Chapter XVI - Coming To Terms

It was almost Christmas, and I had gotten the best present any girl could have. I had friends, an understanding and accepting mother, and was a part of a worldwide sisterhood that was more of a family, than anything else. Having had all of my dreams completed in less than four months had to be some kind of record. I wasn't taking remedial courses at school, because my test scores were so high that I didn't need them, so my classes were elective. I was happy with the schedule I had, because it allowed me to study, and do research on my chosen profession. Dr. McClellan, who insisted I call her Cyndi, was not only a PhD, but was also an MD. She did most of the after care when I came home from the hospital, and she was a psychiatrist.

I was always asking her questions about the psychiatric world, and she was providing answers. She also held group therapy, and had asked me to sit in on a few of her sessions. The first session was filled with tensions and uncertainties, because I was there, and a lot of the group didn't open up right away. One girl that was in the group, was very silent after I was introduced, so I broke the ice. I asked Dr. McClellan if I could ask a question of one of the group, and she gave me the okay.

"Claudia, do you feel like you have been betrayed because I am here?"

"Kinda."

"Well, just so you know, that when I graduate, I am going to be a therapist. So whatever you, or any of you say in this group, is strictly professional."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Claudia, I am very sure," I answered with a genuine smile.

"Then would you tell us how you feel, now that you are female?"

"I would love to, Claudia. But first let me give you a little background." I told them of my need to be female ever since I could remember, and that when I had heard that my mother not only went to this same college, but was a past president of one of the sororities, I had always dreamed of pledging that sorority. I told her how my needs and dreams were all fulfilled, and that now I can get on with my life, as a complete person.

"Miss McMillan, would you say that your life was like in the garbage bin, before your needs and dreams were completed?"

"Well, kinda sorta Claudia, and you may call me Jean. I was sad a lot, and I kept my distance. I was afraid that the closest I would ever get to my mother's sorority, was sitting on the bench across the walk from the house. Then one of the sorority sisters came out and talked to me. I was invited to the open house, and the rest is history. Or is that herstory?"

There were giggles and laughter from the group, and then I knew that although they may not trust me yet, the mood in the group was lighter. I had managed to make the group laugh, and that in any group therapy session is definitely a good thing.

After the forty-five minutes were up, Dr. McClellan told everybody that this was a very good session, and she was proud of everybody, including me, for making the mood of the group, who were usually stiff, and holding things back still, a little bit lighter. The group left, and Dr. McClellan stayed behind a while longer. Then we went into her office.

"Jean, you are going to be a wonderful therapist. That little ad-lib you did, made the group see that you aren't a three headed monster. Now young lady, how would like to go out to have lunch? I will call your mother to see if she is free. Then we can go out to a nice place to eat."

"I would like that. Uhm, Dr. uhm sorry, Cyndi do you think I could continue to sit in on these sessions. I learned that group therapy isn't only for the clients, but is very therapeutic for the therapist too. I was thinking that maybe I could sit in as your intern, and learn the ropes from you and the group. Besides, the more they know about me, the more they are apt to open up with me around."

"Girl!!! You never cease to amaze me. By all means, you sit in on the sessions, and I will take you under my wing, so to speak. I have to clear it through the department head first though, because you wouldn't be in the field until your junior year. But since this is an on campus group, I don't see any reason that you can't start getting in on the ground floor now. Jean, I have always held respect for you for the things you do, and how you act, and today was no exception. I was very proud of the way you handled yourself with Claudia. So, what say we call your mother, and go to lunch?"

"All right, I'm kind of hungry anyway."

Claudia Stroebel was a fine arts major, and she wanted to be a children's book illustrator. Her favorite books were by Dr. Seuss, and J. K. Rowling. She had every Harry Potter book, and dvd. She was kind of mousy in her outward attitude, and dressed like she was from the seventies. Her wide sky blue eyes were the most promising thing about her. I had asked Dr. McClellan about her, and I was told that Claudia was very shy.

We stopped by mother's office, and picked her up. Cyndi drove us to Daley's. It was on the other side of town, and they served very good breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. They had very good chocolate mousse here too.

