with Monica on his arm.

“You’ve got to ride his arse off tomorrow,” said Simon.

“You must be joking he used to ride competitively.”

“So, that was years ago. I’m sure you’re fitter.”

“I doubt it, I haven’t ridden for weeks, have I?”

“But you sailed off when we went out.”

“Only because you hadn’t ridden for months, so compared to you, I was fit. I have no idea what your dad does to stay fit, he looks quite lean and fit.”

“Just beat him, please, I’ll buy you a new bike if you do.”

“How can I beat him if we’re not racing?”

“He’ll engineer some form of contest, trust me, he will. You have to beat him, and be careful, he’ll cheat if he can.”

“He’s probably stronger than I am, I’ve lost loads of muscle since the op.”

“I thought the object was to lose just one muscle?” Simon smirked at me.

“Very funny, you know perfectly well what I mean.”

“Do I? Perhaps we’d better go to bed and you can show me.”