I just wanted to apologize for the delay in part 3 of "Between one step and the next". I felt like I had written myself into a corner, and was about to despair, but I think I see a way out now. Unfortunately, with real life being what it is at the moment, my writing time is seriously curtailed, so it will take a bit. It will come when it does, so thank you for your patience. and again, my apologies.

I just wanted to tell everyone not to panic. I'm an a mature woman, I will not let this little setback with my shifts stop me. I'll do a little grovelling tomorrow, and hopefully, that will be the end of it.

Well, my first shift was pretty good, and at least a couple people made a point of calling me Dorothy and one teased me and called me a young lady. All in all, I'm impressed so far. Meanwhile, I wanted to take a moment to talk about "Yes, Dear." I've been playing around with showing the difference between forced fem and consensual dressing up. The latter can be a fun experience between a couple, the former is merely torture. Accordingly, I set the piece up as dark as I dared, making it appear that I was telling a horror story, and then sprang my little surprise of the fact it was all a game.

Well, I had my one day shift today, and it was wonderful. I had been told I would spend the day in the back to prevent any issue with dressing female while wearing a male name tag. So I decided to wear a skirt and heels. But they forget to tell my new supervisor, so after I did some computer learning he sent me to the garden department. I'm glad he did, because I actually enjoyed it. Best of all, one lady was looking for something, and her older companion saw me, and said to her in my hearing, "I bet this young woman can help us." I could have kissed him.

Well, I finished my second day of orientation at Wal-mart. So far, so good. Nobody has even looked at me funny for having a male name tag while wearing female clothes, makeup, and a wig. I live in the best country in the world ....

I was having a chat with my girlfriend Kylie the other day, and the subject of my earliest crushes came up, and I thought I would share with you all about it. She was my cousin, and five years older than I. I met her because we spent a lot of time with my aunt when I first came back from overseas, and so I got to know her a little. To me, she was amazingly beautiful, graceful, and kind, and I was smitten from the first.

Well, this morning I take my first dose of T-blockers. To me, this feels like this is really the first step in my journey toward being the real me.

Well, as much as I am looking forward to working, I'm not looking forward to the small hiccup I have to deal with. Until I can legally change my name, my male name will be on my name tag. So, until I can afford to change it, I'll be a girl named "Todd" ..... Ah, well.

That's how long I've been here, according to my account info. Since that actually translates into being my second anniversary here, I thought I would take a moment to reflect on what how far I have come in those two years. Two years ago, I hadn't even dreamed of going out in public as Dorothy. I hadn't even really faced my rape. And now, I am a hair's breath from working as a woman.

I love the writer's challenges and contests here. Even when I can't come up with an entry, (which is most of the time), I love reading what others create within each contest or challenge. So I decided to create a personal challenge, just for me. I wanted to create a story with a title that began with the letter "z", and keep it under 500 words. You guys have read the result - "Zombie-Killer Girlfriend". And judging from the comments, it turned out pretty good.

I've been meaning to talk about my experience with Dungeons and Dragons for a while. I got involved in A D & D in my teens, and because I couldn't afford the books, a friend allowed me to borrow his. I copied out the Player's handbook, the DM's Guide, and the Monster Manual by hand, and then made a world. I used my love of map-making to create a series of maps for the main continent, covering climate, languages, races, and physical features. I also created two thousand years of "back story" to explain how things got to be where they were when the players would arrive.

I don't know if I have ever shared this, but I do have some strange obsessive-compulsive tendencies. I'm not a typical OCD person, since I am a slob, but I do have a few rituals that seem a little wonky.
 

Well, my mom almost let things slip out with my daughter. She bought me a Dorothy outfit, and came back just as I was feeding my daughter. She then pulled it out and asked me to try it on while my daughter wondered why she had bought me a skirt. Fortunately, my daughter has very short attention span, so probably not much chance she will be telling her mom. Maybe its time I came clean, but I would rather be working in case she makes me fight to see my girl.

Well, my muse refuses to give a lot of details about what she's been up to - just some hints about snogging some girl named Pippa at a wedding .... But, now that she has recovered from a hangover, she is pouring ideas into my head at a furious pace. Its too bad my daughter doesn't type, maybe I could offload some of my workload .....

I'm sitting here, with tears in my eyes, and shaking so hard its hard to type. Wave upon wave of self-hate is hitting me, and I'm not sure I can swim. I am battered on all sides with self-doubt, one moment fearing that I could be a woman someday, and then a worse moment when I wonder if my sister-in-law is right that I am just .... rejecting my male identity.