well, I'm very ticked off. Apparently, the schedule I was given wasnt worth the paper it was written on. The night supervisor called me tonight wondering where I was. According to him, I was supposed to give him the schedule they gave me and have him sign off on it, and without any input from me, he booked me for tonight. So I'm one day into my new job and am already at odds with my manger. Sigh.
Well, my first shift was pretty good, and at least a couple people made a point of calling me Dorothy and one teased me and called me a young lady. All in all, I'm impressed so far. Meanwhile, I wanted to take a moment to talk about "Yes, Dear." I've been playing around with showing the difference between forced fem and consensual dressing up. The latter can be a fun experience between a couple, the former is merely torture. Accordingly, I set the piece up as dark as I dared, making it appear that I was telling a horror story, and then sprang my little surprise of the fact it was all a game.
Well, I had my one day shift today, and it was wonderful. I had been told I would spend the day in the back to prevent any issue with dressing female while wearing a male name tag. So I decided to wear a skirt and heels. But they forget to tell my new supervisor, so after I did some computer learning he sent me to the garden department. I'm glad he did, because I actually enjoyed it. Best of all, one lady was looking for something, and her older companion saw me, and said to her in my hearing, "I bet this young woman can help us." I could have kissed him.
well, as of this morning my girlfriend has left her home, her job, and everyone she knows to make a fresh start. She is going to Portland, not having anything waiting there except whatever hope she brings with her. I can do little but pray until she is reconnected with me, hopefully when she arrives.
Well, I finished my second day of orientation at Wal-mart. So far, so good. Nobody has even looked at me funny for having a male name tag while wearing female clothes, makeup, and a wig. I live in the best country in the world ....
I was having a chat with my girlfriend Kylie the other day, and the subject of my earliest crushes came up, and I thought I would share with you all about it. She was my cousin, and five years older than I. I met her because we spent a lot of time with my aunt when I first came back from overseas, and so I got to know her a little. To me, she was amazingly beautiful, graceful, and kind, and I was smitten from the first.
Well, once in a while, my ex surprises me, and its rarely for a good reason. Tonight, we had a belated mother's day dinner for her and my mom, and she mentioned about my dad, that she wanted my daughter to consider someone else as her grandfather, instead of my dad. Now, my dad committed suicide, so apparently, that means he cant even be in the family tree in her view. Doesn't give me a lot of hope on how she will react when I come out. Ah, well.
Well, as much as I am looking forward to working, I'm not looking forward to the small hiccup I have to deal with. Until I can legally change my name, my male name will be on my name tag. So, until I can afford to change it, I'll be a girl named "Todd" ..... Ah, well.
Well, I am officially hired part time, as Dorothy, working for Wal-Mart. I got the call today, signed a contract, and start training Wednesday. Thank you, God!
That's how long I've been here, according to my account info. Since that actually translates into being my second anniversary here, I thought I would take a moment to reflect on what how far I have come in those two years. Two years ago, I hadn't even dreamed of going out in public as Dorothy. I hadn't even really faced my rape. And now, I am a hair's breath from working as a woman.
Well, I managed to give myself a scare this morning. I tried to get a hold of Wal-Mart about the job, and was told I didn't get it, which almost killed me. Then I went to phone back to find out why, and realized, I was phoning the WRONG STORE! A quick recalculation got me the right one, and I was told they were just waiting to hear from my supervisor from my old store, and he will be in this afternoon. I'm praying he gives me a good reference, and trying to restart my heart at the same time.
I love the writer's challenges and contests here. Even when I can't come up with an entry, (which is most of the time), I love reading what others create within each contest or challenge. So I decided to create a personal challenge, just for me. I wanted to create a story with a title that began with the letter "z", and keep it under 500 words. You guys have read the result - "Zombie-Killer Girlfriend". And judging from the comments, it turned out pretty good.
I feel like I'm riding a roller-coaster of emotions. One moment, I'm feeling pretty good about the choices I'm making, and the next I'm either wracked with fear that its all going to go up in smoke, or I'm beating myself up for being so selfish as to risk my relationship with my daughter over a couple of inches of flesh between my legs. Hopefully, the ride will smooth out soon.
