Why Me! Or Others Know Best Part Twelve By Angel O’Hare

This is the continuing Story of Carol’s life. We find out more about Carol’s past and why she looks the way she does. Bill and Dianna visit with Dr. Cindy and he confesses his mistakes and guilt! Chris W.

Part 12

“Mr. Whitney, may I call you Bill? Thank you Bill, you can call me Cindy. Bill, frankly almost this entire episode and Carols attempt at suicide stems from your attitude. Your daughter Dianna, I mean Champ that is what you call her isn’t it Bill…

…Yes, well you’d better think twice about that now. She’s developing into a young woman and the boys she hangs out with have all ready noticed. They tried to get her to swim naked with them telling her if she wants to be a boy, then she’d have to swim as they were. She refused and luckily, her brother Jimmy was there to walk her home.

“Bill Jimmy, Dianna, and you have made Carol’s life a living hell while he is home. He’s all ready gone through enough pain and suffering, more I bet than you three have ever been through. I am very close to taking Carol away from your family. How you answer my questions and what you tell me might just change my mind for now.

“Tell me Bill, why do you tell others that your son is a useless IT?”

My daddy looks ill; I mean his face is pale, he’s all sweaty, his eyes are red and puffy, and he’s even shaking as if he’s cold. He answers.

“Cindy, I work sixteen hours a day, five days a week. Saturday if I’m lucky, I get to sleep late. With four kids in the house, that isn’t often. I have one day to spend with my family, Sunday. I’m exhausted, I’m beat, but I keep going so my family can at least have something.

“All the hours I work gives me plenty of overtime pay. All my fellow workmates know my family should be happy with lots of nice things to call their own with what I get paid each week. They don’t Cindy; they get a minimum of what they really need and nothing close to what I want them to have. The reason comes down to one thing, medical bills. I owe thousands of dollars and I’m making payments that they have decided I should make. As soon as I see a light at the end of the tunnel, Carol is in the hospital again getting care and treatments that are unbelievably expensive.

“To make matters worse Cindy, Carol will never grow up to be a man. Judy and I know this, the doctors told us this, all because of the experimental treatments we had to let them use to save his life. The only way I could afford his treatment and care was if we signed an agreement with the pharmaceutical company. They paid for all his medicine they used. This included female hormones, and they still include them in the medicines he gets today. They figured out that the reason he miraculously came back from the dead was because they were being used in conjunction with his other medications at the time.

“Carol when he reaches puberty will develop as a girl, not a boy. It doesn’t help that Carol is prettier than his sisters are. He looks like Judy did when she was a little girl. I get to save a little extra for the girls and Jimmie’s school clothes by having Carol wear his sister’s old clothes. I save a bit more by Champ, um, I mean Dianna wearing the cheaper work clothes she enjoys wearing. They last a lot longer as well. This helps me get them a little more on their birthdays, for Christmas, and covers little emergencies that crop up. This doesn’t allow my wife and me any room to maneuver or even to get things for ourselves. My wife wears the same things she’s worn for several years now. My eldest Patty is now becoming a woman and she needs nicer things because she’ll be dating and then getting married.

“How can I possibly pay for a wedding” I can’t, and I am just so frustrated it hurts. Carol will always need help, protection, and care. He’s going to remain small, pretty, delicate, and effeminate. He looks like an idiot when he’s in boys clothes, I mean people talk and say we are cruel parents for making our little girl wear boy’s clothes! They don’t believe Carol is a boy even after we tell them!

“Cindy, even the school would prefer it if we let Carol have long hair. They’ve made an exception for him based on how he looks and that he wears girl’s clothes to school. What he wears to school is not obvious girl’s clothing. You have to look close to tell. I’ve all ready had a talk with Jimmy and Ch-Dianna, about not teasing him or treating him badly, especially at school. I just found that out recently.

“Cindy, if Carol had been born a girl, we wouldn’t be sitting here now. He’d be the prettiest girl in school, dressed appropriately, have pretty hair and all the rest. Pretty girls get away with a lot more than the regular or the just ordinary girls. If Carol was a girl, his life would be so much better, but unfortunately, he isn’t.

“Dianna is my daughter and I love her very much. Unfortunately for her, she inherited my bone structure and takes after me. Carol inherited what she used to crave to have. A little girls dream shape and face. Dianna is a nice girl, it’s just she’ll never be a beauty. She’ll be a strong woman, a woman that can handle herself, and she won’t be a secretary or a homemaker. She’ll be a worker, a doer, and I pity the man who tries and gets in her way.

