Cathy learns a bit about the professor.... read on and see exactly what?

Easy As Falling Asleep.
by wossername with the bad back,
part fiction part rubbish.

I showed Suzy the captive breeding programme, she was suitably impressed. I was nominally in charge but the work was done by two of our technicians, Neal and Tina. Eventually she went off to see the professor and I sat at my desk looking at the damaged fieldwork equipment again.

It was astonishing that Simon hadn't been more injured, I shuddered when I thought about it. If he'd been killed I really don't know how my sanity would have survived. At times now I thought it was borderline bonkers, a new clinical term possibly not yet recognised by Dr Thomas and her colleagues or the DSM iv.

I had an appointment to see Prof Agnew myself soon, so I needed to keep my spirits up and not get too maudlin about what could have happened, it didn't. I also wanted to see Simon and perhaps dash up to Bristol to see Daddy.

I didn't understand why I was calling him that, it was almost a regression to childhood. He didn't seem to mind and part of me liked it. My mind drifted back to the funeral and his presentation to me of my doll 'Josephine'. He'd taken her from me when I was seven or eight years old and told me he had smashed her and thrown her in the trash.

I could still recall that day, I cried for hours, helped by the fact that he gave me a hiding for calling him a 'cruel man'. I hated him for weeks after that, I wouldn't go near him. Giving my doll back mended a few bridges but there were still so many to fix. I took heart from the fact that my mum had stopped him smashing it up, and that he could have done it covertly years later. I wouldn't have been any the wiser and I suspect Mum wouldn't have been either.

What puzzled me was why she had stopped him? Nowadays, most parents would be less brutal, but fifteen years ago, I suspect many would have dumped a doll if their son was playing with it, especially if he'd swapped a football for it. He also dominated her so much, so why did she stop him? If it was my son, I'd be watching to see if any other girlish inclinations happened and get some advice. Then it was seen as taboo, he could be gay! Arrgh!

How pathetic, and now macho man was dependent upon his effeminate offspring, tough! Life has ways of equalising things at times, or in this case, it did.

"Cath old girl," called Neal.

I awoke from my reverie, "Erm, yes Neal."

"Prof is waiting for you," he was holding a phone which he'd obviously just answered.

"Oh!" I gasped and ran off towards his office.

"Just made it girl," said Mrs Miller, "I was just about to move next business."

"Sorry, I was engrossed in something, forgot the time."

"Go on in."

I tapped on the door and went through. "Ah, Miss Dormouse, what can I do for you?" He glanced at his watch, "Damn, it's lunchtime, can we do this over the pub?"

"It's a bit personal and involves the police," I said very quietly and felt myself getting hotter.

"Police, not the fieldwork business? Oh God, your young man isn't worse is he?"

"No Prof, it's something different. For the last couple of weeks I've been getting some poison pen letters, remember I mentioned them last week."

"Bloody cowards!" he almost spat in disgust, "Do we know who is writing them yet?"

"No, but the last one seemed more threatening and I took them to the police." I explained about the messages and how they had put the last one on my car. I watched him get angrier and angrier, controlling himself until I finished my saga.

"If this proves to have come from anyone associated with this university, then I will do all in my power to see they pay the full penalty, including revoking degrees. We'll also cooperate in any police investigation, and I am pretty sure that goes for the rest of the university. I shall speak to Dr Andrews at our next meeting.

"I'm sorry always to be the bearer of bad news," I hung my head in shame.

"Oh Cathy, you aren't you silly girl, you're a delight to have a round the place, ask Mary if you don't believe me."

"I don't know Prof, I almost feel like it would be easier if I disappeared."

"What do you mean?"

"Well left and went to look after my dad."

"What, and let those cowardly bastards win? That doesn't sound like the Cathy Watts I heard was brawling in the street the other day because someone attacked her boyfriend. She's a fighter!"

I went a lovely shade of crimson, "Oh, I didn't think anyone got to hear about that...."

"Nor dealing with two bumpkins with the aid of a mountain bike."

"Oh," the crimson got brighter.

"Maybe you should do a paper on the mountain bike as a weapon of defence?"

I felt tears run down my nose and drip onto the carpet I was so busy trying to outstare. If you looked at the pattern for a few moments you could see all sorts of shapes in it, including baleful eyes. They were winning the staring game, I was leading in the crying one.

"Good gracious girl, don't cry, you'll shrink me carpet!" He walked over and threw his arm around me and hugged me. "Don't let them win, your future is so bright, keep the light shining. Remember there will be others who come after you, who will benefit from your courage and pioneering spirit."

