I am terribly sorry for this afternoon's nuclear weapon. There are some things really bothering me and I just senselessly lashed out at anything close. I just wish I could sit down and cry and I will but my brain isn't ready to do it.
The TD Aldonetti thing, the killing of the officers near Seattle, the Fort Hood thing, and several other things plus the fact that I am sick and have been since mid September and worrying about my adoptive children, and any other lame ass thing I can think of are making be act like a bitch!
I have a few clients who I would like to know when they opened an email I sent them. Is there such a facility in Yahoo, Gmail, or Live accounts. I have not found it, but I know that Outlook used to have it. I would use it sparingly because I realize that this would double my traffic.
In my quest to improve myself as a woman, I watch and listen a lot; analysing the most intricate details of what they do. One thing that has just occured to me is that, for the most part, women in groups use Full Duplex communication, while men seem incapable of it. I do hope that with time I can train myself to follow what women do in that regard.
Right after the first of this year, I was so out of money, and nearly starving that I began to contemplate being a Prostitute. It might not have been so bad, because I have a really strong desire to be sexual with others, but my previous journeys into dating had me giving a couple abortive and poorly executed blow jobs, and then the plops would simply zip up and flee. It left me feeling bereft, used and extremely ashamed of my conduct. So, it was that months of near starvation really altered things for me.
When I saw that something from Aardvark was up, for a brief moment in time, I thought that he had published another of his stories that make my seat um squishy! I was only briefly saddened to see that it was "Warrior" recycled. I'm in bed with the Flu and between my feverish, coughing times, I think I will read it again. Almost as good as a bit of Chokie Ice Cream!
Astonishingly, I have been asked to accompany a young college couple to Boston while they finish work on their respective Masters Degrees. My friend jokes about needing her English Nanny to help her care for her child to be born in June or July. If this seems a little sublime to you, then imagine what I am thinking. I worry about really having gone round the bend. I have asked them thrice over to think about this matter very seriously as it would hurt me greatly should they decide other wise at the last minute; even had a bit of tears over it. GAH!
Being ill in bed with the flu, I was not sick enough to sleep but not well enough to do anything meaningful. So, I started searching my old name. OMG, I found a database that lists me as the author of "Yeksim and the Jungle Planet". It was probably about my first effort at story writing, but how it got on the internet, I have no idea. I think that by '87 the amber screen was gone, but was it time for the 386 yet? It is reall chilling that this work lies in a data base somewhere.
Today, I was told that a transexual person had taken Estrogen for so long that her body had started making its own. Hmmmmmm
Well, I knew that there is some Testosterone in the body of a female, and it could seem reasonable that the body of a normal castrated XY male could have a little Estrogen in it even with out using pills, patches or shots. It seems rediculous that a T girls body could produce enough estrogen on its own.
Right after I got back from Thailand and SRS, I noticed that I was about 60lbs over what I had been when I started this whole TG debacle. It took a while for the storm to develop but about a month after I got back I sat down with my Shrink, who I was seeing once a week, and told her that she could help me or not but I was off the Prescription Drugs. She tried to say that I needed them but then I reminded her that I spent most of 57 years not on drugs, aside from sleepers once in a while. She also asserted that I as a Border Line Personality person could not handle life with out them.
The link below is about several women who were given AIDS by the same man; an action I find despicable, but that is not why I posted this. I had a brief glimpse into the heart and soul of a woman while watching what they had to say in the youtube interview. Listen carefully to each of their statements and it will make you a better writer. There are certain things that a woman will seldom say to a man, and I doubt that they say these things much to other women. There are certain things that a girl just won't confide to others.
I stumbed upon this while looking for "paint" to spray on the part of my scalp where the hair is a mere shaddow of its former glory. :( It looks like these girls suffer with many of the symptoms that the Intersexed do, and Male Pattern balding. In short they have far too many Androgins. So, not really knowing much about medicine, I am wondering if this is just a form of being Intersexed. The incidence is very high; about 1 in 10 women, and I wonder if some day things like this will help our society to get away from the binary gender model?
Someone recently posted some information about an Electrologist who does facial hair removal with the recipient under full anasthesia. I believe it was in the Dallas area. Does anyone recall who it was and how to get in touch with them?
Now, I don't want to seem too paranoid on this and I know that there is no proof yet. I recently got one of those Cell Phone Ear Bug thingies, and I just love it. Today, I went to lunch with a girlfriend who got one much before I did.
At breakfast, she saw my Bug and told me that she did not think it was good to wear it all the time because hers caused earaches. I said ok but left mine in but just a few minutes ago, I developed an ear ache.
I must say that for a while today, I thought that I was going to spend some time on the Psych ward. I had just read where the 11 year old who spent 18 years with her captor was feeling extremely guilty about having identified with her captor.
Reading "Venus Curse" today caused another shock wave in the force for me. For a while I felt very traumatized by it.
In a short while, I will be publishing what started out to be a comic magical change from boy to girl, framed in Afghanistan. It is fiction. There is no intent what so ever to insult any of our brave soldiers to are or have served there.
I notice that The Force seems to be somewhat disturbed today. Yahoo mail has been semi comatose off an on, and then other sites seem to be affected. Is this jus lil' ole me or is the dark force at work.
I am looking for the Title to a recent movie where a CIA agent goes to Syria or Jordan to find a Terrorist. He gets captured by the same but gets rescued by the Jordanian version of the CIA. In the mean time he falls in love with a Muslim girl and stays on to marry her.
I thought it was Matt Daymon, Brad Pitt or Mark Walberg but so far can't find nuttin'
I was talking on SKYPE this morning with a long time friend in Sauudia. We usually talk about situations there, his favorite books, and movies too. Yes, there are no movie theatres there, but they haf their vays. :)
He'd gotten heat stroke today and needed a pat on the head. I was suitably motherly to him and then out of the blue, he said,"would you like to meet my Uncle"?
This is the sort of thing that I find embarassing for all T folk. I don't normally comment on the conduct of another person. Portland is pretty weird and you can see just about anything. A case in point would be the rod that ran cheek to cheek on a youth. Unguhah!
So Stu, the Mayor of Silverton ... what were you thinking girl?
Oh, by the way, in a personal conversation, she does not claim to be Transgendered. Just another case of the Media just not getting it.
I was talking with another author yesterday and she said that she doubted that she'd write any more, and after we talked for a while it seemed like she was saying "I had something to say and I said it". (I think I first heard that from Fleury)
I originally bought an IPAQ several years ago to read stories on and that proved to be too impractical; too small. Now, I am seeing a thing called a "Kindle" and I wonder if anyone else here has tried one. It seems as if the "pages" are as large as a paperback novels'.
I have frequently heard trans folk say that they felt that stress had a roll in their final decision to actually "come out", do it, get cut, and all that. I can distinctly remember the very day and minute that I finally threw the towel in, though my "comming out" and final decision did not come for a while.
Would any of you care to share that moment with us?
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