Cyndi had to park almost to the other end of the parking lot, so we walked to the restaurant. We went in and were greeted by the hostess. She seated us in the non-smoking area, and a waitress came up with water glasses right away. I knew what I wanted so I gave her my order. Cyndi and mother ordered soup and salad, and we all had tea.

We talked while we ate, and Cyndi told mother how she was proud of me when I sat in as a novice therapist in her group. She explained about Claudia, but didn't mention her by name, and how I handled myself. She also told mother that she is going to have me sit in on all of her sessions with the group, after she cleared it with the department head. Lily's words came back to me, when she told me that it seemed that I had my priorities in order, and that anything I set out to do, I could accomplish without much trouble.

I reflected on how lucky I had been so far. In just two short months, I had completed becoming female and pledging and becoming a full sister of my mother's house. Everybody was there for me, and had become my friends. Whenever I needed something, my friends, my mother, and my professors were there to help. Even if all I needed was to talk. I was still coming to terms with my post surgery life. I know that I really had nothing to worry about, but, it is still something that creeps into our minds, because now we see things in a different light.

Men are holding doors open for me, giving me their seats, and smiling at me, as I walk by or come into a room. I realize this isn't a new experience for me, because men were doing this before my surgeries were completed. But now, I am outwardly female, and I am seeing this service, if you will, as condescending to all women. Of course there are a lot of women who like this kind of thing, but for me, I now found it insulting. But of course, I wouldn't find it insulting if Paul were do anything like this. Is this a double standard? I had to think about that. A lot of things were swimming around in the sea that is my mind. I looked at mother and Cyndi, and I needed to say something.

"Excuse me. I need to talk."

"What is it sweetie?"

"I know that I have had everything I ever wished for, or needed, done, but I'm still a little, either confused, or a feminist." They giggled. "I mean, even before my operation, and becoming a full sister of Gamma Delta Phi, guys were opening doors for me, and getting up to let me sit down. But it seems that all of that is very condescending, except when Paul does it. Is that a double standard?"

"Well dear, that depends on who it is. There are some men who do do it because they want to have sex with a woman for the night, or, want to get to know us as a girlfriend, or want to marry us. There are women, like you, who feel that this is just an act by most men, just to have sex for the night, and in that instance, dear, it is very condescending. And no, it isn't a double standard when Paul does it, because he does these things because he has manners and he loves you. It has only been a few weeks since you have been completely healed, and you are starting to think about things that are on a lot of women's minds. It means that you are growing up, dear."

"Thank you mother. But, I still think it is going to take some time for me to get used to all of this. I mean before my surgery, I ate up being waited on, having men do things for me, and now, I don't know."

"Dear, you are my daughter. You have accomplished quite a bit in the last two months. I am very proud of you, and having you tell me you need to talk, shows how responsible you really are. What I mean is, you didn't go off and sulk about this and keep it to yourself. You always know that I am here for you, as well as the other sisters of Gamma Delta Phi.

"I know mother, but I have a lot more to think about now. I know where I am going with my profession, but kind of unsure where I am going in my life."

"Jean, you have the uncanny ability to work under stress. For what you have been through, there is no more stress that you can't deal with. The stress of pledging Gamma Delta Phi isn't there any more because now you are a full sister. The stress of becoming a woman physically is all behind you now. So whatever it is that can or will stress you, I have every confidence that you will handle it well. Jean, I love you like a sister, and when you first came into my class I had no idea about your dreams and need to be female. But when you came in dressed as the woman you are, I was in awe that you looked so beautiful, and carried yourself well. Everybody in the class accepted you right away. I am very proud to call you sister, Jean. If you handle all your clients like you did in group today, then you are going to go far. Not only as a therapist, but also as a woman." Just then, Paul showed up.

"Good afternoon ladies. May I join you?"

"Why yes, Paul, you may," Cyndi told him with her infectious smile. He sat next to me.

"How's my darling princess?" He said pulling me close to him for a kiss. We kissed for what seemed an eternity. Then Cyndi interrupted us.

"Come up for air you two. So Paul, what made you come here? We didn't tell anybody we were coming here."

"I come here sometimes for lunch, and even dinner. When I saw you as I walked in, I told the hostess that I saw you, and she let me come in. I'm glad you're here though, because I can be with my fiancá¨e."

"Well, I for one am glad you came, Paul. That way I can ride back to campus with you, and mom and Cyndi can go without bothering to drop me off."

