Chapter IX - Mother And Shopping

It was going on midnight, and everybody was making their excuses that they were tired, so all the guests started leaving. Mother came over to me and gave me a big hug, and told me we were going shopping again on Sunday.

"I love to go shopping. Where are we going?"

"Well we need to get you a few more jeans and tops. Winter is going to be here very shortly. This is still fall yet, but very soon it will be very cold. You need warm clothes. So, we are going shopping on Sunday. Besides, now that I have my daughter, I want to dote on her a bit."

I thought, a bit, wow mother, you have already spent over a thousand dollars just on clothes alone. Now don't get me wrong, a girl can never have too many clothes, but mother has been buying my clothes for me, but I pick them out. It is really nice though, to have a mother that wants me to be happy.

I went to my room after mother and I hugged and said our good nights. I got out my peach nightgown and panty set, put my peach robe on, and stepped into my slippers. I was way too tired to take a bath, so I just hopped in the shower to get the perspiration off of me. I stepped out of the shower, and patted myself dry, and got into my night clothes. As I was toweling my hair dry, I looked at my reflection in the full length mirror. I smiled inwardly at the figure I have been working on since high school. Coming out of my daydream, I went back to my room, and took all of my clothes and put them in my hamper. I'll have to wash clothes tomorrow after classes are done, anyway. I put my robe across the foot of my bed, and my slippers were where I could just step into them when I awoke.

I got into bed and fell asleep right away. I dreamed I was at the prom and Paul was leading me around the dance floor. He kept twirling me, and holding me, and then when the band was taking a break, he leaned over and ... that's when the alarm went off. Mornings! Who needs them? I smiled inwardly at the thought. I got out of bed, and began looking for my clothes for the day. Today I wanted to be business like, and took out my turquoise skirt, shell, and blazer set, and I laid it carefully across the foot of my bed. My under things were simple white, and my turquoise pumps with the two inch heels. I took out a pair of stockings, and laid them next to my skirt set. I got into my peach robe, stepped into my slippers, and headed for the bathroom. As I got near, I heard the shower going. One of the girls was already in there. Okay Jean, you've been in there before when other girls were there. Why are you hesitating now? Just one foot in front of the other. I slowly inched my way toward the bathroom. One thing about these old houses is, there is only one bathroom. It has a nice old fashioned cast iron bathtub, and the shower was put in later.

I opened the door, and peeked in. Cynthia was taking her shower, because she had classes too this morning, but usually I beat her in. This time she beat me. I set my things on the little stand next to hers, and used the toilet. Cynthia was just rinsing off, as I was done, and she smiled at me.

"Good morning, Jean. That was some night last night. Wasn't it?"

"It sure was. I was really tired after everything I did yesterday. I'm very happy that I am now a sister of Gamma Delta Phi. I would be even happier if I were completely female. But I am on the path for that now. So just another eleven months and I can make the dates to have everything completed. I wish it could be now tho."

"In time sister Jean. We all have to wait if we want to succeed. Like me, I am taking business admin, and when these next two years are up, I get to work in the business field. I don't know what business though, but something where I can be creative. Maybe something in fashion. I just love working around nice clothes and helping people find the right look for them."

"Yes, I guess I am just in a hurry." We both giggled.

"Don't be sister Jean. If we are going to do something well, and we want good results, the wait will be worth it. Like when you went to the salon the day of the pledge dance. You were in there for four hours. But the results were worth the wait. Weren't they?"

"Yes, they certainly were. I never saw Paul look at me like that before."

"That's because he was looking at you for the very first time. That is when he saw Jean the girl, and not the best friend he hung around with when you were kids. You have a good man in Paul. He really looks out for you."

"Thank you, Cynthia. I really appreciate that."

