Her Mother's Daughter - Chapter XIX
by Barbara Lynn Terry

　
Part I

"You know something, princess, you get prettier every time I see you."

I put my head on his shoulder and looked up at him. "And you dear prince get handsomer every time I see you. I love you, Paul."

"I love you too, sweet princess. Before we get home, I have to tell you that your room will be right next to mine, and there is a bathroom between us. So when you need to use our bathroom, knock on the door first. Then lock my side so I just don't wander in. Don't forget to unlock it when you're finished.

We had just left the college parking lot and we had a 20 minute trip ahead of us. Oh my gosh! I am so going to love being with Paul over the holidays. He is such a gentleman. He never pushes his advantage, and he always treats me like a princess. We talked about the things we were going to do when we got to his house.

His mother said that they still went Christmas caroling through the town. I loved Christmas caroling, stopping in front of each house and sing one or two songs. Sometimes we'd be invited in for a cup of hot cocoa and to talk about the holidays and what we were going to do. In a small town like ours Christmas caroling is considered a time honored institution. Everybody that has decent signing voices goes out and brings Christmas cheer to the neighbors.

I asked about Mrs. Bass. Mrs. Bass is the town's oldest living resident. When I went off to college she was in her late eighties. I waited for an answer, but all I got were pained looks.

"Honey, Mrs. Bass died last week. Her heart just quit. She was ninety years old. They had a wonderful funeral and almost the whole town came to say goodbye. You know she was one of the first teachers here when the town was very young. She will be missed by everyone."

"I remember helping her when I was in high school. I'd go shopping for her, I'd get clothes and underthings if that is what she needed. She was a sweet lady, and her mind was as sharp as ever."

"Yes, and she knew every one of our grandparents by name." We giggled. "She will definitely be missed."

"Paul, are we going to go caroling tonight? I would like to really sing a carol or two at Mrs. Bass' grave if that is alright."

"Yes, we can go caroling tonight."

"Dear," Paul's mother added. "I think singing a couple of carols at her grave is a very good thing. She really liked it when we would carol in front of her house. Then she would invite us in for some hot cocoa and just to talk. She has outlived her entire family, including her two youngest brothers. So yes dear, we will sing a couple of carols at her grave. That will be a very good tribute to her memory."

I kept my head on Paul's shoulder, and kind of just dreamily thought about the coming holiday break. We didn't go back to school until after New Year's, so we had a full two weeks to enjoy each other's company. He said my room was right next to his, and that there was an adjoining door to a bathroom between the two rooms. I wonder what he has on his mind. Anyway, I thought about the caroling, the hugging, the kissing, the ... oh no! I think I had better not think about that. But anyway I was happy that we were spending the holidays together. I was told my mother was already at the house waiting for us to get there.

Paul's father parked in front of a two story red brick house, that had a turret at one corner. Paul pointed to it and said that was his sister Shelley's room. And it was absolutely off limits to everyone, including mom and dad. I wondered just what kind of a girl would forbid her parents to go in her room. Paul said she thought she was the cat's meow. Hmmm, I wonder what she will think of me. I didn't have long to wait, because as the trunk was opened, Shelley came out of the house.

"Hey big brother, long time no see. Is this Jean? Even in jeans you're pretty. I'm jealous. You seem familiar to me though. Are you the same Jean that used to run around with Paul when he was little?"

"The same."

"Wow, and look at you now. It's about time you shed that tom boy image. You've grown, in more ways than one. Girlfriend, if you are going to be my sis-n-law, we need to get to know each other. You know, any friend of Paul's kind of thing. I have something in my room that even Paul didn't know I had. I have the first polished stone you gave him when you were eleven. I've kept it dusted, because I want to surprise Paul and you with a very nice Christmas present. You'll see it Christmas day. Come on girlfriend, let the guys get the luggage."

Was this an act? Was she being nice to me because I was Paul's fiancée, or because I was a girl and the same age as she was? Or was she being nice to me using her company manners? Well, we will see.

I went inside the house with her, and we went straight to the kitchen. She told me where the cups were, and to get out six and place them by each chair. I got out the cups and set them down, and then she poured water in to a carafe and set it on the electric hot plate. The carafe is one of those you see in restaurants that they bring your hot or cold drinks in. Then she took some powdered cocoa and put two tablespoons in each cup. The water was hot enough by the time the guys had taken our luggage up to our rooms and came back down. She poured the water into the cups, and we sat down to have a "family" get together.

"Okay everybody," Shelley said, looking at each one of us. "Tell me about the trip."