"Would that be all right, Mrs. McMillan?"

"Yes Paul, you two go and see a movie or something. Cyndi can drive me back to my office, and Cyndi can go and flunk a few students." We all giggled, and Paul kind of laughed under his breath.

"Thank you mother, thank you Cyndi for everything. I guess I'll be able to work out anything that comes along, including Paul." This time only we girls giggled, poor Paul looked kind of lost.

I was now physically female, I had a lot of friends, an understanding and accepting mother, and a very handsome and caring fiancá¨. But I still had things to work out though. I still had to think these things through. I know everybody says that I am so brave in going through all of this. But, am I?

Being brave means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. I can be brave, and still have my doubts; a soldier can be brave, and still be as dumb as they come; a child can be brave and not even know it. So what does brave really mean, where it concerns me?

I have put everything into being this physical girl that I am inside, and I also put a lot into pledging my mother's house. But was that bravery, or just plain being stubborn? And is there a difference?

I completed what I had to do, and now my journey is just beginning. I have a lot to think about, a lot to do. Paul and I are getting married, and I have to blueprint how I am going to get everything done for the wedding. All of the girls in the sorority are going to be the bridesmaids, except for Kendra, who is going to be the maid of honor. There was a lot to do, and I told Paul that I didn't want to see a movie, but I just wanted to talk.

We found a quiet place to park, and I looked at Paul, and told him what I had asked mother and Cyndi. I also said too, that I was very confused right now, because I had to start learning to act like the female I am physically. After my surgery I felt really different, because I no longer had that stupid birth defect, and when I walked I had that involuntary swivel to my hips, and when I sat down, my body sort of twisted into the seat. When I talked I used a lot of phrases like, "so cool", and "whatever girlfriend". Phrases I would never use before my surgery. I was also told that as my female hormones take over my body, there were male memories that would fade into my subconscious, letting me think completely like a real female. Well, I was a real female, I just needed my birth defected body corrected. That was done. Now I can actually get on with my life, but I still needed to take the baby steps all girls take when they are very young, ending in their womanhood.

"Well princess, all I can say is, you go ahead and take those baby steps. When you are ready for the wedding, you just let me know. Until then, we can still go out on dates, go up to the point and make out, and save the sex part for our wedding night. Princess, I am in no hurry to have sex with you until it is the proper moment. I love you, and I will not do anything to harm you, or make you look like anything other than the princess that you are to me."

I flung myself at him as much as possible in the car, and I kissed him firmly on his lips. He put his hands around my waist and pulled me closer. After that first kiss, I was out of breath, but he pulled me close again, and kissed me. We stopped kissing, and I had to catch my breath again.

"Thank you, Paul. That was uhm, very exhilirating. Phew! I have to catch my breath after that."

He moved over in his seat towards me, and took my in his arms again. He looked in my eyes for what seemed like an eternity, but was only a split second, and then he kissed me again. I melted into his arms, and he took his free hand and started sliding his free hand up and down my leg. I was getting turned on by this, so I forcefully pulled away.

"Paul, I..."

He put his left forefinger to my lips and said, "shhhh, I just wanted you to see what a real woman you really are. I wasn't going to do anything, but when a woman pulls away from a man like that, it means she is getting turned on, but doesn't want to go any further. You just proved to me, that you are one hundred per cent female. Every time we do something like this, you always show me how much of a woman you really are. That is why I am so proud to be your fiancá¨, because you complete me as the man I am, out with the most beautiful woman in the entire world."

I blushed at what he said. "Oh Paul, I bet you say that to all the girls."

"No, only you. You are the only girl I want in my life, except of course my mother, sister, aunts, and grandmother. And now I will have your mother, aunts, and grandmother to spoil too." I giggled, and told him he was my knight in shining armor. It is amazing how Paul can bring me out of any slump I happen to be in. I know that I am marrying a very good man who has the welfare of others in his heart before himself. With my birth certificate now saying I am female, and always was, I am free to marry Paul without any problems. When Bobbie gave mother her letter to send to the state where I was born, and have the birth certificate corrected, we got a letter with it that said they were sorry for the inconvenience. I guess the inconvenience was a little typo mistake that needed correcting. Now according to the state where I was born, I am female.

