More cycling up hills (get fit by reading!) and a surprise phone call, read on and see what it all means.
Easy As Falling Off A Bike.
by Angharad
part 48 (geez that's four dozen!)
Despite the distraction provided by Annie and her chatter, my lungs and legs were struggling. I wasn't quite seeing a red haze, but I knew that I couldn't go much farther. She however, looked much less distressed and relatively fresh. According to the dissenters, biological males have an advantage over females in sports because they have larger lungs and hearts. I didn't feel very advantaged, males usually have bigger bodies which is why they have bigger hearts et cetera. My body was the same size as Stella's, well near enough - we were the same dress size.
Maybe Annie was just fitter than I was, I suspect she was lighter and if she turned sideways, you could hardly see her. So maybe this was all about weight? Nah, muscle is heavier than fat, but it also pushes pedals which as far as I know fat doesn't do. I did have one advantage, I had bigger tits than her, so if we'd been running I could have 'breasted the tape' from further out than her, except she'd be half a mile ahead of me.
I managed a smile as these silly thoughts went through my head, and amazingly we were at the top of the hill and there was the van purveying cat food burgers and powdered ice cream. My legs were all twitchy and jellified, so much so that I could hardly get my foot off the pedal. I nearly ran into the van with the combination of this pedal problem and pulling on the brakes. I stopped inches away.
"You're keen aren't you?" joked Annie, who had dismounted and was walking across the car park pushing her bike. I looked at her bike, it was a Specialized, I nearly bought one myself except I got a better offer for the Scott. It was prettier than Scottie, but I can't afford another bike.
"What do you want to drink?" called Annie standing in front of the van's serving hatch.
"What have they got?" I replied, having managed to get one foot free I was still struggling with the other while standing on one leg. I felt very foolish.
She called out a list of drinks ranging from fizzy ones to plain water. I opted for Ribena, a blackcurrant drink, and a favourite from childhood. We sat and drank, although the way I was sweating, it felt as if the drink was running straight out of me.
The view over Portsmouth and the English Channel beyond was lovely, the sun was beginning to sink in the west and the way it lit things up was incredible. "It's worth all that effort just for the view, isn't it?" asked Annie.
"Definitely," I said when I had enough breath back to speak.
"Ever thought about doing triathlons?"
"Who me?" I squeaked, "You are joking I hope?"
"Why, the other disciplines help with building strength and improve your fitness, which ultimately improves your cycling."
"If I start doing that, Nicole Cooke will retire immediately." I managed to say this with a straight face.
"She doesn't do triathlons." Annie looked puzzled.
"No but if I get better, she may lose her number one spot."
"Oh, oh yes, very funny." She laughed and I wondered why I bothered.
"So do you race?" she asked me after a few moments pause.
"What for, I know how bad I am, I don't need to confirm it officially?"
"Well you managed one of the steepest hills in the area?"
"Yeah, at about 3mph. I saw some shirts on a US website with the logo "Hill Slug," I would have bought one except they were expensive."
"Charlotte Hill-Slug, with a hyphen, sounds terribly posh," she said and roared with laughter. I had a chuckle too.
"Come on then, better get going before the light fades." So saying, Annie stood up and grabbed her bike. I stood up on wobbly legs and with difficulty picked up my bike. "Some aerobics or yoga would help with your stiffness," she suggested almost leaping onto her bike. I thought a hot bath would be far more enjoyable.
It isn't a straight descent, the road zig zags in places before it reaches the lower ridge and goes level for a while. Annie knew the road better than I did and set off at a pace. I remember once reading somewhere that pedalling while going down hill was a boy thing, girls tend to free-wheel. I hate to question the authenticity of that statement because Annie was pedalling like a demon and I was free-wheeling and I was still going too fast for comfort.
If I say that I was going fast enough for the broken white lines down the middle of the road to become a blur, I think you might get an appreciation of how fast I was going and Annie was going faster still. She began to brake going into the first bend, I heard the squeak of her brakes. I reached forward to pull my brakes and the gap was too large, I couldn't get enough pressure. I was still accelerating.
On the first bend, I flew past Annie and only just made it around the corner, a car coming the other way blew his horn at me and swore, I don't know why, I was at least three inches from him.
However, it was the car going down the hill that beeped the loudest, when I overtook him, I was doing over fifty miles an hour at this point and my heart was pounding - with fear. I could reach the brake levers but not pull them hard enough to have much effect. If only I had adjusted them earlier.
