"She was in dark colours and wobbling all over the road," said Stella winking. "Little did I know that the caterpillar I collided with, was going to transform into such a lovely butterfly."

Pippa looked confused at Stella's statement.

"It was a boy who fell off the bike," offered Stella.

"You have completely lost me," said Pippa.

Easy As Falling Off A Bike.
by Angharad.
part 100 + 6 doz.

This episode is dedicated to Erin's Mum, who passed away earlier today.
______________________________________________________________________

The meal was okay I suppose, and I accepted help in clearing it up, although I had tried to do some as I went along.

"There are aprons in the bottom drawer," called Tom, settling down to chat with Simon. It was too dark to try and do temporary repairs to the fence, so they resolved to empty the wine bottles instead.

Sure enough, Stella pulled out a pinny from the drawer and handed it to me, "Here we are hostess with the mostest." It was one with a bib so I slipped it over my neck and tied the waist ties.

I gave Stella the teacloth, although there was nothing to dry with it as yet. Rinsing everything off, I put most of it in the dishwasher, keeping the glasses out. I prefer to do glasses by hand.

"Is life always this exciting?" asked Pippa.

"Only when Cathy is around," said Stella. "I mean I only got to meet her when she crashed her bike into my car."

"What!" I shrieked dropping a large pan with a clatter.

Stella roared and I realised I had been 'done' again. Don't these two ever stop?

"Is that how you met?" asked Pippa.

"Yes," I said asserting control of the conversation, "I was happily riding along and your assistant there," I indicated Stella, "knocked me off it and into a hedge."

"I reckon you wobbled into me," she replied, "and she had no lights on."

"It was the middle of the afternoon." I insisted. Pippa looked horrified, I was winning the argument.

"It was as dark as night and torrential rain. I only found you lying in the hedge because of a flash of lightning."

"I was wearing bright yellow cycling skins."

Pippa's head went from one to the other as if she were watching us playing tennis.

"She was in dark colours and wobbling all over the road," said Stella winking. "Little did I know that the caterpillar I collided with, was going to transform into such a lovely butterfly."

Pippa looked confused at Stella's statement.

"It was a boy who fell off the bike," offered Stella.

"You have completely lost me," said Pippa.

"It was Charlie not Cathy who fell off the bike." Stella's attempt to explain looked as if it had had the opposite effect.

"What he changed into a girl afterwards? Did he bang his head or something?"

"No that was later in the pub, and that was Cathy." Stella was really confusing things, but I was having so much fun seeing her screw it up even more that I kept out of it.

"You have confused me even more."

"She was still a he officially then, but because he had no clothes on, he had to borrow some of mine and became a she."

Even I was having difficulty now.

"How can someone become the opposite sex just by wearing their clothes?" Pippa asked a reasonable question.

"And Simon fancied her immediately, and she fell for him in a big way."

"Who did?" Pippa shook her head.

"Only because I got my foot caught in a rug and landed on top of him." I added to the confusion.

"Covered him in red wine, his best shirt too, lying on top of him as bold as brass." Stella said and Pippa's eyes widened.

"I couldn't get up, my heel caught in my skirt." I pleaded.

"A likely tale, ya floosie, I saw ya rubbin' yer body against him."

At this point Pippa went into overload and began giggling. "This is like a joke isn't it?"

"Then he took her on her first date and she locked herself in the loos and banged her head, then she burns out his clutch or something and flirts with the repair man."

"What?"

"Stella shut up." I instructed. "Now what really happened was...." and I explained the whole first day of my transition.

"So you were already on hormones?"

"Yes, but hadn't had the time or courage to start the process."

"So I jump started her!" smiled Stella and we all fell about laughing.

"How long ago was all this, a couple of years?"

"July."

"What last year?" Pippa looked confused again. Stella shook her head. "Not this last July?" asked Pippa and Stella nodded. "You are joking?"

"No, it's true, 16th of July."

"That is incredible?" said Pippa her hands up to her mouth.

"What is?" I asked, closing the dishwasher.

"Well, you, that's what."

"Me?" Now it was my turn to show confusion. I looked from Stella to Pippa and back again, it offered no help. "Explain, if you will."

"I thought you were a natural woman until you told me otherwise. There is no way you could achieve that in five or six months."

"Well it's been more of a lifetime's journey, but only officially and publicly since July."

"Jesus, that is amazing. I saw you talking to the press the other day, you had them enthralled with you and that little furry thing."

"Nah, that was Spike, one of the world's great exhibitionists." I smirked, then blushed when I remembered how it ended with a frightened, furry flurry flying down my front.

"That was a woman, all woman, who commanded that crowd."

"What? What did I do?" I implored her because I didn't have a clue what I had done.

"You seduced every man and showed solidarity with every woman, even those who were jealous of your youth and good looks."

"I did?" this was news to me.

"You are just a natural communicator and sensual with it."

At this moment I was a tongued tied, blushing mass of confusion.

"Where's the cloakroom Cathy?" asked Simon poking his head into the kitchen, "You hot or something, you look rather red."

"Just been bending down loading the dishwasher." It was a lie, but a white one, and I escorted him to get me out of the kitchen, as they say, I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out.

"No, I don't believe she was ever really a boy either," I could still hear the two women discussing me.

"Did you really bash her head with the toilet door?"

"Fraid so, but I was actually trying to help her." Stella recounted. I felt my skull, the lump had disappeared now, I had wonderd if there might be lasting brain damage. Maybe there was.

"Anybody want a cuppa?" I asked loudly.

"What tea?" Tom shouted from the dining room.

"What else?" I shouted back.

"Coffee?"

"Where do you think you are, The Ritz?"

"If I was I'd have complained about the food, now make some coffee woman."

In a huff, I reentered the kitchen, and boiled the kettle. I found Tom's ground coffee and made a pot when the kettle boiled. The two women were now sat in the lounge still talking about me, except Simon had also become part of the topic of conversation.

"....What like love at first sight," said Pippa's voice.

"Oh I think so for both of them," added Stella's.

I shook my head and poured the coffees, delivering them to both men and women. Both pairs were busy chatting.

"So you're fed up with the cook then?" said Simon, slyly glancing at me.

"Well yes, she led me to expect great things, but I mean, fancy letting a dog eat the main course."

"The pudding was okay," said Simon, "and personally, I think the owner of the dog is to blame."

"Do you think so?" asked Tom. I was convinced the conversation was entirely for my benefit. At the least the women thought they were being honest, or as close to it as Stella usually managed.

I went back out to the kitchen and made myself some tea and leafed through The Observer.

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