Went and saw "The Muppets" tonight. Its a good film, and there was one moment that I especially enjoyed. The main human character says to his muppet brother:

He said: "You've always believed in others, but that's easy. Now you have to believe in yourself, and figure out who you want to be. Because that's what growing up is all about."

I thought it was profound.

Well, last night went much more smoothly, despite my being in some physical pain. But the topper was when I had to tell a co-worker (who is always rather silent around me) that he had to take a pile of pallets outside. He dropped them in the freezer section of the store instead, and then shook his head, Once I got out of range of him, I started giggling, because it occurred to me to wonder if he was being sexist - he just didnt want to take an order from a girl. Wouldn't that be a hoot?

Well, last night I was starting to feel a wave a grief coming on, and I got to wondering what I could do to endure it better. Just when things started to look bleak, the song "The only girl in the world" came on over our intercom. Somehow, the song got me out of my rut and made me feel better again. Neat trick, that. I'll have to remember it the next time.

Well, I think the hormones are starting to have an effect on me, but not in a good way. Several times last night I was in tears, frustrated with my lack of strength. Overall, the day sucked, and I left feeling like pretty much a complete failure. Ah, well.

Well, Christmas at my brothers went pretty well. My daughter had a lot of fun decorating their tree, and then we made marshmallow snowmen while sipping hot chocolate. So what if I didnt get to wear a pretty Christmas dress?

Well, last night was kind of a mixed day. First, just before we started, I said to one of the other girls, "Shoot. I forgot to bring my boobs" By which I mean the little inserts that I use to give me some shape. She started laughing, and said, "Sorry, Dorothy. I just thought there are days when I wish I could forget mine at home."

Well, I just got home from seeing the gender specialist. He's going to send a letter to my work asking them to respect me enough to include my female name on my name tag. Otherwise, things are going well. I told him about my flashbacks, and he gave me a prescription for Ativan to help me calm myself if I'm having one. I dont know about meds, but it might be better than trying to handle it on my own.

Well, I had the worst flashback I have ever had. I'm still shaky. About the only good thing to come out of it was the story I just submitted.

Well, I survived my brother's birthday party. I love my brother, but I have been finding it increasingly hard to be around him with his and my sister-in-laws rejection of my transition. The use of my male name, the total silence if I bring up anything to do with my transition, it just wears on me. I was going to get him a gender-neutral card, but decided he could just deal with the fact I'm his sister for once, and got a nice card from a sister to her brother for him instead. He did thank me for it, but I got the distinct impression he was ignoring that part of the card. Ah, well.

Well, I finally heard back from the councilor my brother sent my info to, and I tried my best to craft a response to him. In all honesty, I'm not hopeful that anything can come out of it, but you never know.

Well, I would like to share my day in "male drag". It started when I got home from work at 7 am, and got into the only male dress outfit I have - pants. dress shirt, and suit jacket, and waited until it was time to pick up my ex and my daughter. Once we got there, we found out we had a couple of hours to wait until the ceremony, but my ex had to get into the line, so I started to wish I had grabbed a nap before we left, as I found being on my feet for that long rather tough.

Well, after a week of being home sick, my daughter is back, and full of life as always. Is there a better sound in the world than the giggle of a little girl?

I'm going to post my TG day of remembrance story now. I hope you guys like it, and remember to leave a comment!

Well, my "Quest" story has officially moved into "Novella" territory. I dont think I can make a novel, but its going to be longer than any piece I've done other than "Trial of the Phoenix". I've got a ways to go, so we'll just have to see what the final tally is ...

Well, today I'm feeling super sick. I have a headache, feel like I'm running a fever, and I have thrown up once already this morning. Not only that, my daughter is home sick with her mom, having missed the last couple of days of school, so whatever it is must be going around. I hoped I could do some writing today, but ah, well.