Paul took me back to campus, and walked me to Gamma Delta Phi. He waited until I closed the door behind me, as I blew him a kiss. I watched him walk toward his frat house, and then I went upstairs. Lily was lying on her bed when I came in the room.

"Well, where were you all afternoon...huh?"

I giggled, then I told her about how Dr. McClellan took my mother and I to a restaurant, and Paul happened to come to the same restaurant, and we let him sit by us, and that after we were through we went to park up on the ridge. I told her what I said to him, and how he said he loved me, and then I wasn't sad anymore, but was actually laughing."

"Yes, but what I want to know is what did you do while you were kissing."

"Nothing. Paul said he wanted me to get turned on to prove to myself how much of a woman I really am. When he was sliding his hand down my leg lightly, I felt electric tingles through my whole body. I had to push him away because I wasn't ready for any sex. Not yet."

"Well I can understand that. You know, you have the best stud on campus. Right?"

"I think so, but there may other girls who think they have the best stud on campus. When I am talking to other girls, I kind of leave that subject alone, and if they ask me, I just tell them that to me, he is. That seems to make it a personal thing on my part, and it doesn't go any further."

"I see what you mean. But I still think you have the best stud on campus."

"Oh you," I said giggling and threw my pillow at her.

I got undressed, and into my robe and slippers. I grabbed my burgundy baby doll set, and my bath caddy, and went to take a nice bubble bath. Just as I got to the bathroom door, Colleen was coming out.

"Hi Jean. How is everything going?"

"It's going great."

"That's good to hear. You do know that if you ever need to talk, any one of us is available."

"Thank you Colleen." We hugged, and I went in to take my bath.

I started the bath water, and put in my rose scented bubble bath, and brushed my teeth. When I was finished, the tub was filled, so I turned off the water, and put my robe and slippers by the towel cabinet. I got in the tub and lowered myself slowly. As I sat in the tub, I thought about what Paul had said to me. I kept repeating his words over and over in my head. What he said made a lot of sense. So I guess that maybe I should start seeing it the way everybody else does, that there is nothing at all to worry about. I squeezed the water over me absent mindedly, while I was thinking. Automatically I washed myself all over, and rinsed the rest of the suds off with the shower head. I got out, and took a very soft terry towel, and patted myself dry. I put lotion and powder on my body, and got into my baby doll set, then my robe and slippers. I put everything back in my bath caddy, and toweled up the water on the floor, and wiped the tub out. I padded off to my room, and set the bath caddy on the dresser. I pulled my covers back, and got in to bed. I was asleep right away.

That night I dreamed I was with Paul, and we were at a nightclub, and we danced to every tune that was played. Because Paul knew I didn't drink alcohol, he ordered a ginger ale for me. I sipped the ginger ale, and we talked, and he said the same words to me, that he said when we were parked on the ridge.

As I laid there listening to the words Paul was saying to me, I heard a far off buzzing. The buzzing got louder and louder, and then I was awake. I looked around, and Lily was just getting out of bed too.

"You know girlfriend, you were in a trance last night when you came back from the bathroom. I said hi but you just set your bath caddy down, and crawled in to bed. I was really worried about you. What were you thinking so deeply about?"

"I was thinking about what Paul and I talked about last night. I'm trying to come to terms with my being female now."

"Come to terms? Girl, you already have come to terms. You know, more than anyone else, who you are, and you went after it to make who you are a reality. We all respect you for that, and we love you like our sister. Jean, your womanhood was always there, and now you are physically female, and a sister here. What kind of terms could you possibly come to?"

"I don't really know. It's as if all of a sudden, I am finding certain things that men do for us degrading and condescending. I don't have those same feelings when Paul does them, though."

"Is that all? Jean, you are growing into your womanhood, like any other teenage girl would do. When we enter our puberty, we have these feelings that we want to jump the first boy we see. But we have to have self control. Our hormones rage unfettered for eighteen plus months. That is why we go through so many changes when we are in our teens. You are a late bloomer, and that is why you are going through these emotions now. Do you often feel like you are carrying the world on your shoulders?"

"Yes, kinda, and I am sad a lot, and always trying to convince myself that there is nothing I can't accomplish, and nothing I can't deal with. I think that the world is watching my every move, and all I want to do is dance like some wild chick who is protesting her existence."

