Easy As Falling Off A Bike.
by Angharad.
part 75 (that's like three quarters of a hundred! gulp).

I was so rapt in my thoughts that I didn't notice that I had washed everything twice, oh well I suppose it was cleaner than ever. My conversation with Stella had really got me confused. I had set my mind on coming as clean as the dishes, but now she made me think again. Then there was my father, what was I going to do about him?

A million years ago, if I'd known he was going to accept me as I really was, I might have been prepared to play housekeeper for him. Instead it took circumstances to force him to do it, like my mother's death. If that hadn't happened there might still have been radio silence from Bristol.

I poured myself a glass of wine and sat in the dark in my parent's lounge, my head spinning with all the possibilities and all the conflict of what I wanted to do versus what others wanted me to do.

I drank the wine and decided I'd have another. I rose to go to the kitchen when I saw my mobile phone. I remembered I'd not thanked Simon for the flowers, I poured some more wine and picked up the mobile.

'Sry 2 hear re car.
Thx 4 flwrs - luvly.
Luv. C xxx.'

I pressed send and the little sign came up to show it had gone. I sat down with my wine and sipped it slowly. It wasn't helping me decide what to do, but it might help me sleep.

I was jerked from my reverie by the phone ringing. I picked up my mobile but the ringing continued, "Silly cow!" I said to myself as I trotted to the hall and the landline phone.

"Hello?"

"Hiya Gorgeous, glad you like the flowers."

"Yes thanks, they are beautiful." I felt my heart rate quicken when I heard Simon's voice. It was pounding in my ears, worse than if I'd ridden up onto the Downs.

"Sorry I didn't make it, they needed me to go into the office, someone had boobed and I had to sort it out. Stella tell you my car died again?"

"Yes, do you need this one back?"

"What? Be seen in that thing, no way!"

"She is lovely Simon, how can you say that?"

"It's a girly car. I was going to give it to Stella but it may survive longer with you."

"She's a Mercedes."

"So what, they break down as well you know?"

"Don't say that Simon, I haven't got a clue about cars." I almost felt as if he was jinxing me.

"Oh it's AA or RAC covered for breakdown, it's all in the glove box somewhere."

"I'll check tomorrow." I would too, I was terrified of cars breaking down because I was helpless. Bikes I could fix, cars were alien territory.

"I've got a Saab at the minute, goes like a train, may decide to keep it and ditch the Volvo."

"You seem to like Scandinavian cars, this one should go faster isn't made by jet aircraft manufacturers?"

"Not anymore, it's General Motors, nothing to do with Saab aircraft, hasn't been for years. But then Volvo is Ford, so I'm not too worried." He paused for a moment and I heard him swallow.

"What are you drinking?" I asked him.

"A bottle of beer, you're not supposed to hear that."

"Why? I was drinking a glass of wine before you rang."

"Had you finished?"

"No, I hadn't."

"Well go and get it, I won't ring off."

"No, it's okay."

"No it isn't go and get it, and make sure it's a full glass."

"You trying to get me drunk or something?"

"Probably or something, go on, go and get it!"

Reluctantly I put down the phone and took my nearly empty glass to the kitchen where I filled it with more wine. At this rate I would be tipsy.
I tottered back to the phone in the hall, I should have taken off my boots but I'd got so used to them.

"Hi, I'm back and feeling a little woozy."

"Good, serves you right."

"Why, what have I done?" It seemed wine gave me amnesia as well.

"Nearly gave me heart failure, that's what! Remember?"

I felt myself blushing so hot there seemed to be a real danger of me melting the phone which was against my head. I felt a tear well up in my eyes and a moment later it rolled down my cheek, I sniffed.

"What's the matter, have you got a cold?"

I shook my head, which is really useful on the phone.

"You still there Cathy?"

"Mmm," I sniffed.

"Are you crying?"

"Nnn nnn," I lied sniffing again.

"Yes you are, there's salt water coming from the phone, nearly went in my beer."

I snorted at this and laughed.

"That's better. I like to hear you laugh."

"I don't deserve to," I replied sniffing some more. I wiped my eyes with my fingers and rubbed mascara over half my face.

"Why ever not? This sounds serious Cathy. Look Stella told me a bit about your past, you have nothing to feel guilty about."

I shook my head again, how could I go on deceiving him like this? At the same time how could I know for sure that we were going to get serious enough to warrant me telling him? Stella's argument made some sense, I just didn't like lying to him. He was becoming too important to me. Shit! Why did I let this happen? More importantly, how did I let this happen? In two weeks or so my life hadn't just changed, my whole universe had changed completely, my Milky Way had gone from skimmed to full cream, homogenised!

"You there, Cathy?"

"Yes," I answered very weakly.

"Stella mentioned she thought you couldn't have children, is that what all this is about?"

Geez Stella, why didn't you just tell him the whole truth? "Some of it." I was aware that I was speaking in a cross between a whine and a whimper.

"It's okay, honestly. I mean I don't know if I wanted kids or not anyway, so it's okay, besides we could always adopt or whatever."

I know he was trying to cheer me up, but it was having the reverse effect, I was feeling worse. "I have to go."

"Cathy wait, how is your dad?"

"Much the same."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"I don't think so, but thanks."

"I'm getting really fond of you girl...."

"I have to go, night." I interrupted and put the phone down, I drank the wine down quickly and went to bed. I tossed and turned for an hour or so before the alcohol took effect and I zonked.