Cathy plays a googley and promises to love, honour and bake cakes....read on.

Easy As Falling Down A Hole.
by Sir Isaac Newton & Bonzi.
part:126.

I was getting myself packed to pop in and hopefully kiss and make up with Simon and then dash up to Bristol. The throb down below had practically eased off but I wondered if I needed to find something more comfortable.

I went onto the internet, most of the gaff type thingies look horrendous, mind you, you can even get one with pretend menses blood, how gross! That would have blown Simon's mind! Don't think I'll bother.

I wondered about a different sort of glue and after a bit of Googling found some silicon glue used for prosthetics, they also had latex adhesives. I looked on their list of suppliers and found one in Bristol near the BBC in Whiteladies Road. I phoned them and asked if they had the product and remover, you need a solvent. They did and the cost together was going to be under twenty five pounds. I would try a different sticker next time. For good measure, I also packed the superglue.

Arriving at Simon's ward, I could see he was busy with the physio, doing breathing exercises to help his injured sternum, I presumed. Anyway, I didn't scream at him because some young woman was running her hands all over his body, even though he was obviously enjoying some of it.

I apologised to the Ward Sister for my hystrionics the night before saying I had just started my period. She glared at me for a moment then smiled, giving me a knowing nod. I blushed, not only because it was embarrassing but also because I was lying yet again.

The physio finished with lover-boy and I strolled in, and almost before he could look up, I planted a very suggestive kiss on his lips. He stopped struggling very quickly.

"I'm sorry about last night, I don't know why I was so emotional."

"Time of the month, I expect."

"Yeah, probably," I agreed it was easier than brain storming for answers. "So am I forgiven?"

"What for?"

"Last night, shouting at you and storming off."

"Yeah, why?" He shrugged his shoulders and winced as the movement involved his chest muscles.

I began to wonder if Stella was right and should I commence puppy training? Instead I said, "Thank you, you are the sweetest man I know." Then proceeded to tongue wrestle with him. Once I won by two falls to a submission, I explained that I was on my way to Bristol.

"How is your dad?"

"I don't exactly know, I presume because they haven't called he's still alive, but otherwise, search me?"

"Okay, take all your clothes off."

"What?"

"Take all your clothes off."

" I will not."

"How am I gonna search you then?"

"Search me, what for?"

"You just asked me to."

"When?"

"Just now, when I asked about your dad, you said, 'search me', so I'm only doing what you asked me to do."

"You are as crazy as your sister."

"No I am not," he said firmly, "no one is as mad as Stella."

"I mean she keeps trying to marry me off to you. Only because she bought herself a new hat."

"I hope she succeeds."

"In what, finding the outfit to go with the hat?"

"No, in marrying us off, together."

"Sure you do. What did you say?"

"I hope she succeeds...."

"The bit after that."

"In marrying us off together."

"Does that perchance mean, to each other?"

"Yes, precisely that."

"You are as crazy as her. Wait here, I'm just going to ask them to section you."

He lay back and roared with laughter.

"I don't think this is funny. If it's just a tease it's rather cruel if it isn't, then it's probably ill conceived to the point of foolishness."

"It may be foolish, but it isn't a joke or game."

"I hope that wasn't a proposal."

"No, would you like one."

"No I do not. Please Simon, I am going to shout again. Look we agreed we would wait to make this a full relationship and we both know why. I accept my responsibility for that."

"You're not responsible for nature's short-comings."

"That's very kind of you Simon, but I'm happy to accept some responsibility for it. But until we have a full relationship and coincidentally, I am legally available too, if you take my meaning." He understood immediately about my legal status. "Then, if we are still compatible, or we think we are, then I would consider a proposal from you as serious."

"You should have been a lawyer, not only would you earn better money than those furry varmints get you, but you'd also be in your element, doing word games."

"I'm in my element when I'm outdoors in the countryside or on my bike."

"When is your birthday?" he asked.

"Why?"

"I wondered what star sign you were."

"I thought it was sun sign."

"Okay, friggin' sun sign, bloody Virgo I expect."

"No, I'm Sagittarius."

"Remind me not to let you near a bow and arrow."

"I have fired them, did archery for a bit in school."

"Any good?"

"I could have made the school team, the girls one."

"Oh!"

"But I could probably hit something the size of a man from thirty or forty metres." I was exaggerating a bit, couldn't hit a barn door from that distance but he didn't know it.

"I think I'll keep you away from bows and arrows."

"Yeah, putting a recurve bow together is quite good fun, can take your finger off if you get it wrong."

"I'll take your word for it."

"You should try it, quieter than guns, just as deadly. If those two poachers had been after us with bows, I suspect we'd both be on cold slabs now."

"Can we talk about something else?" asked Simon checking out his current injuries.

"Yeah course. Oh, Stella asked me to bring my bread machine when I come down on Saturday."

"Oh good-o," he smiled, "at least I won't starve then, soup and bread at weekends. Will you bake me some cakes as well."

"If you want me too." I could see myself spending the whole weekend in the kitchen.

"Oh yeah, brilliant. Can you do an almond slice?"

"I suppose so, it isn't that difficult if you have the ingredients."

"Can you bring them with you?"

"I suppose I could." Suddenly, this twenty something scion of the commodities section of his bank, was like a schoolboy. I felt more like his mother than his girlfriend.

"Doesn't Stella bake?"

"Not very often, well the odd sponge, and usually when she makes them they are odd."

"My first attempt cost about a thousand pounds."

"Wow!" his mouth dropped open.

"It caught fire and they had to redo part of the kitchen." He looked at me with astonishment, then the sides of his mouth wrinkled slightly and I started to laugh. He joined me, and we roared together. "When I took him the first cake in hospital, I had to reassure him I hadn't burnt the house down, before he would eat any." The tears were rolling down my cheeks, but this time with laughter. What a difference in a day.

We kissed and cuddled as best we could for a little while and I told him I had to go.

"You drive carefully."

"I always do."

"That's what Stella says."

"Compared to her Lewis Hamilton drives carefully."

"True, but that doesn't give you license to go bananas."

"I shall be a good girl Uncle Simon."

"Don't you Uncle Simon me, you minx. Go on, push off before I lose my temper."

"Not again, I only helped you find it the other day, bloody men. Which drawer do you usually keep it in?"

When he picked up his pee-pot and aimed it at me, I decided it was time to leave. I did.