The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2380 by Angharad Copyright© 2014 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

Daddy arrived a short time later and soon after that the boys in blue came. Actually, it was two women who came, a detective constable of about forty who stank of stale cigarettes and a young woman about Julie’s age.

“Is there anything missing?” asked the detective.

“Not that I can see.”

She pushed open the door with a pen, “Exam papers, would anyone want to steal them?”

“I don’t know.”

“Wouldn’t they be more likely to want to put one in.”

Talk about an epiphany, Daddy and I looked at each other and nodded. Someone who’d done a poor paper might like to rewrite their effort and swap it for the original—but who?

The detective examined the lock of my door and my filing cabinet and shook her head. “Are you sure you didn’t just forget to lock them?”

“I made absolutely sure I locked the papers away in the filing cabinet and also to lock my door afterwards.”

“Have you got the keys?” she held out her hand and I reached in my handbag. “Louis Vuitton, very nice.”

“My husband gave it to me.”

“He must love you then.”

“He does.” I surrendered my keys, which also had my car keys.

“Jaguar...”

“Yes it’s very nice too, can we just concentrate on the burglary.”

“At the moment Dr Watts, I can’t see any evidence for a break-in or any other sort of burglary.”

She tried my keys in the door and cabinet. “The locks still work so no one has forced or picked them. Are you sure you didn’t forget to lock them?”

“I remember locking them.”

“Or thought you did, anyone else have keys?”

“The caretaker and presumably the cleaning staff, the main reception does too, but nobody has a spare for the filing cabinet,” I protested.

“That’s a piece of piss,” said the detective woman making my flesh creep with her vulgarity. “See the number here?” She pointed to the lock on the cabinet. I nodded, I must have seen it a thousand times but not seen it. “Take that into a key cutting shop or ironmonger’s and they can order you one—they don’t even need to see the original.

“Unless I have more evidence that some sort of crime has taken place, I can’t help you.”

“What about finger prints?”

“Dr Watts, there are likely to be dozens of fingerprints on everything. It needs to be far more specific.”

“So that’s it then?”

“Unless you have more evidence I can’t justify any more time on this affair, besides cheating in an exam is not usually a criminal offence.”

“So you’d be quite happy to be treated in a hospital by someone who admitted he cheated in his finals.”

“That’s hardly the same is it?”

“Same offence.”

“Yeah, but no one is going to die if they cheated on a question about dormice, are they?”

“If dormice were being used as an indicator species for climate change, which they are, a sudden decline in numbers may prove very valuable in demonstrating climate change—which could kill dozens or even thousands of people—so yeah, no one dies...”

“Is that a real scenario?” she asked Daddy and he agreed it was.

“But it’s all theory, innit?”

“So was gravity at one time.”

“Yeah okay, but why would a climate change denier be in your office?”

“Swap exam papers?”

“That isn’t a criminal.”

“But a crime has taken place, someone broke into my office and stole or swapped an exam paper.”

“If one was taken, then I accept theft has taken place—but putting one in, you’re havin’ a laugh, inyah?”

“Isn’t it a crime to trespass on university property?”

“Only if you can prove they damaged something.”

“Intellectual theft?”

“You’d need to make a case first.”

She left and I felt like sitting down and weeping. I had locked the door but she didn’t believe me—no one was ever going to believe me.