This is a story of a child most nobody wanted! Not his Father, nor siblings. A child that in all rights, should have died at birth. The only thing that kept him alive was his Mother's love, the friendship of his sister Patty, and the love from the Sisters at his school and church. Most of you will not like this story because it contains humiliation, diapers(but not in a sexual way), and yes the reference to God our creator and Jesus our Savior. Most of you won't like this story because it makes you uncomfortable. But when I read it, all I can say is: “There but for the grace of god go I.” And then I cry with a sadness in my heart, for the way we as human beings treat everything that we don't or will not understand because it does, make us uncomfortable.
ChrisW

Part 1

It all began years ago when I became seriously ill. I was six years old and came down with the mumps and measles at the same time thanks to my older brother and two sisters. My older brother Jimmy was ten years old at the time and he had the mumps. My older sister Patty was twelve and she, along with my other sister Diana who was eight had the measles. All three were home and recovering nicely, complaining and getting waited on hand and foot by my mother. Julia Whitney was my mom’s name. She was thirty years old then. My father named Bill Whitney Jr. was thirty-two and worked two full time jobs. We never saw him on weekdays and he got to sleep late on Saturday. Sunday was family day and everything was planned around that day.

My mom did not work outside the home as many do today. She was a stay at home mom who took care of everything. My dad was the only breadwinner, which meant long hours away from home. He was up, out of the house by the time we kids were up, and he got home after we were in bed all asleep or pretending to be.

The eldest child, my sister Patty, was so cool. We were friends more than siblings were. Funny how that was, but it really came to pass after my hospitalization. My brother was my dad’s pride and joy, and was the perfect son. My sister Dianna was also a favorite because she was the biggest and toughest Tomboy you ever met! My dad loved her very much. He loved my sister Patty because she was his first-born. That left me, my dad’s greatest disappointment. My name is Carol Frances Whitney, and I had the sad misfortune to inherit my mother’s looks and temperament. Unlike my mother though, I did not have her strength. My dad had a name for me that he used often, but he only used it when he thought I was not in earshot, and my nickname was. “Useless,” yes I was the useless one and most my families problems always seemed to be my fault in some way.

It goes like this, my sister Patty was usually put in charge of my care and watching me. My brother was in charge of the man work and chores. My sister Dianna helped my brother with his chores because she hated the women’s work. You would always find them together doing the big brother and little brother stuff. My dad always took the two of them whenever he went anywhere, especially fishing and hunting. My dad called my sister Dianna ‘Champ’ instead of ‘D’ like my brother called her.

I was a momma’s boy because that is all that was left for me to be. I learned to do all of the girl’s chores and skills because that is all that my mother and sister knew to teach me. At least I could help and that made me feel good anyway. I would always volunteer to do extra stuff around the house so my sisters and brother could go out and play or just give them more free time. I did this so maybe they would like me more, but my sister Patty was the only one to appreciate what I did. Of course, my mother loved it and me. One other reason was I could stay inside and be safe.

My father was very strict with the money and all I ever got in the way of clothes were my sister’s hand-me-downs. My brother’s clothes were huge on me, my father refused to spend his hard-earned money on the useless one. I remember having to wear pink jeans and girls shorts and tops while playing outside. Some of the clothes looked okay like the regular blue jeans, but they were still girls. You could always tell if you looked close. The worst time was while I was in the house. When it rained or when I was doing my chores my mommy had me wear the dresses and skirts. She said by wearing them I was making my other outside clothes last longer. It was only when I went out to play or was doing the rare outside chores as with helping her hang out the wash or beating the rugs I got to wear the pants and blouses. Sometimes I got to wear shorts, but they were always the pink ones or the ones with the girly emblems or lace on them. The only times I got to wear the clothes that looked something like boys would wear was when we went shopping or visiting. Bedtime was a bad time for me as well. I only had one pair of pajamas, they were pink, and had yellow flowers printed on them. The buttons were shaped like flowers! The only other nightwear I had were these short tops and matching panty sets. Winter meant flannel nightgowns. Slippers were the fuzzy kind and they were in matching colors to my sleepwear. My favorite time was Christmas because some of our relatives bought me boy clothes! Not enough to wear everyday, but enough so when we went to church or to family functions I could at least look like a boy, sort-of that is.

