The locker door slammed shut right beside thirteen year old Natalie’s face. She flinched and quickly turned around, her mouth agape and her breathing heavy.

The older girl in front of her, alongside the two friends flocking to her sides, looked at her scornfully. This girl was at least a year older than Natalie, in the eighth grade, and she made it her mission to scare the younger girls and make their lives miserable.

“That got your attention, didn’t it?” She said. “You’re finally looking at me like a normal person.”

“What do you want?” Natalie asked, fearful.

“No, what do YOU want, Natalie? I’ve noticed the way you look at other girls in here and it’s making me sick.” The older girl said. “It’s like changing with a boy.”

“Wha… what do you mean?”

“I mean you’re checking us out! Especially me. The way you look at me, it’s like you wanna…”

“No, it’s nothing like that!” Natalie interjected. “I don’t… I don’t even know what you’re talking about. I don’t… check girls out.”

“Yes you do! All the time, I can see it.” The older girl accused her. “What do you say girls? I think we have a lez on our hands.”

“N- …No.” Natalie tried to retort as the other girls laughed at her.

“Well if you want to look at us like a boy, then I guess we should respond like a boy.”

Natalie stood still and grew terrified as the older girl approached her. With each step her heartbeat increased. What the hell was she going to do to her?

She felt the sides of her pants gripped onto, and with one swift motion, they were pulled down, revealing her underwear in front of all the girls in the locker room.

The older girls laughed as they walked away. Natalie tried to ignore all the other girls staring at her as she pulled her pants up. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop the tears from forming in her eyes.

She didn’t know which was worse, getting pantsed in front of all the girls in the room, suffering the most embarrassing moment in her life as her bully walked away and laughed at her.

Or the fact that, while it was happening, she was STILL attracted to her.

Natalie fell to the ground, tears flowing down her face and landing on the hard floor. She cried more and more as all the laughs in the room sounded in her ears. She cried for minutes on end, praying that it would soon all go away.

After a while the laughs grew more muffled, slowly fading into the background as the lights turned off, and the floor became softer.

Then finally, she blinked, and the laughing stopped. She saw the darkness of her bedroom.

***

Natalie slammed the car door shut as she started the slow drive to work.

Last night confirmed it for her, her brain wanted to torture her. When it wasn’t reliving her transformation, it was the worst of her repressed memories.

She hit the gas pedal hard, pulling out of the apartment parking lot almost aggressively. She gave out an irritated huff as she came upon her first red light. Her free hand, the one left by her side, laid there as she tapped her fingers and thumb together repeatedly, from left to right, then back again.

Every time, every single time she fell in love with a woman, it was her mind conspiring against her. Forcing her to feel attraction when there should have been none. She was hopeless.

The light turned green, and Natalie nearly floored the vehicle before stopping herself. She brought her free hand back to the steering wheel, smacking it along the way.

Sooner or later, she’d have to do something about Kira.

***

Thank god today was a slow day.

Nathan was in control at the moment, as he had been since the start of the shift. He wished it would stay that way, Natalie had more than enough to deal with right now. She needed a break, and a much longer one than he could reasonably give. He wished he could do more.

If there was any silver lining at all to Natalie being stuck like this it’s that she’d hopefully finally learn to love herself and her body. It was a little hard for Nathan to judge, considering the family resemblance he had with her, but Natalie was gorgeous. She was, without question, the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. And he could understand why she would find that so upsetting. If Astian “made” her, then obviously he’d want to make his new girlfriend extremely hot. It was another sign of just how much of her identity was created and designed by Astian for the sole purpose of appealing to him. He could understand why that was so hard for her to move past.

But if living in this body wasn’t able to convince Natalie how beautiful and healthy her body was, nothing would.

Looking down at himself and putting a hand to his stomach, Nathan could feel the fat buildup. Was it just him or did it feel even fattier than usual today? Whatever the case, Natalie had nothing like that. Even just BEING in her body, he felt more fit and limber.

If he actually started working out, maybe he’d get something out of this too.

“Nathan?”

Taking his eyes off his stomach, he looked up and saw Kira, once again. That same girl who was making Natalie and him feel butterflies.

“Hey.” He said to her, nervous. “How are you doing today?”

“Kinda shitty.” She answered. “I gotta leave work early, which should be good, except it’s to go to some stupid family event where I gotta talk to all my annoying relatives, so it sucks. Also, I can’t take you out to lunch today.”

“…Oh.” Nathan said, a bit disappointed.

She sighed. “Yeah. I’m sorry. But, I still like hanging out with you, and Friday’s coming up in two days so…”

Nathan squinted his eyes in disbelief. “What are you suggesting?”

“I want you to go out clubbing, with me.”

Nathan was stunned. He gulped, then asked “are you trying to take me out on a… date?”

Kira laughed. “I mean… I never said THAT. We can go clubbing as friends.”

