Lanterns on Lake Pontchartrain
An Acadiana Transgender Story

-6-
An Earnest Conversation

I slept like shit Saturday night. Mr. Tom Anderson's pure breed Persian Blue and Ms. Susan Smith's pure breed Siamese spent the whole night making kitten's under my window. It's safe to say in about seven weeks there will be some strange looking kitten's running around the neighborhood. Oh well, that was not my problem. I just had to listen to it all night.

And when my alarm clock sounded, I was just about to reach over and turn it off and roll over and try to get a few extra hours of sleep when my boss sent me a text asking me to come in. So instead of going back to sleep I hauled my sleepy ass out of bed and rushed toward the shower. An hour later, I was dressed and on my fourth cup of coffee as I started to rush down the wooden flight of the stairs that connected my flat to the carport. Fifteen minutes later I was pulling into the parking lot of Sunflower.

And boy, I could see why my boss called me in, the guy who was supposed to cover for me yesterday did nothing. I mean the whole damn department was blown out. I mean that, there was not one single head of cabbage in the case and from just glancing at it, I could tell nobody had culled the damn thing in at least twenty four hours.

Putting the mother fucker back together was a pain the neck. First I had to cull the damn thing, which took almost two damn hours, then I had to walk to the cooler and back room to see what I had to work with and then the real work began. By the time the church crowd hit, I was just starting to make progress. And as soon as the church crowd hit all that progress had been tossed out the mother fucking window.

And so for twelve hours I battled that beast. Till at last I was forced to wave the white flag and walk away from it. The cooler was empty, the backroom save for one case of tomatoes was empty and the section still looked like shit. It had more holes in it than Swiss cheese and there was nothing I could do but wait till tomorrow shipment.

Oh the plus side, I'd racked up a hell of a lot over time. Anyway before I left work I asked my boss to approve some PTO. That stands for Paid Time Off. I wanted this coming Friday and Saturday Off. And the next Sunday and Monday off. Of course she raised, bitched and threatened to have my job. But in the end I got it approved. I was also told to take tomorrow off since I came in today.

After work, I was dead on my feet, yet somehow I still managed to get my ass to Wal-Mart and buy a few pairs of panties and bras and a pink nightgown. I figured tonight I might as well try to dress like a woman. After all, I was so tired I doubted the sound of two horny cats making love would wake me. And I also decided I would order pizza from Pizza Hut. Because I did not feel like cooking.

Instead I ordered an extra large pepperoni pizza from Pizza hut with an order of cheese sticks. I'd just placed my order and changed into a pink nightgown when my phone rang. I knew the number, it was cousin Jasmine calling to check in one I guess. I picked up after the second ring.

“Hey! Just wanted to tell you I booked your train and booked you a bed and breakfast. I take it you got some work over the weekend?” Jasmine said without giving me a chance to even say 'Hello'.
“I'm afraid not..” I said blushing.

“WHY NOT!” She yelled. “You have the whole damn weekend off girlfriend! Two perfect days of shopping! And I booked you an early train! Listen! I mean it, I swear to God you better not be getting cold feet on me! Really Isabella! You're my cousin and I love you like a sister! But do you have any idea how much trouble I've gone through this weekend to line all this up for you!”

“Sorry..” I said meekly. “I spent yesterday reading and shopping on Amazon and I got called in today because the new guy called in sick. But I get this coming Friday and Saturday off! Plus Sunday and Monday so.. I'll be there..I promise..” I said, sighing. I felt like a little girl who just got caught with her hand down in the cookie jar. And now her mother was tearing her a new one  fir sneaking a cookie or two.

“Good, I got the bunny suit lined up too. Since you were not around for it to be tailored to fit you . I kind of guessed. I have a seamstress on hand just in case we need to tighten it up a bit.” Isabella paused. “When you wear an outfit like this girl, you always get a size down from what you normally wear.”

“Hey.. what if I'm not transgender?” I said. I don't know where the question came from, but it just popped into my head. It was quite a silly question. Because right now as we talked, I was wearing a frilly pink nightgown and my shoulder length raven black hair had been pulled back in a high ponytail and braided and at the end a cord of blue ribbon had been tied around it.

“Okay that question came from left field..”

“I'm sorry it's just something I need to ask. Because things seem to moving a bit too quickly or not quick enough!” I said as I cradled the phone in my hand. “Plus you went through all this trouble and I'm..” I hung my head down in shame. “I feel like an outsider! Like nobody understands me! Like.. I don't know..” I found myself choking on my own words. And I found myself fighting to hold back the tears that threaten to spill down my cheeks.

“Okay.. Girl if you're this emotional now.. I would hate to see what happens when you start on hormones.. shit going to get crazy as fuck.” Jasmine said as she took a deep breath.

“Jasmine..” I said, choking back some tears.

“Okay! First, thing first. I've been calling you 'Belle' since we last talked. If that bothers you, tell me now, and I'll stop.” Jasmine said. I noticed a sudden shift in her tone of voice. It was like she was taking charge of the conversation and I was perfectly fine with that. But then she added. “Also, do yourself and me a huge favor and answer these questions as truthfully as possible.”

“Yes ma'am.” I squeaked a little.

“Good. Now, should I keep calling you 'Belle'? Or do you want me to go back to calling you Casper?” Jasmine had to start with the most direct question possible. But I guess this was the best question to start with so taking a deep breath I closed my eyes and said.