“Patty is the perfect homemaker. She loves taking care of the house, cooking, sewing, and all the rest. She likes looking pretty and dressing as femininely as possible. She was born to be a mother! You should see how she takes care of Carol. I’m very proud of her, but I’ve also hurt her horribly today. I blew my top today and I took it out on her and Carol. I’ve said things I shouldn’t have said and it has made me realize how bitter I have become. It isn’t Carol’s fault he’s sick. It isn’t his fault he was born to be so pretty.

“Cindy Jimmy is a typical boy that has less than any of the other boys. Thanks to me, he blames Carol for not having what all the other boys have. He has a little brother that’s more like a having a little sister. He and Dianna are the brothers really. Now that Dianna is growing and changing, Jimmy feels he’s losing the only brother he has ever had. He’s bitter about that. He can’t see Carol as his little brother, Carol can’t do any of the things little brothers usually do with their big brothers. Jimmy knows this and keeps his distance more than anything else. When I heard what he and Dianna were doing at school, I laid down the law. I can promise you they’ll never do anything like that again!

“Doctor Cindy, all I can do is beg you not to take Carol away from us. If you do, my family will be split up. My wife I love more than life itself will leave me. Patty will go with her and my family will suffer even more than they suffer now. Dianna could never be happy again knowing she would now be going to school and be the homemaker as well. Jimmy would just give up. I know him and when he feels he doesn’t have a chance at accomplishing something, he just gives up trying.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, hard thinking Cindy. I just realized how much Carol does to for our family. I just realized he even does it all with a smile and a giggle. Patty made me think about it and I did. Dianna has told me on several occasions, as has Jimmy that Carol was doing the work they were supposed to do before they could have went with me fishing. I just didn’t stop to realize any of this until recently. I just heard Carol’s name mentioned and I saw debt and harder times for the winter. They’d listen as I blamed everything on Carol, and that’s entirely my fault.

“Cindy I promise I’ll change my attitude towards Carol. I’ll do better. I’ll sit down with him, explain it all, and hope he can forgive me. I doubt I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for what I have done to my child.”

Daddy started crying then, real tears, real sobs, and right from his heart! Dr. Cindy believed him. This was no act and she had the experience to spot an act when she saw one. She said.

“Bill I believe you. I have a bit of good news for you as well. Carol isn’t your son Bill she’s your daughter. Carol has gone through hell and the chemicals she has received so young has changed her body and possibly her brain as well. The doses the doctors have used were in amounts not even a naturally born woman has in her lifetime. The fact that Carol had breasts at the age of three is testimony enough. I doubt very much if her male appendages will ever function normally.

“She’s a very beautiful child Bill. All she thinks about is others and how they feel. She’s a very special child and with an outlook on life, few grownups have no matter a child so young. Love her Bill, all she wants is your love and your smile. She’ll do anything to get them, even if it meant killing herself, and she almost succeeded in doing that to make you and everyone else happy again.

“Go home Bill, take Dianna with you, and prepare for your new daughters homecoming. One bit of warning Bill before you go. If I ever hear anyone of your family abusing Carol in any way, I’ll remove her from your custody and have the law on you so fast you won’t know what hit you. I recommend you have a nice talk with your son Jimmy and explain things. He has a new little sister he’ll have to help protect at school and in the neighborhood. If you think it will help I’ll have a chat with him. Just call my office and leave me a message.

She stood and shook my daddy’s hand and wished him the best and told him to do his best. Daddy, still with tears falling from his eyes promised he would.

Daddy and Dianna had a great chat while they drove home. They were both actually excited Carol was now a baby sister and daughter! They both felt this would make a huge difference and Dianna surprised daddy by telling him she had some neat stuff she knew her baby sister would love to have and wear. Things were looking better!

Mommy, Patty and Auntie Harriett were sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea. They were all cried out and were now trying to make plans on what and how to accomplish things if they went either way.

Jimmy was upstairs feeling guilty, and quietly crying. He had lots of time to think and that’s what he was doing. He looked at things as his mommy asked him to do a hundred times, but never even tried before this. He looked at things from the other persons view. He tried to look at things through Carol’s eyes and now he was crying he felt so guilty!

He saw Carol looking at him with tears in his eyes as he teased his little brother in front of the other school kids. He saw Dianna pointing out the girl’s clothing and shoes Carol had on to the other kids. They started calling Carol Sissy, girly-boy, little Nancy boy, and all the rest. He saw himself smirking as Carol tried to run inside to the classroom to get away. Jimmy felt Carol’s pain and family betrayal for the very first time and it hurt! It hurt so much Jimmy couldn’t hold back anymore and began to cry hard, very hard as he hollered out loud.

“I’m sorry Carol, I’m so sorry!”

Mommy ran upstairs and saw Jimmy rolled up in a ball sobbing in great gasps and heaves. She sat next to him and he stuttered out how guilty and sorry he was. Patty and Auntie Harriett snuck upstairs quietly and peeked seeing them both locked in a tight hug, both crying, with my mommy saying it would be all right, Carol would forgive him. All he’d have to do is ask.

