BIG GIRLS DO CRY
‘Mum?’ The voice came out of the kitchen.’
‘I’m here, Christie. Let me put my things down. I’ve only just got in from work.’
Christie came into the hall to see her mum trying to juggle two boxes of files from work, a plastic carrier bag from Tesco full of groceries and her hand bag. ‘Yes, but Jerry’s been crying in his bedroom since he came home from school. We’ve all been to see what’s the matter, but he told us to go away. I think it’s something pretty bad, cos he’s been crying for hours, and he never cries. I’ll take the groceries and put it away for Helen, Mum. If you want us we’ll be ironing in the laundry. Jessie’s been through your washing as well as ours and has put a load of delicates on and she’s planning on doing the main wash when they’re finished. She said Dad’s got enough clean shirts, undies and socks for next week, so she she’s going to wash his laundry tomorrow, cos there’s two loads need doing.’
Gwendoline sighed as Christie took the shopping. She had a premonition that filled her with dread as to what she was about to face, but steeling herself to it, as a tigress prepared to die for one of her cubs, she merely said, ‘Thank you, Christie. Tell Jessie I’m grateful. I’ll go and see what’s happened.’
Gwendoline worked as an administrator for a large national chain of DIY stores and having reared her children to the point where she could return to full time working she was still struggling a bit to manage it all. She’d originally intended to wait another two years till her youngest was at secondary school, but the children were responsible and a great help, and the extra money was helping to pay more quickly for the large extension to the house that had been finished two years ago. The decision that she should return to work had been made by the entire family, not just herself and Malcolm. Much of the housework and the garden maintenance was done by the children and Helen the youngest did most of the cooking and the shopping. The extension had more than doubled the already large detached house in size, but since the house was set in three acres of garden the impact the extension made on the amenities the property provided the family with had only been positive. It had been built to avoid the trauma of having to move to a larger property in order to accommodate the needs of her growing family, and whilst a little harassed from time to time she had no regrets about her decision to return to full time work because it had meant the children had not had to change schools and make new friends.
Gwendoline and Malcolm had four children of whom sixteen year old Jeremy, known as Jerry, was the eldest. His three younger sisters, Christie, Jessie and Helen were thirteen, eleven and nine respectively and were all loud and outgoing in complete contrast to their indrawn, quiet and almost isolated brother. Despite that they were close, sometimes she thought too close as it seemed to prevent him making other friends. Jerry had always been quiet and had never sought the company of other children, not even his sisters, who fair to say had always included him in their games. Even before he went to school his parent’s and his dad’s parents, Gwendoline’s parents had died before he was born, had noticed that he was a clever and gentle soul who whilst he enjoyed playing with his baby sister preferred to practise his latest found skill: reading, and he’d never bothered with the toys they’d bought him. As they had grown up the girls’ friends had been included in their games, and whilst Jerry got on well with them they were friends of the girls, not of their brother. Jerry was popular at school and a well behaved, bright pupil. He had always been tall and well coordinated, so was good at games, and he played football [soccer] and cricket for his primary school.
When he was eight his grandfather had speculated to his wife and Jeremy’s parents, ‘I wonder if he plays football because he’s gay? And how old does a boy typically become before he would know? And if he is what could we do to help him? Perhaps a little research is called for.’
By the time Jeremy moved to secondary school he was a good looking boy, growing dramatically and attracting the notice of older girls of whom he seemed to be completely unaware. His parents had deemed it unlikely he was gay and though relieved that his sporting prowess involved him with other boys at school and he appeared to be coming out of his isolation, for he played football, rugby, cricket and tennis for the school and was an excellent track and field athlete competing in a variety of events, they were deeply troubled about him. They decided not to confront him nor even to try gentle questioning because he spent more than enough time on his own and they were frightened it would isolate him altogether.
Jeremy had always been completely uninterested in traditional boys activities, and even less in computer games, and his family had wondered many a time why he was so heavily involved in school sporting activities when he clearly wasn’t any more interested in boys than he was in girls, and other than playing for the school he expressed no interest in sport of any description. He never talked about school sport and whether they won or lost seemed to matter nothing to him. A little light was cast on the situation when Jerry was twelve, albeit unwittingly, by Christie when she, in the hearing of her gran, made a remark to her sisters about ‘the other girls’ that clearly included Jerry. ‘They consider him to be a girl,’ she told her son and daughter in law. The adults watched closely and indeed when his guard was down, usually when he believed only his sisters were around, his speech, behaviour and body language, though not completely feminine, were more like those of a girl three years his junior than of a boy of his age. The adults researched the matter and ultimately came to understand trans issues rather well, but were still puzzled by his sporting activities. It was decided to wait and allow Jerry, or at the worst his sisters, to bring the matter into the light of day, but all sorts of ways of helping him to resolve the matter had been discussed. Jerry’s dad and granddad had expected him to force the issue, probably at dinner one evening, but his mum and gran had thought he would ultimately breakdown as the pressure became too much, and they’d formulated all sorts of contingency plans. It would just be a matter of doing what would work at the time.
By the time he stopped growing he was six feet four inches tall in his stockinged feet and massed a hundred kilos, [220 pounds] but to his family’s concern other than school sport he’d become increasingly isolated in his attempts to avoid the pursuit of girls, mostly his sisters’ friends.
Gwendoline knocked on Jerry’s bedroom door, entered and sat down on the bed next to her obviously distraught child who was half heartedly twisting an already crumpled copy of ‘Seventeen’, a magazine for teenage girls, in his hands. She took one of Jerry’s hands in hers and said gently, ‘So it’s finally happened has it, Love?’
‘What’s happened, Mum?’ Jerry sniffed.
‘You’re finally having to accept what the rest of the family have known for a few years. Despite that six pack and the body that all your sisters’ friends have been drooling over for years you are actually a girl, and it’s finally hit you that there’s nowhere left to hide.’ Gwendoline offered a handkerchief and a silent prayer of thanks that it was Friday with the weekend in front of them to deal with whatever needed dealing with.
Jeremy started to cry again. It was the first time since her sixteen year old had been a toddler that Gwendoline had seen him cry and it shook her to the core. It was so out of character. That he was so big and had the body of the archetypal male athlete made it all the more anomalous. She did her best to fold her eldest in her arms but at less than half Jerry’s size it was only possible by sitting across his knees. As she tried to soothe and reassure the distraught child sobbing into her bosom the tears became a gut wrenching caoine of despair that interfered with his breathing which was coming in ragged, torturous gasps. Ten minutes later Jerry was hiccuping his way back to the presence of his mother who was stroking his hair and whispering reassuring nothings that meant everything. ‘I can’t do it any more, Mum. I just can’t do it.’
