Natalie had been led back to the psychiatric institute. Specifically, back to Sara’s office. She could see Sara typing something onto her computer as she sat in the chair in front of her.

“Thank you.” Sara said to the person who found Natalie. They smiled, then promptly left the room.

Natalie involuntarily winced and looked down. Sara had to be disappointed in her. It’d be right for her to be. She stormed out of the group therapy room, stormed out of the building, and fell down crying behind some pizza place. She was seriously pathetic. How could anyone not be disappointed?

“I’m not going to yell at you.” Sara said to her with compassion.

Natalie looked up, her eyes lined with hints of forming tears.

“I know it’s hard.” Sara said. “I just want to know why you felt you had to leave.”

Natalie felt a lump form in her throat. Guilt ate away at her heart. Why was she feeling so guilty? What happened to the determined woman ready to storm back here just a few minutes ago? Could she not even keep herself straight for that short a span of time?

No one said anything for about three minutes, the only sound in the room being the ticking second hand of the clock on the wall. Putting everything into words seemed impossible.

“I was angry.” Natalie finally said.

Sara looked on, giving her time to continue.

“Everyone in there was so… they… they didn’t know what they were talking about.”

“How so?” Sara questioned.

Natalie was silent again. It was hard to say what she was thinking, but… Sara was so understanding. She, of all people, would see where Natalie was coming from, right?

“They’re just… cowards.”

“Cowards?”

“Yeah, it’s just frustrating.” Natalie said. “I don’t know how they can ignore that they aren’t real people.”

“What do you mean?” Sara asked. “They’re not ignoring what happened to them, they’re trying to cope. And they are real people. They were there, they were talking to each other, they were helping each other. They’re real. They’re whoever they want to be.”

“Why are you sugarcoating it?” Natalie asked. “None of us are real people. We’re some deranged lunatic’s power fantasy.”

“Natalie, you’re all so much more than that.” Sara said. “You lived real lives, had real memories. You all have unique journeys, and all of them have valu-”

“Cut the shit!” Natalie yelled, sudden anger overtaking her.

Sara’s face turned to one of sympathy.

“The only reason we exist is because a very sick person made us real. No one here cares about the facts, they just want everyone to feel good. Well, I’m not having it!”

“I’m sorry you think that about yourself.” Sara said. “It’s okay to be mad, but your thought process is very unhealthy.”

“Do we tell psychosomatic people that their illness is real? No, we don’t. We don’t indulge in their delusions.”

“Natalie, you’re veering off course. I think you might need some time to relax and cool off.”

“Shut the fuck up and let me talk!”

Natalie had gone red, visibly fuming with anger. So quickly had rage filled her heart. She lost control before she even knew it.

“Natalie.” Sara said. “I know I’m not the most experienced with identity death. I have a lot to learn. But I have been doing my research. And what I do know is that feeling fake, feeling inadequate, feeling like you don’t belong, that’s not uncommon. It’s normal to not know who you are. But… Natalie, look at yourself. Look at what you’re doing. Look at what you’re saying.”

Natalie turned her head away.

“You’re attacking your fellow victims, saying they don’t know what they’re talking about. That they’re cowards. That none of them are real people. And with that, you’re getting yourself mad.”

Natalie’s gaze remained fixed on the wall to her left, refusing to look at Sara.

“These people are trying their best to cope with what happened to them. They’re on your side, and you’re shutting them down. That’s not healthy, Natalie. When I hear what you’re saying, I see someone who’s hurting badly. Someone who has a deep hatred of themselves, and is lashing out at other people. It’s hard, but we need to find a better way for you to cope.”

Natalie still didn’t budge.

“Have you had any irregularities when reliving past memories?”

Natalie pondered that for a moment. She was sure she wasn’t experiencing anything particularly odd. Except maybe when “Nathan” suddenly popped in earlier. That was normal right? Natalie wanted to ask, and she almost did, but she simply shook her head.

“Okay. I think it might be a good idea for you to have some time away from this for a while. Take a break. If you want to, of course.” Sara said. “Really, it’s up to you, but I think you should take a little break.”