Patty added her hug and asked Jimmy if he meant it and Jimmy related at how he had looked through Carol’s eyes and how guilty and hurt it made him feel. He promised to do everything he could to make things better and that’s when the phone rang.

Auntie Harriett, mommy, Patty, Sister Anne, and Father Kowalski were wanted at Dr. Cindy’s office as soon as they could make it. Daddy and Dianna returned home a few minutes later. After a brief, but very surprising chat with them both, the three of them left.

Sister Anne and Father Kowalski had been talking for hours. They had to get Carol too stop thinking that Carol wasn’t wanted by God or allowed into Heaven. If any child on the planet deserved to get to heaven, it was Carol! When Dr. Cindy’s office called, they were on the way there immediately.

They were all gathered in the conference room since there were six people counting Dr. Cindy. The women had their tea, and Father Kowalski had his coffee as Dr. Cindy stood and said.

“I didn’t think this was possible, but after talking with Bill and Dianna, I can safely let Carol return home. Judy, is there anything you can add to make me feel even better about my decision?”

This is the continuing Story of Carol’s life. She is going to live as a full time girl now, “with the help from the rest of her family.” Chris W.

Part 13

“I didn’t think this was possible, but after talking with Bill and Dianna, I can safely let Carol return home. Judy, is there anything you can add to make me feel even better about my decision?”

Mommy related what had happened with Jimmy and Dr. Cindy was feeling better about her decision. She then told them all, that Carol was now a girl and it had been Carol’s decision to do so. Dr. Cindy added that with the results of all the testing and with her going over all of Carol’s past medical records that she was certain that Carol was indeed a girl and possibly even had a girl’s brain. She outlined how she came up with this diagnosis and that with parental permission she could even get Carol the necessary surgery to complete the process.

Sister Anne and Father Kowalski offered to have Carol enrolled at St. Joseph school so that Carol could get a fresh start and not have any further problems at the public school she was now enrolled.

Mommy regretted that we couldn’t afford the tuition and Father Kowalski said not to worry, that Carol had paid all the tuition for a lifetime just by being Carol. He chuckled and said. Little Angel’s get a free pass at St. Joseph.

Everyone agreed that this would be a great idea and Carol would love to be closer to them both, especially to Sister Anne. Dr. Cindy told them what had transpired with Dianna and Bill. Mommy and Patty were overwhelmed with joy. Auntie Harriett had tears in her eyes, her favorite of favorite niece could finally be happy.

Yes, Harriett always believed Carol to be a girl and even tried to make things easier on Carol whenever he was at her house. She did Mommy’s hair and Patty’s too. She would do mine and let it get longer and longer with each visit. She’d add curls so it stayed off of my shirt collar, so I wouldn’t get in trouble at school. Then the school said I could have longer hair even though I was a boy and she made my hair less curly, but the boys at school sure picked on me then! The girls kept teasing me and telling me I could wear dresses to school now.

The big problem was when I went potty at school. The boys would push me back out and tell me to use the girl’s bathroom. I was scared, but I had to go so I did use the girls. They didn’t tease me so much and they didn’t push me out. I have to sit to pee anyway, and my teacher just smiled when she saw me coming out of the girl’s bathroom. I just began using the girls potty ever since.

Anyway, I had a bunch of visitors the next morning! My whole family showed up with Auntie Harriett, Sister Anne, and Father Kowalski too! They were all smiling and Dianna even had a present for me! She gave me a hug and a kiss and handed me this little box. It had earrings in it that matched my necklace. She said.

“Little sisters need things from their big sisters; I don’t wear earrings, and since you’re my little sister now, I want you to have these, I won them at the church carnival. Hey, I like your necklace and they match!”

We hugged, kissed, and cried happy tears.

They did match, but I didn’t have pierced ears. I asked.

“How do you wear these?”

Dianna said.

“You need to get your ears pierced silly.”

Auntie Harriett jumped in and said.

“I think I can do that when I do your hair and make you look even prettier than you are now, If that’s even possible. I have to give you a perm you know Carol. You have a very important new place to go to and I want my niece to look perfect.”

I had to ask.

“What new place Auntie?”

Father Kowalski and Sister Anne handed me two presents. Sister Anne’s present was in a big box and Father Kowalski’s was in a big envelope.

I opened the envelope and mommy read it for me. I was going to go to St. Joseph school! I was official and everything! I hugged Father Kowalski and gave him a big smootch on his cheek. That’s what he calls kisses, smootches. He’s Polish and they use a lot of funny words for things sometimes.

I un-wrapped the big box and it had a pretty blouse, a tie, a skirt, socks, pretty-shiny black shoes, and even a pair of big girl panties! Daddy walked over to me and handed me a big box too! I was so surprised, daddy giving me a present? He said.