‘Shush, Love. Take some deep breaths. Your sisters care deeply about you, and your dad and I just want you to be happy. Gran and Granddad said years ago they’d do whatever they could to help. Whatever it is that is going to make you happy can be achieved. It may take time, but you won’t be helped by giving up on yourself. Nobody else is going to no matter what happens. When you are ready, start at the beginning and tell me what it is you can’t do any more and what you would like to do instead.’
After a long time and much fumbling with the handkerchief, Jerry looked at his mum and whispered, ‘Look at me, Mum. Sure there are girls taller than six four, but they don’t have shoulders and muscles like me. In sport theory this afternoon we watched a video of Anita Wlodarczyk, the Polish lady hammer thrower that took the gold medal at the twenty sixteen Olympics. After the lesson the boys were all full of jeers, insults and abuse because of how she looked. They were so crude. It was horrible. I know I’m not strong enough to face that down.’
‘Jerry. No that can’t be right. You must have chosen a name that suits you as you see yourself, a girl’s name. Who are you, Love?’
After a small eternity an even smaller voice whispered, ‘Jennifer. Jenny.’
‘Jennifer! I like it. Well, Jennifer, I assume you were talking about the impossibility of transitioning?’
‘Yeah, it’s never going to happen is it, but I can’t carry on like this. I don’t even work out, and like I said look at me. I don’t want to be laught at as a parody of a stereotypical butch woman driving an eighteen wheeler. What am I going to do, Mum?’
Jennifer looked like she was about to break down again, but her mum hugged her tighter and said, ‘That hammer thrower is not going to be in the least concerned what the boys at your school think about her, nor should you be. In her own eyes she’s done it in front of the entire world and has the medal to prove it, but what do you want to do? Those girls in that magazine aren’t real, they’ll have been photo-shopped out of existence and their stories are probably ghost written by a cynical forty-five year old man whose only concern is the profit to be made by selling more copies to girls of your sisters’ ages. You need to get your exams out of the way and have a new start, and you certainly don’t need to model yourself on anyone, woman or girl, in some silly magazine. You are on study leave from the end of May sometime, officially leave school in the middle of July, and you don’t have to stay on and go to the sixth form. There are other options, Love, lots of them. You’re clever, excellent at mathematics and sciences and good at everything else, so you have a lot of choices, but you don’t have to follow a traditional academic course just because you’ve been successful at school.’
A much calmer Jennifer admitted, ‘I don’t know what I want to do.’
‘Well lets try to cut the options down a bit. Do you know what you don’t want to do?’
‘Well, I don’t want to do maths and sciences for sure, or languages I won’t ever speak. And I don’t want to have anything to do with sport ever again. I got forced into playing on all those school teams when I was still at primary school and they’ve taken my life over ever since. I hated it, but nobody ever asked me whether I wanted to play. I always wanted to dance, but even if I’d learnt how who would ever ask me to dance with them now?’
‘Why didn’t you tell me or your dad?’
Jennifer sighed, ‘I’m not what everybody thinks. I’m not brave, and I didn’t want the arguments. Arguing would have been pointless anyway because I knew in the end I’d have given in. You’re right. I am a girl in my head, but I didn’t want anyone to call me a sissy. If that makes me a sissy then I am, but I didn’t want to be called names. I hate shouting and arguments.’
‘If it were possible would you like to transition?’
‘Of course, but like I said looking like this it’s never going to happen is it?’
‘I don’t think things are as bad as you think, Jennifer. It’s not impossible.’
It was a bitter sounding Jennifer who asked, ‘What have I got going for me as a girl then, Mum?’
‘You have an androgynous face that would be considered attractive with minimal make up. Fortunately the current fashion for boys is long hair, if it had been short you’d have needed a wig till it grew out, but since your hair’s down to your shoulders if you have it styled properly it would look pretty. Your feet and hands are relatively small for the rest of you, and you have no Adam’s apple, so in long skirts or trousers and long sleeved blouses or tops to cover your legs and arms you’d look nice. You’ll only need to cover up till you lose some of the muscle bulk. And plenty of women have deeper voices than you.’
‘Oh yeah, and all on an sixteen stone muscle bound bloke.’
‘Are you willing to give it your best try to be a girl or going to wallow in misery and failure before you’ve even tried? Because I’d not finished. Will you not at least listen, Love?’ Gwendoline hugged her again and looked into her eyes.
‘Sorry, Mum. Honest. I am sorry.’
‘There are women as big as you, not many it’s true, but there are some. Gwendoline Christie from ‘Game of Thrones’ is six foot three and a big, strong girl, but she’s feminine and pretty. They don’t think they’re not women just because they’re the size they are, though they probably complain about finding clothes to fit. Most do pretty much everything that other women do, have nice hair, paint their nails, wear make up and dresses and skirts when they feel like it, and only a tiny number of them drive eighteen wheelers. If you went the transition route, you’d maybe want testosterone blockers and female hormones. Giving up the three or four games a week and all the training sessions will cause muscle loss, weight loss, though I’ve no idea how much. Hormones would cause your body to feminise, lose more muscle and eventually you’d get hips, a bottom and boobs and your skin would get softer. I’ve read the mood swings in the early days can be bad, but welcome to the world of women. What do you think it is that turns Christie into a witch for three days a month? Now on a frame like yours to look like an attractive woman you’ll need a backside like a shire horse and a bosom off a ship of the line’s figurehead. Even if you did drive an eighteen wheeler there’s nothing to stop you from being a pretty and feminine driver. Your gran and I have have been looking into possibilities for a long time, and it is doable, trust me?’
‘If you say so.’
‘I do say so. You need to be thinking about whether you want to take hormones or not. There’s no pressure, but I suppose it would be helpful if you’d made your mind up before you see the doctor. Either way you’ve already played your last match. You should be studying from here on in till your last exam. You’re done with sport. No more matches. No more training sessions. They’ll just have to find someone else. I’ll deal with the PE(1) department, right?’
‘Thanks, Mum.’
‘You can blame me and your dad when the team ask what’s going on. Say I’m freaking out over your GCSEs(2) and your dad just goes along with it for a quiet life. I don’t care what those boys think either. That will get them off your back won’t it?’
‘Yeah. That’ll work.’
‘I’ll ring the surgery on Monday for a doctor’s appointment for you. You may not like it, but I’m not asking you on this one. I’m telling you. I know it’s not your fault, but this has gone on for far too long already. You need professional help no matter what happens. Doctor Young has finally retired, and I don’t know if the practice has found a replacement yet, but whether they have or not it’ll be someone you don’t know, so you need to be prepared for that. Jennifer?’
‘You’re right, Mum. I don’t like it, but I know you’re right.’