"That's all hormones, dear. We all go through the same emotions, and then when our hormones even out, we settle down. It's like being on an extended high, and then being dropped on our heads with a loud clunk. You're growing into your womanhood, Jean. But it does get better."

"But, why does it take so long?"

She got up from her bed, and gave me a very tight sisterly hug. She held me, as I started crying, and wouldn't let me go until I stopped crying. She ran her hand over my hair, just like mother does. I continued crying for some time, and then all of a sudden, Lily called Dr. McClellan.

"Dr. McClellan will be right over. She said her class could wait for a bit."

While I was still being held by Lily, Cyndi came in our room. "What is going on here? Jean, are you all right?"

"She's upset about what she's going through with her hormones."

Cyndi came over and held me, while telling Lily to get ready for class. "Jean? Honey? What's wrong?" I just cried on her shoulder, and she held me with a tenderness I have only felt from my mother. "Come now, tell aunt Cyndi what is bothering you."

"I don't know, really. I started thinking about everything. What I told you and mother at the restaurant. The talk I had with Paul, and well, just everything. It all seems to be so unbearable, that I won't be able to deal with it all."

"All right young lady. I want you back in bed, and I will be right back. I'm going to excuse you from classes, and give you a sedative so you can rest. I will call all your classes and let them know that your not feeling well. So, just lie down, and I will be right back." I laid down, and she left to go get the sedative, which was back at her office. She also had to write a prescription out for it too, so she could justify giving it to me.

When she came back, I was still crying, and she used an alcohol wipe to clean the part of my arm where she was going to give me the shot. After she gave me the shot, she held me in her arms, until the sedative took effect, and I was asleep. I don't remember dreaming anything, and if I did, I forgot what it was about.

I got up about lunch time feeling very rested. It must have been the shot Cyndi gave me. After using the toilet, I padded downstairs to the kitchen, to see what there was for making a salad. I was hungry because I really didn't have any breakfast. I rummaged through the fridge and took out the lettuce, a carrot, a length of celery, a cucumber, and I went to the cupboard and looked for some walnuts. I only found cashews, but they had Jenny's name on them. I left them alone, and made my salad with what I had. After pouring a little fat free dressing over it, I sat at the table and ate. I was thinking about what had happened this morning, and could not understand for the life of me, why I had been so upset.

"There you are. How are you feeling?"

"I'm better, Cyndi. I just woke up about twenty minutes ago. I'm still a little groggy, but I feel really rested. Cyndi, why do I get upset like that? I mean, I have never cried so much in my entire life, than I have the past few months. Why is that?"

"Well it's all hormones, dear. Before you started your transition for real, you didn't have the female hormones in your body yet. You had feelings you were female, but it has only been since you have been on the hormones, that your womanly emotions have been coming out. In another year, your hormones should even out, and you won't be so emotional all the time, like you are now. We women are emotional creatures anyway, but you will be able to control some of them. Jean, I came by to see how you were doing, and I can see you're just fine. After you eat, I want you to get dressed, and then I will call your mother, and maybe we can do a little retail therapy. How does that sound?"

"That sounds good, Cyndi. I just love going shopping."

"Do you know there is another dance coming up, shortly? I think you need a new party dress for it too. So, what say we go and look for a nice, feminine party dress to impress Paul with? But you can't let him see it, until the night of the dance."

One thing I liked about Gamma Delta Phi is, they were always having one festive thing after another. The money we got from the ticket sales, went to get us things for the house, or to fix the house up a little, here and there. Cyndi was talking about the mid-term cotillion, something like a prom, only a little more formal. She was right though, I would need a new party dress for this dance. Something that said, 'look at me Paul, I'm a woman.' I finished eating my salad, and washed my dishes, and cleaned up where I had made the salad.

"Cyndi, I am going to take a nice bubble bath, and then get dressed. It should take me about an hour, maybe two or even three." We both giggled, and she gave me a sisterly hug.

I went to get my clothes out that I would wear, and then after laying them on the bed, and my shoes on the floor, I went to run my bath. I took my bath caddy with me, and decided I wanted to smell like roses today. I put in a cap full of rose scented bubble bath, and got out of my nightgown and robe. The slippers I put by the sink, and I stood there looking at my reflection in the full length mirror.