"Oh just call me Cindy." She gave me a hug, and said she had to get going. I turned on the shower, and stepped in. Not enough time for a bubble bath this morning. I took my berry scent body wash, and put some on the sponge thingy, and just washed all over. As I was washing, I felt tingly sensations in my breasts. I kind of drifted into a daydream about Paul and I. We were at the pledge dance, and I was being carried off in a four horse drawn carriage after the dance was over. Paul was sitting next to me in the coach, and took me in his arms, and held me in a firm but romantic embrace. Oh my gosh he is just so strong. Then his lips met mine, as we started to kiss. Then another girl came in, and wanted to know if I had drowned. It was Kendra. I said no, and we both giggled. I rinsed off, then I washed my hair. After rinsing all the suds out of each strand, I got out and patted myself dry. I put on my under things, and my robe, and stepped into my slippers. I went back to my room to put my makeup on, and get dressed. I sat there looking at myself in the mirror after I had my makeup on. Even with the towel over my hair, I still looked like a woman. My features are very delicate, and I have high cheekbones. Even my chin was rounded, rather than square like a man's. I just sat there looking at the girl in the mirror when Lily said.

"Girl, you are going to wear that mirror out. I know why you are looking at yourself, but girlfriend you have to know that hair or no hair, clothes or no clothes, you are beautiful as you are." She got out of bed and took the towel off of my head. "Now we are going to make you gorgeous." She took my brush and started brushing my hair.

I wasn't going to argue. If she wanted to brush my hair, then I was going to let her. After she was finished brushing, she took the ribbon I was going to use, and tied my hair in a high pony tail. Then she took two butterfly barettes, and put one on each side, just above and in front of each ear. She brushed the bangs into place, and then had me look in the mirror again. What I saw, I couldn't believe. The girl that looked back at me, I didn't recognize. It is amazing what a different hairstyle can do for a girl's appearance.

I got up, and went over to the bed, and started putting on my skirt set. First I put on the shell, then my blouse. Next I stepped into the skirt, and made sure it was over the blouse. I lifted my skirt so I could tug the blouse into place, then let my skirt back down. I put the blazer on, and looked at myself in the mirror. Not only did she make me gorgeous, but I didn't even know it was me. I smiled at the thought, and figured Paul was in for a treat.

I put my books in my backpack and went to class. Dr. Hinckle, my first class professor, kind of did a double take when he saw me walk in. Everybody else was in their jeans, ordinary skirts and tops, and here I was in my business skirt suit. I walked to an empty seat, and sat down, smoothing my skirt under me. My Gamma Delta Phi sorority pin was proudly displayed on the left lapel of my blazer. The pink breast cancer ribbon stood out on my blue blazer, and was a good fashion compliment. Dr. Hinckle was lecturing how to conduct a session with a client. So he called on me to be the therapist.

As we went through the exercise, he pointed out certain things a good therapist does, to make the client feel safe and secure enough to talk to the therapist. He pointed out that demeanor is most important from a therapist. If the client sees, or thinks he or she sees, a hostile demeanor, then the client is apt to either be silent, or be hostile too. The latter is not a good thing. When the bell rang for the end of class, Professor Hinckle thanked all of us for participating, and complimented me on my suit. I said thank you, and started for my second class for the morning.

As I walked in to Dr. McClellan's class, she noticed my sorority pin right away. "Jean, that is a very good compliment to the suit you are wearing. The pink offsets the color of the blazer. Would you stay behind a little after class? I want to talk to you."

"Of course, Dr. McClellan."

We all took our seats, and Dr. McClellan started her lecture. It was about how we need to be aware of our client's need for acceptance and love of who the client is. She also said that it is not up to us to tell the client who he or she should be, if we disagree with who the person claims he or she is, or wants to be.

"Jean, will you please stand up. Now everyone in this class knows Jean is a woman, and has been accepted as a sorority sister at Gamma Delta Phi. Is there anyone in this class that thinks Jean should be a man, simply because she was born in a male body? Remember that what you say will reflect what kind of a counselor, therapist, or psychologist you are going to be."

Debbie Haskins started. "Professor I think a person should be who they have to be. I understand that transgendered persons are actually born the way they are, because they have the feelings deep inside that they are really the opposite sex in the wrong body. I learned from the internet that these feelings start at a very young age, maybe even at birth. I also learned too that the sex hormone in the brain can determine sexuality seven weeks after conception. Jean is who she is, because she was born female. She just has a birth defect that needs correction."

Debbie Haskins was your everyday woman. She was pretty, but she never held it over anyone. She was smart too, and helped others with their studies. She would make a wonderful Gamma Delta, but she didn't pledge. Dr. McClellan complimented Debbie for her insight, and asked her what kind of therapist was she going to be.