‘Good. I’ll tell your dad what’s going on when he comes in from work. He won’t be shocked or even surprised. He’s been looking into the legal aspects of this for ages. I’ll give your grandparents a call tonight too. I expect Gran will want to talk to you.’
‘What about?’
‘We decided ages ago, and by we I mean myself, your dad and your grandparents, that whatever happens happens at their house. If you go through with transitioning it would be far better for you to do it there where nobody knows you than here in the full sight of hundreds of people who’ve known you since you were a baby. Don’t you agree?’
‘I never thought about it, but I couldn’t do it here.’
‘I take it you’ve no intention of going to the prom?’
The look of revulsion on Jennifer’s face was a picture as she said, ‘What would I do that for, Mum? The boys would give me a hard time for not playing, the girls would be even worse and give me no peace till I’d danced with them, but I’d make a fool of myself because I can’t dance and most of the staff will be on at me to take their subject in the sixth form.’
‘Fine. No Prom. That’s one less problem for us to deal with. How does this sound? You go to live with Gran and Granddad as a girl as soon as your last exam is over. You never appear there as a boy. In September you go to college or where ever as a girl over there. Since it’s eighty miles away no one will know you, and it’s unlikely any one you know will be going to a college over there. In the mean while you spend as much time here and at Gran’s as we can manage learning to behave and dress like a girl. What do you think?’
‘It sounds great as far as it goes, but other people have to believe I’m a girl when they first see me. How can I do that?’
‘Leave that to me. If I can’t convince you it will work you can tell me to forget it, but you have to do your best to make it work too. You have to want to make it work. No half empty glasses, they’re all half full now. Have we got a deal?’
‘I want it to work so badly it hurts, Mum. It’s just difficult to believe it can be done.’
‘In that case let me do the believing bit. You just do what you’re told. First, we need to go shopping asap for clothes and shoes to fit you. I said we, you and I, and it’ll be completely embarrassment free. Trust me. You just have to look like an unwilling boy being dragged round the shops by his mum so she has a pack mule to carry the bags. I doubt anyone will even notice, but even if one of the boys from school sees you you just shrug your shoulders and look put upon. We’ll only buy stuff we can return if the size isn’t right and all you need to do is tell me what you like and don’t like. It shouldn’t be too bad trying on shoes when there’s no one around to see. The rest you try on at home. You can do that can’t you?’
‘Yes. I can do that.’
‘I’ll get your gran to find some one to style your hair over there in such a way that you can look like a boy at school and a girl at home. I’ll ask her to look into opportunities regarding dancing too, after all if we don’t look we won’t find will we. I’ll look on the internet for breast forms and various other bits and pieces for you, and as soon as they arrive you can start practising at home with your new look. The rest of your life starts right now. Your sisters will help with make up and clothes and won’t say anything, because they’ll be happy for you. I don’t know if they’ve said anything to you, but they already consider you to be a girl. It was something Christie said that was overheard by your gran that enabled us to understand what was happening.’
‘They know all about me, Mum, but promised never to say anything till I said I said they could. Even Helen has kept quiet. Why didn’t you say something, Mum?’
‘Because by the time we had an inkling into what was happening, you were already over six feet tall, and we were frightened we’d push you away and you’d hurt yourself, or even worse.’ Gwendoline was crying now, ‘You dad found some dreadful things, including suicide statistics, on the internet about trans people especially trans children. We didn’t want anything like that to happen to you.’ She grabbed hold of Jennifer by the arms and looked her in the eyes holding her gaze and said, ‘Promise me you’ll never hurt yourself, Love. Come and talk to us. Promise me.’
Jennifer was shocked, but thinking how suicidal she had felt from time to time, and how she’d felt in the last few hours she said, ‘I promise. I never said anything because I thought you and Dad would freak out, and I thought Granddad would kill me. I wish I had.’
‘Me too, Jennifer.’
Jennifer hugged her mum and repeated, ‘I promise.’
Gwendoline nodded and wiping the tears from her eyes said, ‘I need your measurements ready for tomorrow. That way we can minimise the amount of stuff we have to return by measuring the clothes in the shop. I suspect the standard women’s sizes won’t be terribly helpful, and it’s possible I’ll have to do a fair bit of sewing and dress making for you, maybe not from scratch, but altering things to fit, so I’ll make sure I’ve got everything I need for the sewing machine. I know I need some Velcro. How does that sound.’
‘Bloody hell! Just like that?’
‘You mind your language, young lady. I know you’re sixteen, but you’ve just become a girl, so the rules that apply to your sisters apply to you now, and nothing would give you away faster than talking like a boy which I’m certain you won’t wish to do. You don’t usually say much, so start listening to your sisters and their friends, so when you do start talking a bit you sound right. And it’s not just like that. I told you, your dad and I have been expecting something like this for a long time.’
‘Yes, okay Mum, about the talking I mean. Mum, would you teach me to sew and how to use the sewing machine?’
‘Of course. Excellent idea. You’ll be needing to alter clothes, and if you can do it yourself you’ll be able to have a lot more nice things. And your gran can continue teaching you when you go there. I reckon we can turn you into an attractively statuesque young lady without too much trouble. You need to keep a diary of all this as evidence of your real life test, or whatever it is the psychiatrists refer to it as these days, or perhaps a scrapbook would be better, and you need to be thinking of what you’re going to do after you leave school because there’s not much time before you do. After dinner, I’ll get your dad to help you look online for courses in and around Birmingham within sensible travelling time from your gran’s, there should be plenty to choose from, a much wider selection than at the sixth form. I’m thinking we need to get your application forms in as soon as possible along with a letter telling them medical explanations concerning your gender are to follow. That way they’ll have to accommodate you as a trans girl and have no excuse they didn’t have enough warning. How are you feeling now?’
‘Better, but scared sh— witless.’
‘That’s better, your language I’m referring to. However, I’m not surprised it frightens you. You’d be seriously strange if this situation didn’t make you feel nervous, anxious even.’
‘Yeah, I totally get that, Mum, and you telling me that makes me feel better about it. Taking things forward, I want to take testosterone blockers as soon as possible. I definitely don’t want to get any more like a man. I only shave once a fortnight and it’s barely visible, being blond helps. I’d die if I turned into a rug.’
‘You get that from me, Love.’
‘How do you mean?’
‘You’ve seen photo’s of my dad, your granddad. He was bigger than you and blond. He only shaved once a week, and that was because Mum made him when he was taking her out on Saturday nights.’ She laughed and said, ‘He used to tell his work mates he was under orders to shave when he was ‘going out on the arm’ as he put it. If you’ve inherited Mum’s genes too you’ll probably not be able to see your toes after the hormones have worked their way through your system. I’ve no idea what size she was but Dad always claimed he’d had to put extra concrete to what the clothes line posts were set in because if the wind got behind her bras it would have ripped them out of the ground without the extra weight to hold them down.’
