Sweet Dreams-29...Oh Crap! WTF?

Sweet Dreams-29…Oh Crap! WTF?

Chapter 29

If your life flashes before your eyes I fucking protest. Who said Slipknot could produce the video for my life?

The Drive-By… with my Daddy…I was little and I was on my big wheel just going down the alley and Daddy was there watching my from the bar’s red fire door smoking and talking to these guys that’d come up and they’s like do this secret handshake and stuff.

~Huh…looks like a hand off, seems like Dad was a dealer.~

He was still a good Daddy...Dad as far as I can remember, took care of me and he would play with me and my Happy meal toys and I think that he loved animal crackers.

I remember shot glasses of apple juice with him or milk.

I remember him arguing with these mean looking black guys a lot.

I remember that one pulled a gun and aimed it at me and Mom? She looked so different back then…still like a stripper but healthy? She yanked me inside the bar and she covered me with her body.

I remember not being allowed to look but I ran upstairs anyway and saw Daddy beating the black guy so bad that he couldn’t get up and he took the gun and pointed it at his two friends and telling them to get the eff out of here and to never come back.

It was those two guys in the Black Pontiac with the shotgun…

I remember Daddy turning when we were coming back from the store and him seeing them…they swore…then two shiny black barrels side by side and the biggest boom I ever heard and Daddy dropped to his knees and covered me.

There was so much blood!

Like the blood in the eggs.

I ruined the eggs.

Cliff is going to freak and fucking beat me again.

Cliff…

The stepshit…

Stickpins and cigarette burns, holding my hands in scalding dish water, just out and out punches sometimes and kicks.

“Don’t bother he can wear your old shit, he’s a little fag.”

Fag.

Fag.

Me…

Alex…

Jen screaming and outing me.

Cliff… “Merry Jew-day here want a candy?”

No…it doesn’t taste like candy.

Too smooth, but I was just a little kid.

“Bite…”

“Bite…”

“Bite you little fucker!”

The slap up under my jaw, then one across my face…blood, mouthfuls and mouthfuls of blood.

Mom…

Drunk all the time.

Glass pipe in her mouth all the time.

Laughing, screaming, and swearing as she’s scratching holes in herself.

Her…hot wax, hugging me spooning me, holding me, cuddling with me.

Slamming my head into the floor, or the drywall.

How in the fuck am I still alive?

Maybe I’m better off this way…?

……………………………….”HUNTER!”

“Hunter! C’mon wake up! Come on!”

“Alex?”

“Yes, yes baby it’s me c’mon?”

“You’re real?”

“Yes I’m real, I’m real and I love you!”

“Here.” Stern demanding voice…. “Adam…”

“Dad…”

“Give her to me and shut up and drive.”

“Dad?”

“Now Alexander.”

I feel arms passing me to other arms and my eyes are all blurry and I hear Adam barking orders. He has me in his arms? “April! Take my car and meet us at the hospital!”

I’m trying to see but things are blurry.

I feel that I’m getting into the back seat and that we’re driving really fast.

“Ugh…I hate driving fast.”

“Shush…” Adam telling me to shush.

“I’m sorry…” I whine…”See…”

“See what?”

“You were right…”

“I’m not always right Hunter.”

“You were right about me…”

“I can’t be right about you; I don’t even know you yet.”

“But…but I’m not a girl……oooow!” I’m trying to cry, my body wants to cry but I’m all stuffy and all I can taste is blood and I start gagging.

He rolls me over and I’m horking my guts up in the back driver’s side foot place right behind Alex.

“Oh………God……..I’m sorry…I’m…sorry….”

I’m crying again and there’s more blood dripping into the puke.

“Faster Alex…run those lights.”

I’m almost seeing the accident that I’m imagining that we’re going to be getting into. I feel Adam leaning in beside me.

“You’re not dying…you got that? You’re not, you’ve been staying under my roof, you live under my roof and you have to follow my rules…and you’re not allowed to die. I not fucking finished with you yet.”

“But…but…I’m…I’m not worth it….” I’m sobbing and coughing and still bleeding…retching too….there was something that came out with the last cough through my nose ick, really ick and clotted looking.

There’s the car moving and the screech of tires then we’re stopped and I can hear Alex yelling for help…

Adam leans into me as he’s picking me up to carry me again.

“I don’t know why you came here to us; I don’t know how you do it but….”

(Sniffle-cough-ow.) “B...but?”

“But I’m not letting you go….you mean too much to this family.” He does this quick wipe of tears then scoops me up and carries me inside or rather to where they’ve got the stretcher and all these people in scrubs and stuff and these way too bright phlorescent lights and I’m being put on the stretcher and their running me to someplace and it gets all hectic, busy and dizzy.

They push both Alex and Adam out of the room with all these people. I get jabbed with a needle.

“C’mon Hunter don’t fight us?”

Fuck that they stuck me with a needle! Uncool!

I hit someone.

“Jesus that hurt get her restrained…”

People jump me and I’m back home and in my old school and I fight until another jab and they stay on me until I sag and can’t move…oh…oh..I haven’t felt this stoned in a long time and the way too bright lights get this rainbowy thing around their edges and the people coming in and out of the light are dark and shadowy.

“Shit! What the hell she’s bleeding again…?!”

“What the hell is that…get some more light here.”

“Is that glass? I can’t tell someone call plastics and radiology…lets get her calm and stable…what ever this is it’s digging in when she tenses and her blood pressure spikes.”

“Hunter…”

“Hunter…”

“Uhn…wa…”

“We’re going to take care of you…you’re going to be okay…just relax and breath.”

“Okay…are they okay?”

“I’ll go find out but you really, really need to relax kiddo it’s important.”

“Stress kills right doc?”

“Right now yes…especially for you. I’ll go and check on them but we’re going to have to move you around for tests and stuff.”

“Okay…my face hurts.”

“Yeah I imagine it does. I’ll see you soon.”

He left and the other people are doing the medical stuff that medical people do and after no sleep and this…I think that I actually fell asleep.



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