I've been meaning to talk about my experience with Dungeons and Dragons for a while. I got involved in A D & D in my teens, and because I couldn't afford the books, a friend allowed me to borrow his. I copied out the Player's handbook, the DM's Guide, and the Monster Manual by hand, and then made a world. I used my love of map-making to create a series of maps for the main continent, covering climate, languages, races, and physical features. I also created two thousand years of "back story" to explain how things got to be where they were when the players would arrive.
Well, I got a call from a local Wal-Mart, and I might just have a job as Dorothy. I had gone for the interview yesterday, and they called me today to come in to fill in a background check request and to give them permission to contact my references. Baring a bad review from them, I'm hired. The manager took a moment to tell me not only was I brave to do what I'm doing, but she told me I interviewed as well as anyone they have ever had. Pretty good news, yes? Plus, I wanted to send out a special shout-out to someone here. JennaFL sent me a couple of bras, and I wanted to thank her publicly.
I don't know if I have ever shared this, but I do have some strange obsessive-compulsive tendencies. I'm not a typical OCD person, since I am a slob, but I do have a few rituals that seem a little wonky.
Well, I have a job interview tomorrow. Wish me luck Meanwhile, my mom almost let things slip out with my daughter. She bought me a Dorothy outfit, and came back just as I was feeding my daughter. She then pulled it out and asked me to try it on while my daughter wondered why she had bought me a skirt. Fortunately, my daughter has very short attention span, so probably not much chance she will be telling her mom. Maybe its time I came clean, but I would rather be working in case she makes me fight to see my girl.
Well, my mom almost let things slip out with my daughter. She bought me a Dorothy outfit, and came back just as I was feeding my daughter. She then pulled it out and asked me to try it on while my daughter wondered why she had bought me a skirt. Fortunately, my daughter has very short attention span, so probably not much chance she will be telling her mom. Maybe its time I came clean, but I would rather be working in case she makes me fight to see my girl.
Well, my muse refuses to give a lot of details about what she's been up to - just some hints about snogging some girl named Pippa at a wedding .... But, now that she has recovered from a hangover, she is pouring ideas into my head at a furious pace. Its too bad my daughter doesn't type, maybe I could offload some of my workload .....
Well, my muse came back. Minus a shoe, ripped hose, her dress covered in stains from I don't even want to know what, but she's back. I've got two stories burning right now, my first and probably only entry into the "years worth of challenges", and a new Phoenix story. I wonder which one will get done first?
I'm sitting here, with tears in my eyes, and shaking so hard its hard to type. Wave upon wave of self-hate is hitting me, and I'm not sure I can swim. I am battered on all sides with self-doubt, one moment fearing that I could be a woman someday, and then a worse moment when I wonder if my sister-in-law is right that I am just .... rejecting my male identity.
Well, I managed to avoid most of the coverage of the Royal wedding. My reasons for this were not because of any Republican sentiments I may carry, but more raw emotions. I couldn't have born seeing that beautiful bride and that exquisite gown without being almost lost to envy. I have a wonderful girlfriend, but its hard to imagine that I will ever be a bride. But, I have to be grateful for what I do have, don't I?
Well, today there was a hiring fair for a health care company, and I went as Dorothy. We had a group interview, which was kinda different, but cool. The company looks great, and it looks like they would have no problem with me coming to work for them as Dorothy. The best moment was each of us was asked who they would hire, and one of the other people picked me. Wish me luck that they hire me.
Well, I just came home from the gender specialist, and I got the green light to work toward the real life test. He gave me a "carry letter" so I can use female washrooms, and a prescription for testosterone blockers. Now, if I only can find a job .....
Checks can be made out & sent to:
Joyce Melton
1001 Third St.
Space 80
Calimesa, CA 92320
USA
Note: $6000 is the operating, maintenance and upgrade budget. Amounts received in excess of the $6000 will be applied to long term debt accrued over the last 19 years.
