I often wondered why I had to go through a lot of the things that I did. It seemed that the universe thought that I was some cosmic joke and used me as it's whipping boy. Between abuse and a lack of permanence, I thought that chaos reigned in the universe and there was nothing I could do about it. I hated myself for complaining about my life, because there were others that had it way worst.

I used to hate my life

I don't anymore and I hope this could be an encouragement to a few.

The release of the new book is going smashingly well. Oh my God, I might actually be able to make it as a writer. I know my writing isn't for everyone and I rubbed a few people the wrong way (still wish they would accept my apology, I'm not the same person I was 6 weeks ago).

This isn't addressed to anyone in particular, but I do have several people in mind.

First off, the cheap plug that today is my birthday. I am 38 and 1 depending how you look at things. This will be my first birthday as Katie and that's something to celebrate in and of itself.

Last week my van broke while I was delivering Sunday's paper. Not a good thing to happen, but what followed was even worse (See JennC I used the right one). Someone from another center came to help me and he added to my frustration by driving extremely slow and talking negative the whole time.

I know I have been on this kick for quite some time (for me 11 days is an eternity), but I can't stress how much it has affected me that I've come out. I am relaxed, I am at ease, I am comfortable. I am me, and I am happy. I haven't been happy for a long time, so most of you might not know I have the emotion, but I do.

I know I have rubbed a few people the wrong way with my bluntness and the way I approached things in the past. Probably most of them have me on ignore and won't see this, but I will put it out there anyway. First off, I wanted to say that I am sorry that I offended you. I will do my best from here on out to be supportive and nurturing. It is not my place to criticize and it is certainly not my place to judge.

So I've been keeping everyone up to date and just maybe I can help people who are kind of in the same situation as I am. I came out to everyone, and I mean everyone. Were my problems solved? No. I find that my emotions are all over the place as I enter a world where I am no longer wearing the mask of my male self, a person who didn't really exist except for the comfort of others who tried to label me male.

As everyone is aware, about two weeks ago I received a phone call from a friend who was in dire straights and in need of a place to live. I had been homeless and wasn't about to let one of my friends suffer the same fate. The problem, he knew me as Tiny the wrestler and not Katie. Figuring I knew what his reaction would be, I decided I need to die to self and put being female on the back burner while I helped out.

As everyone who has been following my blogs lately knows, an old friend from high school has come back into my life and is living with me along with his fiance while they get back on their feet. In doing so, I had to sacrifice my life as Katie, mainly out of fear at how they would react to the fact that I was really a girl and had deceived him when I was in high school. I was willing to make that sacrifice. I wasn't thrilled about it, but I was willing. I deleted all my bookmarks that would have given any clue to my true nature.

It is with deep sadness and regret that I have to inform the Big Closet community that we lost another one of our members. I have just been informed that Wren Phoenix has passed away. I know she had been sick for quite some time with heart problems, but was eager to get back into the swing of things.

You will be missed, my friend.

I guess 2012 wasn't done with being extremely shitty.

I have a heavy heart, my dear, dear friends...

Criticism has a bad connotation to it, but it really doesn't have to be taken in a bad way. I will point it out using my own writing as an example.