Just picture this will you, a six-year-old boy going to school and trying to make friends wearing his sister’s clothes. Not the real girly stuff, but girl’s clothes and everyone knew it! Even my shoes and sneakers were girls! I never wore skirts or dresses to school thank God, but even so, I was picked on and bullied by every boy at school and even some of the girls. Luckily, for me my teacher, Miss Bailey protected me from getting picked on and beat up while I was actually at school. It was on my way to and from school where all the problems happened.

My brother Jimmy and sister Dianna went to my school, but they were the worst ones of all! They actually made things worse for me by encouraging the other kids to tease and torment me. My brother would call me his baby sister, and my sister Dianna would always call me a sissy! She would also point out my clothes and shoes to all the kids.

Being six years old and pretty dumb about things I heard my siblings holler out, as they lay sick in bed one day. My mom was outside hanging a load of washing on the line and did not hear them. I went up and asked what they wanted, first going into my sister’s room and then to my brothers. They wanted fresh ice water, so I gathered up their glasses and holding them close to my body. Just then, my mom came in and saw me, but it was too late, the damage had already been done. I had infected my self with both the mumps and the measles! I had been protected from them previously because my bedroom was a converted walk in closet. It was actually my mommy’s sewing room. My mom always kept me out of my sibling’s rooms before that fateful moment. Not only that, Jimmy and Dianna would have killed me if I ever went in their rooms! Patty would take me in there sometimes, but it was only safe if I was with her and Dianna would always complain to her if she caught us.

That same night I came down with a fever. The next morning I was in the doctor’s office and then whisked straight to the hospital. I was in very bad shape and getting worse by the minute. To make matters worse I had to be in isolation and that meant I had to be alone all the time. Only the nurses could come in that room. One window I could look out of was right behind the nurse’s station. You had to go through two doors to get into my room. The first door always had to be closed before the nurses came into the room. They would stop in the little room before the second door and put on long cloth nurses gowns with long sleeves, cloth masks, gloves, and cloth booties over their shoes.

The nurses were trained for this and they trusted nobody else back then. Too many chances of what they called cross-contamination. To make things worse I could have no visitors! The most my mom could do was look through a window and wave or mouth words I couldn’t hear. She only visited me three times, once a month for the first three months I was there. I ended up being hospitalized for six months! I was at the mercy of these nurses with no one else to support me. I was a very sad, and sometimes a very mad little boy.

My problems began before I arrived. PAIN! Oh, what pain I was in! My whole body hurt and I was burning up with fever. What did they do? The nurses stripped me naked and put me in a tub of freezing cold water! I screamed. I was given a shot and soon all was well. The pain vanished and I felt silly. Then more pain as they inserted metal needles in both my arms. No plastic ones back then, so they also tied both my hands and arms on splints and then to the bed so I would not move my arms. That was all I could remember for a while. I guess I was out of it for a few days.

When I woke up, I was hurting again. I was stiff and my arms hurt from being held motionless for a long time. I had a tube in my nose and it was hooked up to a glass bottle with brown liquid in it. Oh did my nose and throat hurt! I remember being very thirsty and soaked to the bone with sweat. I tried to move my legs, but they would not move. My ankles had been tied down as well. I tried to sit up and could not even do that! They had put a vest on me that held me fast to the bed. All I could do was move my head, wiggle my fingers, toes, and bottom! I was very frightened and so I cried. I looked around the room, and all I could see was those bottles. One was dripping the brown junk through my nose and into my tummy. The other two were dripping clear liquid into my arms.

Through the pain, I felt something weird. It felt like a cold wet cloth was wrapped around my bottom and thingy. I wiggled my bottom and that is when I smelled it. Yuck! It smelled and felt as if I had poop all over my bottom and thingy! I realized I was diapered and I had pooped and peed in them. I looked out the window and saw the back of two nurses ´ heads. They were busy talking to another nurse standing in front of them. She saw me looking at her and told the other nurses. All three stood looking in the window at me and waved. I was crying and one of the nurses held up one finger and then she disappeared from my view. The other two nurses were mouthing words at me and their faces showed the ‘you poor baby’ look.

It wasn’t long and a nurse came in wearing all that stuff which scared me. The first words I heard were.

“It smells like our baby needs a change. Don’t cry Princess, I will get some help and you will feel more comfortable soon, okay?”

With that said, she motioned to the window and another nurse disappeared from my view. She had called me Princess! My reaction to that would soon make matters worse for me. I looked her in eyes made my mad as hell face and shouted.

“I am not a princess, I am a boy, and my name is Carol!”

I guess she wasn’t ready for that because her eyes narrowed and she tensed up. All I could see were her eyes, but I could sense the frown and could see her tense up as she marched purposely towards me. She leaned over the raised bed rail and got real close to my face.

