Well, despite still fighting the flu, I had a productive day. I got my laundry done, and took my bottles to be recycled. I took the money I got from that and spent some on getting my hair done, which was a nice experience for me since I asked them to do a more feminine style, and they had no issue with it. Again, the amazing tolerance of Canadians comes through.

Well, chapter 7 of "The Dead Kid Returns" is up. It might have to sustain everyone for a while, I'm a little blocked.

Last night, I was thinking, and I realized how much progress I'm making in areas not directly related to my gender issue. For example, I'm getting better at doing the day-to-day routine, taking care of the things that need to be taken as routine. I've got some ways to go, but I'm doing better at this.

The other big thing is dealing with my flashbacks. Like the other night, I was starting to have one, and suddenly, I "heard" a voice telling me "Dorothy, you dont need to go there. Dont you understand? You beat him. He's gone, and you're still standing. You won!"

I think I did something to my shoulder a couple of days ago, and I woke up today in a lot of pain. I really didnt need this. Ah, well.

I read Bailey's latest chapter of Jem, and I was hit with this incredible ache for the ability to crawl into my daddy's lap ....

Ah, well

Well, just got back from getting my car fixed. As we thought, it was a bent rim, so I got off kinda lucky. Still sent me back 300 bucks, so I'm going to have to rein in the budget for a bit. Ah, well.

My mom said that today at breakfast. Made me cry. I wish I could help her, but I dont know how....

I've kinda reached a place where I'm being forced to choose between moving forward and risking what I've already accomplished. See, the next steps are kinda tricky - I have to somehow navigate the ex, change my name, and then I'll be as close as I think I can come as surgery is not likely. But the risks are high too, I flop it with the ex and I worry I'll be tempted to just go back into the closet until I die. I think that's why I've been delaying putting my name change in high gear, much less confront the ex. But standing still isnt much of a option, at least not for long. Ah, well.

I'm feeling very fragile at the moment. The wrong thing at the right time or even the right thing at the wrong time, and I will crack.

Well, I had a couple of nice moments over the last couple of days. First, My mom and I were talking about an aunt who wants to change her name, and mom groused about it feeling like she was talking about a stranger. I said that it was about respecting her choice, just like calling me "Dorothy" is. She said, "But Dorothy suits you."

I thought that was kinda cool.

22 to 12.

That's not a sports score, that's how much my testosterone has dropped in the last 3 months. With them doubling my dosage of estrogen, they hope to bring that number down to 2 by my next check up in March.

Man! Its COOOOLD! Minus 35 degrees Celsius. Gonna stay that way for a couple days too. BRRR....

Well, I was going to work last night from the trans group Christmas dinner when a massive snow storm hit. I thought I was doing pretty well when disaster hit - the car in front of me span out of control, ending up sideways across two lanes of traffic. At this point I felt like I had three options: I could aim for the concrete barrier to the right of me, the raised island to the left of me, or I could just hit the breaks and hope. I touched the breaks, knew I was going to slide, and so aimed for the island.

I was incredibly stoked to read that Diana (Moongoddess) had come out to some people at her bingo hall. Of course now our bar of expectations for her goes up and I expect any day to read that she's going to the hall enfemme and getting called "Di" wherever she goes.... (just kidding hon, take your time, do it at a pace you can handle.) Anyway, after reading that I hoped it could be the start of a trend where some of our closeted authors make the choice to come out. Lets make 2012 the Year We All Stopped Hiding!

I wanted to thank everyone who responded to my request for a GG lesbian willing to talk about sexual attraction. Everything I learned re-assured me that there isnt any significant difference between how they feel and how I do. That's a relief, because I was worried about it.