I looked at me standing there, and then looked at myself from the side. Well, my breasts were growing, but still kinda small. A "B" cup now, and maybe by next year they would be a full "C". My mother had "C" breasts, and they say that I will be one size smaller. Not if I can help it. I got into the tub and slowly lowered myself down. I sat there sponging the sudsy water over me, like a cascading waterfall. Then, I dipped down in the tub to get my hair wet, and used my rose scented shampoo. I washed my hair twice and conditioned it twice, so it would be silky soft. I washed all over, and pulled the plug. I rinsed off the errant suds with the shower head, and stepped out to dry off. I patted my self dry, and then went to my room, to get dressed.

I had taken out my light rose colored dress, my rose colored bra and panty set, my rose cami, and my rose half slip. I went to my dresser and got out a nice pair of tan, stay up thigh high stockings, and sat down to roll them up my legs. After I was completely dressed, I took the towel off of my hair, and dried it a little more, then I took my curling iron, and gave myself a simple set.

After making sure I was decent, I grabbed my coat and purse, and went down to meet Cyndi. As I got to the living room, mother was sitting there talking. When they saw me, they were really surprised I would be dressed like I was. That was because the temperature outside was in the teens, and it was very, very cold.

"Jean, you're going to freeze dressed like that," mother said incredulously.

"Mother, I am only going from the house to the car, and from the car to the store. I am not planning on standing outside for too long."

"Still, the temperature is sixteen degrees. That's enough to give your legs frost bite."

"Oh mother, don't exaggerate. The faculty parking lot isn't that far from here, and once in the car, I will be able to warm up. And I mean, it isn't exactly like you haven't worn skirt sets or dresses in this weather."

"Well I guess it's all right. I just don't want you to come down with pneumonia."

"I'll be fine, mother. Anyway, I am ready to go if you are."

Cyndi and mother put their coats on, and we all walked to the faculty parking lot. Now I know I said that it wasn't far, but let me give you an idea how far it actually is. Between the house, and the faculty parking lot, is the school of dentistry building. Then there is about maybe, a whole five feet beyond that, where the faculty parking lot is. Cyndi's space was in the middle of the third row. When we got to the car, and we were all inside, Cyndi let the car warm up. I was sitting in the back behind mother, and when I felt the heat on my legs, I knew I was going to be all right. Cyndi then backed out of her space, and we headed for town.

Cyndi found a parking space half way down the aisle from the food court door. So we walked in the mall and ordered hot drinks righ away to warm us up. We all agreed on hot cocoa, and we sat down to formulate a plan for shopping. I love it when men think all we do is just go in the store and absent mindedly pick out this or that. Cyndi said she wanted to get me a party dress for the cotillion which is being held at the arena. Everybody and their families will be there, so Cyndi wanted me to look my best. Since it was only two fifteen, we had plenty of time to look around, and make a selection. I think. Well anyway, we had a start. We went in to boutique after boutique, and we saw some very pretty dresses, but nothing screamed out at me, so we just kept looking. After about five hours of looking everywhere we could think of, Cyndi had another idea. We went to one of Cyndi's friend's boutique on the edge of town.

This boutique was founded, Cyndi told us, right after her graduating class. It was owned by a dear friend of Cyndi's who was also a Gamma Delta. She asked mother if she remembered Margie.

"Oh! Of course I remember Margie. She was my opposition for president of the chapter. I haven't seen her since college. Is this what she has been doing since?"

"Yes Jeannie, she is doing very well too, because she only sells the best for the least cost available." When we got to the boutique, Cyndi found a place half way down the parking lot from the door. We walked the little ways, and the door opened.

"Jeannie!!!" The woman about my mother's age screamed in delight. She had fiery red hair, and a sparkle in her Irish green eyes. She gave mother a big hug, and Cyndi too. "Cyndi, wow, this is a surprise. And who is this young lady?"

"Margie, this is my daughter, Jean. She is a Gamma Delta too."

"I have been dying to meet you Jean. The newsletter doesn't do you justice. You are far prettier than it says you are. How do you like Gamma Delta?"