"I'm going to help transgendered persons gain the confidence they need to be themselves. Jean is who she is and is proud to show it to the world. And I, for one, would like to be counted as one of Jean's friends. Not because she is transgendered, but because she is a decent woman, and does what she can to help others."

"Debbie, I would love to be your friend. And thank you for the wonderful compliment."

We sat down, and every woman in class saw my sorority pin, and I could see the envy in a lot of eyes. What Debbie said was very nice, and it made me think about how far I have come in just a short time. I was interrupted in my thoughts by Dr. McClellan.

"...Jean."

When I heard my name, I came back to reality. "I'm sorry professor, I didn't hear what you said. I was off daydreaming again." Everybody laughed a little, and Dr. McClellan repeated what she said.

"What I said Jean was that everybody knows who you are, and why. Then I asked if you and Paul were going to set the date for your wedding."

"I'm not sure when we will set the date, professor. I mean, I have a lot of things that have to be completed yet. I think we are going to wait to set the date. That way I can have everything I need completed. Then we can get married."

"Does anyone have anything to say about what Jean just said?"

Nobody raised their hand, But Jimmy decided he wanted to be funny, again. Dr. McClellan called on him.

"Professor, I think what Jean needs is a good man to show her what fun really is. I..."

I cut him short. "Jimmy, what will you do when I tell Paul what you just said? I am not surprised you would say something like that, though. I am very disappointed in you thinking that you can be a good therapist."

"I'm not going to be a therapist. I'm going to be a psychiatrist, and psychiatrists don't have to make sure the client feels safe, or secure talking to a stranger. My..."

"Jimmy," Dr. McClellan cut in. "I am a psychiatrist, and yes Jimmy, we do have to make sure that our client feels safe and secure in talking with a stranger. Who told you we didn't?"

"My dad told me. He's seen four psychiatrists in as many years. He said they were the nastiest people he has ever met. Then he told me when he saw I was going to college, that I should take pre-med and psych courses so I can go to med school, and be a psychiatrist, then I could be his doctor, instead of the jerks he's been seeing."

"So your father wants to have a decent therapist to see, and not someone with an attitude problem. Is that what you're saying, Jimmy?"

"Yeah, I guess so, professor."

"Then why are you trying so hard to flunk out of my class, as the class clown? You owe Jean a very heartfelt apology for what you just said to her."

"I don't apologize for anything to anybody, including you professor. If you flunk me out of this course, my dad and I will sue you."

"And how many witnesses do you think you will have, Jimmy?"

Jimmy looked around and saw everybody looking at him with eyes, that if they could, would throw fire right at him, including mine. I think I will tell Paul what Jimmy said. It would serve Jimmy right to have a scare put into him. I may be female, but I am not afraid of the likes of Jimmy Wiggins. I smiled inwardly at Paul putting a scare into Jimmy. Of course Paul wouldn't hit him, he'd just make Jimmy think he would. I smiled inwardly at that. Jimmy has to be taught an invaluable lesson in manners, because he doesn't have any. Jimmy sat down because all of a sudden his jokes, as he liked to call them, weren't funny and no one was laughing.

Dr. McClellan dismissed the class when the bell rang. I stayed back and let everybody leave. Then I went to talk to her.

"Did you want to see me, Dr. McClellan?"

"Yes Jean. I just wanted to know how it is going at the Gamma Delta house."

"It's going great, professor. I never thought I would actually be a Gamma Delta let alone be treated as the woman I am. It really feels great to be accepted by the sisters of the house my mother is a past president of. I mean everybody is really nice, and the ones that were giving me the silent treatment are talking to me now. Colleen even said she would help me with anything I needed. It's great professor."

"Well I am very happy that everything is all right there. I am worried about how you are getting along. Maybe one of these days when I'm not busy, I'll stop by. I just have a lot to do with getting my lectures in order, and grading essays. You just know that I have gotten emails from some of the alumni that want me to keep them informed as to how you are doing. With you doing so well, national has said they may even try having a transgendered person pledge another chapter. You actually had an in, so to speak, because of your mother. That was the reason you are where you are now. Of course I understand that Kendra helped push it a little. But I'm glad to hear everything is going good."

"I don't know professor, I still think this is a fairy tale dream, and I am the princess waiting to be kissed by the handsome prince."