"The trip was uneventful, except that Jean had her head on Paul's shoulder all the way. Jean asked about Mrs. Bass, and I told her that she had passed away. Then Jean asked if we were going caroling tonight, and when Paul said yes, Jean said she would like to sing a couple of carols at Mrs. Bass' grave. I said that would be a very good tribute to Mrs. Bass' memory."

"Jean, I think that is so precious. Mrs. Bass was a very nice lady, and the whole town will miss her. I like to go caroling too, and I will be going along."

"That's my Jean, she is always thinking of others, or other people's memories. She doesn't have a nasty bone in her body. Shelley, Jean wanted to know if you would help her and Paul build a snowman. She hasn't done that in five years."

"I'd be happy to, Mrs. McMillan."

"Great! Well kids, if we are going caroling tonight, let's get you unpacked and ready."

We all went upstairs and Paul went to his room, and mom and Shelley came with me to mine. Shelley saw my dresses and said she wished she was thin enough to wear at least one. Then she saw my Mrs. Santa outfit. The skirt came to mid thigh, and the top had a V neckline covered in faux fur, as was the hem of the skirt. She held it up in front of her and looked at her reflection in the full length mirror on the closet door. I took out the calf length boots that went with it, and she just swooned that she wished could wear something like that.

I told her there would be no reason why she couldn't, and then she told me that she had an eating problem, and for some reason couldn't stop with just one square of chocolate. I told her that if she wanted me to, I could help her with that, but I was only going to be here for the holidays. I said that I could come over during the summer break and we could work on it then. She said she would be very happy to be able to wear regular dresses and skirts again.

"I guess I have been over doing it a little; well, maybe more than a little. But when mom and dad told me that Paul was engaged to a transsexual, I didn't know what to think. I didn't know anything about transsexuals and I thought that maybe you had two heads with horns or something. I'm glad that we met though, because we girls have to stick together."

"That is why over the summer dear girl, you are going to lose at least one hundred pounds. That will also go a long way to helping clear up your acne, as well as laying off of the sweets. You know Paul is a saint. He is always there for me telling me this and that to make sure I don't do anything that is not ladylike. I belong to the Gamma Delta Phi Sorority and when we pledge, we pledge to be ladies at all times, and help others if we can, and if we can't, to try to find some way to help. My mother is an alumni of our sorority and a past president of our chapter. I..."

"My mom is an alumni of that sorority too." She went to the door to call for her mother, but just as she reached the bedroom door, Mrs. Anderson came in.

"Hi girls, how's everything going?"

"Just fine, Mrs. Anderson. I'm almost finished unpacking."

"Well, leave that for now and get your coats and come down and have dinner. Then when we are finished cleaning up, we'll let our tummies settle and then we can go caroling." She left, and we followed her to their dining room. Paul's father said grace, and then we all sat down to eat. This was going to be a great two weeks.

Part II - Around the town.

We all got our coats on, and we made sure that the Christmas tree was lighted, and we left to go caroling. We walked around our neighborhood first. We stopped at the middle house of three and sang Walking In A Winter Wonderland. With mine and Shelley's voices, we lit up the night with happiness as we sang songs of love, promises of a new life after we leave this one, and cute songs too like Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! And even White Christmas. As we walked around singing out carols, we were invited in a few times to share a cup of hot cocoa and sing more carols in the houses. It was a great time, and I haven't had this much fun since I was little.

We stopped in front of an old friend's house. His name is Jim, and he was what the girls called a stud. When I began singing The First Noá«l Jim came out with his parents and stood on the porch and listened. After I finished the song, Jim's mother invited us in. We were invited to take our coats off and stay a while. Then Jim said something I was not ready for.

"You look very pretty, Jean." He gave me a hug. "Hi Paul. Are you two an item, now?" I showed him my ring, and explained how Paul had asked me to marry him. "Well Jean, I always knew you weren't much of a guy, but you make a very pretty woman." I blushed a bright red. "You're very cute when you blush that way."

"Paul tells me that all the time."

We all sat down and I brought them all up to date. Jim's mother gave me the biggest hug, and Jim's dad said he couldn't understand why somebody would want to do that to themselves.

"Mr. Davis, want has nothing to do with it, for me it is..."

"Of course it's a want. Why else would anybody do something that drastic?"

"Mr. Davis, I have been more girl than boy ever since I can remember. It isn't something I consciously did, it just happened. When I went to see my therapist, she told me that I was very feminine and I wasn't even trying to impress her that I was. Mr. Davis, you have a very limited outlook on why people do things. Jim has an online computer, here is a site address that will show you what we have to go through in order for us to achieve our final goal."

"Only someone who is mentally ill would do something like that."