The pair chuckled and Jennifer said, ‘I’ll have to take my chance on that, Mum, because if they’ll let me I’d like to take the female hormones too.’
‘You’ve turned sixteen so the doctor shouldn’t have any problems with that. If you like, I’ll go in with you when you talk to the doctor and give you what ever support I can. Have you done your week end school work?’
‘Thanks. I’ve only got some Shakespeare to read and I like to read that in bed with my laptop to take notes.’
‘I’ll send your sisters up. They’re worried about you. Tell them what’s going on and who you are. I’ve a Boots make up starter pack I was going to give your cousin Aggie for her birthday, but I lost it, so I sent her another one before I found it still in a shopping bag. It’s in one of my wardrobes. I’ll fetch it for you, and you can tell your sisters to give you make up one oh one before dinner, but go and wash your face first. They are upset about you being upset to the point of being in tears and that will settle both them and you.’
Strictly the girls had no cousins. Agatha was their mother’s god daughter, but her family lived not far away. The two families were close and the children had always considered their mums, who were both only children and been best friends in the same class at school from the ages of four till sixteen, to be sisters. The two women thought of each other that way and their husbands hadn’t thought about the matter for years. ‘It’s going to be fine, Love, honestly. Life for you as a girl will be a lot less stressful, but probably no easier. It’s just different, but for you, Sweetie, it’ll be a whole lot better. I’ll run a tape over you when I’ve got dinner on. It shouldn’t tale long because Helen took something out of the freezer for me after breakfast. As soon as he comes in your dad can finish getting dinner ready.’
‘The girls already know who I am, Mum. It was Jessie who thought of Jennifer, but Helen who suggested Jenny. She said Jennifer was like a name only used by strangers or by parents when you’re in trouble. What she actually said was, “Strangers or the angry parent.” I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean Dad, Mum.’
As they laughed, Gwendoline said, ‘Probably not, Jennifer. She manages to get into an amazing amount of trouble for a nine year old girl, and I’ve yet to see your dad discipline her effectively at all. She’s got him completely wrapped round her little finger. Mind the others have too, and I suppose it won’t be long before you’ll be no different. You’re the only one who’s ever managed her behaviour without her throwing a strop. You must tell me how you do that some time. Changing the subject, I like Jennifer as your name, and it’s what I’d like to use, if you’re happy with that, Love?’
‘Jennifer is fine by me, Mum, and after all you do have a reputation to maintain. It wouldn’t do for Helen to think you were going soft on her would it?’
The pair were laughing as Gwendoline kissed her new daughter and said, ‘I’m glad to see your sense of humour is reasserting itself, Jennifer Love.’
Five minutes later, Gwendoline could hear squeals of laughter from upstairs as make up one oh one was underway. She’d barely got the casserole in the oven when she heard Malcolm’s car pull up. When he entered the kitchen, she nodded in the direction of upstairs and said, ‘It’s finally happened. We now have four daughters. Her name is Jennifer. Jennifer tells me Jessie and Helen suggested it a while back, though her sisters call her Jenny.’
Malcolm smiled and said, ‘At last. I’m really sorry I wasn’t here for you and you had to deal with it on your own, Darling. How did it go?’
‘Stressful, but it was mum stuff. I doubt you could have helped. As soon as I was through the door from work, Christie told me Jennifer had been crying since getting in from school and she’d told her sisters to all to go away. I don’t know for sure what triggered it, but Jennifer said in sport theory this afternoon they’d watched a video of the Olympic gold medal winning women’s hammer thrower. Some of the boys were crudely abusive of the way she looked and that really upset Jennifer, so I’m putting a stop to the sport. I’ll ring the PE department first thing on Monday and tell them from now on she’s studying for her GCSEs which they can’t take issue with. She never wanted to do it and allowed herself to be bullied into it because she was too afraid of name calling to tell us. She’s far more timid than we’d ever considered, but maybe that’s from having to hide herself from the boys and now she’s out to us she’ll become more like her sisters as she openly becomes a girl. I hope so. She told me she never wanted to do the sport, not even in primary school, and had always wanted to dance. How did we miss that all these years, Mal?’
Gwendoline had tears running off her face as hugging her Malcolm said, ‘Looking like the Hulk pursued by a flotilla of adoring femininity wouldn’t have helped us any, but that’s water under the bridge, Darling. What happens now?’
‘Well right now you see to dinner. There’s one of Helen’s lamb casseroles in the oven. Sort out dessert would you? There’re all sorts in the left hand freezer, mostly Helen’s, but a few shop bought ones too. You decide, and take the mint sauce out of the fridge so it can warm up a bit. I’ll be running a tape over Jennifer, and we’re going shopping tomorrow. After dinner you get on the internet with Jennifer looking for courses near your mum’s, so she can transition there as soon as her last exam is over. I’ll look for stuff she needs like breast forms and the like on the internet after ringing your mum to get her up to speed. I know she suggested it, but there’ll be things she’ll want to do beforehand. I want Jennifer calmed down and settled ready for school on Monday, when I’ll ring the surgery for an appointment. If she can look forward to a future that she wants then I’m hoping she’ll cope well enough with the rest of the school year, so her exam results won’t suffer, and I’m praying she can get on a course of study she’s interested in next year.’
‘Okay. I’ll put my stuff in the office and grab a shower first. What’s going on upstairs that’s causing all the hilarity?’
Gwendoline smiled and replied, ‘Your three younger daughters are giving your eldest daughter make up one oh one. I suggested it so they could play together as girls to bring Jennifer down off the ceiling. I suspect they’ll be at it till dinner’s ready. You know with all the after school matches and training it never occurred to me, but the only friends she’s ever had are her sisters and their friends. No boys, or at last none out of school.’
‘True, but usually the boys start buzzing round when the girls blossom and doubtless if Jennifer is transitioning it’s as well she’s doing it at Mum’s. Any boys buzzing round her will be far more scared of Dad than they would be of me, Gwen. Make no mistake, Darling, there will be some because most kids these days are more accepting of LGBT+ issues than the generations before them, and for many, especially city boys, it’s no big deal to be known to be going out with a trans girl.’
Gwendoline laughed at the thought. Her father in law was a retired general foreman who’d worked for a major road construction company, and he’d always maintained, ‘You can get men to do what you want with a fistful of money, but if you want their respect and cooperation it’s the fist not the money that does that.’
When Gwendoline went upstairs with her tape measure she was surprised by how sensibly the girls were behaving. Before trying anything out they were arguing the pros and cons and how it would, or would not, work with each of their faces, and had their phones out recording their activities.
