Easy As Falling Off A Bike.
by Angharad.
part one hundred and a dozen.

I seemed to be spending more time in hospitals than Stella, who was paid for the privilege. Whilst the time spent with my father was a drag, no pun intended, staying with Simon was nearly over before it began.

I hugged him and kissed him and we talked, he nodded off, I nodded off and we hugged some more. They did blood pressures and temperatures, they checked dressings and gave him medication. They even gave him a meal while I was there, and me a cuppa.

I helped him feed himself, cutting up his food was difficult with one arm in plaster and the other bandaged, where the shot had penetrated his Barbour coat. It was quite a recommendation for the coat that so little had damaged him.

He couldn't remember much about it, except he was digging for batteries in my bag when everything went black. I began to realise that my Lowe bag was probably rubbish and the paper which had been floating about was bits of my data book. It had saved his life by protecting his chest, I could be at an undertakers now, paying my respects rather than sitting and joking with this man.

While I was there a policeman called by to take his statement. I left them for a few minutes, then he did mine as well. Afterwards, I asked him about the two men they were questioning.

"Are they the ones who shot at us?"

"Could be, they had shotguns. Forensics will tell us for certain."

"Do you know why they shot at us?"

"They said they shot at a deer."

"In which case, why didn't they come over to check?"

"They said they heard voices and ran off."

"Poachers?"

"Yes, they didn't have permission to shoot there."

"I should hope not, it's a nature reserve."

"Is it? I didn't know that."

"It actually says so although it isn't widely publicised otherwise we would have more visitors which can be a pain, especially when you have kids climbing up to see what's in the next boxes."

"And what's in them?"

"Birds, bats, dormice, occasionally other things."

"Like what?"

" I found a grass snake in one once?"

"What? A grass snake?"

"Yeah, frightened the proverbial out of me until I realised what it was."

"I know they can swim, didn't think they could climb."

"Neither did I. Made a nice anecdotal report in the Mammal Society's annual report."

The copper smiled. "I can't believe that a pretty girl like you goes out there on her own at night."

"Seems the only time I have trouble is when I have an escort." That was a conversation killer and we all reflected on it for a moment. Then I had a thought, "The shooters said they thought they shot at a deer?"

"So they said," he shook his head.

"If they saw the reflection of Simon's image intensifier, which can look greenish, they might consider they had a deer or other animal in their sights."

"Why do deer have green eyes then?"

"I don't know, but badgers do when you shine a light on them."

"Right, I'll try and speak to the officer in charge. See if that was mentioned."

"I mean if they meant to shoot us, why didn't they come and finish us off?"

"Yeah, we wondered that, maybe they just chickened when they recognised the enormity of what they were doing."

"I think thay should ban all guns, except for police and military."

"What about farmers and vets?" offered Simon.

"Maybe. But long sentences for anyone else caught in possession of one." I said showing my prejudice.

"I don't think they're that easy to ban. We've had a handgun ban for several years now and there are as many if not more around than ever."

"Can't think why anyone needs a gun, plus in the States research shows that if you carry a gun you are much more likely to be shot, than if you are unarmed." I was now on my hobbyhorse.

"Same goes for knives, kids who carry 'em are more likely to be stabbed." My police friend was definitely on my side, but then he'd probably had to deal with guns and knives, he was wearing one of those anti-knife waistcoat thingies.

The three of us chatted a bit longer until his radio went off and he took his leave rather rapidly.

"So you think they thought I was a deer, eh?" Simon said to me, his eyes sparkling.

"I think you're a dear," I said and kissed him, "Let's face it, you're far too big to be a pheasant."

"Me a peasant! Huh! I've never been so insulted in my life," his tone of mock indignation made me giggle.

"Stick around Simon, I'm sure I can top that some day."

"You horrible woman, I can't think what I see in you."

"No neither can I, anyway lover, it's nearly eight and I have to run off to be unfaithful to you."

"With whom, anyone I know?"

"I can't comment on that, then you'd have grounds to divorce me."

"Okay, I'll have my butler follow you and take photos."

"Compromising ones?" I asked.

"No, polaroid." He tried to keep a straight face but the pressure told and he laughed then groaned as it hurt his damaged chest and ribs.

I gave him a sexy kiss, and presented him with his paper, then the magazine and finally with a flourish, the bottle.

"Wow Cathy, beats Stella's grapes."

I kissed him again and said goodnight.

"Give my love to Professor Agnew," he called after me.

"Arggh, my secret is out." I said in mock horror.

"What, that you offered sex for a distinction?" he joked.

"Hush, don't tell everyone, they'll all want one."

A little later I related this conversation to Prof Agnew, who replied, "For a distinction? If I were you, I'd hold out for a doctorate. Someone as pretty as you would probably get one."

I blushed as red as the stuffed tomato I was eating, "Why does everyone think I'm pretty, I mean how can I be?"

"Why can't you be?" he asked quietly.

"Because I used to be a boy."

"Only on paper Cathy, you were a pretty boy with delicate features. Now you are a very striking young woman, who many would describe, and I include myself in that number, as beautiful."

"Somebody doesn't think so."

"What do you mean?" he asked looking puzzled.

I told him about the letters and my attempt to photograph the writer. His face changed to one of anger.

"Have you told the police about this?"

"Not yet."

"Why not, poison pen letters are a criminal offence?"

"I hoped it would die a death."

"But who would do such a thing?"

"I don't know. I'd almost prefer them to voice their disagreement, at least then I know who I have to convince they are wrong. Besides, everyone is entitiled to their own opinion, even if it is wrong."

"Have you met much dissent?"

"A little."

"Let me know who they are, I'll point out the university's policy on diversity and difference, and it's response to harassment or bullying."

"I haven't found it a problem yet, if it becomes one, I'll let you know. On the whole I'm prepared for the odd dissenter, provided they keep it verbal."

"No one has to suffer verbal abuse, it's a criminal offence."

"I haven't so far, just a disagreement over toilets."

"Oh jeez, who was that?"

"It doesn't matter, it's resolved itself."

"If you have a problem, let me know. I think the only time it was an issue before, the University Council decided that anyone changing their role full time, should be enabled to use the toilets of their new gender. If anyone found that a problem, the complainer was advised to use another toilet."

"Bit of a double whammy," I said in astonishment.

"Serves them right. After all, what can you see from a cubicle?"

I nodded at his observation.

"Right, what are you having for a main course?"

"I'm quite full already Professor, can I just wait until the dessert and I'll have something then?"

"Watching that lovely figure?"

"Not especially, I'm just not very hungry." In reality, while I enjoyed his company, all I wanted to do was to go home and sleep for a whole day.

"You look tired," he said as if picking up on my thoughts.

"Bit too much excitement, I guess."

"I didn't think my dinners were that exciting," he said winking at me. I knew then it was going to be a long evening.