"No Mr. Davis. In order for us to have our final surgeries, we have to be cleared by a psychiatric professional of any mental illness. That is because it has to be determined that what we are going into with the full knowledge of the consequences, if any, and that the results are permanent."

"Permanent! Then what about these people I have been reading about that say they made a mistake and are going back to the way they were?"

"Mr. Davis, even though some people may think that going back to being a male is what they need, they will never be able to function the way they did, before their male to female surgeries. If they feel they made a mistake, and they go back to being male, it will be the same as going from female to male. The genitalia is only prosthetic and only is functional to pee through." Mom, Mrs. Davis, and Shelley giggled. "So you see Mr. Davis, that we not only have to be cleared of any mental illness, but we have to be sure that this life changing surgery is what we need to be complete."

"I don't understand. How can you be complete, when you're chopping parts of your body off?"

"Mr. Davis. While there is some penile tissue that is discarded, most of what is between our legs is used to create the clitoris, the outer and inner lips, as well as the vaginal canal itself. Mr. Davis, I don't mean any disrespect by this question, but...how far did you go in school?"

"I went as far as the sixth grade. I had to work on the farm with my dad and grandfather. Why?"

"Can you read well enough to understand what you read?"

"Yes, I can understand what I read, as long as there aren't any big words."

"Jim would you help your father understand what I had to, and am going through. He doesn't understand."

"I'd be happy to, Jean. So tell us what college life is all about. Have you gone to any parties?"

"Jim do you see this little ribbon pin. Look very closely and you will see Greek letters on it. This is the sorority pin of Gamma Delta Phi, and we are sworn to be ladies forever. Our alumni are all over the world, we have chapters in some European countries too. I cannot go to a party, dance, movie, or even for just a walk without a chaperone. I can't even go in Paul's dorm, because it is a male dorm, and a lady does not go into a mens dorm unescorted."

"Wow Jean, I impressed. Physically female, in a sorority, and you have a fiancá¨e. And you had to have done this in the first semester, because when you left here, you were physically a male."

"Yes Jim, I did this all during the first semester, and I have had a lot of support from the Gamma Deltas. My mother is an alumni and past chapter president of our house."

"Well dear, it doesn't matter how you got here, all that matters is that you are here. Welcome to womanhood, dear." Jim's father stalked out of the room mumbling under his breath. "Don't mind him, there is a lot he doesn't understand, and I think he is frustrated because of his low education."

"Mrs. Davis, he shouldn't feel embarrassed because he doesn't have much education. There are many people in the world that don't have a lot of education, and they are actually quite successful at what they do.

"I know, dear, but he is. Anyway, it is wonderful that you can follow your dreams and make them a reality. And Paul, you take care of this lady, and she will make you the happiest man in the world."

"She already has, Mrs. Davis," Paul said, giving me a kiss on my lips.

"So, what are we waiting for? Let's sing Christmas carols," Jim's mother said, with an exuberance I have only seen in younger girls. She got up and went to their Stein piano. It was actually bought for Jim so he could follow his music career.

We sang We Three Kings Of Orient Are, Silent Night, White Christmas, The First Noá«l, What Child Is This, Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree, and Jingle Bell Rock. After we were finished, Jim's mother asked us if we wanted to to have more cocoa, and we said no because we had one more stop to make. I told her that we were going to sing Christmas carols at Mrs. Bass' grave.

"Honey, Jim and I will go with you. Mrs. Bass was very much loved in this town, and she will definitely be missed. She just loved it when everybody would stop at her house and sing Christmas carols and she would invite us all in for a chat and hot cocoa. This will be a wonderful tribute to her. Let's go. Dear, she called through the house, we're going to Mrs. Bass' grave and sing Christmas carols."

"Not without me, you aren't. That old woman was a dear, and everybody loved her."

We just looked at each other, and we knew that he needed time to think. We smiled, because we knew that we were now a group. As we were walking toward the cemetery, I heard a voice behind me.

"Jean! You're home. But you look so different." Alison Howard was nineteen, and had that energy that you wanted to bottle up and sell to everybody.

"Hey Alison," I said, giving her a hug. "Yes I look very different inside and out. I've gone through transition to be physically female, so I can be complete in my soul and body." She squealed and gave a tight hug.

"I knew you were more girl, than you ever were a boy. It's great. Where are you going?"

"We're going to sing Christmas Carols at Mrs. Bass' grave."

"OMG! Hey everybody, we're singing Christmas carols at Mrs. Bass grave."

She yelled it at the top of her lungs, I felt, and no sooner had we started walking again, than people were coming out of their houses to join us. By the time we got to Mrs. Bass' grave, it seemed that the whole town was with us. Two police officers that were following us, joined in the tribute at her grave.