She whispered in a very stern voice.

“I come in hear to help you, and instead of a thank you I get back talk. No child ever talked to me in that manner! I think Princess is an appropriate name for a child that was admitted to my care wearing a girls pink baby doll nightie and who has a girl’s name!”

Oh lordy, my mommy brought me here wearing one of those! I became very frightened and said I was sorry. I also said in a very soft voice that I was a little boy and I had to wear my sister’s clothes because my daddy wouldn’t buy me any boy clothes. I also told her that Carol was a boy’s name as well as a girl’s name.

The other nurse came in just as the first one told me that the way my name was spelled is as a girl would spell it not as a boy would. She added my middle name is also spelled in the feminine way. The second nurse asked the first nurse what was going on. The way she described what happened, I knew I was in trouble and I cried even harder.

Both nurses started talking to me like all was forgiven, and they used baby talk from then on. They cooed to me as they pulled down the blanket and sheet and then untied each of my ankles. That is when I saw that I was wearing a girl’s hospital gown! It was pink with little baby dolls printed all over it. I was still sobbing as I asked them how come I had girls stuff on.

The first nurse said.

“Carol Honey, when you were first admitted as I told you before, you were wearing a baby doll and our supervisor knowing you were going into isolation saw this and ordered little girls things to be set up in your isolation room. Now, since this is an isolation room and you are here, nothing can be removed or exchanged. This keeps anyone else from catching what you have. The items here when they are used or soiled are sent to a special laundry and to a special kitchen. They are then returned here for your use and no others. One other thing you should know is when your mommy informed us you were a boy we explained the mix-up about the girls items and she told us you probably would be more comfortable wearing those since you always wore girls clothing at home. By the way, my name is Karen and this is Beth, we work the morning shift. You will also meet Laura and Carolyn who work the late night shift. Rose and Brenda work the afternoon shift.”

What, my mommy said that, Oh No!

Karen and Beth started cooing to me again as they removed the pink rubber pants that covered the diapers. Rubber pants they said could be boiled unlike the newer plastic kind, Oh geeze! The smell was awful as they unpinned the diapers and peeled them down away from my thingy. Beth held my ankles lifting my bottom up and off of the bed as Karen used the wet and soiled diapers to clean most of the mess off of me. She left the diapers folded over still under me as she took one washcloth after another from a basin of warm soapy water and cleaned me up real good. Beth would hold me higher or spread my legs wider as Karen washed me.

While Karen was washing me, Beth looked at her and said.

“No wonder they gave him a girls name at birth. At first glance, you would swear he was a girl. That is the smallest penis I have seen yet. The scrotum is so tight and empty it looks like a little cunny.”

They both giggled and agreed with my mommy’s choice of names and the girl’s clothes I wore at home. They even said I was too pretty to be a boy and with a little operation, I could be the pretty-little girl I appeared to be. They both agreed I was pretty as an angel and that is what they called me from then on, “Angel.”

Karen gathered up the soiled stuff, dropping it into a white metal pail with a lid that opened and closed with her foot. She then took off her gloves and dropped them into a red colored pail. She washed her hands real good at the sink. She went to a cabinet and took out a package she opened and put on another pair of rubber gloves and returned to my bed pushing a cloth-covered cart.

Beth at the same time was untying my gown one tie at each shoulder. She untied my vest and pulled the vest and gown away from my body. I was now naked, but still tied at the arms and wrists to the bed. She dropped these in the pail as well. I was chilled and had goose bumps all over me as I began to shiver. She looked between my legs and said.

“You must be cold Angel, your little pee-wee just went into hiding.”

Karen looked and they both giggled. Sure enough, my thingy popped inside of me as it always did when I got cold. It just showed a tiny bit when I was warm. I never thought about it before now. I remembered my mommy making me always sit down to pee while my brother and daddy always stood up to pee. I was starting to feel less like a boy, and that made me real sad.

Karen removed the cloth cover off of the cart, and I saw a bunch of baby stuff on it. There were powders, creams, diaper pins, and a few things I had never seen before. She took out a new gown, vest restraint, some diapers, and another pair of pink rubber pants. She laid out five diapers, folding one in thirds. Beth lifted my ankles again as Karen slipped the diapers under my bottom. She then took a tube of cream and squeezed a big bunch of it onto the fingertips of her right hand. Beth held my bottom in the air and spread my legs as Karen spread this stuff all over me, she even smooshed it into where my thingy disappeared. She kept spreading it around until her fingers had no more cream on them. My bottom, between my legs, and even my hips were covered with this stuff. The baby powder she sprinkled was a lot! Beth let my legs and bottom down, keeping my legs spread as Karen pulled up the diapers and pinned them real tight. Then she put on the rubber pants and pulled them up and over the diapers as Beth lifted my legs and bottom again. Before they put a new gown and vest back on me, another person entered the room. It was my doctor.

