For most of my life, I have felt as if I was the messed up one, in spite of the fact that I worked for 40 years, raised 4 children, and all that. (One of the children was my wife :) )
So, after going through SRS, that firmly implants one in the Mental Health, section 8 envirionment, and one must really behave themself or there are dire consequences. Unless, you accidentally escape.
So, here I am living in what I thought was going to be a reasonably normal household, giggle. Earlier this week, I had a mini melt down over being reminded of how my family did everything except physically commit murder on me. I spent an afternoon feeling quite upset; have not been so enraged in many years, but finally cried it out and slept all night.
So, in the month that we have lived here, one of them has complained about the other about not cleaning, cooking, and who is supposed to clean the toilet ?!? I did not try to solve the problem for them, since I do not think of myself as the house Mom. I just thought that one of them had taken pitty on me and dragged me along with her. Yesterday, the other one confided that she has doubts that she can ever do what it is she is supposed to be able to do when she gets her Masters in Education. One of them is complaining about the other talking so much! I am somewhat peeved at both for not cleaning up after themselves.
Well, I have been doing a lot of the cooking and expect to take on more of it once I understand their expectations better. I also do almost all of the cleaning. Today, I walked into their bathroom, and noticed that it was a total abomination! So, after sighing, I cleaned it from top to bottom, to include a very groaty toilet that they had kept out of mind due to the fact that they never raise the seat. That's understandable sinse there are no men around to ... "stand". Heh heh! :)
As I worked, I realized several things. If I am messed up, they are also and perhaps more so than I. In some ways they are still children; both being over 30. It strikes me as funny that when I have feelings and cry and all that, I think myself to be somehow inferior. Yet, the other girls can do as bad, or worse, and I have no such feelings about them.
I just realized that I am living the life that I dreamed of! Did I really expect it all to be Strawberries and cream? I guess that I should not have. The very idea IS crazy! It all takes me back so many years to when I was raising my own children ... So, in the future, I will try not to feel put upon when I am doing dishes at 9:00pm, or cleaning up tea stains in the carpet that I know I did not make. I vow not to grit my teeth when one of them leaves the cast Iron skillet dirty. Though the worst pot ever, I think was the pan used to make REAL alfredo, and then left to cool off and dry until after the meal.
Heretofore, maybe I will be cleaning pots and the stove as they are cooking. OMG! That sounds so much like my own Mummy used to do! Good Heavens, perhaps I have come full circle! Perhaps my own Mum is happily chortling at my discomfiture? I wanted real life, perhaps this is it?
Much peace
Khadijah Gwendolyn
Comments
Welcome to "Womanhood!"
I too, have discovered that no matter how much time we have spent with our "shrinks" preparing for our leap into "Womanhood" via SRS, we have not been fully prepared to deal with the psyche of the human female. As men, most of us, as TS, never really got close to women (except to drool over their clothing) to really notice how they function. You have now found out how the species functions! I fear that the faint trace of maleness still left in you has bubbled to the surface and is causing you a great deal of grief!
I went back to college to get my Master's Degree and to earn a little money I took on the job of "House Mother" to 28 late teen and early 20's women. The place was exactly as you describe your home! It took nearly a whole semester to bring some semblance of order and cleanliness to the place, and it nearly cost me my Degree!
I know where you're coming from, and why you feel the way you do! It was an eye-opener for me, and I hope I learned something about being a woman! God help me, I have become my Mother!
Diane
Filling an unanticipated roll.
I doubt that either woman would say they see me as Mom. Both have them and seem quite happy with them. Still, I seem to spend time being a sounding board, and sharing my own feelings too, so it goes both ways, or at least I want it to. As I think about it, the Mom, in the conventional 50's sense, does spend a lot of time supporting the activities of the others in the household. I don't have significant goals, except to be the best, most loving and giving person I can be. OH, and someday get another story published. :)
Having a dependent personality, I have worked very hard to try to be assertive, not talk about myself, and be open to listen to the others. So far, this situation seems very good for me; giving me genuine purpose in life, and drawing me away from the computer to clean the house, shop, and ride with one of the girls.
One of our traditions has been to make "The Daily Show" our Friday night entertainment, and another has been to ride the two miled down to Lake Erie to watch the sun set. We shop for groceries on Saturday, and in the month we have lived here, I have made one trip to KFC and one to get a big Mac. Otherwise, there has been no other meat save some shrimp.
Life is good, and I shall enjoy it while it lasts. :)
Gwendolyn