Easy As Falling Off A Bike.
by Angharad.
part 84 (That's like 7 dozen!).

Stella and I sat and talked a little longer although much of it was about my family. Stella wanted to know all sorts of things about my parents and I could only answer so much of it because I didn't know the answers.

"Why all the interest in my family?" I asked.

"Well if you're in the running to become my new sister in law, I like to know these things."

I was on the hard stuff, chewing the ice cube that came in my still water. I nearly swallowed it whole. "Christ Stella, you nearly killed me then!" I was red faced and coughing. She simply laughed with a twinkle in her eye. "I think you might also be jumping the gun a little."

"Merely preparing myself, should the eventuality occur."

"You sound like 'Linda' in 'The Archers'( a radio soap which has been running for about fifty years, nearly as long as this story! Linda is a character who is a frightful snob and verbose)."

"Who, moi?" she said aping the character and we both laughed. "I haven't listened to it for ages."

"Nor have I, until I got the mean machine, caught it on the way to the hospital and again this evening."

"Anything happened?"

"Don't be silly, it's 'The Archers' apart from murder, robbery, rape, horse-slashing, drug taking and visits by the Royal Family, nothing ever happens in Ambridge." This led to another round of laughter which attracted the attention of two young men I hadn't noticed before.

"Look out, we have company, play it straight and see what happens."

"What do you mean Stella?"

"Just follow my lead, okay?"

"I'll try."

"Good evening ladies, mind if we join you?" Before we could answer, the two men sat themselves at our table.

"Can we get you a drink?" asked the second man.

"Oh thanks, I'll have a spritsa and my friend is drinking diet water." I could have murdered Stella.

" Diet water, you on the wagon or something?"

"She's in training, British Olympic Team and it's low calorie water." Stella took the smirk off his face.

In between worrying about what she was going to say next, I also tried not to laugh at her joke about the water. Plain water has zero calories, but I thought I must remember that one and ask for it again.

"Really? I'm impressed, what discipline?"

"Cycling, she's in the road race team. That's right isn't it Rachel?"

Who the hell is Rachel, unless she means Rachel Heal? I do not like where this is going. I decline to answer.

"So you'll know Nicole Cooke?"

I knew Nicole Cooke, in like I read about her in Cycling Weekly on a regular basis. Knowing her as an acquaintance, that was something else. "Stop teasing them Stella. I cycle but not well enough to be in that league."

"Pity, I was going to ask you to get her autograph for me. So you cycle do you?"

"A bit."

"What sort?"

"Road, why?"

"I do off-roading, got an FS Marin."

"I've got a Scott."

"Carbon?"

"Yes, it's in getting the wheels sorted, had a bit of a prang."

"Shame, I could have borrowed a bike and come out with you sometime."

"Not unless you're willing to ride it to Bristol," Stella seemed to enjoy stirring things up.

"Well I have been known to travel a few miles to get a ride," he winked to his companion.

"I'll bet you have," remarked my companion," and it wasn't on a bike."

"Oh it was once, what was her name Dan, the office bike?"

"Rosalind or Rosamund, something like that."

I was fast going off these two predators, although Stella seemed in no hurry to withdraw from the jousting.

He went to the bar and came back with a glass of water for me and a white wine and soda for Stella, the two men had a pint of lager each.

"They didn't have any diet water, only Perrier, will that do." I nodded and thanked him and Stella tapped my ankle under the table as she coughed. "So what do you lovelies do for a living?"

"As little as possible," offered Stella, which I knew to be a lie.

"I can't believe that," said our questioner.

"Okay, you win, we work in the GUM clinic, treating STDs, don't we Sally?"

It took me a moment to work out what she was talking about, Genito-Urinary Medicine and Sexually Transmitted Diseases. I nodded, it was better than giving away any real info.

"You nurses then?"

"Yep, I hold 'em down while Sally shoots 'em full of penicillin."

"Do they still use penicillin?"

"Yeah, for Syph 'n clap, why do you want us to put you down for a couple of shots?"

"I don't think so, but thanks for the offer."

"Sally also does a nice line in freezing off genital warts, don't yer gal?"

I nodded, moved my hand and went, "Pssssssssst," and smiled. They both winced.