Nathan blushed, forcing out a few chuckles. “…I guess but… that’s just not something friends are supposed to do together, you know? We can’t do it if you’re a woman and I’m a man. It doesn’t… it doesn’t work like that.”

“Why not? Is that written in a rule book somewhere?”

“N- no?”

“Then we can go as friends.”

“But… every time a man and woman go clubbing together, it’s a date. It’s not like I can be ‘one of the girls’. I’m not… like…” Nathan’s eyes got stuck on Kira’s face. It was so pretty…

Kira giggled. “Well then we might have to get the girl in you to come out.” She said.

Nathan shook his head. “Umm… wait, no. I don’t want…”

Kira waved him off. “I’m sorry, I was just joking. I’m not gonna make you wear a dress or anything.”

Nathan felt relieved. “Thank you.” He said.

Kira looked up and suddenly said “oh shit, I better get going now. Uh, we’ll talk about this more tomorrow. Bye!”

Following her eyes, Nathan saw the clock. “Hey wait.” He said. “For the club, what exactly do I…”

He turned around, but Kira was already gone.

“…wear.”

***

Nathan spent his lunch break alone in his car, his only lunch being a cinnamon doughnut he bought from a nearby grocery store, his comfort food he always ate when he was stressed.

It was stuff like this that made him overweight.

Why did Kira want to go clubbing with him, of all people? He was just about the WORST person to go to a place like that with. Not only was he antisocial, but he just didn’t do well with bright lights, loud music, and rooms packed to the brim with people. He was the kind of person who’d rather stay at home and play a video game.

It didn’t help that he also wasn’t exactly the most attractive man out there. Sure, he remembered Natalie thinking he could be a handsome man, so long as he actually took care of his appearance, but he didn’t see it. He was a very mediocre looking man, and that was being generous. He didn’t stand out in the least.

Natalie would probably like going out with her though. She wasn’t the biggest extrovert out there, but she was definitely one to clubbing every once in a while. He even remembered going out to the club as Natalie, wearing this sexy, too revealing red dress and dancing in high heels. Even now, being Nathan, he could almost remember this as if he was the one doing it, which wasn’t the case with these memories before. Were Natalie and him getting closer? He hoped so.

The edges of Nathan’s mouth creeped up as he thought of the memory, then went down once his mind soured. He forgot the bad part of the memory.

Going to the club with Astian. Not just dancing with him, but grinding on him, kissing him hungrily and holding him tight and close. He grabbed Natalie’s ass so many times that night, and at one point even tried to expose her breasts. Sure, they were against the wall and where a lot of people wouldn’t see them, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t still very weird.

At least he paid for all the drinks. “I’ll glady open doors, pay for things, and do everything nice for a woman, so long as she deserves it.”

Christ, what a dick. How did they not notice this before?

And how would Nathan be any better? He couldn’t dance for the life of him, nor could he control himself around alcohol. And for the love of god, WHAT was he supposed to wear?

No, he wouldn’t go out to the club on Friday, that would be a horrible idea. He did NOT want to go to this.

He wiped his face with a napkin as his legs kept swinging fast under his seat.

He’s definitely not going.

***

Natalie almost leaped back to her car when her shift was over. She hurriedly climbed into the driver’s seat, shut the door, and began giggling uncontrollably.

“Oh my god I’m actually going to-”

She stopped her thoughts and forced her mouth into a frown. No, she was not going out clubbing with some girl she barely knew, she’d already been over that. Nathan didn’t want to go and neither did she. How could she ever go back to a club after Astian? Not to mention she was still attracted to her, which was BAD. Going to this would only encourage her brain to keep that attraction going and make it stronger. She couldn’t be spending time with her doing things that felt like a date!

No, she was NOT going. Bad Natalie, get down.

She switched on her car and began pulling out of the parking lot. When she entered the main road her free leg started swinging.

She couldn’t wait to help Nathan pick out what to wear… in case they decided to go, that is… which they won’t.

***

Natalie rushed inside her door and quickly locked it shut, unable to contain her giggling. She felt so stupid, why in the world was she giggling so much? This was what little girls did, not grown women! And she had to look really weird, being an adult man giggling this much.

Her smile faded. There it is, she was still great at bringing her own mood down.

She slowly stood up and made her way to the couch, plopping down with her head in her hands again.

She really wanted to be a woman again. And wear a pretty dress to the club. And do her makeup until her face looked perfect and kissable. She wished there was some way Nathan could empathize with her.

…Maybe she SHOULD try and convince him. Some ideas were just crazy enough to work, after all.

Nathan lifted his head out of his hands and stared at the wall.

He sighed. Now Natalie too? He was just wonderful at this.

***

Nathan paced incessantly across his apartment living room, just trying to figure out one thing.

Why?