"Did I hear my name?" Paul asked, poking his head in Dr. McClellan's office door.

"See Jean, all you have to do is call your handsome prince, and he shows right up. All right, you two have fun. And Jean, welcome to womanhood."

"Thank you, professor."

Paul and I left, arm in arm. Paul walked me back to the Gamma Delta house, and on the way I told him about what Jimmy Wiggins said in class. I told Paul that I didn't want Jimmy hurt, but he needed to be scared. Paul said he would put a real good scare into him. I told Paul it's a shame that people have to learn the hard way, but Jimmy needs a really good lesson in manners, because he doesn't have any. Paul said that I am his fiancá¨e and nobody should be talking to a lady that way. He said he won't hurt Jimmy, but he will make sure that Jimmy will never say anything like that to me again.

We got to the Gamma Delta house, and I invited Paul in. He sat on the sofa in the living room, while I went upstairs to change. As I got to my room, Lily was just coming out of the shower.

"Hi Lily, how was your day?"

"It was so-so. I started not feeling well in class today. I have an appointment tomorrow to see my doctor."

"Let's hope you're not pregnant, Lily. I would hate to have to lose a good friend and roomy."

"No, I don't think I'm pregnant. I haven't had sex for about two months. But I do feel feverish though, a little. It could be the flu. It is going around."

"Then maybe I should see my doctor too, if yours says it is the flu."

"Well let's wait and see what she says. I have a female doctor too. I really don't trust men doctors at all."

"My doctor is an alumni here, and she can make sure you get checked out the right way."

"So is my doctor. It seems when we were pledged here, we were steered toward Gamma Delta Phi alumni. That actually makes it easier too, because then we can relax a little. My doctor is very good too, and I will bet mine knows yours." We giggled a little at that, because it was probably true. It seemed like all the Gamma Delta alumni knew each other, or knew how to get through the network because of the guide that is sent out by national every time there is a Gamma Delta graduate.

Our president is Lydia, who also heads the tribunal. She was very instrumental in helping Kendra form her plan to get me in. I guess that Kendra saw things nobody else could or did. When she saw me, and she saw mother's portrait, she knew I was related, then she did some digging in the student files and found out my name. She knew who I was even before talking to me that first time. Now I am a Gamma Delta, and on my way to my final female goal.

I went back downstairs, and visited with Paul for a few more minutes, like a two hour few more minutes. I giggled out loud.

"What?"

"Oh nothing, Paul. I was just thinking of something, is all. So, do you have any classes tomorrow.? It's Tuesday, and normally you go to the weightlifting room."

"I have class in the afternoon, I lift weights with the weightlifting club in the morning. I have to get back to the dorm and start on my essay. How about we go out Saturday night, and we have a nice dinner on Friday?"

"Why Sir Galahad, I would love to go with you to dinner on Friday, and out for whatever on Saturday."

I laid my head against his shoulder and looked up at him with a little helpless look in my eyes. He looked down at me, and lifted my head. Then he kissed me on the lips, and said that would have to last until tomorrow. He made his apologies and left for his dorm. Kendra, like a worried mother, must have been watching, because she came out on the porch deck that goes the width of the house.

"Looks like Lady Guinnevere can't stay away from her Sir Galahad for too long."

"Kendra, were you watching?"

"Yes, I feel a little responsible for you still. You are actually new to these feelings. I know you have wanted this all of your life, but the hormones are giving you "girl" feelings, and they are showing. You acted like a fox, pretending to be shy, when all along you wanted him to kiss you. Like I said before girlfriend, I've created a monster." We both giggled.

"There is nothing wrong in wanting a kiss, and to be held by the strong arms of a man, especially when the man is mine." We giggled again.

"But just make sure that that is as far as it goes. Sex has it's place, and an embrace and a kiss on the front porch is okay, but no indecent touching. You are a lady now, and you have to be above personal wants and desires when you are in public. Behind closed doors is another matter, because nobody can see you. We all like a kiss from our beaus when we can get them. But we have to show constraint."

"I know that I have had these feelings for years, and years, but, oh my gosh Ken, he is such a hunk."

"I can't argue. You picked a good man to be your protector. But just remember, when you two are in public, you must always be a lady and never do anything that is unlady like."