‘I explained what you said about a diary or a scrapbook, Mum, and we’re going to use the pics and video in a scrapbook we’re going to set up on the computer,’ Jennifer explained. ‘There’s a website I’ve been going on a while called Transteen that makes it really easy to document your transition.’
‘That’s an excellent idea. I’m sorry to spoil your fun girls, but I need Jennifer for five minutes. I need to measure her, so we can go shopping tomorrow without her having to try anything on other than shoes. And before you ask no, you can’t come too. It’s just the two of us. However, I’m planning on a big shopping expedition with Gran into Birmingham as soon as Jennifer has enough clothes to come with us too.’
‘Proper clothes, Mum? Girls’ clothes?’ asked Jessie.
‘Yes.’ Gwendoline noted down all the measurements she thought they may need and a good few besides and was done in three minutes.
As she left she heard Jessie say, ‘Brilliant! With Jenny there, Christie, Helen the babe from Hell will be kept under control, which is something not even Mum can do.’ By the time she was halfway down the stairs all she could hear was peals of laughter, including from Helen who seemed to have no problem with being referred to thus. Which Gwendoline considered wasn’t really surprising since her husband had for years openly referred to his youngest daughter as the resident dæmon, and more recently occasionally as Mazikeen or Maze, a reference to Mazikeen Smith the beautiful but terrifying dæmon who was Lucifer’s companion in the television series Lucifer.
Like her sisters, Jennifer was wearing makeup and had her hair in a high ponytail when they came down for dinner. Jennifer was feeling shy and nervous at being seen thus by her father, especially because she was dressed in boys clothes because they were all she had, and nothing owned by her mother or sisters was large enough to borrow, but as she went into the living room he rose from his chair and said, ‘We should have sorted this out a long time ago. I’m sorry, Jennifer, but at least we are trying to sort it out now.’ He opened his arms to his new daughter and hugged her tightly before saying, ‘You up for looking for college courses after dinner, Love?’
‘Yes, Dad. Are you cool with me doing art or something like that?’
‘If that’s what’s going to make you happy. I’d far rather you did that and finished the course than you did what you thought I wanted you to do, like law, and dropped out before the end.’
“I couldn’t find any mint sauce, Ladies, but I did find some of Helen’s crab apple spearmint jelly.”
“Sorry, Dad, my fault. I used the last of it and forgot to make some more. I’ll sort some out later.” Helen looked around and asked, “Applemint or something else? Maybe black peppermint? Or shall I make up a bit of both?” There were mixed responses so she said, “I’ll do both. I’ve got both in the freezer.”
‘What are you doing, Jennifer?’
‘How do you mean, Mum?’
‘That’s not enough on your plate.’
‘I thought I’d start trying to lose some weight.’
‘That’s too extreme. Eat some more. We’ll discuss your food intake with the doctor. I don’t want you to make yourself ill. Till told otherwise you eat what you normally do, and I don’t wish to hear any more on the matter.’
‘Okay, Mum.’ Jennifer was not unhappy to hear her mum say that, though she was expecting to be made unhappy by what her doctor had to say on the matter.
‘Let’s start with the colleges near to your Gran’s shall we, Love? You could do with out three hours a day on public transport.’
‘That seems like a good idea, Dad. Is there a map shewing all the colleges?’
‘Should be.’ Much to her surprise in the end Jennifer decided to apply for Double Fashion Design, Art and French at Whinheath College which was a few miles from her gran’s house, and on a frequent bus route that would only take twenty-five minutes even in the rush hour. She’d chosen fashion design and art readily enough and had been trying to find a third and fourth subject when her dad had said, ‘If you choose double fashion design it says there’re four weeks in France as part of year two, and an ability to understand if not speak French would be advantageous but not essential. It’s an eight week student exchange arranged by the fashion design departments of the colleges in Birmingham and Marseille. Half of the class live with and go to college with a student over there for four weeks and then they stay with us and go to college with you over here for four weeks. The other half of the class do it the other way round. I suppose that’s so the class sizes aren’t double for four weeks with no students for the other four. I know you said you didn’t want to do languages, but what do you think to it, Jen? You’ve always done well at French. Do you fancy a month in France at the college’s expense?’
Amazed by her dad’s complete acceptance of her new name to the point where he’d called her Jen so naturally, she took her time before replying, ‘It was only that I thought I’d never use it. Yeah, I could fancy that, and I imagine taking French would give me a better chance of being accepted for double fashion design. What’s the entrance requirements to do that combination, Dad?’
‘Four Cs for both art and fashion, five Cs, and they have to include English and Maths, for both double fashion and French. One of the five has to be at least a B in French to do French. You’re on for what ten As and a B in CDT?’(3)
‘That’s only the predictions based on the mock results, but I’ll get eleven at better than C including English, maths and French no bother. I’ll put a bit more effort into French and read Le Monde(4) in the library a bit more often. Madam Lefévre is holding French conversation classes after school ready for the speaking and listening tests in May starting on Thursday. I’ll make sure I get a place, cos there may be more want to do it than she can take. I’ve got her Monday afternoon, but I’ll go to her form room during morning registration. Thanks, Dad.’
‘No problem, Love, it’s what dads are for. But remember the mock results are all the colleges have to go off when accepting or rejecting students, so you shouldn’t have a problem. You fill the application form in and include the French conversation classes as supporting material, and I’ll make a start on the letter. Do you wish to officially change your name before you start college?’
‘I never thought about it. Does it cost a lot?’
‘No, and it’s a piece of cake to do. A change of name by deed poll just needs dating and witnessing by anyone. It doesn’t need a notary, but since you’re a minor we’ll make sure all the Is are dotted and all the Ts are crossed. I’ll have your mother and myself witness and authorise it as your parents and get Frank at work to sign as a notary and put the office stamp on it. You keep the original, or I’ll put it in the vault if you like, and Frank can notarise a copy to send to the college, so when they confirm you have a place doing the subjects you want they’ll send the confirmation using your new name. I’ll get him to do a dozen copies because you’ll need others to get a new birth certificate and other things. It’ll make your life easier if your college diplomas, passport and driving licence are in your new name from the start though we’ll have to get your passport and driving licence changed to female if and when that becomes appropriate.’
Jennifer smiled and said, ‘Yes, please. It’s handy having a dad who’s a solicitor isn’t it?’
‘Well it makes making a will and buying a house easier, but I never thought it would be useful to get me another daughter. You got a middle name, Love? You’d better put it all on the application form as well as the deed poll.’
‘I hadn’t, but how does Jennifer Gwendoline Pritchard sound?’
‘You happy with that?’
‘Yeah!’
‘Then do it.’
The application form was filled in online and sent off with the accompanying letter as an attachment that evening. Jennifer had a tearful half hour on the phone with her gran and granddad and went to bed early to read her Shakespeare. After doing her weekend schoolwork she uploaded the photos and video from her mobile phone onto her Transteen user space. As she was starting her diary of the day’s events and the decisions that had been made she was happier than she could ever remember, though her parents were both still troubled by guilt.
