"Well borrow some of mine."

"Don't be ridiculous, you are several sizes smaller than I, so if I did borrow them, I'd end up singing bloody soprano. Besides what if we had an accident? No thanks, I'll stick with the chaffing."

"I'll kiss it better for you." I said suddenly realising what I had said.

"You'll what?" His face positively lit up.

Easy As Falling In Love.
By: Shhhhhhhhhhh you know who.
part: 13.17 dozen.

"What have you done with them?" Simon fixed the giggling Stella with an icy stare.

"They're in the wash."

"What all of them?"

"All except the ones in the freezer!" That set us both off again. It was cruel really, but I had now caught infectious giggles from Stella.

"Sod you then, I'll do without." Simon turned smartly and went to leave the room, when Stella grabbed the towel and his bare buttocks were exposed. Actually quite nice buttocks, we both wolf whistled, well sort of, it's difficult to whistle and giggle at the same time.

I checked my makeup, as Stella finished my hair, we both had to touch things up, the tears of laughter smudging things a little. Then some smellies and my mum's jewels and we were ready.

Simon walked down the stairs a little awkwardly, I tried my hardest not to giggle. Stella just lost it and nearly fell down them after him, she was laughing so hard.

"Bitch!" was all we heard as a response, yet we knew there would retribution, even Newton knew about equal and opposite reactions.

As far as I was concerned, the joke was over and I wanted to make my peace with Simon, he wasn't too interested. "Her I understand, you I am very disappointed."

"Ooh Simon lover, don't be cross with me, I didn't know about it until you were caught by her, and it was funny."

"The fact that this bloody zip is chaffing the skin off me, isn't bloody funny."

"Well borrow some of mine."

"Don't be ridiculous, you are several sizes smaller than I, so if I did borrow them, I'd end up singing bloody soprano. Besides what if we had an accident? No thanks, I'll stick with the chaffing."

"I'll kiss it better for you." I said suddenly realising what I had said.

"You'll what?" His face positively lit up.

"Erm is it time to go yet?" I said picking up my pashmina.

We ended up at the Yacht Club, they had a dinner dance on, and who should be waiting for us, but John, as in Stella and John. She seemed as suprised as I was.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded of him.

"Simon invited me, why? Oh happy birthday Cathy," he passed me a card and small present.

"Thank you John," I pecked him on the cheek.

Stella and he went off while she presumably got the thumb screws out and tortured him for not telling her. A waiter led Simon and me to our table. He ordered a couple of bottles of champagne.

"I got your first text, how did the second quack go?"

The music was quite loud, so I had to lean over and shout in his ear, "It was okay, he thinks he has the technology to rebuild me," I smiled parodying the Bionic man, or Six Million Dollar Man, whatever it was called. It would probably cost him that to get his teeth fixed these days.

Simon smiled and nodded, good. "Once you are healed, we are going away for a holiday."

"Are we?" I said whilst thinking, don't I get a say in anything?

"Assuming you want to go of course," he must have read my expression better than I thought, or it was a lucky guess. On the other hand,
maybe he's psychic? Nah psychotic maybe , not psychic.

John and Stella arrived back just in time for the champers to come and we each had a glass. Of course they had to toast me, God, I was embarrassed, but nothing compared to what happened later. If I had known that I'd have died.

Simon disappeared ostensibly to go to the toilet, he'd wondered if a condom would help. Seemed a good idea, two might be even better in the protection stakes.

"Have a good day so far?" John shouted over the noise.

"Tiring but satisfying."

"Has the Echo been to see you yet?"

"What about?"

"Being a one woman crime catcher."

"They haven't run anything have they?"

"Yeah, a short piece entitled, 'Lady Cate catches robber', or some such rubbish, and a picture of you with a dormouse? Is that right?"

"Oh no! I'll never live this down." I felt physically sick. I should have let him take Stella's purse.

Simon came back and I asked him if he'd seen the echo, he shook his head, but he'd organise a copy for tomorrow. I did think about looking on line, but I'd left the Blackberry behind.

"Does that feel better?" I asked Simon.

"Loads, why?"

"I was worried about you."

"What in case I took you up on your very generous offer?"

"No," I lied and blushed at the same time, more multi-tasking."I worry about you."

"Oh!" Now he blushed.

"Cor, thanks a lot!" I humphed and sat with my back to him.

I felt his hands on my shoulders and he kissed my neck, I melted. "Come on let's have a dance."

He led me off to the dance floor and we smooched to a slow one. "Can you ballroom dance?" he asked.

"Not really why?"

"Just follow my lead," he said and kissed the side of my neck. He apparently then did a slow waltz with me, without stepping on my toes once - I did his several times, but he didn't complain.

We did two or three dances and then the dinner gong rang, and he escorted me back to our table.

It was a set menu, Stella cussed because there were no scallops - you'd think she was paying for it!

I didn't, I tucked into my French onion soup, my fillet of sole, and raspberry roulade, then coffee and mints.

We were just enjoying the afterglow of a reasonable meal when the DJ walked up with his radio microphone. I assumed he was coming to see someone, he was me!

"Ladies and gents, we have a birthday girl here today, who has also just got herself engaged. Before I ask everyone to join me in singing happy birthday to Cathy, I suddenly realise where I've seen her before, she's on the front page of the Echo, our very own crime fighting dormouse queen, soon to be Lady Catherine Cameron."

"Stand up," he hissed at me off mike.

'Fuck off!' I mouthed back at him and smiled a completely false smile.

"Stand up or I'll make it worse for you!"

"Fuck you!" I snarled as I reluctantly stood up.

"Please do," he smiled back. "Wave to them," he hissed, so I did. The whole room applauded and then the bastard launched into "Happy birthday to you...." and to make things worse, the maitre de brought in a large cake with candles on.

I felt like running away, instead I glared at Simon, who shrugged then grinned.

I felt like shoving the cake in his face, Stella was smirking.

Then I had to ceremonially blow out the candles, then they all sang, 'For she's a jolly good fellow,' I tried to cringe under the table.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I was presented with a huge bouquet of flowers by the Commodore of the yacht club.

All night, I had people come up and wish me happy birthday, or congratulate me on my engagement and ask to see my ring. I wished I'd left it at home and brought my Blackberry.

Afterwards when Simon dragged me back to the dancefloor, the bloody DJ played the anniversary waltz. What was so embarrassing was the rest of them cleared the floor while Simon whirled me around with a fixed smile on my face.

Several times, people called out, "Lady Catherine," or "Look this way Lady Cate," each time there were flashes of digital cameras.

"I am going to kill you when we get home, and your father is next on the list - leave it to me he said, we'll get them to keep it to a small story! It's on the front fucking page!"

"I'm sure it's a very nice photo," he said and shrugged his shoulders.

"What happens if someone from the uni says anything?"

"We brazen it out."

"Can't we run away now?"

"What and leave your professor in the lurch?"

"He'd understand."

"I thought you were made of sterner stuff Cathy?"

"Yeah but they're cutting it off in three weeks."

Simon chuckled, "Come on," he said, "Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we deal with scraping the shit off the fan!"

He held me closely and kissed me on the neck, and we danced like Fred and Ginger, that's Fred Astaire and a ginger snap biscuit!

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Don't forget the d'comments or d' dormeece gets it!