I've had several emails from members of my "other" community who are quite frightened. I am sure that most of you are aware of the attempted bombing in my home town, Portland, Or. It is the women who have most reason to be frightened, because the Hijab "brands" us. It is likely that many of them will be going out sans Hijab in the future.
I do not have that choice. For me it is Hijab or dress as a Man. I can not wear a wig.
I think that most T folk struggle with figuring out who they really are. WELL DUH !!!
So, today, I was just cruising the net, trying to figure out some feelings that, Bailey's, "I'd do anything for love ..." story caused to surface. Well, in my researching, I happened upon an author who is published on LuLu. You can get his book titles off the home page of his site.
One of the biggest issues I faced in passing was my smile, and for most of us T folk, lots of the time, there just does not seem to be much reason to do so.
However, I think a happy smile can be our biggest asset, even if we don't feel much like smiling. In my experience, slapping on a happy, mischevious smile before I leave the door, can make my day seem brighter, and generally makes other people respond to me in a much better way.
If you were paying for the SRS on a young teen, and you were like a kajillionaire, and you wanted them to do like the full meal deal, I wonder what could be done?
After much procrastination and many misgivings, I finally posted "Lt Katia In Afghanistan". Perhaps those who have PTSD problems caused by combat, should just avoid this one. To make it clear, I have not been in "Military" combat, and this story is not meant to be a commentary on anything, and is solely for reading enjoyment.
Most of you know me as Gwen, but recently I realize that when someone uses that name on me it is particulary jarring. Gwen (Gwinn) was my male name, and my ear does not hear a difference between the two. In real life, everyone knows me as Khadijah. I won't bother you with the correct pronunciation as my throat can not form the sounds either. I heard a woman say it properly the other day. NOPE, ain't happening! LOL
I am re-reading Fleurie's, psychological thriller, "Deception Of Choice", um because I decided to. As it turns out, the story was originally published in the same month that I was originally outed. Being outed was not something that I wanted, but somehow the system propelled me along as surely as being fired out of the torpedo tube of a submarine. I had intended to stay with my family, and hopefully die not that long after the last one married. My job would be complete.
For a while there was a new female singer out whose name was something like "Ke$hara" The only thing I remember for certain is that the S was a $ and it began with K. She's about the same genre as Katy Perry, and I liked her music.
Over the week end, I thought I caught a look at some pictures of her in which she really looked like a T girl, though in her music Videos, she looked anything but. Come on, we all know that our waist lines are a struggle for us. I nearly got a silicone Butt, but did not want to spend another $12,000 in Thailand. It's a bitch isn't it?
I'll have to say that I have never made a serious effort at role playing games, but I've gotten curious a few times. The first was after I had read most of the Gor books. After the first two or three, I only kept reading them because I had exhausted all the David Weber books, and hoped that John Norman would eventually improve with practice.
At the time, I was enduring the last gasps of a rotten 40 year marriage. Yes, I know I should be flogged for staying with a bad marriage for 40 years.
Just to warn anyone who wants to try things of this sort. Didn't work for me; wasn't gay. Oddly enough I had no attraction to men at all until well into transition. It took me a long time to resolve the pure, unadulterated, revulsion I had for men, but after a long time, living as a woman, it slowly ebbed. I don't know how.
In this one, I will say that the psychobabble is impressive, but you can still see the conflict in the face of the man who was interviewed.
When I agreed to accompany my friend to Ohio, I thought it was a blessing. Some of you were slightly jealous, and I can't blame you. Now that we have been here for slightly over 10 weeks, here is a progress report:
When we got to Ohio, it was hotter than any place I had ever experienced except for Bangkok Thailand, or Maybe Fort Gordon, GA, or Lawton Oklahoma. It was unspeakably hot. I had been in 110 or 120 degree temperatures before but the humidity was low. This at a mere 85 was absolutely smothering because of the humidity. Thankfully, now in November, it freezes at night.
I just don't know how it happens! I went through my entire transition while a member of this site, so anyone who has been here as long as I have know that it killed me! I'm not bringing myself down by going back over the whole damn debacle! AGAIN!
Why did I not kill myself entirely? Well, this morning I am wondering why I didn't! Look Sisters, this transitioning is like jumping into a black hole. Most of us lose every single thing that we valued. You won't find me telling you to do it.
I have already talked to Erin about this, and I am determined to learn how to post my own stories on this site. I am about to post the first chapter of a story I have been working on for a long time, but anticipate some problems trying to work out how to do the picture, the header, the story explanation, and the body of the story so that it looks the way I want it to.