Jennifer found shopping for girls’ clothes looking like a boy to be a little traumatic, yet more than a little exciting too, but her mum had been correct when she’d said everybody would just assume she was being dragged along by her mum as a pack mule and nobody bothered them. They met no one they knew, and there was no one around when Jennifer was trying on what seemed to her to be dozens of pairs of shoes of all descriptions, including some with two inch heels. ‘You probably won’t want much higher than two inch heels, though if you look taller it will make you look a bit more slender, but two inch heels will do to be going on with, Jennifer,’ her mum told her, though she insisted they purchased the perfectly fitting pair of shoes with four inch heels, ‘For when you’re confident enough to want them, Love.’ Jennifer went home with enough underwear, hosiery, skirts, tops, shoes and various other bits and pieces including nighties to start the process of transitioning at home, though a fair amount would need altering to fit. Her mother explained, ‘When the breast forms and the shaper pads are delivered we can go shopping for bras and jeans, or I’ll measure you and go for the first lot. The blouses and tops we bought today will be a little loose till you have a bra and forms to fill them out but they’ll be okay in a week or so. All those dresses we saw today were far too old for me never mind you, but doubtless we’ll find something when we go to Gran’s, and there’s a really good dress makers’ shop there too where I’m sure we’ll find some suitable patterns and fabric.’
School was a lot easier than Jennifer had feared. It had been made clear to the PE staff that any remonstration with their star performer because his mum wanted him concentrating on his forthcoming GCSE examinations would bring an official complaint from his parents concerning bullying, via Pritchard, Lewis, Lewis and Harding, Solicitors at Law. They didn’t like it, but there was nothing they could do about it. The team were not so forbearing, but Jennifer, as instructed, blamed it all on her mum saying, ‘I wasn’t given any choice. I may as well be grounded till the exams are over. I thought Dad would see my point of view, but all he said was, ‘Just do what your mother tells you, and I don’t want to hear any more about it.’ ’
‘Yeah. That’s parents all over, Jerry, but what can you do? If I screw up on tests my mum stops my allowance and makes me study downstairs where the entire family, including my annoying little sisters, can see me, so there’s no chance of sneaking a quick hour playing on the computer, cos they’d all grass me up. Dad just goes along with her for a quiet life.’ Jerry and Colin were commiserated with by the others, and the matter was allowed to drop. Jennifer had secured a place in the after school French conversation class and was enjoying French much more now she had a reason for doing it, but she kept quiet about her college application for fear that the staff would resent her not going to the sixth form. They didn’t like losing able pupils to other institutions.
Despite a change in their GP,(5) the appointment with Doctor Millbank was relatively stress free. Jennifer had said, ‘You explain, Mum.’
Doctor Millbank who appeared to be in her middle forties was new to the practice. She had just the right manner to put Jennifer at ease and had asked Jennifer some questions after her mother had finished. She downloaded and printed off several pages of diet sheets and said, ‘It’s not critical, Jennifer, but your mum was right, a slow and controlled weight loss with a little bit of exercise to keep fit is what’s required. There is enough in the diet sheets to explain the principles you need to follow without dictating exactly what you should be eating and there’s no compulsory salads. You can eat puddings and chocolates or even anything else you particularly like, just be moderate about it. I don’t want you indulging in any dramatic lifestyle changes. Some dancing would be excellent, but till you’ve organised that, walking when ever you can and using stairs rather than lifts should do it. It would be helpful but not vital if you could go for a walk after your evening meal.’ She prescribed testosterone blockers and female hormones and said she wished to see Jennifer in a fortnight, when she would have her first hormone injection, but she was referring her to Mr. Fulman a gender specialist who had a surgery in Birmingham. ‘I expect the appointment will be in about six weeks, Jennifer. I also wish you to see a couple of other Doctors who specialise in Mental Health in children and young adults, and that appointment will be this week.’
‘I’m not bonkers, Doctor.’
‘No you certainly are not, but you have been subject to a lot of unnecessary stress from people who should have known better, and it’s not your fault. The doctors I wish you to talk to are a Dr. Singh who is a woman and a Dr. Whitehouse who is a man. They will be able to assess any needs you have to recover fully from the stress of having to be someone you are not and having to live like someone you are not. They are not trans specialists, but because of the nature of their work a lot of their clients are trans. They will be able to understand you and your needs far better than I can. They always work together because they believe having the same situation seen through male and female eyes gives them a deeper understanding of what is going on. You’ll like them. One of them will ring you at home, and they try to meet their clients in their clients’ GP’s surgery, at least for the first meeting, because it is familiar territory for their clients. I can be present if you wish, your Mum too, but if you wish to see them on your own that will be fine.’
‘I’ll do what you think to be best, Doctor Millbank, though I would like you and Mum to be there. May I still see you when I go to live at Gran’s, stead of having to see someone I don’t know,’ Jennifer asked nervously.
Doctor Millbank reached for Jennifer’s arm and said, ‘Of course you may, Jennifer. As far as our records will shew your main home will be here, and I’m your GP.’ She smiled and added, ‘Of course the college records will shew you live at your grandparents whilst studying, but I’ll alter your records with us to say where you go to college and note that you live with your grandparents during the term time and it will be fine. It’s what all GPs do with students studying away from home. In cases like yours we try to keep the number of strangers you have to see to a minimum. If things become difficult come and see me, or if you’re at your grandparents text or call me.’
Walking back to the car Jennifer’s mum asked, ‘How you feeling now, Love?’
‘It didn’t hurt when she took the blood sample, but I’m not looking forward to that hormone injection in my bum. Well I am and I’m not, if you know what I mean. I feel a lot happier about the diet she said I should follow than about what I thought she was going to say. I guess I’m feeling as well as could be expected given what’s happening in my life, cos at least I’m doing something about things, but it’s still scary. I’m not sure what to make of those psychiatrists, but I’ll go with it.’
‘Life is scary sometimes, Love, even at my age, but our next stop is the pharmacy for your prescription, and we can look at make up whilst we’re there.
When the breast forms and the shaper pads arrived, Jennifer was amazed at their size. ‘Mum these boobs are huge! And I’ll look ridiculous with these stuck on my thighs and bottom.’
‘No you won’t, Jennifer. Any smaller, and you would look no different. You’re a big girl who’s done all her growing, so you have to look like a big girl who’s done all her growing. If you had breasts, hips and a backside any smaller you’d get teased about it by other girls, especially your boobs. Trust me I know what I’m talking about. I was a late developer, and I only got these feeding you.’ Gwendoline hadn’t got a bra anywhere near large enough to fit Jennifer, but even braless in a tee shirt Jennifer had to admit her breasts looked entirely in keeping with the rest of her and didn’t look too large at all. ‘They’ll take peoples eyes away from your shoulders, Jennifer, but the next time I’ll maybe order in a lager size, Love, but we need to see what you look like in a bra before we decide.’