“Kitten, (he never called me that before) I’ve been a bad daddy to you and I’m sorry Honey. I promise to be the best daddy you have ever known from now on if you’ll forgive me.”

I jumped up, hugged him, and started crying I was so happy! I said.

“Daddy, I’ve been praying, and praying, and praying to my special angel so you’d love me and you do! I Love you daddy!”

We just cried and cried happy cries. I don’t think anyone there had dry eyes. I calmed down and opened daddy’s present to me and it was a pretty white and pink petticoat! I gave him another hug and a kiss and my big brother Jimmy walked up and handed me another big box! I was stunned again! He said.

“Carol, I’ve been a poopy big brother and I’m real sorry. I promise to be a real good big brother from now on if you can forgive me.”

We hugged and cried happy tears, this is the bestest day of my life! I opened the box and I find a very pretty dress! It’s beautiful, white with pink lace with yellow flowers and pretty-pink bows embroidered all over it! I gave him another hug and a big smootch on his cheek, he turned red as a fire truck, and everybody laughed.

Patty was next and she gave me a smaller box. More kisses, hugs, and tears of joy. I opened the box and it was a pretty-pair of shiny pink Mary Jane Shoes! They even had yellow flowers on them.

I’m so happy my heart hurts! I’m very tired too, but I hide it and smile. We talked about me coming home, and everyone is so happy and we all have red eyes from crying happy tears. Even Nurse Pat and Dr. Cindy were crying with us!

Everyone left leaving me so happy, just Nurse Pat and Dr. Cindy stayed. I had to talk to Dr. Cindy and we did. Father Kowalski before he left told me we had important things to talk about tomorrow. He also said.

“Little Angel, you can tell Nurse Pat and Dr. Cindy about your special angel, but no one else okay?”

I was so happy I could tell them! I gave Father Kowalski more hugs and smootches as he laughed, set me down, waved as he left.

Dr, Cindy said.

“Carol your parents gave us permission to do a little fixing and soon you’ll be a real little girl. No more IT, and no more in between. How would that make you feel Honey?”

“You mean I can be somebody for real Dr. Cindy? I can be a real little girl and be a real somebody?”

Nurse Pat was really crying happy tears now!

Dr. Cindy said.

“Yes Sweetheart, you are all ready somebody real Honey, but I know what you mean. You’ll be an official little girl and officially going to St. Joseph School as little girl Carol.”

I asked.

“Do you wann’a hears about my special angel now? I cant’s wait to tell you!”

They both laughed, sat on my bed with me and Nurse Pat asked.

“Angel, you want to cuddle as you tell us?”

I crawled onto her lap, kissed her as we snuggled and said.

“It was strange because when it happened I hurt all overs, it was really hards to breathe, but mommy was there and I remember everything and can’t forgets nothings about it. I thinks my special angel helps me do that. Um, I remembers…

“My mommy held my hands in hers and I can remembers feeling her hot tears fall on my hands. I looked up at her and smiled because all of a sudden the pain that hurts me so bads was gone and I saw a very bright light that warmed me up and mades me feel real happy. Yupper, my mommy loves me all right. Then I saw a beautiful glowing mans with long shiny blonde hair. The funny thing was he had wings! He was very pretty, but he was strong and I could see the muscles on his arms and he had broad shoulders and he carried a thick heavy book covered in shiny gold. He stood right next to me and spoke singing his words to me. He said

‘Hello little angel, you have suffered much, but it is not yet your time to join us. You are much needed yet here and your mothers and others love for you will help you. Cling to them and help them with all your strength. There is one other thing you must do you must help your father, Sister Dianna, and your Brother Jimmy. That will be very hard for you to do and you must do this without seeking reward. You must give from your heart and let that be your guide little angel. Give, but do not look to receive and you will succeed where many have failed.’

“He smiled as a tear fell from his eye and softly landed on my cheek as he touched my head softly and then he, the bright light, and the music were gone.

“I’ve seen my special angel in church! There’s a statue of him in the corner. He must be an important angel because they have a statue of him. I didn’t know his name because he didn’t tell me, but the statue says his name is Michael. The statue even has his book, but it isn’t covered in shiny gold on the statue. Do you think my special angel is happy now? I think my daddy, my sister Dianna, and my brother Jimmy are happy now. I wonder if that’s whats my special angel meanted when he saids that to me.

“You sees Dr. Cindy, the peoples that loves me have helpted me and I didn’t asks for nothings, nothings at all, just like my special angel askded of me to do. After you fix me, and I’m a real girl, maybe I can have a soul! Do you think my special angel can give me a soul when I am a real girl Dr. Cindy?”

To Be Continued….