"Oh I know Ken, and I won't. I'm not ready for sex right now anyway. When everything is completed, and we are on our honeymoon, then I will know what sex as a female is like. But not right now, though."

"Let me ask you this then. When you look at him like you did tonight, what kinds of feelings go through you?"

"I kinda get this tingly feeling all over me, and then, I'm not sure what to call it, but I feel airy, exotic even, my mind tells me that I should let him kiss me and hold me. I just don't really know how to describe these feelings, but they do make me feel ultra feminine. If you know what I mean?"

"Yes Jean, I know exactly what you mean. Your hormones are taking effect right now. Have you had that procedure you were telling me about?"

"No, not yet. Everything has been moving so fast for me, that I completely forgot. I'll call Dr. Burns tomorrow and set it up for a week from Friday. This Friday he is taking me to dinner, and then Saturday we are going out. So I guess I will tell Dr. Burns that we can have it done next week Friday."

"Well, this is only Tuesday, and I for one am waiting for you to have that procedure. Then the girls will really be more at ease when they can see that you look like they do between the legs. Right now, there is some apprehension...not in a bad way, but just a sort of uneasiness. I accepted full responsibility for you when you pledged, and I will still be responsible for you. Jean, I am your friend, and I want you to succeed. Like everyone has said, even Becky, that this is the first time we have ever done anything like this. But this shows other sororities that not only are we above being petty, jealous, and nasty, but that we can transcend the gender barrier, and allow male-to-female transsexuals into our fold. I for one, am very glad that you have shown us that you are a lady, and what I saw tonight, showed me that you are a real girl. The way you looked at Paul is how a natural girl is when we are with our beaus. You did good tonight, not allowing him to touch your behind, or breasts, or put his hand where it doesn't belong. Only a lady would do that. I have seen girls from other sororities let guys feel them up, when they are kissing even on the compound. So just remember that you must always be a lady."

"Yes mother," I said in mock sarcasm. We both giggled, and then went inside.

Colleen, the girl who started the silent treatment when I was a pledge, came over to me. "Jean, I just want to apologize for not speaking to you when you pledged. But I was just concerned that you were kind of infiltrating our house as a fraternity prank, just to pull one over on us. But I was also looking out when you were kissing Paul. You're not a plant. You are a real woman, because only a real woman would enjoy a kiss like that. To tell the truth, watching you two almost took the breath out of me." We all giggled, and Colleen gave me a hug. "Welcome sister Jean to the Gamma Delta Phi sisterhood."

Now as I said before, Gamma Deltas are a true sisterhood, and when Colleen apologized just now, I knew it was genuine, because nobody was twisting her arm. Sometimes doubting Thomases need to be reminded that faith goes a long way. But everything happens for a reason, I guess. That's what mother always says, anyway. I thought about that for a moment.

Mother said I was born a male for a reason. My father's genes created this body, but God created my soul. Did this happen, so that the things I went through during the last month, would end up like they did? Hmmm. But what other explanation is there?

"Can I ask you two a question?" I asked both Kendra and Colleen.

"Yes," they both said in unison.

"Mother tells me that things happen for a reason. She even said I was born the way I was for a reason. Could my being born in this stupid body, and having a female soul, and pledging Gamma Delta Phi, and being engaged to Paul, and just all in all being a female, be the reason I was born this way?"

"You know what sister Jean, you asked a very deep question. A long winded question, but very deep too. I think you were born to show us that the gender gap is already transcended in you. What I mean is, you were born a male, but have a female soul. So the gender gap is already crossed inside of you. You were allowed to pledge our house, and then made a full sister three weeks later. You have shown us that not only are you all girl, but a lady too. That is what I think you were born to do. Show us that even a male body can be female."

"Thank you Ken, that really means a lot to me coming from you. Colleen, what do you think?"

"I have to agree with Ken. You were born to show the feminine world, just how lady like someone like you can be, regardless of the body type. You have really shown me, at least tonight anyway, just how much of a girl you really are, and not allowing Paul to indecently touch you, shows how much of a lady you are, too. We take being a lady in this sorority very seriously. Jean, I for one wish you a lot of luck in your chosen field. I understand your taking psych with Dr. Hinckle and Dr. McClellan. They are both good instructors. Dr. McClellan is one of the alumni of Gamma Delta Phi, but I think she already told you that." We all giggled when I said yes she did.