Doctor Maggie Perkins, our family doctor. Well my mommy’s and my sister’s doctor as well as mine. My daddy and brother went to a different doctor. She greeted the nurses and they said.

“Hello.”

Karen and Beth rattled off a bunch of medical stuff to her, and then Dr. Perkins asked a few questions. Her eyes narrowed looking at me as Karen related my reaction to her calling me princess and everything else.

I was not a happy little boy at all. It hurt to talk, so I just thought in my head instead. I learned real fast how to hide my facial expressions, because the nurses and my doctor seemed to know what I was thinking by them. I had not learned that yet though as Dr. Perkins examined me and rattled orders off to the nurses. It was then I noticed the telephone on the wall next to the inside door. Karen called somebody and talked to them as Dr. Perkins and Beth dressed me in the stupid pink gown and this time it had little girl ballerinas all over it.

She said.

“Well my little spotted chipmunk, how would you like me to remove that nasty tube from your nose and tummy?”

I nodded as she continued.

“After I remove it I want you to try and drink something for me, okay?”

I nodded again as I was dying of thirst by then.

“Karen and Beth will untie your arms and hold them tightly, don’t you dare try to move them Punkin, because if you do you will rip deep cuts in your arms and bleed real bad okay?”

I nodded and was scared!

Just then, the phone rang and Karen went to the door as a nurse handed Karen a few things through the doorway. All I saw was her hands and arms as she was in that little room and only handed the stuff through a partially opened door.

Karen came over and set the cloth wrapped packages on my bed. She opened one that held a bottle with a sprayer and some cloth in a tray. She opened another and it held a funny banana shaped bowl and a sippy-cup. You know the kind, a cup with a screw on lid, with a little spout with four holes you sucked the drink out from. To my surprise, there was also a baby bottle complete with a rubber nipple. My facial expression must have shown my feelings seeing those items because all three of them giggled at me. Karen and Beth untied my arms and held them tightly so I could not move them.

Dr. Perkins said.

“Punkin, we will try the sippy-cup first, and if you can handle that we will not need the bottle, but if you can’t you will need to drink very slowly from the bottle okay?”
I just nodded wearing a frown, which must have looked funny to them with my swollen cheeks and neck from the mumps and my spotted face from the measles. They really laughed then!

Dr. Perkins removed something from the cart and put it around my neck, it was a large bib! Well, it looked large to me. Dr. Perkins removed the spray bottle and a few small cloths. Dr. Perkins told me to open wide as she sprayed that stuff in my mouth. It tasted horrid and made my mouth go numb. I started drooling like a baby shortly after she used the spray. She wiped my mouth with one of the cloths, and chuckled, as did the nurses. She then removed the tape from my nose, which hurt when she started pulling the tube out. She held the tube with another cloth as she pulled it all the way out, and placed it and the cloths in the tray. She then raised the bed so I was in a half sitting up position and filled the sippy-cup and bottle with a yellow liquid. She held it to my lips and slowly lifted it as I drank greedily. In just a couple of seconds, it all came up. The banana shaped bowl caught most of it and the bib got the rest. It was apple juice, and I wanted it so bad! She then wiped my mouth and chins with the bib, and brought the bottle to my lips.

She said.

“Punkin, use your lips and not your teeth to squeeze the nipple. Suck very slowly and only take a little juice at a time. Swallow and then continue taking only small sips.”

That is what I did, and this time I kept it down. I was drooling so much I was glad I had the bib. Dr. Perkins nodded to the nurses and removed the bottle from my mouth. Beth went to the foot of my bed as Dr. Perkins held my arm and splint that Beth had been holding. Beth lowered my bed almost flat, but not all the way flat as Karen and Dr. Perkins re-tied my arms and the splints to the bed once more. Beth fed me the bottle and it was then I felt a sting, first in one shoulder and then the next. Two needle shots that burned as the fluid went in and kept burning for a few minutes afterwards.

I finished the bottle, and then Beth washed and dried my face. The bib was removed and shortly after, as they were talking I fell asleep.

To Be Continued...