"It's wonderful. Everybody is such a big help, and I never knew that there was so much to being a Gamma Delta."

"Well, I am glad that you are happy in our little sisterhood. What brings you all here?"

"We came to get Jean a dress for the cotillion. Something very pretty to show off her obvious feminine charms."

"Well you came to the right place. Let's see what we have."

We went through racks and racks of dresses, and every one of them was pretty too. But it wasn't what I was looking for. I looked in one of the full length mirrors, and a vision of the kind of dress I wanted, popped into my head.

"I'm really looking for something outstanding. Something I can impress my fiancᨠwith. I have four party dresses already, and he has seen every one of them. This one I want to be very special."

"Well, I do have a dress in the back. I think it will look stunning on you. What is your dress size, dear?"

"Size eight."

"You wait right here. I have just the thing for you."

She went in the back of the store, and came out with a very shimmering, blue floor length gown. It had gathered capped sleeves, and a plunge neck line split between the breasts, and when it zipped up in the back, it looked just like one of the seams. The back of the dress only came to my mid back, so it wasn't hard to zip up by myself. Margie told me to try it on, and when I stepped out of the changing booth, I saw all three hold there hands over their mouths to muffle a clear and audible gasp.

"Wait Jean, there is something more you are going to need. Heels. I think with that dress, and your height, I would say about three inch heels will do. That way you or nobody else will step on the hem of the gown." She went to get the shoes.

I looked at myself in the full length mirror outside of the changing booth, and I saw that with the right hairdo, and the right makeup, I would look like a modern day Cleopatra. I was still admiring myself with virtual looks in my mind, and I didn't hear Margie come back.

"Ehem. Here Jean, try these on. They are about the same color as the dress. We call the dress color ocean blue. And you are absolutely stunning in it."

I put on the shoes, and I walked around for a bit. The dress was taffeta silk, and there were beads and little flowers of organza that covered the breasts. It is a beautiful dress, and I was just having the time of my life. The dress had a shelf bra so I wouldn't need a separate one. The cups had a silk lining, and it was heaven to wear. I went back in the changing booth, and called mother in to help me get it off, so I didn't ruin it. I got back in to my bra and dress, and Margie went to put the new dress in a plastic sheath. Cyndi said this was her treat, and she paid Margie, who threw the shoes in for free.

We left the store, promising Margie we would go out to lunch sometime. Being it was around dinner time, and we wouldn't make it back to the house in time, Cyndi said we were going to stop and have dinner at a very nice restaurant. She took us to Denny's. Well, it is a very nice restaurant, even if they do serve breakfast twenty four hours a day. We ordered hot cocoa for our drinks, and we ordered the lite special. It had one slice of roast beef, covered in non-fat gravy, one scoop of mashed potatoes, and a tablespoon of green beans. We talked about the cotillion, and how I will have to fight the guys off, when they see me in that dress.

"Oh Cyndi, I have Paul to impress, and no one else. If I am asked to dance, I will make sure Paul gives me permission, because after all he is my fiancá¨, and we are engaged to be married."

"Yes dear, I know that, but the other guys are going to want to dance with the prettiest girl there. You."

I felt flushed in the face, that told me I was blushing. "Oh Cyndi." We all giggled.

After we had finished eating, we got up to leave, and Cyndi paid the cashier. We went out to the car, and after we were buckled in, Cyndi backed out of the space, and headed for the university. It took us about twenty five minutes to get back to the college, and another five minutes to get in the house. I took my dress up to my room, and put it in my closet. I set the shoes just underneath it, and went back downstairs. We sat in the living room for about another two hours, and then Cyndi and mother said they had to leave.

"Jean, I want you to take tomorrow off of classes too. Sleep in tomorrow. I will call all your classes and let them know you need another day to compose yourself. Did you have fun, today?"

"Yes Cyndi, I really did."

"Good, I will make sure you get your homework brought to you. Lily is your roommate, right."

"Yes."

"All right I will give her your assignments. Good night, dear. Sweet dreams." She gave me a big sisterly hug. Mother said the same thing, but her hug was like a mother's hug, protecting her little one. I am eighteen years old, but today I felt as if I was five again. Sometimes that is a very nice feeling. I told mother I loved her, and I would talk to her tomorrow, and I went up to bed.