My guardian angel must have been on duty because, I stayed on the bike and managed to avoid anything else on the road. On the level stretch it slowed down enough for me to eventually stop it. I almost fell off as I disentangled my feet from the pedals and dismounted. I felt quite ill.
Annie arrived some short time later, "Wow Charlie, that was some ride!"
"I couldn't reach the fucking brakes!" I said and sat down trembling.
"What, I thought that was deliberate, you showing me how to ride down hills."
"I have never been so frightened in my life," I said, clutching my knees to stop them shaking. It wasn't necessarily true, Stella's driving possibly had the edge in the fear stakes.
"Can't you adjust them?"
"I'm going to when I can stop my hands shaking." I also began to wish I hadn't had more to drink, or my bladder did.
We talked in a stilted way for ten or so minutes and I felt less shaky. I played with the adjustments on the brakes and they now worked. The rest of the ride home would be hopefully less scary.
We stopped at a lay-by with toilets, back on the main road, taking it in turns to use the ladies loo, the other watching the bikes. 'Relieved' didn't quite adequately describe the feeling I had.
We parted soon after, and I went home my legs still a bit shaky. This became noticeable as I climbed back up the stairs to my room, dreading the idea of confronting the two clowns who shared my floor. Thankfully, it didn't happen.
I nodded off after my shower and jumped when the phone rang. "Hello?" I said with that vagueness you have when newly awakened.
"Is that you Charlie?"
"Dad, I have nothing more to say to you."
"Don't hang up, son." He was pleading with me.
"My name isn't Charlie any more and I'm not your son, I'm your daughter."
"What is your name now then, Charlotte I suppose?"
"No it isn't." I paused, wondering if it was a good idea to tell him in case he wanted to cause trouble, but he knew where I lived and it could backfire on him anyway. Publicity would reflect on him and he wouldn't like that, nor would his churchy mates.
"So are you going to tell me?"
"Do you really want to know?" I asked almost a hint of sarcasm in my tone.
"Yes, you're still my so..child." He spluttered his way out of his error.
"It's Catherine," I answered hesitantly, for some reason I wasn't entirely happy that he knew this, as if it gave him some power over me.
"Pretty name, suits you."
I almost fell off my perch! What did he say? Geez, the lying bastard!
"What do you want Dad, I'm trying to write my dissertation?" I could lie as well as him, I'd been practising.
"I wanted to apologise Char..Cathy."
"I don't know if I believe you." Part of me wanted to cry and part of me felt as hard as flint.
"Can we get together and talk things over, at least give me a chance."
"Father, the last time we spoke you beat the shit out of me. You want me to give you the chance to do that again?"
"I'm sorry, I was angry."
"You were angry, is that some sort of excuse? You nearly fucking killed me!"
"There is no need to swear at me."
"Dad, you just don't get it, do you? You can do whatever you want, however psychopathic, and that's okay. I swear because I am upset with you, and you take umbrage. What's the point of us meeting, we have nothing in common?"
Then he played his trump card, he began to cry on the phone and I cried too. I wanted to kill the bastard and yet I also couldn't bear to see him in pain. Jesus fucking Christ, I felt so screwed!
"Cathy, you are all I have in the world now your mother's gone. I need you," he sobbed, "I need you, please don't abandon me."
Comments
Wow, what a trump card
Bur can Cathy trust her dad in a face to face?
As much as she might hate the idea, this might be a place to ask Simon to come with her, if she goes at all. If not Simon, maybe Kevin? There's nothing wrong with a girl wanting a protector going into an unknown scary confrontation.
Holly
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Holly
Abandon Him!
Oh, please do abandon him, Cathy! You know what it is if you "take him back," don't you? It's Battered Woman's Syndrome is what it is!
Oh, Angharad! Why do you keep doing this to us? One twist after another!
Don't stop, please?
(*giggle*)
When a door is closed, somewhere a window opens.
The idea that Cathy take someone like Simon along is a good one but not the best move if something like this happened in real life. Cathy's Daddy has had quite a shock and while that may be something that would allow him to bridge the gap with his new daughter, Itis not likely. The better idea for someone in real life confronting this is to make a group apointment at a TG friendly therapist to facilitate this meeting in a theraputic manner. The Therapist can be the transgendered person's ace because it's difficult to have a level head in a situation like this and for there to be real communication it cant down grade into a shouting match or else be so polite that no information is actually transmitted.
