Easy As Falling Off A Bike.
by Angharad.
part 15.

I sat on the toilet seat nursing my head and reflected on the past few hours. Stella had nearly killed me when she knocked me off my bike during a thunderstorm. She took me back to her house and discovered my little secret - I've been taking female hormones for some time, under medical supervision, and have grown a small but significant sized pair of boobs which I keep hidden by strapping them up with bandage. She loaned me some of her clothes which amazingly fit quite well, including a pair of boots with high heels. Add all this together with a new hair cut and makeup and I look as near as dammit to the real thing, enough for Simon, her brother to make overtures. She pretended, I think, to be gay and we went off to the ladies loo. To cut a long story short, I panicked and she opened the door on me, half braining me in the process. I am now sat here waiting for her to return with some ice to put on my aching head.

The injury is to the top of my head, so there's no bruising on my face, but I have a nice egg coming up on the top. Boy does it throb, I hope the ice will help.

Stella returned with the nice girl from the bar and they have a plastic bag of ice cubes and a towel with them. I don't know how long we sat there, but the ice certainly helped and before long I felt able to walk back to the table. There Simon insists I have a large brandy to ease the shock, he has one as well, in case he feels shocked too? They are both crazies, but so far harmless as long as I'm not cycling, although I did wonder a bit at the beginning. Am I naturally paranoid, no, my experience of life is that they are out to get me?

It is nearly eleven pm and Simon and Stella are over the limit for driving. I suggest we get a cab, they however call the manager who produces a breathalyser, it supports the view that they are too drunk to drive.

"Come on Cathy, you try" urged Simon.

"Don't be silly, I've just had a brandy as well."

"Shove this in your gob and blow," insisted Simon pushing the machine into my hand. Reluctantly I put the paper tube in my mouth and blew a sustained breath through it. I handed it back to him.

"Look at that, just under the limit, you can drive."

"Don't be silly, I can't drive your car, I never drive cars that big and it's an automatic, I learned on a manual gear thingy."

"That's fine, you'll get the hang of it."

"No I can't, besides that brandy is yet to get into my bloodstream, I might have concussion," I held my head to emphasise the point.

"You'll be okay, I'll navigate and we don't have to go too fast."

"But you were supposed to be taking me home," I wailed in genuine disappointment.

"First thing tomorrow," said Simon nodding his head as he spoke to make it look as if he was confirming his words with actions.

"I'm supposed to be in lectures tomorrow," I said suddenly realising that I probably looked a total mess with mascara over my face.

"That's okay, I'll take you straight to your classes."

"But I need to go home and change, and what about my bike?"

"Stella will loan you something won't you Stell?" he asked and she nodded, looking very fed up.

Obviously I could hardly tell him the truth, so I couldn't protest about the clothing bit too much. I therefore had to concentrate on the bike or the driving.

"I honestly don't think I could drive your car," I said trying to sound as sincere as I could.

"That's what Stella said, isn't it Sis?" he looked over to her and she nodded. "Then just a few miles and she took to it like a duck to orange sauce."

"Don't you mean water?" I challenged his metaphor.

"No way, I prefer my ducks in orange sauce."

He was as mad as a 'box of frogs' to quote an Australian friend of mine and fixated on the idea that I should drive his wretched car. Normally, the boy racer in me, would have jumped at the chance. Tonight, however, I felt under the affluence and in no mood to get myself disqualified before I'd even bought a car of my own.

"I'm not insured to drive your car." I played my trump card.

"It's an open policy, anyone I give permission to use it can drive it."

"Oh," I thought, "Can I borrow it sometime then?" It was a joke but I thought it might provoke some negative response.

"If I think you can handle it, perhaps, if I'm not using it of course."

My heart sank, how do you get through to these jokers? I did not want to drive his bloody car, especially in these boots. I could hardly walk let alone drive.

"I don't think I can drive in these boots," I said pointing down at them.

"Take them off then."

"I can't drive in bare feet," I hoped I sounded as indignant as I pretended to be.

"Well keep the bloody things on then."

I noticed a waiter standing alongside us with a tray of coffees complete with after-dinner mints.

"How am I supposed to get home from your place?"

"I told you, I'll take you tomorrow or you can borrow Stella's car."

"No she can't, I need it tomorrow," said Stella abruptly.

"What about tonight?" As soon as the words were out of my mouth, the implication of being given a lift tomorrow hit home. I was going to have to spend the night in the looney bin they called, 'home'. No way, I thought to myself, hoping my reflexes or brain cells, or whatever, were more alert if I did eventually drive.

"I can't stay overnight, I don't have anything with me.."

"Lend her a nightie, Stella?" His sister nodded.

"Fixed," he said reaching for a coffee.

I drank mine down in two huge gulps, thinking it would wake me up, probably in about two hours when I wanted to sleep. But did I want to sleep? Not with a predatory Simon lurking about like a great white shark. I grabbed a second coffee and gulped it down. Stella looked reproachfully at me, I'd drunk hers. Too bad! I was now likely to be awake most of the night, which suited me fine.

"What about a tooth brush, I can't sleep unless I clean my teeth," my protests were probably sounding pretty feeble to the few diners who remained in the restaurant, but I was trying to act on principle, fear! I was terrified.

"I'm sure we can find you a toothbrush," reassured Simon, "in fact I think there's one in the guest room. We have quite a few visitors during the year, don't we Stell?" She agreed again, and still seemed to staring at me for drinking her coffee. Suddenly she reached forward and grabbed all the mints and ate them one after the other. I smiled at her, she scowled back.

I began to wonder if all that caffeine was such a good idea now, providing of course the bedroom door had a good lock on it! One way or another, I seemed set for a sleepless night.