"Ah good old liquid nitrogen," said Stella beaming.

"Doesn't it hurt?" asked one of our would be suitors.

"I haven't felt a thing yet," I said smirking and Stella nearly cracked up.

"What's that other one that seems to be rampant at the moment?"

"Chlamydia?" offered Stella.

"That's the one, can that affect men?" asked one of the boys.

"Sure can, can cause urethritis and affect fertility according to the latest research."

I had seen something about that in New Scientist or something similar proving I do read more than the Dormouse Times, so I felt able to contribute to the conversation. "It can and it can also affect any baby you might father, they can go blind."

"I wasn't thinking that far ahead," said the boy winking at me.

"I was, that's why I'm leaving," I said and stood up, "You coming Sam?" I threw at Stella or shall I see you at work tomorrow?"

She took a swig of her drink and stood up, "No, I'm coming with you."

The men shrugged and made way for us."Shall we reserve some penicillin for you?" asked Stella as we walked past them.

"Where do you inject it?"

"Where it makes your eyes water," she smiled and we left.

"You don't inject it there, do you?" I asked as we got out to the cars.

"What, in the buttock?"

"I thought you meant, in the you know where?"

"Some of them probably deserve it, but not usually."

I don't know why I felt happier with that reassurance, being a virgin it didn't really matter anyway.

"Come back for a coffee if you want."

"I don't think I'd better," I replied, I felt quite tired and if Simon was there, it would be awkward.

"He won't be there, leastways I'm not expecting him."

"No, I have a few things to do, so I'd better go and do them. I have an exam to prepare for."

"I thought you'd finished."

"They do an interview on your dissertation, checking any mistakes you made and looking for depth of understanding, possibly your grading as well."

"I thought master's degrees were pass or fail?"

"Or distinction."

"Oh, bright spark are we?"

"Not expecting one."

"What did you get for your bachelor's?"

"A pass."

"Oh you silly girl, I know that! I'll bet you got a first."

"Does it matter, what I got?" I blushed.

"You did, didn't you?"

"I'm not going to tell you," I blushed profusely.

"You don't need to, I know. Did you know Simon got one as well?"

"No I didn't." I was genuinely pleased for him.

"Yeah, he did PPE at UCL."

"A first from London eh, clever clogs eh?"

"I'm quite proud of my big brother."

"So he's pretty clued up in Politics and Philosophy is he?"

"I don't know, but the Economics came in handy in his line of work."

"I'll bet they did. I have to go." I said prompting a hug and a kiss from Stella.

"Keep in touch and let me know how the interview goes."

"Okay, I will." I drove back to my room, knowing a little more about Simon, but nothing very much that answered the mystery about him. Was he gay or something? Did he have some horrible disease, or was he impotent? Did he go trainspotting? Or take drugs or gamble...the list was endless and it was making my head ache. I would just have to wait until I found out, assuming he came back to me with more than the cold shoulder.

I put the security bar on my room when I got home, and after a cuppa went to bed. I had all sorts of weird dreams, from hauntings to giving injections to the two men who'd tried to chat us up.

I awoke early the next morning and thought about a quick bike ride. The thought of what it would feel like with my glued gonads and a racing saddle came to naught when I discovered it was raining heavily. However, I also discovered that if I took the wheels off, the bike would just about fit in the boot of my car. I wondered if mine would do the same, then recalled that my dad had a bike rack at one time, I wondered if he still had it. I would search when I went back.

I showered and breakfasted, not at the same time as it tends to make the toast soggy. Then dressed wearing the outfit I'd worn to the bank the day before. Near the biology department is quite a big firm of solicitors, I called in there before going to see Prof Agnew.

"Can I help?" asked the girl on reception.

"I need someone to witness a statutory declaration," I informed her.

"Take a seat, I'll see who I can find for you."

Some five or ten minutes later a dumpy but attractive young woman appeared and was pointed at me. "You have a stat dec to do?"

"Yes," I said standing and blushing at the same time, I knew I'd master multi-tasking eventually. She led me into small interview room and not more than ten minutes later and five pounds poorer, I left with a piece of paper declaring my name was now officially Cathy and I renounced my previous name of Charles. I could now start the ball rolling in officially changing my identity.