It was during the fitting of the hip and bottom pads that Gwendoline noticed for the first time how large Jennifer’s penis was. ‘That would be a problem without appropriate underwear, Love, but at least if you do opt for the surgery there’s enough for them to work with. I’ve read that if there’s not enough to work with surgeons can have a problem creating a proper sized vagina. Still your new underwear will manage the situation, and you won’t see anything under your knickers. Your outline across the front will be what it should be.’
Jennifer was bright red as she said, ‘I hate it, Mum. It’s much bigger than any of the boys’ at school. In the showers after a game, they’re always asking me how big it gets when erect. I always just brush it of and let them guess, but I don’t know, Mum, because it’s never been any different. I think it’s just part of the way I am.’
‘You need to tell Doctor Millbank that when you go for your hormone injection. It could be important, because I’d have thought it’s something to do with your hormone levels, and tell her that you have virtually no body hair too.’
Happy to leave the subject Jennifer just said, ‘Right, Mum.’ The silicone in place, Gwendoline measured Jennifer and went shopping. She returned a couple of hours later with a couple of long skirts, three pairs of jeans and a couple of bras that impressed even Helen into silence. Her mum had been right. Wearing a well fitting bra and a pair of form fitting jeans over her new curves Jennifer looked like a very big girl, but fully dressed even without make up, she definitely looked like a girl.
‘Well, what do you think, Girls?’ a nervous sounding Jennifer asked.
‘You look amazing, Sis,’ Jessie said, with nods of agreement from Christie and Helen.
Jennifer hesitated before saying, ‘For the first time, I actually think I might be able to do this, Mum. Go to college as a girl I mean.’
‘Good. Because the weekend after next we’re going to Gran’s, and you’re going like that, unless you want to wear a skirt. I suggest in the mean time you get some practice in those heels, and walk like I shewed you. Stick with the two inch ones till you can walk in them in your sleep though.’
‘What we going to Gran’s for, Mum?’ asked Helen.
‘Your dad and granddad are playing golf with two of granddad’s friends, and the six of us are going shopping all day. We’re having lunch at Springfield’s in the new arcade. Your gran says the food and service are really good there and it’s a pleasant place. Jennifer needs a lot of clothes, and you three need some too because you’re growing out of what you’ve got. I don’t have a problem with you choosing to wear hand me downs, but when stuff is worn out it has to go, no matter how much you like it. Fortunately we’re not poor and I don’t want any of you looking like we are. Scruff kit is different. I don’t expect you to wear decent clothes when gardening, or indulging in activities that get you dirty, but those clothes are not for anything else. And Christie needs some proper bras.’
The last awed the youngest two into silence till Helen chirped, ‘Does that mean it’ll be four years before I get boobies? I don’t want to wait till I’m thirteen. There’re girls in my class who’ve got them now. Why can’t I buy some like Jenny?’
‘Cos they cost too much, and you’re only nine,’ said eleven year old Jessie. ‘And anyway, you know you’d rather have crop tops with Disney princesses on. They don’t make bras with them on.’
‘Mum, can I have a crop top with Elsa on?’
‘When Gran takes Jennifer to get her hair done, we’ll see what we can find in TK Maxx, Sweetie.’
Jennifer’s meeting with the two psychiatrists was nowhere near as traumatic as she had expected it to be. They were mostly interested in her reactions to being expected to play games and her inability to resist the forces that that expectation had placed upon her. They were also interested in her relationships with her sisters. In the end Dr. Singh summarised their findings by saying. ‘The schools’ pressures on you were inexcusable and it is surprising they have had so little an effect on you. Yes, you have had suicidal thoughts, but were it not for your sisters you would probably have acted upon those thoughts. Your sisters have kept you remarkably stable for one subject to such intense forces. We shall write to your head teacher after having talked to your parents. We shall not tell him you are trans merely that the pressure has to stop immediately. You are doing very well, Jennifer. If at any time you wish to talk to either or both of us you have our numbers, if you wish to meet face to face Dr. Millbank can arrange it. We would like to meet with you during your summer holidays after your meeting with your gender consultant who is I believe Mr. Fulman and probably towards the end of next term sometime. I suggest you make sure you always maintain your relationships with your sisters even long after you have all married and have families, and yes that will probably even happen to you eventually.’
Gwendoline accompanied Jennifer to see Doctor Millbank and it was a bright red Jennifer who explained about having virtually no body hair and a large penis but never having had an erection. ‘I’d like to examine you, Jennifer. Would you undress behind the screen please.’ After a few minutes, Gwendoline heard Doctor Millburn say, ‘Shall I give you the hormone jab now, Jennifer? Then you can get dressed and it’s all over?’
‘That’s what I came for, so let’s get it over with.’
Less than a minute later Gwendoline heard, ‘That’s it, Jennifer. I’ll leave you to get dressed and talk to you then.’
After coming out from behind the screen Jennifer had tears in the corners of her eyes. When she was motioned to take a seat she said, ‘I’ll stand if you don’t mind.’
Doctor Millburn nodded and said, ‘I’ll put all my observations in a note for Mr. Fulman and he will doubtless know what to make of them, but will wish to confirm things for himself. Your lack of body hair is genetic from what you and your mum have told me. Your penis is at the large end of the normal range, but it is nothing exceptional. What is surprising to me, but of course I am a GP not a specialist, is the small volume of your testicles which are within the size range of prepubescent boys. That you have never experienced an erection may or may not be related to the size of your testicles. I have no idea whether those two situations are genetic or not and even less whether they are related to you being trans or not. I’m glad you told me so I can pass the information on, Jennifer. Come and see me in a month please for your next jab. Do you have any questions? Is there anything I have not explained properly?’
‘Mum?’
‘No. I think I understood as much as there was to be understood. What about you, Jennifer?’
‘Same here. May we go now, Doctor Millburn? I don’t feel to good after that injection.’
‘Of course. That’s a not unusual reaction. If it hasn’t gone within forty-eight hours get in touch. I’ll shew you out, Jennifer, Mrs. Pritchard.’
Once outside in the fresh air Jennifer said, ‘That’s better. I was feeling a bit sick in there, Mum.’
‘You still feeling a bit nauseous, Jennifer?’
‘No, I’m fine due I think to the fresh air, but my bottom is sore from that hormone injection. I know she said it would kick start the changes, but I didn’t think she meant it literally, cos it feels like I took a good kick in a scrum. I’ll be a bit careful sitting down for a while I think. I could fancy a cup tea now.’
