Chapter III - The Pledge

I went up to my room, and my roommate was just getting ready to go out. She looked absolutely stunning, and I couldn't help but remark out loud, what I had been thinking.

"You're very beautiful. I wish I could look that good."

"Oh Hi. You're Jean, right. I'm Lily. Listen, when everything is completed, I hope you can look like this too. But looking at you now, I have no doubts that you will be beautiful...you're beautiful now." We hugged, and she welcomed me to the Gamma Delta Phi house. "Kendra told me about you, and I think it's great that you can openly be proud of, and show others who you really are. Anyway, I gotta run, I'll be back late, so don't worry when you hear me come in. One thing you will find out is, we do have a curfew, but as long as we act according to our credo, the officers of the house kinda look the other way now and then, if we're a little late. Well, settle in, and I'll cya later." She actually seemed to bounce out of the room. She closed the door, and I was left to my own devices.

I was very tired from the day's activities, so I got ready for bed. I went to the closet, and took out my rose baby doll. The shower was down the hall a bit, so I got my baby doll and went to take my shower. I lotioned and powdered down, and put on my baby doll, and got in to bed. I was sleeping very soundly, because I didn't hear Lily come in. When I woke up to my alarm, Lily was already coming out of the shower.

Lily was about the same height as me, and she had nice raven black hair, and fair skin, as well as pearly white teeth. She was native American, and was nice to get along with. Or so I was told.

"Hey girl, you were really out last night," Lily said as she continued to towel dry her hair.

"That was from all the activity I did yesterday. After you left, I was so tired, I just took a shower and went to bed."

"So what's your major?"

"Psych with Dr. Hinckle and Dr. McClellan. Dr. Hinckle is nice, but kinda old too." We both giggled. "I like Dr. McClellan tho, she seems very nice too."

"I can see we're going to get along just fine. By the way, that desk there is yours, and you already know we have one stupid closet in here. I was looking at your dresses, they're very pretty. I wish you wore the same size as me, then we could share. But at least this way we won't get our clothes mixed up with each other's either. I gotta get ready for class. I have three classes every day; two in morning, and one in the afternoon. Have you gone before the tribunal yet?

"No, Kendra said today. I have class today also, so I think I'll see the tribunal this evening, when everyone is here."

"Could be. I gotta run Jean, cya later."

I got my clothes for the day, and decided on my calf high boots that mother had gotten me, after we left the shoe store. I wonder sometimes if mother telling me she didn't agree with my decision, was just a put on, or not. Because she certainly was going out of her way to make sure I had the necessary clothes, and was happy. I could see it in her eyes, that I was able to pledge the house where she is a past president, and still well respected.

I put on my robe and slippers, and went to take my shower. I took my underthings, powder and lotion with me. As I washed, I thought about the last few days. Wednesday Kendra talked to me, Saturday I went to the open house, Sunday I went shopping with mother, and Monday we talked to Addie, and I moved into the Gamma Delta Phi house. Everything was moving fast, maybe a little too fast. Kendra said I would see the tribunal tonight, and they would ask me questions about how I could benefit Gamma Delta Phi. I wasn't worried about how to answer them, it's just I was physically a male, with a female soul. Would I run into any resistance from anyone on the tribunal? I met the pledge committee, but I didn't know if any of them were on the tribunal. Maybe, maybe not. But I was going to make them see that I belonged here. Besides, I was allowed to move in, and that means maybe I have been already accepted, and they just want to see me as a formality. Maybe.

I turned off the shower, and patted myself dry. I put on my lotion and powder, and then my underthings. Just as I was tying my robe around me, and gathering my things, another girl came in. She smiled at me, and went about her business. I left the bathroom, and went to my room to get dressed. I looked at the clothes I had picked out, and decided to change the skirt set for a dress, but I kept the calf high boots. After I was completely dressed, I made sure everything was straight and in order, and I left for class. I actually had four classes though. Two in the morning, and two in the afternoon, but my major was psychology, because I wanted to be a psychologist or even maybe a psychotherapist like Addie is. Either one.

I will not go into the lectures in my classes, because they are boring at best. What I will do is concentrate on my being able to pledge my mother's house. My classes are over by three o'clock, and the tribunal will meet at seven. I had until then to rest, so I set my alarm for six thirty, and fell asleep. When the alarm went off, I woke, cleared the sleep from my eyes, and went downstairs. I was immediately surrounded by all the girls of the sorority, and then I was called into the sitting room. There were three women sitting on the settee. When I came into the room, I was directed to please sit down.

"Welcome to Gamma Delta Phi, Jean. This is a tribunal to find out just why it is that you want to join our sorority, and how can you, and what will you do, to benefit the Gamma Delta Phi sorority. You can tell us in our own words, your own way.