“I think so too.” Natalie muttered.

“How about a walk?” Sara suggested. “If you want I can come with you. Or you can have someone else. Or you can be alone, if you want.”

“I want this all to be over.”

“I know.” Sara said. “This is a long, hard process. It takes time, and it doesn’t have a clear end.”

“No, I mean I want this to be over, right now.”

Sara became concerned, and Natalie turned toward her.

“You said that Nathan’s timeline still exists, right?”

“Yes.” Sara answered hesitantly.

“I want to go back.” Natalie stated. “I want to go back to my real timeline. To Nathan. You can do that right?”

“Yes… but I’m not sure that’s-”

“I know I’m not the only person who’s gone back.”

Sara sighed. “No, but… Natalie, in your current state, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. Going back to Nathan’s timeline won’t bring back all your memories. It won’t make you feel better. It’s an entirely different reality, and that… that could overwhelm you.”

“I know what I want.” Natalie stated. “It might not make me feel any better, but I’ll be where I’m supposed to be. Not living some fake life cooked up by some lunatic.”

“Again, this is a big decision. A new reality isn’t a small thing. You should at least take a few da-”

“I don’t fucking care!” Natalie shouted. “Stop fucking talking! I don’t care! Do you think I wanted this!? Do you think I wanted to have some secret male life!? No, I didn’t. I want to be a normal woman. A woman who was born a woman, and wasn’t some random guy forcibly turned into a woman by his insane fucking roommate! You don’t have any fucking idea what I’m going through! I have to wonder if every single one of my fucking habits was created by him. If the way I think was created by him!”

Natalie’s outburst had taken her out of her seat. Sara examined her enraged state, fully expecting her to continue yelling and ranting.

That didn’t happen.

Natalie sat back down, her rage being replaced by bitter defeat.

“I can’t trust anything anymore.” She said. “I’m done. I’m beyond done. Just fucking take me back.”

Sara stared at Natalie for a long moment after that was said. Her eyes jumped back and forth between her and the computer, considering the request and everything that came with it.

“If that’s what you really want.” Sara said as she typed something onto her computer. “Then it can be done.”

***

The next two hours passed by like a dream. If one were to ask Natalie what happened during them, she wouldn’t have been able to recall. It was as if her mind had been shut off, refusing to process any new information.

It wasn’t until she was told to press some button that it finally rebooted.

Holding down the button, Natalie saw the mirror fill with blue, cloud-like swirls. They spun around constantly, soon consuming the entirety of the image and leaving nothing else visible.

“This will take you back to where the Nathan timeline left off.” Sara said. “Step through it, and you’ll be put back to sleep. When you wake up, you’ll be Nathan, fully in the alternate reality.”

As that information was passed onto her, Natalie saw the clouds gradually clear up. The floorboards, the walls, the ceiling, the door, everything in the room slowly became visible again. When the last of the clouds faded, Natalie saw the reflection of Nathan looking back at her.

“The portal can only be open for twenty minutes.” Sara explained. “If you need more time to think, make sure you come to your decision in twenty minutes.”

Natalie reached her hand up to the side of her face, watching Nathan copy her every movement with perfection. She was in awe of its precision. How could it be possible for an entirely different body to reflect one’s motions so well?

Sara walked back toward the door of the small room. The door opened and Natalie turned back to her. Sara gazed at her for a bit, looking like she wanted to say something to her, but she didn’t. She walked back through the door and shut it, not saying another word.

Natalie turned back to the reflection of Nathan before her. Nathan looked exactly as she remembered him from the memories. Memories she was told she wouldn’t be getting back if she stepped through here. Memories she would still have to relive after stepping through. The portal couldn’t change that.

A twinge of uncertainty and dread hit Natalie as she stared into the mirror. Against her will, shame broke into her mind. Was she actually going to do this? Maybe she needed a little more time to…

Natalie shook her head. No, this was what she wanted. She was happy about this. She couldn’t wait to get to her real life, the one that really happened. She didn’t want to be a man, but she couldn’t always get what she wanted.

This was something that had to be done

Natalie stepped through the portal, blackness soon overcoming her vision.