The girls go shopping with consequences neither could foresee!

Easy As Killing Things!
by:Black hearted Bonzi.
purred: 154.

With Simon out, I wished I'd brought my bike down with me, however Stella suggested we went shopping instead. "Let's get some Christmas prezzies," not my favourite phrase.

I tidied myself up, if I was going out with a glamour puss, I'd better not let the side down. I pulled on a knitted woollen dress in a silver grey colour, and my red boots. The dress was another Stella cast off, but as the forecast was for cool weather, I thought I'd be ready. The material was very fine cashmere, and probably cost an arm and a leg. It was as soft as snow, and emphasised my growing breasts, helped by a booster bra - well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

I pulled on my black cord hooded jacket and grabbed my bag and gloves, my make up was simple, mascara and lip gloss.

"That dress!" exclaimed Stella.

"Is there anything wrong with it?" I blushed back.

"Only that it looks better on you than it did on me, s'not fair." She gave me her best pout and I began to giggle.

"Oh damn, now I have to go for a wee," I declared running off to the cloakroom.

We went to Portsmouth and joined the throng, it was absolute mayhem and I held tightly to my bag, so many thieves about in these large crowds.

An old lady fell down a few yards in front of us. Stella decided she had to assist, and while she was doing so, her bag went. I spotted the bastard who took it and racing after him jumped on his back knocking both of us down. A policeman, coincidentally happened to be strolling by when I brought off my rugby tackle, and he came to see what was going on.

Thankfully he listened to me and on searching the guy, found Stella's little handbag in his poacher's pocket, a deep pocket inside some sporting coats.

He arrested him on the spot and after taking my name and address, instructed me to call by the police station to make a statement. A colleague of his took the thief away and the arresting copper came back with me to where Stella was dealing with the paramedic. The old dear had had a MI - myocardial infarct - heart attack to you and me. Stella had given CPR and kept her alive, the paramedic was giving her a hearty thanks as they took the old lady away in the ambulance.

"Have you lost anything?" asked the policeman to Stella.

"Oh my goodness, where's my bag?" she had a look of near panic.

"Can you describe it madam?"

"Yes, black, small, fold over top with button fastener and internal zip, shoulder strap. Inside a black leather purse, my car and house keys, my ID badge."

"There's an ID badge in it?"

"Yes, from Portsmouth General Hospitals Trust."

"Your name?"

"Stella Cameron, Nurse Specialist, Urology."

He opened the bag and found the card. "It seems to be in order, your friend stopped the guy who took it, maybe she should try out for fullback now Jason Robinson has retired from the England team?" He smiled at me.

"That's my future sister in law, soon to be Lady Catherine Cameron."

"You're not related to Viscount Stanebury?"

"My dad, soon to be her pa in law."

"So you're actually Lady Stella Cameron?"

"If you must."

"Well I can see your breeding wasn't lost on you two, one catches a thief and t'other saves an old lady in the street. Maybe there is a future for the House of Lords after all."

He had a good chuckle while I blushed like a beetroot, it appeared someone had captured my apprehension on a mobile, the copper asked to borrow the phone to download it. I had just given the press free rein to go to town on me. Oh hell!"

I persuaded Stella to go and do our statements immediately, I wanted to get home and hide there. She seemed slow on the uptake.

She got back into the car in less than a good temper. "Right, now tell me the real reason why you want to run off."

"My escapade was captured on camera, so was yours. The copper only shouted out who we were. Once the press gets wind of it, they'll link with my past and we'll be under siege by tomorrow." I began to shake.

She pulled out her mobile, and speed dialled. "Daddy we have a little local difficulty."

I listened as she described what happened and then listened to her father's advice. They talked for five or so minutes. Then she passed me the phone, "He wants to talk to you."

"Hello Lord Stanebury," I said in a tremulous voice.

"Look dear girl, it's Henry, we're practically kin ya know."

"Yes, I know."

"I hear they want you at Twickers*," he chortled.

"I doubt it, if I broke a nail, I'd be livid." I tried to talk down the moment by being silly.

"You're not convincing anyone my dear girl. Go back and do your shopping, I'll leave this to our legal department to sort out, if they run a story, it will be a minimal one. So don't worry, we'll deal with it."

"But isn't that like, erm...."

"Corruption, absolutely. Don't tell the proles anything more than they need to know. Works everytime."

I wanted to say, I didn't approve, but I did. "Thank you."

"Thank you for saving droopy drawers' bag."

"She was saving somebody's life."