I watched "Sleepless in Seattle" tonight, all the way through. I've tried to watch it before but it hurt too much and I had to stop. Tonight I managed to finish it. Maybe I am getting over it.
I thought that I had forgotten the family; put them away; given it up as a lost cause, but I just found out, through the Grapevine, that my youngest Daughter has had a baby. I don't know when she had it or the gender. She is full blooded Korean and he is Caucasian, so the child is apt to be quite lovely.
This thing has once again brought the longing for a reconciliation with my family to the front. I wonder if it is but a vain hope? This time, a Christian pastor has offered help, and I am wondering how far I am willing to compromise my own beliefs in order that progress can be made.
I guess it is my fault. I got an email from someone I know, and she asked me if I wanted to link with her on Linkedln, a purportedly professional web network site.
Well, now the thing is making its way through every contact that I have of any kind with anyone and sending them invitations to link with me. I am sorry about this. I got duped and did not realize what the consequences would be.
From now on, everything I get from them is getting marked spam.
Suddenly yesterday, I lost all the hearing in my left ear. There is a tiny bit left but it sounds like speaker does when the cone is torn. I did not hit my head or anything. I have been wearing a hearing aid in that ear for quite some time. There is a problem in my right ear, but I can not tolerate a hearing aid there. To top it off, there is another kind I can use in the right ear but I will not be able to use my Hijab, and that is a big deal to me.
I am surprised that none of you picked up on this as I see it as quite important.
Yesterday I noticed in the news that Exodus International, James Dobson's once highly publicised effor to cure Gays had decided to pull out of anti Gay conventions. The reason being that someone had figured out that this sort of rhetoric was causing suicides. I don't know if there are any law suits pending but I do know the sort of language that the Dobson bunch used.
It's going to rain an inch today. I wonder how they know that? Outside there are few birds about, I wish I could show you the view out my window; of the bird feeder beneath the ancient Beech or what ever it is; the tiny river down the bank; the private boat docks across the way. At 9:00 AM, the world outside looks quite dreary, yet comforting; leaving me plenty of time to introspect.
I'm just sitting here, taking a break from processing apples to dry. Got the first batch going now, and have decided that slicing them in 1/4 thickness is high risk for me; almost cut a finger off twice!
For most of my life, I have felt as if I was the messed up one, in spite of the fact that I worked for 40 years, raised 4 children, and all that. (One of the children was my wife :) )
So, after going through SRS, that firmly implants one in the Mental Health, section 8 envirionment, and one must really behave themself or there are dire consequences. Unless, you accidentally escape.
I was in New York state a few days ago visiting a friend, and down by a lake, walked right into a cloud of bugs so dense that I was almost afraid to breathe. That night when I got home from there, we had similar infestations of the same thing. They were just awful, and I could hardly get into the house! Too bad we do not have bats. I'd have found them on the lawn the next morning, stuffed and burping ! :)
I think some of you need to do this, considering some of the pics I see for the stories I see here. Sadly, I can not find properly attired Binti clothing. Haraam Haraam !
For the last several days, I have noticed that BCTS is slow to completely load at times. Oh, it eventually does, but I just noticed the change. No complaint really. Are there current issues in the air or is it just this infestation of Ohio fall bugs. It reminds me of stories I have heard about Midges.
I used to listen to Charlotte Church when she was young and thought that her singing was wonderful. For me it was disappointing to see her transition into other music but that is her right if she wishes.
Accidentally, early this morning around 2:00 AM, I discovered Katherine Jenkins! I think the wiki said she is Welsh, but I do not remember clearly because of the hour. Did I hear her sing Ave Maria in Welsh? I would not know, because I neither understand Welsh nor Italian.
I am quite sure that some of you have doubts about my loyalties because I am Muslim. And, in light of the actions taken by a few pseudo Muslims, one would think that the rest of us Muslims would really pitch in solidly to rid the world of this vermin. I served during the Vietnam War, and the fact that I did not go "In Country" sometimes makes me feel like an interloper when I see myself honored alongside those who actually saw combat.
Checks can be made out & sent to:
Joyce Melton
1001 Third St.
Space 80
Calimesa, CA 92320
USA
Note: $6000 is the operating, maintenance and upgrade budget. Amounts received in excess of the $6000 will be applied to long term debt accrued over the last 19 years.