When we were finished, fours hours had gone by. One of the ladies in the crowd wanted to know whose idea this was. Everybody that was with me, when we started out, backed away and all of a sudden I was standing alone. I blushed because now I was being recognized as an organizer of a wonderful town event.

"Aren't you Jean McMillan?" One lady asked.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Child, you are very pretty, even with your coat on. You and your group just have to come to my place and we can sing carols, have hot cocoa, and talk."

I looked at everybody else, and I could see some stern looks, some confused looks, and some very accepting looks. Mrs. Arlene Cougar was the wife of the town's mayor, and she had that glint in her eyes that said she was up to something.

"I want to thank you, Jean, on behalf of the whole town, for organizing this event. This is a wonderful tribute to a very special lady."

"Thank ... you ... Mrs. ... Cougar." Then I started crying. Damn hormones.

Mrs. Cougar came by me and just held me in a loving embrace that only my mother had ever done before. "There, there, child. You always did have a heart of gold. I remember when you were younger, and you and Paul Anderson did things together, but not like two boys, but more like a girl would do, and the boy just following so he could be with a very special girl. Are you through with your transition, dear?"

"Yes, ma'am."

I got hugs from the women, and most of the men who were fathers. Then still singing Christmas carols as we were leaving the cemetery, I saw one of the police officers actually crying. I thought to myself that it was alright to cry, even for a man. We got as far as Mrs. Cougars's house, and the rest continued on still singing. Our group just went in, and we were invited to take our coats off, and sit down.

As I was taking my coat off, Mayor Cougar came in. "Hello Jeannette, hi Paul." Then he looked at me with a curious glance, and then he said. "You're Jean, but you don't look anything like the little boy I remember."

"No sir, and I guess I never was a boy."

"Dear," Mrs. Cougar said, bringing a tray of hot cocoa. " Jean is a female now, and I always suspected that she was inside that boy exterior." Mayor Cougar gave me a big hug, and said I was always welcome at his home.

"Anybody who has the audacity to follow their dreams and make them a reality, has a lot of respect in my book. That is what is so great about this country. Anybody has the right to be who they want to be, even if it means changing their sex. Did you all have fun singing Christmas Carols at Mrs. Bass' grave?"

"Yes, sir. I used to run errands for her. She was always nice and had a kind word for everybody. She even prayed for those that went to prison for one thing or another. I just wish I had been here when she was sick, so I could have helped her."

"Jean, nobody knew she was that ill, or we would have all done something. As you saw tonight, she was well respected by the whole town. Shelley thank you for letting everybody know too. I'm sure that those that came were happy they could do something for her."

"I know, Mrs. Cougar. But you know I was thinking though, that we could do this every year. You know make a Mrs. Bass day and do things in her memory, and end it by singing Christmas carols at her grave."

"That is a wonderful idea, young lady," Mayor Cougar said. "I think I will draft it after the holidays are over, and then I want you here when I present it to the city council. They are the ones that have to vote on it, then I can sign it into law and make it official. You know Jean, the missus is right. You have a heart of gold."

"That's my Jean, always thinking of others, and gets sad when others are ill, or sad, or just have a defeatist attitude. She has always been like that since I can remember."

"Jeannette, you are a wonderful mother, and I can see where Jean gets her smile from. She has your eyes too. I never noticed that before."

"That's because they were never made up like this before, either." We all giggled because mom was being funny. "Jean is studying to be a therapist at college."

"Why Jean, that is a very good profession. We need a more therapists, especially here. Do you know what kind of a therapist you are going to be?"

"I want to help people have confidence in who they are, so they can be themselves. I was very lucky because I have a mother and a fiancᨠthat loves me. I have very good friends in the Gamma Delta Phi sorority, and I have my health. There are many people that don't have any love at all. I want to show these people that they are not alone."

"Did you decide what type of therapist you want to be, dear?"

"Not yet, Mrs. Cougar. But I was thinking that maybe I would be a psychotherapist. I really don't want to be a psychiatrist because they have the authority to prescribe medicine. I don't want my clients to feel that they have to walk on egg shells in order to avoid my giving them medication. As a psychotherapist I feel my clients will be able to trust me more."

"That is a wonderful way to put it, dear. I hope you succeed in everything you set out to do."

"She has already," my mother said, with a sense of pride. "She has accomplished in one semester, what it would have taken others years to do. She is my precious pride, and I am so proud of her. Tomorrow, I am taking her shopping for a few things."

"Like what, mother?"

"You will just have to wait and see, dear. It is a surprise."