“I like it when you call me 'Belle' but for now I want to 'Belle' only when I'm dressed like her. Like this coming weekend at the photo shoot and at the pageant And when we talk on the phone too. Does that make sense?” I said as I started to get a grip on my emotions.
“Okay! Good, I'll call you 'Belle' when you're dressed as a girl, and when you're doing the pageant and stuff. But when you're at work and stuff I'll just call you Casper. Sounds good?” Jasmine asked.

“Perfect.” I said looking down at the floorboards of my flat.

“Okay, next question. Do you still want to do the photo shoot? Are you okay with that? If not I can always pull a few strings and tell the people from YenExpress that you caught Covid or something. And are you still going to do the pageant thing?” Another direct question from Cousin Jasmine.

“Yes, to both.” I said swallowing hard.

“Okay! Now for you being transgender or not. I can not answer that question for you, that a question only you can answer. I can put you in touch with people who can help you decide. But in the end only you can truly decide if you are or if you're not.” Jasmine paused. “Also how big is your flat? Can two people share it without any problem?”

“I think so... I'm sleeping on an old army cot right now, but the sofa has a fold out bed in it. I sometimes sleep on it, two people can sleep on the fold out bed I guess..” My voice started to trail a little. “Why?”

“Because I might need to follow you home and stay with you a while. Cause your emotions are all over the place. And I've seen people do dumb things when they're just starting out. I've seen people purge, I've seen them cut off all their hair, I've seen them slice their wrist open.. not saying you will or anything. I just want to be close to you if you need me. Instead of you know eighty miles north.” Jasmine paused. “We can't afford to lose another sister, and I'll be damned if I let the darkness claim another one of my sisters!”

I blinked was Jasmine crying? Was the tough as nails, quick witted, peppery girl that I knew and love crying. A few tense moments of silence passed as I just cradled the phone close to my ears. The wait was killing me, the only thing I could hear on the other end was Jasmine crying.

“Jasmine?” I said in a hushed tone of voice.

“We lose so many each year! I lost my best friend! I'm not going to lose my baby sister! I refuse to lose my baby sister! I can't go through that again! I can't! I won't! I won't be called down to the city morgue to identify another sister who lost the fight to depression and killed herself! I won't sign another release form because the family disowned her and I was the only family she had! I won't! I don't care if you're transgender or not, you're the only blood family I have besides mom and dad!” Jasmine seemed to be choking on her own tears now and the words just spewed out of her mouth.

“Jasmine.. promise me you won't leave me?” I said sniffing a little, a fresh batch of tears were starting to fall again. “Promise me you won't leave me again? I can't lose you again!” I shouted as the tears broke and started to fall down my cheeks.

“I promise... and promise me you'll never leave me either? Promise me if you ever think about killing yourself you would call me and allow me to get you some help! Promise me, Promise me Isabella Mari Fisherman!” Was Jasmine shouting at the other end of the line. She was? Oh God this conversation had turned on a dime and all because I asked a simple question?

“I promise..” I think that was the only thing I could say. But how to get this conversation back on track? Was this a normal conversation? Did girls have these conversations often? Was it normal for girls to break down on the phone and pour out their heart and soul to each other? Jesus what was I getting into? And maybe Jasmine was right, if just thinking about being a girl made me think and act like this, what would happen when they started pumping me full of estrogen each week?

“Good..” Jasmine said as she heaved a sigh. “I gotta go wash my face now! I ruined my make-up and I'm supposed to meet a guy for cocktails in a half an hour. Lord, my face is a mess.” Jasmine seemed to be laughing a little. Maybe that was a good thing.

“Wow! A date! Is he cute?” I said blushing a little. “I bet he is a big time businessman, who wears only tailored suits and wears really fancy gold watches!” I tried to tease her a little, to make her laugh and it worked. Jasmine laughed a little. I could tell by the tone of her voice she was smiling a little too.

“Oh pretty good. He has the most adorable little penis! But girl he can use it! I mean he can go in deep and hit all the right places with it and when he bursts. It's like, it's like this, you're the cupcake and he's the creamy filling and he fills you up good!” Jasmine seemed to be flushing a little and her laugh told me the information she was telling me came from first hand experience.

“Wow..” I said blushing a little. “Does he have a younger brother by chance?” I asked, It was the only teasing line I could think of. Or the only line a girl my age would say. I was still new to the whole trying to think like a girl thing.

“He does, he's around your age and he's a signal too! I can mention you to him.” Jasmine said in a coy tone of voice. “You could be his first and take his cherry!” She added before laughing a little.

I felt my cheeks flush with color as Jasmine turned the tables on me. I looked down at the ground and then in a soft tone of voice I whispered. “Hey, Jasmine.. I'm still a virgin too!”

Again silence.

“For real?” Jasmine said in a stunned tone of voice. “Like a virgin, like never been with a guy and never been with a girl? Like no sex at all? Not even a hand-job or a blow job?”

“Yes, never been with a guy, never been with a girl, ever had a hand-job, never given a hand-job, never given a blow-job, never had a blow-job.. Never even kissed a girl..” I added.

“Shit.. where you going to a nun or something?” Jasmine asked as shook her head.

“I was considering the priesthood at one point.” I admitted.

“Okay I think this is a good place to call it quits for the night. I have to repair my face, you gotta eat. And we just need to unwind. It's been a good call, I think we cleared the air. Get some rest and I'll call you tomorrow to just check in on you. Sounds good?” Jasmine said.

“Sounds good! Love you.” I said

“Love you too.” Jasmine said. “Little sister.” And with that she discounted the call and hung up and there another chapter came to an end.