Simon calls for a celebration, see why....

Easy As Falling Down A Well.
by wassername & cat.
part: yes.

Simon was awake and we had a fresh cuppa and some toast. It was only five, so it was too early to make dinner, not that I was sure who was going to cook what. Tea over, I did up the mixings for the breadmaker Stella had bought and set it in motion.

"Are you making us another delicious dinner?" asked Simon limping out to the kitchen.

"Do you want me to?" I asked, he pulled me to him and kissed me as his answer. "Is that a yes or a no?" I chuckled at him.

"Yes, I want you to make my dinner for the rest of our lives, except you turned me down. I was supposed to get fat and irascible as I got older, now it's just gonna be irascible."

"Glad you warned me, I was going to say yes, maybe I won't now."

"You were going to say yes to what?"

"Oh, I've forgotten the question now, ever since I got blonder, it's affected my brains. I think Stella must have used too much peroxide or something." I feigned an affected manner, brushing at my forehead with my wrist.

Simon grabbed me and pulling me closely to him again, said," I'd go down on one knee if I could but you'd need the fire brigade to get me up again."

I giggled partly at his joke and partly in embarrassment. I felt my colour rising.

"Cathy Watts, I love you. Will you marry me?" He looked me in the eye and I felt he was trying to hypnotise me into agreeing.

I looked back into his eyes, "Yes, but with conditions."

He eyes lit up then extinguished themselves, "What?"

"I obviously have to be eligible for marriage, which means surgery and legal reassignment."

"Of course, anything else."

"I somehow have to incorporate my father into a married life. Quite how, I'm not sure."

"Okay, that's something we obviously need to think about."

"I also want to complete my degree and have some sort of career. I don't want to be some stuffed bodice, having the WI around for drinky-poos."

Simon laughed, "Stuffed bodice, I like that."

"Well the female equivalent of a stuffed shirt, you know what I mean."

"I hope you don't think me a stuffed shirt, do you?" he looked quite hurt.

"No, course not, but I don't want any misunderstandings. If you're not happy for me to finish my degree and this project, then I can't marry you."

"Can't or won't?"

"Okay, won't."

"Okay, I accept your conditions and surrender immediately."

"What are you on about?"

"Conditional surrender. I'd put both arms up if I could," he said raising the good one up.

"You are silly," I said my lips brushing his for a moment. He kissed me lightly back, then I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him as passionately as I could, forcing my tongue in to his mouth and then nibling on his as he followed mine back.

"I thought it went very quiet in here," said Stella's voice from somewhere near the doorway.

"Get your best frocks on girls, we're going out to celebrate," said Simon triumphantly.

"Celebrate what?" asked Stella suspiciously.

"It's november," beamed Simon.

"Yeah, so?" retorted Stella.

"And this little minx has agreed to marry me." Simon had his arm around my waist and squeezed me. "We're engaged."

"Oh wow!" Shrieked Stella, she bent at the knees and jumped up in the air, "Oh wow bloody wow! She screeched, then threw herself at both of us and nearly crushed us with her hug. She kissed me on the cheek and then Simon. "I am really happy for you both, I really am."

Both she and I had tears running down our faces and Simon was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Inside my head was spinning, what had I just done, agreed to marry another man? Jesus, what was I doing? I had just become engaged to another man - I had to stop this now, before it got too complicated.

My stomach was spinning nearly as much as my head, I needed a loo. I managed to detach myself with some difficulty, then headed to the cloakroom. Shutting the door I knelt in front of the toilet and vomitted.

I tried to rationalise my situation: I was high after Stella's pep talk and look what happened. Okay, so I'm living as a female and believe myself to be one, but do I? If I did would I be so worried about accepting a proposal of marriage. Especially from an aristocrat. I stood up and then sat on the toilet, as I peed, I tried to accept what I had done.

That priest woman had hit the nail on the head, I'd accept an awful lot more if I accepted myself first. Well, that was absolutely true in this case, and probably many others, I was in fact a serial doubter. So what do I do now? What is Dad going to say, Christmas, he'll have another stroke!

Can I get out of it? I could but not without breaking Simon's heart, and I couldn't do that to him. I did love him so much. What about becoming Lady Catherine? I nearly laughed again. It was absurd, yet there was part of me which felt it could be used as a very big stick to hit back at those who sneered at me. Lady Catherine Cameron, the Lady Stanebury. It was an anachronism and well past its sell by date, but I had plenty of time to deal with that, if we got married. There was a lot of water to pass under the bridge yet.

I washed my hands, and went back to the kitchen. "I've booked us a table," beamed Simon.

"I hope it's not too posh, I don't have anything that smart with me."

"Stella said to go on up, she'll find you something."

I nodded and went upstairs, pausing to brush my teeth and remove some of the taste of sick. Stella came in to the room. "You are okay with this, aren't you?"

"Why shouldn't I be?" I bluffed.

"Happy fiancees, aren't usually throwing up after being proposed to."

"I just like to be different, that's all."

She walked up to me and put her arms on my shoulders, "Look Sis, I want you to be happy. If that includes marrying the little boy downstairs, fine. If it doesn't, don't let him railroad you into it, nor me. I love you too much for that."

"I know and thank you, sister," I mumbled back and her eyes sparkled.

"I've waited all my life for another girl to say that to me," she hugged me. "Even if you don't marry him, you'll always be my little sister, okay?"

"Okay, even if I am a man."

"Cathy, you never were a man, you simply didn't know you were a woman, or shall we say, didn't know how to let the world know you were a woman. Don't get all screwed up about marrying another man, or being engaged to one, because you aren't one, you're a woman and a very beautiful one."

She hugged me tightly and I wept for sadness and for joy. I was going to get married and my mother wasn't going to be there to see it. The hole, the void got bigger.