"Well, one time I was going through my mother's closet, and I happened to find her yearbook from when she went here as a student. I saw her name in several pages, the debate club, various charities the college is involved in, as well as being a Gamma Delta Phi sister, and past president. When I asked her about this, she told me a lot of stories, and said those were the best years of her life. I started thinking how great it would be to not only be physically female, but to be able to be a member of the sorority my mother belongs to.

"What can I do to benefit Gamma Delta Phi? I can be helpful in educating. I am transgendered, and I will have a procedure that will make me look female, physically, until I can afford the actual surgeries. Because I am transgendered, and because there is little that is known about how each individual transsexual thinks, and feels, I can offer some insight as to how I feel, and think about certain things. This would be a learning experience for the entire sorority. I..."

"How do we know that you aren't just saying this to get into our sorority to have sex with the membership?"

"You don't know that, because you don't know me. Because of your question, I can also see you don't know anything about transgendered people. My being able to pledge Gamma Delta Phi will help you and the other members, see that we are just normal women, in abnormal circumstances. Such as this stupid body, and people judging us by what they see, instead of getting to know who we are in our souls."

"But we can get to know all about transgenderism through the library and classes. Why would we need you to educate us?"

"Because it is like in law school, or medical school, you can learn a lot from the books and lectures, but you don't really know it until you get in the field and practice what you've read and heard. This is going into the field so to speak, because I am a living being that can show you how really feminine male to female transsexuals really are. The procedure I talked about will make me look female in every aspect, and no one will know the difference except the doctor, and those in Gamma Delta Phi. Well, and of course my mother too, as well as Addie."

"All right, one other thing then. Will you ever act in a manner that is insulting or compromising to Gamma Delta Phi?"

"No. I would never disgrace Gamma Delta Phi, because that would also be disgracing my mother and the essence of womanhood as a whole. I have great respect for my gender, and I will do everything that I can to make sure I act appropriately."

"Saturday we are having a dance at the Sarah M. McKinely Arena. Do you have a formal or semi formal gown?"

"Yes I do."

"Good. Do you have a date for the dance? You cannot come unchaperoned."

"No I don't have a date yet, because I didn't know about the dance. But I can try to get one."

"Sister Jean, please stand and take the oath of Gamma Delta Phi."

She said the oath and I repeated it, and when we were finished, she said one more thing.

"Sister Jean, you are only a pledge for the next thirty days. You will be accepted and treated as any other girl here. If we see that you have kept your word, you will be a full sister, entitled to all of the priveleges of the sorority...however...if we find that you have in any way, acted contrary to our credo, or in any manner contrary to being a lady, both on and off campus, you will be terminated from here. Do you understand these rules, oath, and conditions?"

"Yes I do."

"You may go about your business then. There is one thing though. We do not have any secret handshake, or secret passwords, and we do not haze our pledges either. We are ladies, and we take that very seriously here. When your thirty days are over, and we see that you have been what you say you are, then you will be a full sister. Good night Jean. By the way, my name is Lydia, and you were already voted to pledge by the tribunal before you even came in here. But we had to be sure from your own words and conduct, if you were serious. Again, welcome to Gamma Delta Phi.

I left the room in a state of euphoria. I was accepted at my mother's house as a pledge. I was a lady, and will make sure I act like one. I like Gamma Delta Phi because they are not stuck up, they are not a clique, and they are not boorish either. It will be so good to finally be able to be me. But what lies ahead though? I have to find a date for the dance on Saturday. Very short notice, but women know how to get these things done in a hurry, if we have to.

I immediately thought about Paul. We have known each other since we were ten years old. I wonder if he would go to the dance with me. All I could do is ask, and all he could do is say yes or no. I called my old dorm room and told Paul I needed to see him at the commons. He said he would be right over. I had to call him, because my old dorm is now off limits to me, because ladies do not go unchaperoned into a men's dorm. I met Paul at the commons, and at first he didn't recognize me. I had to tap him on the shoulder before he could actually see me.

"J-Jean? Is that really you? I mean, please sit down." I smoothed my dress under me as he pushed the chair gently under me. "Wow, you're a fox in those clothes."

"Uhm okay, so are you over your shock now? I have something very important to ask you."

"Jean, we have been best friends since we were ten years old. What is it you need me to do?"

"Gamma Delta Phi is having a dance at the Sarah M. McKinley Arena on Saturday, and I need to have a date, because I can't go unchaperoned to a dance; it isn't lady like."

He took my hand in his, "I would be only too happy to accompany you to the dance, m'lady. Let us say around sixish?"

"Sixish it is. I'll be ready by sevenish." Where did that come from? I know women are supposed to make men wait a bit, but this just came right out.

"I will be there at six anyway, Jean. A lady as beautiful as you should take her time getting ready. The dance starts at eight if I'm not mistaken. Let me buy you a sundae."

"Oh, no sundae for me, Paul. Too many calories, but a soda would be nice."

