Well, just when things started to go well, my mother got a notice from her bankruptcy lawyer. Apparently, she has not been paying him, nor has she been doing what he told her to do. So now he is suing her to get a garnish on her wages to make her pay. I'm trying to get her to talk to a professional counselor, its clear she's not making good decisions, but I'm not having much luck. She told me the reason why she has kept this from me is because she thought I was too fragile myself until very recently when I started working as Dorothy, by which point it was too late for me to help much.

And I guess it went okay. I was rated a 3.25 out of 5, so above the minimum, but not as good as I hoped. I'll have to try and do better by the next evaluation.

Well, last night, I gave myself a belated birthday present. I used the gift card my brother had given me for my birthday, and bought myself a ladies watch. I also bought some foundation and cleanser as well. Just wearing the watch last night at work was enough to lighten my spirits considerably. That's a very good thing.

And her favorite way of dealing with stress tends to be by giving stress to someone else. For example, when my mother woke me up in a panic shortly after I had gotten asleep yesterday to ask me what to do about the dog, and I suggested a vet and went back to bed, Apparently I was supposed to go with her, despite needing my sleep for my night shift. This led her to say there isnt much feminine about me, either now or in the past. Somehow the fact that I held down a job as a nurse's aid for 10 years doesnt count. Ah, well

Well, I think my hair has become the ideal symbol for my in-between gender status. See, I wear a wig when I go out as Dorothy, (although, sometimes, at work, I sweat enough under it to wish I didn't have to) so I don't pay a lot of attention to my natural hair. But, sometimes, I do have to deal with it, as I simply cant seem to manage long (natural) hair, and it ends up looking horrible. But then there comes the quandary - what kind of style and cut should I get? I really hate having a super masculine cut, but can I pull off a more androgynous look around the ex?

Well, I'm sort of trying to clear my writing plate of the small stuff, either finishing them or putting them away for now, so I can really focus on the challenges presented by one of my most ambitious projects ever - taking the same event, and tell it from two different points of view, and then ask you, the readers, what you think the truth is. Could be good, could go bad, we'll all have to see together, wont we?

Well, that's pretty much how I feel right now. I can try to move forward in dealing with my gender issues, and risk losing my daughter, or I can stay as I am, and more than likely suffer a breakdown, eventually. Not long ago, I had a vision of what my future could be like following both of these choices, and both end in despair, with me alone and broken. There just has to be a third choice, I don't believe in the no-win scenario ...

Well, I went out for breakfast with my mother in male mode, and I felt like a total fraud. I've never felt so uncomfortable going out as a man before. I felt like I was in drag, and that's a new feeling for me. Ah, well.

If you have asked yourself this question, and even if you havent, here is what may be coming soon from me:

A couple of ret-con projects, both going about the speed of molasses in January....

A fan-fic taking place in the universe of a TV show popular enough to make me intimidated in terms of not wishing to alienate anyone who enjoyed the series .....

A quiet little story that starts with a quiet little conversation in a park and keeps threatening to take a detour into the Twilight Zone .....

Well, last night before I went to work, I was talking to a friend on IMVU, and she said I'm her hero and idol. Somehow, I find that somewhat frightening ....

Well, sometimes, I'm not smart. I just read the latest chapter of "Ride Home", and now I'm in tears dealing with the emotions it stirred up. I should know better by now.

If there is a record for the fastest one can go from emotionally up to down and back again, I think I must hold it. I was all over the place at work last night, and I don't see any reason why tonight will be any different. Ah, well.

Well, I'm not doing well right now. In the aftermath of "the Incident" at work, I'm really struggling emotionally. We're taking my daughter on a drive to Calgary to see the Zoo there, so maybe that will cheer me up ....

We've been short staffed at work the last couple of nights, so I've been doing double and triple duty, not only working in my own area, but others as well. I even have helped pull freight off the food truck the last couple of nights. I am darn sore now. can't wait until tomorrow, when I'm off for two days ....

Edmonton isn't known for summer storms, but they do happen, and we had a doozy last night. I was at work, and was working just outside the garden center, when small bits of hail began to fall inside! I moved a couple of pallets out in case they got damaged, and had just completed this little project when the skies opened of, and the roof decided to not do its job. It was like watching a waterfall from behind as the water rushed down into the garden center for at least a half hour straight. I bet they had fun cleaning it up today ....