The continuing saga of the perils of transitioning, boys and drink.

Easy As Falling Off A Bike.
by Angharad.
part 34.

I went out into the street with Big Mac and the others, some of whom were fooling around or joking, there was a sort of party atmosphere which was unusual for a thursday night.

Mac kept wanting to put his arm around me, and I was unhappy with this, he had no rights of ownership to me, I was one of the group not his girlfriend. It didn't stop him however, even though at one point I actually said, "Please don't."

I know boys try it on and attempt to push boundaries from infancy onwards, whereas girls are less encouraged to do so. Despite being raised as a boy, I wasn't as adventurous as I might have been perhaps because much of my life had been busy with reinforcing my boundaries. I wasn't pushy with others, but neither did I let them push me around. So I got lots of hidings, but kept my inner self secure and my integrity intact.

Mac tried to put his arm around my waist and I spun away from him, "Please," I said, indicating I didn't want arms all over me.

"C'mon girl, lighten up a little," the others weren't exactly egging him on, but he presumably felt a need to put on a show in front of his peers.

I had very different criteria for my behaviour, survival being uppermost. "I think I've changed my mind," I said.

"What about?" asked Mac completely perplexed.

"I want to go back," I said.

"But we haven't got there yet, c'mon it'll be fun."

"No, I've changed my mind, I'm going back." I turned to walk back to my room and he grabbed my hand. I froze and began to shake, all sorts of things ran through my mind, none of them pleasant.

"Hey c'mon girl," he said holding my hand.

I turned back towards him and glared at him, "Let go of me this instant, do you hear me?" I could feel my anger rising, driving away the fear, my voice was also rising and attracting the attention not only of his friends but of other passers-by.

There was a hiatus of embarrassed silence and with a look of contempt he let go of my hand as if it were contaminated, "Bloody well go back then, see if I care. You're as stuck up as that dickless brother of yours."

"At least he thinks with his brain not his testicles," I retorted and walked quickly away from the group. The silence continued for a few more seconds before a nervous sort of laughter took over.

I was still trembling and now felt cold, although it wasn't a particularly cool evening. I wanted a hot drink and perhaps something a bit stronger. Near our house is a local corner shop which seems to be open all sorts of hours, okay it can't compete with the big supermarkets and their 'open 24' policies, but it does do well on a sunday when they have to close at four pm and it somehow doesn't.

I popped in the shop and bought a small bottle of Bacardi and one of cola. The young Asian man, looked hard at me, "You seem familiar," he said.

"I have a brother who was a student here until recently," I lied, it was disturbing how easily I could do it.

"Ah that must be it," he said without sounding entirely convinced.

"He fell off his bike recently and had to go home." I continued the fabrication, trying to keep it to half truths, "we're twins," I added superfluously, as liars often do.

"Ah yes, the bike rider. Do you ride as well?"

"The whole family does," I said casually as if every family should. It wasn't true either, in fact I don't think my mother ever sat on a bicycle in her life.

"So how come you are here now and he isn't?" asked the sparkling eyed young man.

My stomach did its now customary series of somersaults, back flips and piked dives before my heart, which had vaulted into my throat, fell into the void below.

"He was doing some research and they need it finished, it so happens I'm interested in a similar field," my brain was saying, 'shut up before you hang yourself,' but my ears weren't turned on.

"That's a useful coincidence," said the shop-keeper.

"It is for me, I get to earn some money," I said smiling. This was total fiction, I earned nothing at all, the university did if the government used my research.

"So is he badly injured?" asked the man.

"His bike ride cost him an arm and a leg," I smiled back, "two fractures," I indicated the right side of my body. "Got knocked off by a car."

The man nodded, "You cyclists are very vulnerable to cars, but it is good exercise."

"It is, I must go," I said, "I have some more notes to read and put in order."

"I hope your brother is soon better."

"Thank you, I'm sure he'll be back again before too long." As I left there, I realised that I had now given away information which could be used against me and my lies could also complicate matters.

If I turned up in that shop in my previous incarnation without plaster of Paris casts on my right arm and leg, the man would know I was lying. I wondered if he had seen through me anyway, I could, my cover was as flimsy as rice paper and less palatable. If he could, what about the others in my department? They'd smell a rat faster than a terrier. Why did I allow this to happen?

Feeling totally depressed, I trudged back to my room and I hoped safety. Once there I shut the door and chained it. I also decided to reinforce it with pole I'd made soon after I moved in. Basically, this was a piece of scaffolding with a block of wood on either end and some carpet tacked on to that. It wedged between the free edge of the door and the wall opposite it. A moment to use, they'd need heavy duty axes and time, or explosive to enter. It was one of my better ideas and gave me a sense of security when I was cross dressing, especially in my experimental days. Now of course I was an expert, having spent a whole day and a bit as a woman! I chuckled at my own arrogance and sat in my comfy chair with a glass and the drinks.

A few gulps and the glass was empty. A repetition and things were feeling warm and fuzzy. I looked at my chart again, I even added the little corner shop as a reason for staying as Cathy, but it was still woefully short compared to the list of negatives.

I was still wondering about it when my mobile rang. It was unexpected and made me jump. I fished it out of my bag and saw it was Dr Thomas.

"Hello," I said

"Hi Cathy, how are you doing?"

"I'm okay thanks," I said, thinking, why is she calling me?

"Sorry, you seemed upset when you left and I had to dash off to this meeting, so I didn't have time to complete things as I'd have liked."

"It's okay," I said.

"Have you been drinking?"

My blood ran cold, how could she know? "Just a little, why?"

"I hope you're not drowning your sorrows."

"No, why should I?"

"You were upset earlier, did I challenge you too much?"

"Dr Thomas, you are the most wunnerful person I know, (hic)."

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"Course I am, besides, I don't make deshisions about my life do I, it's all done for me?"

"Can you come and see me tomorrow?"

"I dunno doctor, if somebody tells me to, I could I shuppose."

"I want you at my rooms at eight, tomorrow morning, can you do that?"

"Oooh, I dunno doc, it's a bit early for a vegetable." The gas from the cola rumbled noisily up my gut emerging as a burp. "Oops! Shorry 'bout that."

"Cathy, please be there."

"If you shay sho. I always do what other people tell me to."

"Thanks, take care now girl."

"I'll try t...whoops, I dropped my glass, ha ha it ran all over my notes, aw what a pity, ha ha."

"Bye doc, ha ha."

I finished the bottle of rum and the cola and fell onto the bed still clad in the skirt and top, and my shoes on my feet. I awoke with some bangings on my door, but chose to ignore them. They eventually stopped having woken me up completely. I glanced at my watch, it was two in the morning. The bastards!

I sat up and the room began to spin - not a good sign, staggering to the toilet I just made it before the first wave of sickness assailed me. Sadly I hadn't got the lid up so it went all over the place.

By the second 'huey' it was up and I aimed the contents of my stomach a bit better. I stared with watery eyes into the maelstrom which had been in my gut moments earlier. The butterflies must have sunk, 'cos I couldn't see any in the mixture of lumps of diced carrot and tomato that always float on the top.

I knew better than to drink, I had a metabolism which tolerated only zero amounts of booze, how I'd survived the night before with Simon was nothing short of miraculous although it was with a dinner, and I was drinking slowly.

I stood up and noticed I had puke all down the front of the skirt and began to cry. It just about summed up my life.