Most likely, daddy will refuse the meeting under those condtitions so Cathy wont have to even show up or deal with him at all until the time is better on down the line.
All my hopes,
Sasha
All my hopes
Ariel Montine Strickland
Gheez...
You had me laughing so hard, going downhill, I nearly peed. Then you pull on the brakes like mad possessed, and choke me up with Daddies turn. Talk about your emotional roller coaster.
Gawd girl, isn't there anything sacred anymore?
Love it though :)
Now, what about Dad huh...? I, for one, couldn't turn him down or anything you know, I mean, it's still Daddy. But I realize not all girls have the same sort of father they'd need or deserve to have, I know there are real mean bastards out there. Still I would have to try and decide once more to be forever certain, because of the possible gain.
And then again, I realize I'm a hopelessly deep romantic soul.
Thanks,
Jo-Anne
Part 48
All four dozen now. Up to 503KB, 148 pages, and the counter shows 62,795 words. And this is just an exercise in free flow? Girl, you have more ups and downs than the mountain stages. Keep going!
One of the things I learnt from my father is ...
... that life's too short to hold grudges - particularly within families. When my mother died, my maternal grandmother would have nothing to do with my father (I was 4). She blamed him for her only child's death - totally unjustifiably. Gran could hate for England. She hated her husband and, of course, inevitably, she grew to hate me too; really it was her loss for all sorts of reasons and very sad. Dad taught me always to leave a door open for reconciliation and that's what, in a real life situation, I would advise Cathy to do or she'll regret it later.
I know her father was violent and struck her at their last meeting, but that was when he perceived as male and theoretically expected to be able to stand up for herself. She should at least try and if she feels vulnerable, then in a public place like a pub or restaurant.
On the subject of women descenders: the most fearless downhill cyclist I know is a female, but she is an ex-international who's ridden the World Champs some years ago. Me? If I rode the TdF the climbs wouldn't bother me, but the mountain descents ... gulp! I love climbs and seek them out - mainly because the scenery make it so worthwhile. Cathy's swift ride reminds of George Formby in the pre-war film 'No Limit' when the brakes on his motor cycle fail and he wins the Isle of Man TT :o) Nearly as funny too.
Geoff
btw for our trans-atlantic friends (and youthful Brits too, perhaps) George Formby was a ukulele /bango playing comedian very popular in the 1930s. He made lots of films.
Speculation
It's been established that Stella and Cathy are the same size, and Stella was also there at the hospital. What if Dad is confused about which one of the two girls he saw was Charlie?
Oooh...
That could make for some interesting going...
Edeyn Hannah Blackeney
The no brake descent was...
...the funniest part of this saga so far. Thanks for the laughs.
Falling off a bike
Angharad another job well done.
The father thing bothers me. He threw her out with no remorse. Now he wants to see him/her and claims he has no one? Well tough Sh*t! Did Cathy have anyone when she was ousted by him? No, she didn't. I feel she should tell him were to go, he didn't help her in anyway, he hurt her very badly, and now wants her to respect him?
I think the comment is "He made his bed, now sleep in it."
If my father would have done something like he had, I wouldn't ever want to see him again.
Cathy broke away, and finally made her own life and it is finally coming together for her. Why go back to someone that will try to make her feel guilty about what she is doing by using his religious garbage. A leapord will never change his spots. He may lay possum, but there will be a time he will lash out again. I hope Cathy doesn't give in.
Good job dear, looking forward to your next installment.
I Agree With Joni... Bit Of A Rant Here, Sorry
I stood up to my adoptive father when I was fourteen, he had been beating me black and blue (lots of bruises, new ones showing over others in various stages of fading, some scratches/scrapes due to being hit with the buckle instead of the leather of the belt at times). A little over a year later, they threw me out and I ended up back in the Children's Aid Society's care, which led to things I would prefer not to mention here.
The adoption ended in September of 1981. I have had no communication with any of my former adoptive family since 1986, I was in the same school with the two youngest girls for about two years before I started having serious issues with my vision triggering high end migraines that made it very difficult for me to stay in classes for more than a couple of hours, a full day was impossible without a break or two. I ended up being expelled because of this, and the CAS cared so much about my health that they dropped me completely.
