Well, my next story is almost ready. Because it is a sequel to Randalynn’s story, "Surprise!" I've sent a copy to her first. If she signs off, the story will be published.

Had a good, if tiring day. We drove to Calgary (about a 3 and half hour trip), and went to the Calgary Zoo. We walked around until my mom and I couldn't walk anymore, and then drove home. I'll sleep well tonight.

Well, my blog entry disappeared. Must have offended somebody. Ah, well. PM me if you want to know what it said.

Well, I somehow broke my glasses last night. (Or rather, this morning, to be more precise.) I went to move a stray hair from my wig out of my eyes, and next thing I know, out comes my lens and the frame was broken beyond simple repair. I was telling this to someone who was coming in this morning, and said, "Life just seems to like to make things fun for me."

She said, "I wouldn't call breaking your glasses fun."

I said, "Ma'am, after spending 45 years in the wrong gender, I have a pretty good understanding of Life's sense of humor."

Ah, well.

Well, I managed to wear myself out yesterday/ Took my daughter to a local pool. They have not only a wave pool, but they have this section that's set up like a rapid, and I think we broke a record for how many times we went around on it. Other than not being allowed to show any signs of my progress toward womanhood, it was a good day.

Well, I just got back from my appointment with the gender specialist's assistant. Not only will she sign off on me starting hormones, she told me I pass quite nicely. It was good to hear, and Kylie is entitled to one large "I told you so."

Well, I turned 45 this morning while at work. Its going to be a quiet day, sleeping and then going to work, so nothing much for a birthday. Doing a supper with my brother and sister in law tomorrow, and plan to be in my best skirt for the occasion, especially since I will have to leave from the restaurant and go to work. My brother and sister in law wont approve, but frankly, I don't care.

Well, I've had a bit of a setback. I phoned the gender specialist's office, and found out that I don't yet have an appointment to get my blood tested to start female hormones. Apparently, there is some question as to whether just going to work as Dorothy qualifies as a real life test or not. (Why this matters, I don't know, but there you are.) So now I have to wait and hear back from the specialist, or maybe I'll be waiting until I see him again in December to find out if I can start them anyway. ... Sigh.

Well, If I needed any proof that my daughter isnt ready for me to be out with her as Dorothy, yesterday provided it. I had woken up at 330 pm in a panic, thinking I had forgotten to pick her up from school. I hurriedly put on a t-shirt and shorts and ran out to the school, only to find her gone, picked up by my mother, who had told me she would before I went to sleep, only I had forgotten. So I went home, and they came home right after, and my daughter took one look at me and freaked out. I hadn't realized it, but I had grabbed a ladies t shirt I use as a camisole by mistake.

I think this is a good image for describing my current state. I'm climbing a mountain, at the top is "being totally female". Right now I've made some good progress, and have set up a base camp, to try and figure out the next part of my ascent. Having a safe base at the moment is wonderful, but also kind of dangerous. It would be very easy for me to be content where I am right now - being Dorothy at work, Todd around my daughter. But I know that comfort is illusion. Eventually, I have to get back to climbing, or risk falling off entirely.

I've been trying very hard to not let myself go too far into the dumps over my current circumstances. Its not easy, but I am working on it. For example, I found a replacement wallet at my work that cost exactly what I had on me. Its pink, and has all the things I need in a wallet - a change pocket, a place for bills, and of course card holders. Now, I just have to fill it with all my replacement Identifications ...

Well, as if losing my girlfriend wasnt bad enough, last night, I managed to lose my wallet. I wish I could figure out how to stop sabotaging myself. I have a hard enough road ahead of me without making things harder for myself.

For some reason, I am feeling terribly lonely this morning. I had a good day yesterday, going out for lunch with a friend, but now I feel ... empty. I wish I could have someone to hold, to hold me, someone I could whisper with in the dark when sex is not in the cards, but it seems not to be. I'm grateful for Kylie, but right now our relationship is rocky enough to accentuate my loneliness rather than relieve it. Ah, well.

I just thought to share with you all about how "Home of the Brave" came about. It started because I had found myself getting on a negative track mentally, beating myself up for my lack of courage in not dealing with the ex. This story was my way of countering that kind of negative self-talk, by reminding myself that perhaps being willing to put my own needs on hold for my daughter's sake was a kind of courage too. I hope everyone enjoyed the result.

Well, I just got back from riding in the Pride parade. My local TS group made an entry, and I got to ride in the truck and blow bubbles at people. Two things about this experience come to the front of my mind: First, being IN the parade means you dont actually see it, and second, I found it odd to have people waving and smiling at me, and taking my picture. Normally, I'm pretty shy, so it was a different experience for me. Was fun, though.