Easy As Falling Off A Bike.
by Angharad,
part 12.

Somehow we made it to our table, Stella and me that is, Simon had stopped to talk to some bloke near the entrance. "You won't mention those two to Simon, will you?" I asked, almost pleaded with Stella.

"No, I'll just go and ask them to join us," she joked. "Look I might only be a nurse, but I do have some functioning brain cells."

"I'm sorry," I blushed again. I've always blushed quite easily, especially since this afternoon. "I'm just so nervous, and them looking at us as if we were on the menu, makes me feel worse."

"You'll have to get used to it young lady, it's what men do - undress you with their eyes. It's when they do it with their hands you know how limited their hand eye coordination is, and that they can't multi-task at all."

"What?" I gasped.

"Most of them take so long to get a bra off that if you're serious about sex, don't bother wearing one because by the time they get it off, you'll have either fallen asleep or gone off the idea."

I squealed with laughter, drawing further attention from my coursemates. My response was to blush again.

"It's not funny, it's tragic," chuckled Stella. "'N' if they are kissing you at the same time, they have difficulty remembering what their tongues and lips are suppose to be doing, let alone their hands. For a man, multi-tasking is breathing and walking at the same time."

"You are so funny Stella," I said laughing out loud again.

"What's so funny here?" asked Simon coming over to the table.

"Oh I was just telling Cathy about your previous conquests." Stella smiled at him and he looked away, his face as red as a raddish.

"Oh," he said rather too quietly and sat down dejectedly.

"Don't believe a word she says," I declared trying to cheer him up, "she was telling me jokes."

"Yes, his sexual prowess," she snorted.

"No she wasn't," I insisted, "your sister said nothing whatsoever about you while we were joking."

"Ooh but I did," she clamoured, winking at me, "who did you think I was talking about?" she winked again, but I'd already got the point. It seemed they teased each other mercilessly for a pastime.

"Remember two can play at that game," cautioned Simon, "and I have at least as much material as you."

"Hah!" she exclaimed, "you make most of it up. Besides, I'm a nurse and we're expected to be sexy."

"Only in pornography or 'Carry On' films," riposted Simon. "Most of the nurses I met when I was in hospital, were only desperate because they were so ugly and the sister on my ward had a better beard than I did."

"Don't listen to him, he's only lying because none of them would go out with him."

"Well you told them I had Herpes, what else could you expect them to do?"

"You didn't did you?" I gasped at Stella.

"I can't actually remember," she blushed.

"No but I can," Simon said authoritively.

The waiter arrived with the menus and stood ready with his little pad as we perused them.

"Do you mind if I just have a starter and a sweet?" I asked.

Simon looked pathetically at me, "You don't need to lose weight," he protested.

"I'm not," I responded, "I'm not that hungry."

"But this is my treat, please have a main course."

"Honestly Simon, I couldn't do it justice."

"I'll let you off on one condition," he offered.

"And what's that?" I asked coyly.

"That you come out to dinner with me again and finish the meal."

"Tenner please," said Stella holding out her hand to me.

"What?" gasped Simon.

"I bet Cathy that you'd either ask for her phone number or another date. I have to admit your chat up lines are getting better."

"But I didn't accept your bet," I protested.

"Stella, you get worse if that's possible," said Simon in mock disgust. He began to say something else but changed his mind.

I glanced across at my two course mates, they were watching us as if we were the entertainment for the evening. They weren't the only ones, half the restaurant was doing the same.

"Erm, half the tables are watching us," I said slowly and quietly. I noticed the waiter fidgeting, but he knew he'd be onto a good tip, so he stayed, standing impassively.

"Shall we order?" asked Stella as if nothing whatsoever had happened.

As she said earlier she ordered scallops and some Italian pork dish. Simon went for pate and swordfish; feeling less than hungry with all the excitement, I had a stuffed tomato. As I ordered, Simon instructed the waiter to bring me two of them. I protested angrily at Simon, but he held firm. I was determined I wouldn't go out with him if that was how he was going to behave, nor would I have a sweet.

He ordered the wine and I had no argument with his choice, a nice Rioja. I may be a poor student, but I do like a decent wine.

As we waited for our meals, the waiter poured the wine and being so tense, I began to sip mine immediately. It wasn't very long before Simon was topping up my glass. I felt myself hot and bothered but couldn't decide if that was the wine or my temper.

My university colleagues finished their meals and left, as far as I was aware they had no idea about who I was, and why should they?

My plan to keep Simon occupied had wilted to nothing very much at all. My mind was less than sharp after two glasses of wine and a Bacardi, and Simon was filling my glass again and ordering another bottle of plonk. When the waiter brought it I asked for a glass of water to try and dilute the booze. I hadn't eaten since breakfast, no wonder I was getting a bit tiddly.

At last the food arrived and I tucked into mine with more gusto than I anticipated. They were rather nice and I easily ate both of them.

"Sure you don't want to change your mind about a main course?" asked Simon. He was persistent if nothing else.

"Yes I will," I mused, "I'll have a Spanish omlette."

Simon called the waiter and he accepted my late order. "Good job it wasn't an Italian restaurant," teased Simon.

"Why?" I asked walking deliberately into whatever joke he was setting up.

"They wouldn't know how to cook it?"

"Ah," I answered, "but this is a pirate establishment, and they should know how to cook a Spanish omlette on the Spanish Main."

"Ha ha! Very good Cathy, ha, she's put you in your place bruv." Stella spoke a little too loudly for my comfort, and once more we were in the public eye.

"Well I hope you order something that's actually on the menu for dessert," he sulked.

"I haven't looked at puddings yet," I said smiling innocently at him.

"One of these days Simon, you'll get your desserts!" Stella offered her speech becoming slightly slurred as she washed down her third glass of wine.

I began to worry that my protection was going to be rather drunk at this rate, and therefore ineffective. I would have to keep to soft drinks from now on.