Whether it's religious garbage as Joni says in her comment, or physical/emotional abuse, the most likely result is that he would go back to his usual ways, in which case Cathy could end up very badly hurt or even dead. I say tell him to go fuck himself.
Sorry for being so blunt, but when trust has been broken like that, when a parent abuses their own child simply because they can do it, it is very, very difficult to fix it. I wouldn't trust my adoptive father at all, all he ever cared about was that others thought he was a good person, the simple truth is that you either did what he wanted, as he wanted it, or you got whipped/beaten like I did for seven years. What made it worse was that I got it MUCH worse than his bio children, if two or more of us did the same thing, they might get a talking to or a few swats with the belt, I was getting fifty of more HARD hits with that two inch wide, 1/8 inch thick belt all the time., sometimes two or three times a day.
Up till I read Aardvark's ...
... "The Warrior from Batuk", I, too, would have told Dad to go to Hell in a handbasket, but his story taught me a bit about redemption and reconcilliation, the burning of bridges, and wether things are ever really totally unforgivable. I'd say meet with Dad; provide security in some way, but meet. The chance of reconcilliation, slim though it may seem, is worth it.
"All the world really is a stage, darlings, so strut your stuff, have fun, and give the public a good show!" Miss Jezzi Belle at the end of each show
BE a lady!
Dad will have to earn it
I have mixed feelings on her so-called father. This is a tribute to your skill, Ang.
Male or not there is no excuse for beating a child and particularly one who has done nothing to attack you. Self defence is one thing but this was never that.
She has every right to hate him and be bitter, their last *family meeting* at home he could have had dad arrested for attempted murder and mom for accessory. And dad wants to make amends? He was like this all of his/her life, sorry, one phone call does not make up for 20 plus years of child abuse and I still wonder how mom died, did he shove her down the stairs or in front of a passing car?
She should tell him, "You have plenty of money and you are not alone, you have your god to love you, bye." I can think of much nastier things she could say but she is a nice if confused girl, dad's a racist and a child beater.
That part of his life is over, it can never be again. Even if they meet on neutral ground with witnesses to protect her he'll revert to the bastard again someday. What's he gonna do, blame mom for his drunken beatings of his son/daughter?
She can forgive him and let him go if needed, she does not need to take him to her boosom. I wouldn't put it past the bastard to rape her, she must resemble the late wife when she was young.
John in Wauwatosa
P.S. As to downhills, I've been up to nearly 50 MPH on a road bike, one time with fold-in wire baskets, a cable-drive speedometer/odometer and a canteen on a our one and only Boy Scout bicyle camp out. This was on a thirdhand 38 pound blue Schwinn Varisity with epoxy fixing a couple rust holes in the steel rims, conventional schraeder valve clincher tires -- not the glue on type -- and a cement mixer coming up the same long steep downhill. OH, and no protective gear what so ever except cheap sunglasses. AAAAAAAAAAAH!
It's even more fun when a cable slips in a clamp or it shreads, that's REAL fun, particlarly at stoplight controled intersections. As I got older I learned to replace cables long before they began to fatigue.
John in Wauwatosa
Until recently.......
I found that, when one door closed, another slammed in your face! It used to be like that but not any longer. Maybe I've changed.(You bet I've changed!)
Great story; more Chinese torture; more laugh one second, cry the next; more great writing on the roller-coaster, and any road down from Portsdown Hill is a roller-coaster.
It's a pity about dad; he could have had a child to be proud of. Sadly, it takes a long time to trust and a moment to break it.
We'll see if this particular leopard can change it's spots.
Keep up the good work.
Susie
Well at least there may be hope
We'll see what future brings.
Now, whoever is reading this comment, mind you it's already over 1000 Bike episodes, and here I thought - if just a few people take time to go through them all and kudo them (like I do - it's my first time reading them), we'll surely know the kudoest writer here. :)
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Hmmm,
Bring Friends.
Portsdown Hill is the true killer..
I know that hill and yes the climb would be arduous.
I love that new characters are coming along. And Dad sounds really nasty. I can't wait to see if he will be repentant or just revert back to violence. Either way it wouldn't be good news for Cathy as she either risks another beating, or will wind up with a dependant relative.
Quote
To quote a friend, she'd say "too much bovine excrement" in such a nice manner you almost thanked her.
Kevin