"Thanks, Professor, you're always so kind to me, I don't know how to thank you."

"There are three things you could do," I stood with red runny eyes and nodded at him waiting for him to pronounce, "firstly, stand and fight. Secondly, come to dinner with me on Friday," I snorted at that, I knew that would be a condition, it always was. "Finally, do the pics for the leaflet, show them two fingers. It would be the best way to show them where to stick their silly bits of paper."

"What if they went to the press?"

"So what, we'd support you all the way to suing them."

"You can only sue if they libel you, they wouldn't need to do that to get a strong story, you know like, 'The girl on the leaflet isn't a girl', or some such similar thing."

"It would be a storm in a teacup and besides the university legal department might even be able to squash it."

"I doubt it, there is no closed season on transsexuals."

"I think things are changing, and remember we all scratch each other's backs these days. So if we get some lead story for them, they are invited to exclusives. If they get some dirt on us, unless it is about something illegal, they talk to us first."

"That's the local rag, what about the national tabloids, The Sun or News Of The World, they don't have arrangements with you?"

"True, but neither do they have the clout for local news. Besides, you could always go on the offensive."

"What do you mean Professor?"

"Tell 'em first. Secrets are only powerful if they are secret. I mean the rumours are spreading around the campus at a steady rate. If we did an interview with the local rag, we could steal much of their thunder."

"Oh God," I gasped and diving across his study threw up in his waste basket.

"I take it you don't fancy that then?"

I vomited again.

"Mary, can you came in for a minute?" I heard him call into his intercom.

She took over, dismissing the professor who fled to the pub. Pushing the offending waste bin outside the door she sent for one of the cleaners to sort it. She had also sat me in one of the armchairs and held a glass of water to me.

"Okay, I take it you don't have a bug of some sort?"

I shook my head, weeping with shame.

"And you aren't pregnant?"

I snorted at that.

"So he's upset you? Not his new aftershave, 'Hint of Badger' or something like that."

I snorted with laughter this time and shook my head. Wiping the mess off my face, I sighed and sipped the water. Then I explained to her what I had told the professor. Then I told her what he had suggested.

"You know he wants you to do the leaflets, don't you?"

"Yes, but why?"

"Because you're very pretty and actually studying at the university. He thinks it will encourage women to take up science courses."

"But would it, not if they did a story on me, would it?"

"The leaflets would be around for several years, the news story would be a five-minute wonder."

"I'd rather not."

"I know luvvy, and I understand, but let's face it the dormice have to be the most photogenic animal we study here, and you are the most photogenic researcher, so they seem to go together."

"Why don't they ask Tina? She's quite pretty and is involved with the dormice."

"She isn't leading the project, you are. You'll be in the media anyway."

"What?" I shuddered, "Why?"

"Because the project is news, they'll talk to all the lead researchers and I'm willing to bet you'll be the one they want to photograph."

"Why, is my changeover that obvious?" I began to doubt everything I thought I had achieved.

"No, you silly girl, because you are the prettiest as well as the cleverest one on the team."

"Don't be silly, I'm not very clever."

"You have a first from Sussex, a master's with distinction from us and are heading for a doctoral degree with us. Prof Agnew wants you on the staff here so badly, he's wondering who he can shoot to make space. I didn't tell you that mind," she winked at me.

"Why? I'm a liability, everyone around me gets hurt, trouble seems to follow me like I'm some sort of magnet."

"You are the nicest post-grad we have, he's been trying for funding for you to do some teaching here to help with your financial position. You don't know this because it's all on the QT, okay? And I didn't tell you any of this. He has big plans for this department and you feature in them quite significantly, especially as he's lost Suzy to Havard."

"I don't understand," I said, tears running down my face, "why is he being so good to me?"

"Because you remind him of his daughter. That's why he likes the women to go to his dinners. He isn't a dirty old man, he's coping with the death of his daughter in the way he feels is best for him."

"What happened to her?" this was all news to me.

"She was doing a PhD at Oxford, Anglo Saxon or something, and she was killed by a drunk driver on the motorway. Head-on crash, killed instantly, he was driving a coach and survived. Died from cirrhosis about five years ago."

"When did this happen?" I asked, it was all news to me.

"Twenty years ago."

"Goodness." I sat dumbfounded by this news.

"One of the reasons he likes you so much is that you remind him of her."

"In what way?"

"You look quite like her, colouring and build, you're vivacious, so was she."

"Goodness, no one has ever described me as vivacious before."

"Her name was Catherine, too."

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed and swooned in the chair.