"Jean, the whole thing is, you are you, and you have been put here to teach us that acceptance, friendship, love, and trust are very important in the world today. Like Becky said, you now have access to Gamma Delta alumni all over the world, except in the orient, and some European countries. But as our alumni grows, so will our chapters. Hopefully we can get chapters in every country. But right for now we have them in the western allied countries of the US of A. We don't have chapters in Norway, Sweden, Holland, or Denmark either right now. Maybe someday though. So like Ken said, your body the way it is, and your soul is just the opposite, the gender gap is already crossed inside of you.

"When you were sitting on that stupid bench looking like you lost your best friend, that was when Ken came to all of us. She had us look at you sitting there like a lost kitten, we just had to find out more. Ken started snooping around, because we knew you were related to past president McMillan, but we didn't know your name. Ken called her friend in the records office, and had her look up your name. When we were told your name, Ken went out to talk to you. Like Ken, we thought you were just gay, and that would have precluded you from pledging our house. But Ken was all excited when she found out you were transgendered. Then she really started bending our ear. Lydia was sympathetic, and told us that it was time we knocked the gender barrier back a bit, and at least allowed male-to-female transsexuals to pledge our house, because they were women deep inside of themselves. And she also said that just because male-to-female transsexuals have a different body than us, that does not make them any less of a woman. You have allayed our fears that you were only going to pledge and then back out when you were presented with your pin. You have shown all of us, even when we gave you the silent treatment. What did you do then? You went out and sat on the stupid bench like the world just fell on your shoulders. You told Ken about it, you told Becky about it, you even told Lily about it. You didn't get mad, you got very sad. We're very sorry we put you through that, but we had to be sure."

"I understand. I guess, maybe ... no that wouldn't have worked if I just came right out and said I wanted to pledge. You would have laughed me right off campus. I have gone through a lot in the past month, and I am very grateful for this opportunity. Maybe after my surgeries are all completed, I could try out for the cheer leading squad. Maybe."

"You have to be very graceful to be on the squad, and from what I have seen, you are. Most of the cheerleaders live here, so I can talk to them. When we have try outs, say next semester, maybe you can try then. I am very sure that with your determination, you will succeed in that too. But first I have to talk to the squad and see if they will at least let you try out."

They told me what I needed to hear. I had to agree with them though because it made sense. Mother was right, I was born male for a reason, this reason. I will talk to mother when she comes on Sunday to take me shopping. Maybe she will agree. It was getting to be dinner time, and it was Kendra's turn to cook. I went in the kitchen and helped her. I prepared the salad, by shredding the lettuce. I peeled and cut one cucumber, and the same with one carrot. I put in a sprinkle of bacon bits, and then I rinsed it all in the colander, and put the salad in a large bowl on the table. Nobody but me liked onions, so I didn't put any in. I set the table, and put the condiments, including the salad dressing in the center of the dining room table. Dinner tonight was simple. Kendra made meat loaf, potatoes, and whole kernel corn. When the meatloaf was done, Kendra took it out of the oven, and set it on the stove. She cut it into slices so everybody got one slice. We ate only one helping of anything, because we were actually watching our figures. Besides, ladies don't gorge themselves on food. Food is for the purpose of keeping us alive, not to make us fat.

After dinner Kendra and I cleaned up the dining room, and she washed and I dried, and we both put the dishes away. After making sure the stove, sink, and floor were clean, Kendra went to her room, and I went to mine. When I got to my room, I got a real surprise. Sitting on my desk was a brand new cell phone. It was purple, and flipped open like the communicators on Star Trek. Huh? Oh no, I'm not a Trekkie or anything, it's just every now and then I watched an episode. My shows are Reba, and Hanna Montana. I think Hanna Montana does have a message for young people. But I guess too many are just watching it because of Miley Cyrus. She does sing good though, maybe even better than her daddy. I smiled, because the thought reminded me of the Doris Day and Rock Hudson song I Can Do It Better Than You. I smiled to myself again. There was a note with the phone.