"I keep telling her she has her priorities all wrong, money first and second, self preservation third, then the others." He laughed after he spoke probably at my shocked silence. "I wish I could see your face, mainly because you're such a good looker, and secondly because I'll bet it's a real picture."

"I don't know what to say," I managed to splutter at last.

"Say goodbye Henry, and pass me back to bossy boots." I did as he bade me.

Stella talked to him for a few minutes longer then, rang off.

"Feel better now?"

"Dunno, this time next week, I might."

"You realised you saved, the credit card?" She said emphasising the last bit.

I looked blankly at her.

"Simon's spend me one. You know, we spend he pays."

"Oh," was all I could say.

She persuaded me to go back shopping with her, which I did reluctantly. I didn't buy anything, neither did she but we looked and then had some lunch.

We went to the police station and made our statements. Then back to the cottage. Simon was snoozing on the couch when we got there.

"Hello Sleeping Beauty," I kissed him.

"Oh Princess Charming, what a nice surprise." We kissed again and I snuggled up with him.

"Hoy, the cook is missing," said Stella loudly.

"She's on strike for better pay and conditions," I called back.

She came in with mugs of tea and we told Simon what had gone on. He sat up and asked if we'd spoken to his dad. Stella crowed with pride as she said it was the first thing she had done.

"So now we wait and see what happens. I think I'll go and lock the gate into the drive, just in case."

I adopted a very low profile for the rest of the weekend. Cooking, doing some prep work for the course I had to teach and when I had a moment, cuddling with Simon.

Suddenly, it was monday morning and I was awake hours before I needed to be. I was showered and dressed and drying my hair before seven. Makeup on, I wore the smart suit, I'd used for the meeting with the project team.

I was eating my cereal, more for something to do than appetite.

"You look nice," offered Stella.

"Thought I'd better look tidy for Dr Winthropp, or whatever his name is."

"Where do you have to go to see him?"

"The hospital."

"He's not with Dr Thomas then?"

"Not according to the note she gave me."

"Oh, fair enough. Parking is a pig, I'll give you a lift in, get a taxi to the uni and I'll pick you up on the way home."

"Girls!" Simon announced his presence. Then he broke into song, "Happy Birthday to you...." eventually he stopped assaulting my ears and kissed me, giving me a card.

I opened it, and gasped. "I can't accept this Simon."

"Why, is it not your birthday?"

"No, but this is ridiculous."

"Why have I put the wrong date on it or signed it Mickey Mouse?"

"It's for a thousand pounds, I can't accept this amount of money from you."

"Why not, I'd only have bought you a Rolex or something equally ostentatious, this way you get to choose instead."

"It's too much."

"Just stick it in the bank, if you haven't needed to spend it by next birthday, I'll have it back. How's that?"

I pouted then nodded, then kissed him, "I love you."

"I love you too, but you are far too middle class at times, far too moral."

"Isn't that a good thing?" I felt he was mocking me.

"Absolutely, but I already have a conscience if the money is good enough."

"Are you saying I'm not good enough for you?" I began to feel very undermined. "Do you want this back?" I started to take the ring off.

"No I do not, that stays there until you die, got it?" He almost snapped at me. He saw my bottom lip quiver and held me. "Cathy, you are too good for me, not the other way round. I love you and don't want to lose you. Banks operate in a twilight zone, perhaps I need some of your moral rectitude to make me human again."

"I doubt it Simon, you are one of the nicest people I know, all your family are."

"Even Monica?" he grinned.

"Yes even Monica, she was terribly nice."

He laughed and his face lit up. "Accept your prezzie in the spirit in which it was given."

"I will," I said and kissed him again.

"Another card," Stella handed me a card and a box. The box was covered in gold coloured cardboard and had a gold ribbon around the one corner. I opened it and inside, wrapped in tissue, was a beautiful silk blouse, in cream with thin gold pin stripes and gold edging on the seams.

"Oh Stella, that is so lovely. I can't wait to try it on."

"Go on then," she sniggered at me.

"We have to go, I'll do it tonight, maybe wear it if, and I repeat if, we go out."

"Yeah, it's not really yours till you get dinner on it," said Simon chuckling behind me. "I have to go kiddiwinks, see you tonight." He kissed me on the neck and left.

Not long after, Stella and I left too. The drive wasn't heaving with paparazzi, although I was so keyed up with my appointment with Dr Winthropp, I had momentarily forgotten.

As we left the car, Stella asked me to let her know what the good doctor said, I promised to text her. She wished me luck and I set off for the mental health department. What a lovely start to my birthday?

* Twickers is a diminutive of Twickenham, the home of the Rugby Union and thus English Rugby.

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