I think I've talked about what I was doing on September 11, 2001, but its pressing on my mind, so I'm going to share again, and you'll just have to put up with it.

You folks may not have noticed, but I've been doing a little housekeeping on my stories. I've but my "E-girl" universe stories together, and created folders for my essays and my autobiographical works. I'm not entirely sure why I felt the need to do this, must be a touch of OCD .....

Had a flashback yesterday, and I'm going to try and reproduce it here: (Readers are cautioned)

Well, I'm feeling a touch better today. I'm trying to not look too far ahead, nor worry about the stuff beyond my control, and that's helping.

Meanwhile, I wanted to take a sec and talk about "The Big Mall". Its one of those stories that had a life of its own. My original idea was simple - a woman like me meets the Wizard,, little bit of magic, and a satisfying ending. But my lead character had her own ideas as to what she needed, and finally I had to concede to her wishes. I think it worked out rather well, dont you?

I'm just about ready to publish my little SRU story. Its very different (I think) than anything that has been done in that universe. I rather hope you like it.

By the way, I want to say I'm really proud of all the people who commented on "Justice?" We got a good range of opinions, all well thought out, and yet stayed civil with each other as each person stated our views. Well done, one and all.

I think I've mentioned this before, but I'm a little wigged out by how super hormonal I am - crying one second, laughing the next, total emotional roller-coaster thing. If I'm like this now, what the heck am I going to be like if they let me take estrogen?

I had a nightmare yesterday. I dreamt I heard a woman's voice telling me to be careful, that "They" were coming close and that I was unarmed. The fear in the voice was enough to wake me, and I found it hard to go back to sleep again. Here's hoping today I sleep better, I don't need to be driving to work drowsy.

Well, today is not going well. I had the idea of creating a little Spells R Us story, something light and fluffy and full of wish-fulfillment. So I started with the simple idea of me (with a different name, but me, nevertheless) running into the Wizard. Unfortunately, its not going according to plan. I may end up with the most depressing SRU story in history ....

Ah, well.

This morning, I was using my electric shaver to remove the hair from my arms, legs, and chest when my dog decided she needed to investigate the noise. You'd think a dog would be scared of a shaver, but she seemed to think I needed comforting during the procedure, as she nuzzled me as I worked to remove my hair. I love my little dog.

Got a nice compliment last night. A member of my trans group told me I had a very feminine set of movements and attitude. Made me smile.

Well, I was a little bit down when I woke this morning. I struggled with the questions; "What am I doing this for? If I can't be female between my legs, what's the point?" I felt like "I'm going to die a freak, no matter what" I'm doing a bit better now, thanks to my friend Kylie, but those feelings are still there to some extent. Pray for me.

Am I being stupid, that I'm actually disappointed with how few people commented on "Night Entries"?

I have to make a decision, and I need help. See, I started working on a Ret-con origin for Commander Steel, and I came up with a unique way of dealing with the cyborg aspects of his story - without making tech that would be difficult to explain. But Lilith said it didn't really work for that universe. So the question is, do I drop that aspect, and try something else, or should i make the story not a part of that universe and keep the idea, cause its interesting? What do you guys think?

I've posted part 3 of "Night Entries", and there will only be one more part. Sorry this has been so hard to read, but I think it was good for me to get out. Not to give anything away, part 4 ends on a hopeful note, so that's good.

Those of you who have read chapter one of Night Entries can see this is not easy stuff for me to re-live. I can only assure you all that there will be some nice moments, but we have to get through the dark stuff first. Keep holding on to me, we'll all get through it together....