What was he doing wrong? Why did people think he wanted to be a woman? Was it something about the way he spoke that threw people off? Was he giving out some sort of signal without knowing? He needed someone to tell him, because he felt like he was going mad.

Sure, there was a lot to like about women. Their soft skin, round faces, curves, and breasts were all very nice, plus their clothes were pretty and colorful. Women’s clothing in general always seemed to stick in your mind in a way men’s clothing didn’t. They came in so many different shapes and sizes, in a variety of different textures and colors. It was actually a little overwhelming to think about, especially in comparison to men’s clothes, which were always the same bland blues, blacks and greens. Women had so many more options.

They always put so much effort into their appearance too, much more than Nathan did with his scruffy chin anyway. But that extra time had to have been worth it, right? It certainly was for him, back when he was Natalie he would wake up early every morning, stare right into a mirror and paint his face for about twenty minutes. He didn’t like it all the time, sometimes he was even annoyed, but after it was done, he always smiled. He felt like he had just got done painting something beautiful, making some wondrous work of art that everyone around the world would gather round to see. Sometimes it felt like that while he was doing it too. He loved seeing his own face smile.

A woman’s outfit was like art, it could elicit so many different emotions and make her that much more beautiful. A man’s outfit was for efficiency. If it was a shirt and didn’t have holes in it, it would do. Hell, it’d probably do if it DID have holes in it, as it did for Nathan. Looking at that life now, it seemed… sad.

…What was he thinking about again?

Oh, right.

So maybe there were a few aspects of being a woman that he liked. Maybe a few that he missed. Maybe for a while, he even wanted to go back to being a woman.

But none of that meant a thing. The point still stands that, for the vast majority of his life, Nathan didn't think once that he wanted to be a woman. This shit with having two lives was just getting to his head.

Wait… that was it! Of course! He finally figured it out!

It was Astian!

Yes, Astian’s spell was the source of this. It was the magic that made Nathan like being a woman, made him like being Natalie, and made him want to return. How could he be so stupid? If Astian had the ability to warp reality itself then changing his mind to make him enjoy being a woman wasn't a stretch at all. This was never authentic, him wanting to go back, it was just the remnants of the transformation still lingering in his head.

Hold on, if that was the case then… the spell would still be in effect…

Fuck! What could that mean? Was there a way to force it out? He couldn’t STILL be having these feelings about wanting to be a woman. What if one day he gave in?

Nathan noticed his hand shaking and took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. Okay, he didn't need to get all worked up. This wasn’t that bad. All he needed to do was ask the Guardians for a way to fully undo the spell next time they meet. Then he’d be golden.

Nathan chuckled as he got out his phone to explain the situation to Natalie. As long as she understood that he did NOT want to be a woman, everything would be fine.

***

Natalie sat there puzzled as the message finished. Hearing it played back to her was even more bizarre than having said it.

“Nathan: Hey Natalie. Look, I know you were thinking about transitioning, you know becoming trans in that body. And as much as I respect that, I can't let you do it. I am a man, and have always been one. I will never be anything other than a man, and so I think you should respect that as well.

I know I can be confusing sometimes, hell I even confuse myself. But I can promise you right here that I never, in my life, ever wanted to be a woman. Not one part of my mind has any desire to be female, not one bit. Maybe I wanted to go back to your life for a bit, but that was just because your life was much better. It had nothing to do with being a woman.

I hope we can soon come together to find a good solution that works for both of us, because becoming a woman again is not going to work out. That’s all I have to say for now. Good bye.”

Shouldn't she be upset right now? Something wasn’t quite right.

Do men usually have to reassure others that they absolutely, positively, one hundred percent do NOT want to be a woman?

Maybe she shouldn’t have thought about convincing him, but it was just a thought. It was too bad that sharing a head meant not even your thoughts were private. Though, if there was one benefit to it, it was that she was able to pick up on things, little things, that Nathan wouldn’t have been able to on his own.

Nathan was full of self-hatred, and he was rarely happy. It was like he was always going through the motions of life, but never truly living. He was there, but he wasn’t fully THERE.

At first she thought he was just depressed, but recently she’d been thinking it was more complicated than him just being depressed. It was about the time when her mother told her that in this reality, Nathan cried when he was really little because he thought he was ugly, that she realized something was seriously up. And his thoughts only served to validate that.

But that wasn’t what tipped her off, nor was it the message. No, what tipped her off was a crucial detail about Nathan’s mental state that she had just begun to recognize. She didn’t notice it before, somehow it had slipped her mind. And it wasn’t a small detail, in fact it was quite huge now that she noticed.

Natalie hated every second she was stuck in this body, that was no secret. There was not a single thing about being a man that she liked. Even the previous upsides like extra strength now seemed like downsides, she felt like she could hurt someone really bad without trying. Every day her disgust, her anger, and her discomfort got worse.

And whenever she was Nathan, that discomfort DIDN’T STOP.