He went to get the sodas, and I could see he was smiling all the time. There was something in the back of my mind, and I just had to ask Paul about it. I mean you can't know someone for eight years, and not know something about them. Paul came back with the sodas, and we sat there talking about old times, and then I just had to ask him what was bugging me.

"Paul, when we were children, did you notice anything about me then, that you would have thought strange for a ten year old?"

"You mean the way you always crossed your legs at the ankles, and held your hands in your lap when you sat down. Do you mean when you would put your hands at your ... well you know, like you were smooothing out a dress like you did when you sat down here? Do you mean the skipping, and the giggling, and just all in all acting like the girls? Nope! Didn't see a thing." We both giggled. "I did notice something else too. I thought that the girls you were with in high school, were girlfriends like a boy would have a girlfriend. But they were just friends, weren't they?"

"Yes Paul, they were. We did do things together, but they were just friends.

"Then what was all the talk about, when you talked to your mother about the girls?"

"I was just trying to get a woman's perspective on how girls act in certain situations with a guy. This way I will know how to act when I have a boyfriend, and what not to allow him to do."

When we were finished with our sodas, Paul walked me back to the house, and I let him hold me around my waist. It was such a secure feeling, and like I said, Paul lifted weights, and he was very strong. I wonder what would happen if anyone called him a sissy? I didn't dwell on it, because Paul was all man, and he wasn't accompanying a gay person anyway, but a real lady in an abnormal disguise. Mother nature, nice joke mommmmmm. But anyway, I was wondering if Paul would find some excuse to cancel, or back out. I have never had to go to a dance before with a guy. Saturday was a few days away, as this was Tuesday. Or is that, if this is Tuesday, then this must be Belgium? I giggled at the thought.

Anyway I needed to get ready, and I needed a few pointers on how. I needed to have my nails and hair done at the salon, I needed to have my gown just so, and I needed to make sure I had the proper makeup. Ohhhhhhhhh decisions, decisions. What to do. I have been accepted as a pledge at the prestigious Gamma Delta Phi, I have a chaperone to the dance on Saturday, and my mother just came to the door.

"M-mother, this is a surprise. What are you doing here?"

"I heard my daughter is going to a dance this Saturday. Do you have a proper chaperone?"

"Yes mother, Paul is taking me."

"Oh hi Paul. That is nice of you to take Jean to the dance. She has never been to a formal dance before, and she will need a lot of support."

"Don't worry, Mrs. McMillan. I'll make sure Jean has a nice time, and that she is safe. Jean I have something to ask you. When you told me you were pledging Gamma Delta, I thought you were joking. But when I saw you tonight, I knew you couldn't be anything but a lady. I may get a lot of ribbing for this, but I don't care. Jean, will you be my girlfriend?"

"If I say yes, Paul, you have to understand that I will do nothing to disgrace myself, my mother, or Gamma Delta Phi. There is certain conduct a lady must employ at all times, to be above board. I am a woman Paul, and one thing I don't need is a bad reputation. If I say yes, you will have to conduct yourself as a gentleman at all times when you are with me. You do understand that there can be no sexual activity involved between us, until after, if at all, that we are married. Is that agreeable?"

"Yes Jean, it is very agreeable. If you were gay I wouldn't bother asking, but you are a lady, and there will come a time when we will say I do, but until then, I just want to be your boyfriend, sort of like a pre-engagement."

"Paul, if I say yes, does that make me gay?"

"No silly. No girl looking like you would be called gay on the arm of a decent man. So, the question is, will you go steady with me?"

"Yes Paul, I will."

Paul had been my best friend since I was ten years old. There were things we did together, but not in a buddy buddy way though. What we did mostly was just hang around, go to movies, walk around the park, and he never complained in all the times we did the same things. He showed me how to hold a fishing pole one time, and the feel of his hands on mine made me feel very secure. His touch was electrified, and his smile contagious. Maybe we were destined to get to this part of going steady.

As time went on though, Paul took me here and everywhere else too. We went to the art museum, we went to concerts, we went to the beach, we dined out, and we went to dances. The dance coming up though, would be the very first time I ever danced with Paul, or any boy...uhm, man. But I was bound by an oath now to always be a lady, and that meant letting Paul make the plans as to where we would go. I didn't mind so much because I felt so secure knowing if we got into any trouble, his strong arms would be able to get us out of it, mostly. After I said yes to going steady with him, Paul took my hand and held it in his for a while, then he looked at me with eyes I had never seen before.

"Paul, are you all right? I've never seen you look at anyone like that before."

He smiled, "That's because you weren't here then. I just can't get over how beautiful you are. It's no wonder we never did anything boy like when we were little. It wasn't in you. I can see you now though, for the beautiful woman you are."

I felt the heat in my face that told me I was blushing. The compliment Paul just gave me warmed not only my face, but my heart as well.