Part 5

Oh GEEZE, am I stuffed! Nurse Pat comes in with Dr. Cindy and they are smiling real big! They seem real happy and that makes me smile…

I watched as all three walked out of my room. They were all smiling and each looked at me with huge smiles on their faces as they left. Father Kowalski walked in then, he looked very serious, but he was smiling. He looked around, winked at me, and then untied my hand restraints. He untied my waist restraint as well, lifted me up, and held me in his arms.

He said.

“Angel, after all I’ve told you about Elohim, why do you believe He doesn’t want you?”

At first, I felt a little funny with the long straps from my wrist and waist restraints hanging off of me. I wish he would just remove them, but I guess this was better than nothin’.

I thought for a minute, and then said.

“Father, I know Elohim doesn’t want me. I never get an answer when I pray not even from Jesus! Dianna told me that God doesn’t want me because God sent me back when I died. If Elohim wanted me that was when I would have gone to Heaven, I was sent back because I was broke and couldn’t be fixed. I’m useless, even my daddy says so! Elohim doesn’t want useless kids like me, just as my daddy doesn’t want me. All I do is cost my family a lot of money and that keeps them from having the nice things they should have. My daddy works so hard and it’s my fault he can’t buy nice things for everybody else. Jimmy and Dianna really want nice things and they know it’s my fault they don’t have any. That’s why they hate me too. I make daddy feel bad, and I make Jimmy and Dianna feel bad. They feel bad because I’m still alive. If I were dead, everybody would be a lot happier.

“Father, I prayed again to Jesus this time, I prayed for Him to let me die and go to the kids dump. I don’t want to go to Hell. You know, at first I thought the hospital was as bad as Hell. They treated me like a baby girl and were mean to me all the time. How bad could Hell be compared to the hospital? Anyway, since they moved me here to this special room, I feel a lot better. They let me talk and treat me like a little boy. They listen to me and that makes me feel good.

“Father, my daddy is going to be super mad at me again. All this stuff and what they are doing for me here is costing him a lot of money. Money he doesn’t have to spend. If I die and go to the kids dump, then everybody will be happy including me!”

I notice that Father Kowalski has tears falling from his eyes. He isn’t crying as I do, but the tears are falling anyway.

He then asks me.

“Angel, what is the kids dump?”

I giggle and tell him how I came up with the kids dump.

I say.

“Oh, well you see if Elohim doesn’t want me I must not have a soul like all the real kids do. I don’t think I’m the only useless kid, so there must be a place for all of us useless kids to go to when we die. I figure that since we don’t have souls we can’t go to Heaven, so we can’t go to Hell either. There must be a place for useless kids to go to when they die. Here on earth, we have garbage dumps where all the useless things we have end up. It makes sense that Elohim made a huge dump for us useless kids to go. Once we turn back into dust, Elohim can make a useful kid out of us.”

Father Kowalski walked over to a chair and sat down, holding me firmly on his lap. He held me tight as I felt him shake a little and I watched as more tears flowed from his eyes. He just held me to him, hugging me tightly. This went on for a while until I said.

“Father, I’m sorry I’m making you cry. I make everybody cry, I’m just a useless little kid that never makes anyone happy. Even when I sing, people look happy until I finish singing, and then some people always get mad at me. I know I’m just a useless broken kid. I’m not a girl like everyone that sees me thinks I am. I’m not a little boy either the nurses told me that. They said I needed an operation to make me into the little girl that I am. That means I’m not a little boy and I’m not a little girl. My daddy is right I’m an IT. He calls me that too. I’m a useless IT, not a little boy, not a little girl, I’m just totally useless and I need to die, go to the dump, and then Elohim can make a good kid out of my dust.”

I hadn’t noticed, but Dr. Cindy, Nurse Pat, and Sister Ann were standing just inside the door listening to everything we both had said. Sister Ann and Nurse Pat were crying like Father Kowalski, but Dr. Cindy looked angry! She said.

“Pat, get Carol back in the bed and secured. Father, Sister, I want to see you both, NOW!”

Father Kowalski handed me to Nurse Pat and I hugged her tight as she carried me back to my bed. I said.

“Nurse Pat, I’m sorry I made you cry. I make everybody cry. Please don’t cry, I’m not worth anything to anyone, not even to Elohim, so don’t cry for me OK?”

It didn’t work! She just cried even harder as she said.

“OH GOD! How can you be so cruel, as to let an innocent child suffer so?”

To Be Continued…