People are probably tired of reading depressing little blogs, maybe as much as I am of writing them. But I do find out that they help.

Most people who follow me know that my Aunt Rosalie died back in September. The initial sting has gone down a little bit, but there are times when I miss her terribly so.

Last night was one of those nights, heading into today as well.

I just put up a new story last night named "The Cure." Several people have jumped to conclusions about the story that might ruin what the story is about and I don't want to do that. Some people have assumed that the cure refers to making someone no longer TG (which I assume is different than doing a body swap or transformation style story). I also wonder if such an assumption has kept others from reading the story, another thing which I don't want.

I have two cats. They are both tabby cats with bushy tails that like to collect things likes stickers and twigs and maybe even small gnomes that aren't fast enough to get away. I got these cats shortly after I got my house because I didn't want to be alone and I knew if I fed them that they would love me unconditionally (on the condition I feed them, so maybe not so unconditionally).

For a lark, I went on Fictionmania and looked up my first story. I didn't read it, but I read the comments. I had written something magical, that had really touched people, and it made me feel good about myself that I could connect with people.

I went to a transgender support group the other day (Tuesday) which is a good step for me. It was the second group I've attended and this one is somewhat close to my house.

An interesting comment came up, even though no one made an issue about it, and it got me thinking.

Does one need to dress in female clothing to be considered Trans? I myself only own one dress and two bras and have yet to have opportunity or desire to wear the dress out (partly because of a hairy back... okay, mainly because of a hairy back)

A minor rant:

Do children know how to be bored and occupy themselves any more? I think the answer is no. They are always connected to something. In the car they get DVD players. When shopping with mom they have handheld video games. Waiting at the hospital they have laptops. In school they have Ipads. We are raising a generation that is not going to know how to be creative. Maybe that's why every movie from the 80s is being remade.

I would like to say my job keeps me from being social... you know, delivering papers all alone at the wee hours of the morning and then sleeping during the day. But, the truth is, I generally don't like people and feel awkward in social situations.

I actually plan on being at this event, not sure if that's a selling point or not. But I figured I would post it so all could see. Hope to see some there.

I know I have gotten some people worried and I am in a dark place, but I will not hurt myself. It is just that I feel so alone and when things happen to me I no longer have my aunt to call and that just compounds things. After the latest episode, I just felt like a hamster on one of those wheels... churning my legs for all my worth but never being able to get anywhere.

I want to explain what happened and why I am in the shape I am in.

As I was at my counselor I did recieve several nice compliments from him. I think they are important, because they solidify what I already know about myself.

The first was when I said I wouldn't get any facial reconstructive surgery. He said he didn't see the need. I've been blessed with high cheek bones and I think my face has always had feminine qualities to it, now if I would add to that some make-up (which I don't wear as of yet) think how far I should come. The thing about make-up, is 1) I break out easy and 2) I never learned and don't want to look like a harlot.

Today I had my first counseling session so I can transition. It went very well. I am happy that the counselor doesn't want to dwell on the past, because neither do I. I am tired of doing counseling where I relive all the past traumas of life. Let's leave it in the past where it belongs and live in the now. I am not disassociating with my past, I'm not saying it didn't exist or that it happened to the boy I am not, but I'm tired of being depressed about things. The counselor is an F2M which proves body swapping should be legalized and we can all find the body we are happy with.

My company finally left after two weeks, though I am glad to have my house to myself again I really miss them. I suppose I didn't realize how much I needed to let my secret out in "the real" world. It was so odd to open up and to be me. I must say that I was more comfortable around Tiffany than her husband Marcos. I think that may be because I've been hurt by men often in my life (when it comes to physical/sexual abuse). But I will give this for Marcos, he was accepting and told me that he and his wife loved me and wanted me to be happy.

Just keeping people updated because, quite frankly, I could use the support.

My friend is still here and i am still inching ever closer to just going full time, or at least part time with an option for overtime and vacation. It has been decided that thursday we are going for makeovers. At that time I will get a feminine hairstyle (not a unisex one that I can change back and forth). I am also contemplating getting my ears pierced. I just guess I finally got tired of putting up the facade.

I started my diet today. I know many are probably wondering why I didn't start from my last blog. Simple answer: I didn't have a fridge or a stove until yesterday afternoon. I know the first three days of the diet will be the hardest as I break old patterns, Wendy's and Checkers will miss me. I am about moved in my new place so writing should commence in a day or two.

I finalized on the house on Monday, so I am now an owner of property. I've had the plumber come out and got those little odds and ends taken care of. I also had the outside pressure washed and the yard work done. On this coming Monday, I have the exterminator coming out to deal with the termites and the spiders (ICK!!!) and all the little carpenter ants. I've had the bed and the living room delivered, so technically I can sleep there. But I still have no wires. Actually, that's a lie, I have two hundred feet of wire, it's sitting in a coil on the counter.