‘You want to call at Fancies for a cup of tea and a cake on the way home, Love?’
‘No thanks, Mum. The chairs are hard there. I’d rather have a cup at home. The sofa is a really good idea right now.’
When they arrived at her grandparents on Saturday morning, Jennifer was taken aback to be kissed by her granddad just like her sisters. ‘You look lovely, Jen, and I have to say you look much happier than I’ve seen you for a long time. Enjoy your day shopping. I’m off to give your dad a thorough thrashing again, so he has to get the first pint in at the clubhouse.’
On Saturday evening after dinner when Jennifer was talking with her gran, she was told, ‘You behave just like a girl you know, Jenny. You always have. You were completely in character all day. That’s how we knew something was different about you when you were quite little. We thought you might have been gay for a while. That was years before I overheard your sisters talking about you. Now you totally look the part, and I have to say I was amazed at your dress sense and taste. You have a very good sense of what suits you, and though you already look like a very pretty young woman your dress sense enhances that considerably. You didn’t seem to notice but there were hundreds of men and boys who couldn’t help but stare at you.’ Seeing the look of distress on Jennifer’s face her grandmother added. ‘You’ll get used to it, Love. You have to get used to it, because it’s part of being a woman. A lot of women don’t like to admit it, but we make ourselves good to look at purely to get looked at by men. Even women a lot older than I like being looked at, for it is an acknowledgement of our femininity, and thankfully no man ever becomes too old to look. Even your granddad looks. He’s no different from any other man, it’s just their masculinity exerting itself.’ She shrugged and said, ‘It’s how human beings are, Love, so there’s no point in denying it or thinking it’s not nice. Understanding that makes life a lot less complicated, and more fun too.’
‘I’d never have worked that out for myself, Gran, but I do get it. You’re a lot cleverer than I realised.’
‘No, Love. I’m just a woman who enjoys being a woman. A woman who enjoys being your granddad’s woman which is something you won’t understand till you find yourself a caring young man to enjoy being with in the way I enjoy being with your granddad. Changing the subject a bit. Your mum and I were grateful for the way you managed to steer Helen away from clothes that were far too old for her without upsetting her at all. You’re a very good older sister you know. Helen’s sleeping in your bedroom by the way which is easier than you in your room and your three sisters in another. Your mum made the decision not me. I hope that’s all right with you?’
‘That’s fine, Gran. Helen used to insist on sleeping with me at home when she kept having those bad nightmares, and she still sneaks into my bed whenever there’s a thunderstorm.’
‘Like I said, you’re a good older sister. But back to you. I haven’t managed to find out much about dancing yet. I’m still waiting for replies from some people, but earlier today your granddad not only found a club with a regular venue about twenty miles from here, but a regular partner for you too, if you want him called Joseph McDonald. Joseph is a about six foot two, of a medium build and in his early thirties, so you wouldn’t feel silly dancing with him. He’s a dentist, and from Glasgow. He’s played golf with your granddad for a few years, but is also a member of a local Scottish Country Dance Society and would appreciate a regular partner to dance with. He’s been looking for a partner for a while. He dances in his kilt and your granddad has told him about you. He’s a nice man and doesn’t care that you’re trans and only sixteen. The only thing he’s worried about is that you might not wish to dance that kind of dancing. I’ve never danced Scottish Country Dancing and don’t know anything about it. If you’re interested I’ll ring him and ask him to come over to meet you and your mum and dad tomorrow afternoon. What do you think? Or do you want some time to think about it?’
‘I don’t know. I really want to learn to dance, Gran, and one type of dancing is much the same as any other to me right now. What do you think I should do?’
‘You frightened, Love?’
‘I suppose. A bit nervous at least.’
‘It’s not the kind of dancing where you’d have his arm around you. Look up a few videos on YouTube. Like all such clubs they’ll appreciate new members and will be aware everybody was a beginner once. Clubs of all sorts, not just dancing clubs, are always advertising in the local papers for members. I like Joseph, and I trust him to look after my granddaughter, and if your granddad didn’t feel the same way he’d never have mentioned the matter to Joseph. I think you should at least meet him, and if that goes all right try it. I’ll go with you if you like, and maybe try a slow dance or two myself.’
‘If you’ll go, Gran, I’ll go.’
‘Good. That’s settled. I’m looking forward to it, and I’ll ring Joseph in a bit.’ She palmed the curls on Jenny’s hair and said, ‘I think Louise did you proud with those highlights, though Helen is bound to want them too. Changing the subject again, but still on your granddad, he wondered if you were going to be openly trans or not. The students at the college are very good with that sort of thing and play a major part in the Birmingham pride events as well as fund raising for local causes throughout the rest of the year too. There are a lot of openly gay and trans students at Whinheath who say they feel well supported by the college because the college not only makes it clear that any form of bigotry is taken seriously they actually do something about it. I know all that because there’s something to do with them in the local papers regularly. The college LGBT group started running soup kitchens for anybody who needed it last winter and enough of the other students joined them to enable them to do it all year round now. I told your granddad I’d talk to you about it. Perhaps you’d be wise just to see how things panned out, and it would be a good idea to make some friends first and start by telling them?’
‘Yes. I’d wondered about it too, and that’s more or less what I’d decided.’
‘You have a look on YouTube at dancing, Jenny, and I’ll ring Joseph.’
When her Gran went looking for her she found Jennifer enthralled watching dancing. ‘This looks like so much fun, Gran. This one’s called a Strathspey. Strathspeys seem to be mostly slow dances I think we could both do. Watch this one. It’s really fast and called The Irish Rover. It says it’s a kind of dance called a reel and looks like a lot of fun, but I don’t know how long it would take to learn.’
As they watched the dance her gran turned to Jennifer and said, ‘Turning round as fast as that you’d need a bloody good bra, my girl!’
‘Gran!’
‘Well you would, or you’d either get dragged off your feet or knock yourself out, and at my age I’m allowed a swear word or two. Still interested then?’
‘Yes. It beats the sh— Shine out of football, and I love the clothes some of the ladies are wearing.’
‘I know your mum gets upset about bad language, and I used to, but I must have lived with your granddad too long. Just keep it under control, Love, and you’ll be fine.’
‘I don’t want to do it, Gran. Mum says talking like a boy would give me away faster than anything else for sure, and I can see that, but anyway I’m trying to stop swearing, cos I really don’t like it. I only used to do it to sound like one of the boys, but now I’d rather not. Swear or sound like one of the boys I mean.’
Her gran kissed her forehead and said, ‘You’re a good girl, Jenny. Joseph is coming round at three tomorrow. I’ve told your mum and dad. You do what you want now, Love. