For most of my life, I have felt as if I was the messed up one, in spite of the fact that I worked for 40 years, raised 4 children, and all that. (One of the children was my wife :) )

So, after going through SRS, that firmly implants one in the Mental Health, section 8 envirionment, and one must really behave themself or there are dire consequences. Unless, you accidentally escape.

So, here I am living in what I thought was going to be a reasonably normal household, giggle. Earlier this week, I had a mini melt down over being reminded of how my family did everything except physically commit murder on me. I spent an afternoon feeling quite upset; have not been so enraged in many years, but finally cried it out and slept all night.

So, in the month that we have lived here, one of them has complained about the other about not cleaning, cooking, and who is supposed to clean the toilet ?!? I did not try to solve the problem for them, since I do not think of myself as the house Mom. I just thought that one of them had taken pitty on me and dragged me along with her. Yesterday, the other one confided that she has doubts that she can ever do what it is she is supposed to be able to do when she gets her Masters in Education. One of them is complaining about the other talking so much! I am somewhat peeved at both for not cleaning up after themselves.

Well, I have been doing a lot of the cooking and expect to take on more of it once I understand their expectations better. I also do almost all of the cleaning. Today, I walked into their bathroom, and noticed that it was a total abomination! So, after sighing, I cleaned it from top to bottom, to include a very groaty toilet that they had kept out of mind due to the fact that they never raise the seat. That's understandable sinse there are no men around to ... "stand". Heh heh! :)

As I worked, I realized several things. If I am messed up, they are also and perhaps more so than I. In some ways they are still children; both being over 30. It strikes me as funny that when I have feelings and cry and all that, I think myself to be somehow inferior. Yet, the other girls can do as bad, or worse, and I have no such feelings about them.

I just realized that I am living the life that I dreamed of! Did I really expect it all to be Strawberries and cream? I guess that I should not have. The very idea IS crazy! It all takes me back so many years to when I was raising my own children ... So, in the future, I will try not to feel put upon when I am doing dishes at 9:00pm, or cleaning up tea stains in the carpet that I know I did not make. I vow not to grit my teeth when one of them leaves the cast Iron skillet dirty. Though the worst pot ever, I think was the pan used to make REAL alfredo, and then left to cool off and dry until after the meal.

Heretofore, maybe I will be cleaning pots and the stove as they are cooking. OMG! That sounds so much like my own Mummy used to do! Good Heavens, perhaps I have come full circle! Perhaps my own Mum is happily chortling at my discomfiture? I wanted real life, perhaps this is it?

Much peace

Khadijah Gwendolyn