"Dearest daughter, please accept this gift from a doting mother, who only wants to hear her daughter's voice now and then. I know you're busy making new friends, and you are still getting settled in a new environment, but would you please give your poor old mother a call sometime?"

Oh my gosh! 'poor "old" mother', yeah and I am Queen of England. So I flipped open the phone, because I just knew she would be waiting for my call. I dialed her number, and then went and laid on my bed. She answered after only two rings, which told me she was either holding her phone in her hand, or she was sitting on it, or by it. I laughed to myself. She said hello.

"Hello mother, I found the strangest thing on my desk when I came up after dinner."

"You did, dear? What did you find?"

"I found this really pretty cell phone sitting on my desk with a note that said, 'please give your poor old mother a call sometime. Since when are you my poor "old" mother? I'm your little daughter that just...just wants...wants..." I broke down crying. I needed my mother now, when I heard her say into the phone.

"Honey, I'll be right there."

I don't know how long she was sitting in the chair, but when I woke up, she was sitting on my wooden desk chair. As soon as she saw me open my eyes, she came and sat on the bed. I sat up and just hung on for dear life. I don't know what frightened me, but I knew that I needed her.

"Honey, I know things are going a little fast. But let's take this one day at a time. Listen, there is always one room open in case an alumni needs to spend a night or two. So I have my overnight bag in the car. What say you get up and take a nice bubble bath, and we will go down and get my bag, together. I have to tell Lydia I'm over for a few nights. Oh sweetie, you are so fragile, you always have been. That's what makes it so easy for you to be who you are. You are my daughter sweetie, and I love you with all of my heart. So go and take a nice bubble bath, and we will go out and have a mother/daughter day. You can call in ill, and then you can relax for the rest of the day. I will let Cyndi know you will be out of class for today. I'll have her bring your homework over, after she's done for the day. Were there any essays or anything you needed to turn in?"

"Yes, in my backpack. My assignments for Dr. Hinckle are in there too, and my afternoon classes too."

"All right, I'll take care of that. You go and get your bath."

I went to take a nice relaxing bubble bath, while mother took my assignments to my professors. She would tell them that I was upset, and she didn't think I should attend classes tomorrow. So while she was doing that, I went to take my bath. As I was sitting in the tub, just relaxing, and letting the suds take my troubles away, I thought about all of these events that have happened. It has only been a month since I was allowed to transition to complete womanhood, and pledge my mother's house, and was elected as a full sister three weeks later. My mother no longer disagrees with my choices, and I don't think she ever did, but just wanted to see if I would change my mind. Hmmm, can a leopard change its spots? No, it can't, and I can't change my mind.

Mother came back from talking with my professors, and washed my back for me. She hasn't done this since I was eight years old. I just let her do her mother thing, because she also washed my hair too. I washed all over, and rinsed the rest of the suds off with the shower head. I got out of the tub, and took the towel mother was holding for me. I patted down, and got into my teddy and panty set, and stepped in to my slippers. Then we both went to my room. We didn't say anything, and when we got to my room, mother just tucked me in. That is something else she hasn't done since I was eight years old. Then, as I laid there under my covers, she sat on the edge of the bed, and just made sure I was all right. Then she did something that was totally unexpected. She laid down next to me, and put her arm over me. I felt so safe like that, I fell asleep.

With the bubble bath, and mother's arm over me as I laid in bed, made me sleep really well. When I woke up, it was already ten o'clock. I looked over by Lily's bed, and she was gone. I didn't hear her come in, and I didn't hear her leave. I got up and stretched, and then decided I needed another bubble bath.

I put on my robe, and stepped in to my slippers. I went to my dresser and got out a pair of stay up thigh high stockings, my lavender cami, and a lavender half slip. I went to my closet and got out my lavender bra and panty set, and my lavender, knee length dress. I picked out my lavender pumps with the two inch heels. I saw that my legs needed a little repair in the hair department, so I took my hair removing cream with me. I laid my dress, half slip, and stockings, on the bed, and put my shoes on the floor by the bed. I took my bra and panty set with me to the bathroom, and ran my bath. I had my bath caddy with me, so everything I needed was in there, except the depilitory. When the tub was full, I turned off the water, and lowered myself in.

