The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2377 by Angharad Copyright© 2014 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

“Ever come across a group called SOCA?” I asked Jacquie.

“No, is it something to do with the world cup?”

“Uh—no, that’s soccer.”

“Well it sounds the same.”

I accepted it might. “It stands for Survivors Of Custodial Abuse.”

She blushed and looked away, “No, never heard of it.”

“Apparently one of the people trying to expose me for a tabloid was a member.”

“Which one?”

“The cross dressing one.”

“Was he convincing?”

“As a female, you mean?”

“Duh,” she rolled her eyes.

“Could have been with a bit of help.”

“Why are you interested in him?”

“I wondered what his motivation was to get involved.”

“Perhaps he just thought you were buying your way into depravity, turning all those boys into girls.”

“Perhaps.”

“You want to rescue him, don’t you?”

“I’m not sure he’d survive another term in prison.”

“How can you know that?”

“I don’t know it, it’s just a feeling I have.”

“So like a true Christian you turn the other cheek.”

Now it was my turn to blush and I was too embarrassed to respond.

“You really are an angel, aren’t you?”

“No, but seeing as no actual harm was done, I feel more clement than I might have done before.”

“You told Jason to destroy them.”

I blushed more deeply. “That was a knee jerk response, this is a more measured one and I’ve had time to think about it.”

“So, d’you forgive them?”

“I don’t know. They were all trying to harm me and it could have rubbed off onto the children. If that had happened, I might well have really wanted to destroy them.”

“Mother tiger strikes again.”

“Strikes again or stripes again?” I teased her.

“Whichever is more correct.”

“Or appropriate?”

She poked her tongue out at me and I tried to grab it. She stepped back and her heel caught the dog’s water bowl firing its contents way up her legs. She squealed and jumped and I suspect would have fallen had I not caught her.

The next day I had an email from Jim. He discovered several references to our little cross dresser, including robbery and prostitution. I wasn’t sure why I wanted to save his bacon, but there was something nagging me about him hurting himself if he went inside again.

“The rational part of me wanted him to suffer, he’d been part of a nasty conspiracy which would have made my directorship of the bank and Billie’s research centre almost untenable. I could also have lost the children—the younger ones, which I suspect was Vallace’s intention. It was probably the most hurtful thing she could do. I felt myself stuck on the horns of this dilemma—asking the police to withdraw the prosecution perhaps on the understanding they all sign an undertaking not to attempt any such activity again.

The next morning I called Jason and said what I thought. There was an uncomfortable silence the other end of the line before he replied, “Let me get this straight, Cathy; you want the court to caution them and force them to sign an undertaking not to bother you again because you’re worried the cross-dressing one might harm himself if he gets sent down. Is that about right?”

I suspected he could feel me blushing over the phone. I nodded in embarrassment before realising he couldn’t see me. “Yes,” I heard myself say quietly.

“Are you completely mad?”

“Possibly.”

“Look, they attempted to humiliate and destroy you with a risk of social services being forced to intervene through public pressure. The efforts you’ve made to help the environment, to assist others and to improve the understanding of ecology could all have been smashed had their plot succeeded. What about the children? What might have happened to them?”

I felt a tear dribble down the side of my nose and drip onto my top. “I don’t know,” I said so quietly he must only just have been able to hear it. I felt ashamed.

“Cathy, you are too good for this world, d’you know that?”

“Am I?” I asked feeling rather aloof from everything.

“I’ll speak with the CPS and see what they think.”

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you for reminding me the law needs to be tempered with humanity. Unfortunately, had the boot been on the other foot, I suspect they’d have kicked or stamped you into the ground.”

I sat in my study in a state of total distraction. I didn’t know how I felt about this or anything else. I think I must have slept because I found myself in the place of light again. I wandered for a bit before remembering that last time I was here nothing happened until I showed myself in a deferential position. I dropped down to my knees, bowed my head and held my hands in my lap.

It wasn’t long before I felt a presence before me. “You have done well, our daughter. We are pleased that you have seen the concern for another is more important than retribution and you have balanced the need for some punishment against your concern for another.”

The voice had reverberated through the place including making me tremble and then it seemed the presence had gone, or the power had gone leaving behind this lighter, sweeter form. I looked up and instead of the Shekinah standing there, I saw Billie. She looked radiant in a Persil white dress and I felt tears run down my face as she waved to me before fading away from my sight.

I woke sobbing and dried my eyes before anyone saw me. I really do miss that child. I had a headache for the rest of the day which wouldn’t clear even when I took painkillers. I didn’t bother with lunch, telling David I wasn’t hungry instead I took myself off after feeding Lizzie, bought some flowers and placed them on the grave where I then embarrassed myself by wishing the three occupants well before I wandered back to my car. By the time I’d returned to the Jaguar my headache had mysteriously vanished and I became aware of the warmth of the sun and the birds singing. It was a very peaceful spot.

I did some shopping and collected the girls who seemed sensitive to my reflective state and for once didn’t disturb it. On reaching home they all dashed into the house Trish turning back to say, “They liked the flowers,” then ran in through the back door.

At five o’clock Jason rang. “The CPS liked your idea, it’s now up to the defence counsel to get back to us about the undertaking.”

“Thanks, Jason, I realise how busy you are.”

“It’s always a pleasure, Cathy, oh and the knee I hurt a few months ago, says thank you.”

He rang off and I sat there feeling very strange. Trish strolled in and asked me if I was okay.

“Just a bit tired.” I paused wondering how to phrase my next sentence, then decided to just go for it. “How do you know they liked the flowers?”

“What flowers?”

“When we came in, that was what you said to me.”

“Did I? I can’t remember.” With that she left me to my thoughts.