I just sat there relaxing, thinking about what mother had just told me. I just didn't really know what to really think about all of this. I felt the water starting to cool, so I took my bath sponge thingy, and washed all over. I didn't wash my hair, but I put on my shower cap, and rinsed the suds off with the shower head. I dried off with a soft terry towel, and put my deodorant, lotion, and body powder on, then I put on my bra and panty set, and got into my robe and slippers. I went back to my room, and sat at my desk, and turned on my makeup mirror. I put on my lavender eyeliner, and a light lavender eye shadow that had glitter in it. I put on a light foundation, and a little darker powder. After I was finished, I put on my half slip, and stepped into my dress. I sat on the bed and rolled my stockings up each leg, and then stepped into my pumps. I looked in the mirror and saw that my hair needed to be repaired, so I brushed it out. I put a butterfly clip on each side, in front of each ear. Then I took a clear bigger clip, and put my hair up in the back. I made sure everything was straight, and then went downstairs to wait for mother.

Mother came in the living room, and sat down. She looked at me with loving eyes, when she told me what Dr. McClellan said.

"Honey, Cyndi said to tell you to just relax for today, and just enjoy yourself. She said that when she feels like she is carrying the world on her shoulders, she goes shopping. That's not a joke either. We really do relax when we are shopping. Men just go in, grab what they need, and leave. We actually stay and enjoy the experience. So let's have a mother/daughter shopping trip. We'll make a day of it."

I felt just like I did when I was small. I hugged her, and she held me until I felt safe enough to let her go. I looked up at her eyes like the child I felt like, and let her hold me a while longer. I don't know what it is, but a girl actually feels safe knowing her mother is there for her. I let go of her and told her I was ready to go. She looked at my face, to make sure my makeup was still intact, and we left for the alumni parking lot. After she saw I was buckled in, we left the parking lot, and headed for the mall.

We got there just a little after they opened. Mother found a parking space near the door. After she locked the car, we went inside. I was in my second home. I had dreamed about shopping with my mother, ever since I was very little. Now that dream has come true. We started on the floor level, and went from store to store, trying on this outfit, and that outfit, until we came to a small boutique that sold clothing for the teenage girl, and since I was only eighteen, this was my store. But I am a lady vowed to, elected as, and conditioned as also. So my clothing had to be acceptable not only by other women, but by society as a whole. I picked out the first dress and went to try it on. It was light blue, and had a stemmed red rose that circled the skirt. The end of the stem started on the bottom left side, just above the hem, and finished with the rose in the front center just under the waistband. There were two red roses on each side just below the shoulders. This would be acceptable, but only when I went out with Paul. I couldn't wear it to school functions, and I couldn't wear it for socials in house. The dress came right to my knees, and fit like a kid glove. So, if all I could do is wear it when I was out with Paul, then this is the dress for me. I put the dress very carefully across my arm, and I looked at a few more, but I didn't like them. We paid for the dress, and the lady put it in a plastic sheath. We took the dress out to the car, and went back and started where we left off. It was almost lunch time, but I was having a lot of fun just looking, and trying on outfits.

We looked around at a few more stores, and found a jewelry store that sold really pretty rings, necklaces, bracelets, anklets, and jewel studded barettes and combs (the kind you put in your hair). We looked around at all the jewelry, and mother decided I needed more. So she bought me a very nice Citizen ® Eco-Drive Silhouette bracelet watch. It had five diamonds above and below the watch face. It had a push button jewelry clasp for the bracelet. I tried it on, and it was very chic, and very pretty. A lady's watch to be sure. Mother paid for that, and the lady put it back in its box, and then she put it in a small bag with the name of the store on it. I carried this too, and when we got outside of the store, I sat on one of the benches, and put the watch on. The lady had set it to the correct time, and then mother said we should get something to eat.

We took the dress, and the bag with the watch box out to mother's car, and then we went back in to the food court. I ordered only a salad with a small tea. Mother ordered a crispy chicken sandwich meal, with coffee. We found a seat near the aisle, and we weren't even there five minutes, and a guy came over and wanted to know if we had boyfriends. The nerve of some guys. When we said yes, he just sat down and said, well now you do. Mother said she had to go to the ladies room, and the guy fell for it. I have seen him around campus, so I know he goes to my school. We both went toward the ladies room, and we kept walking out to mother's car. We got back to the school, and we went right in the house.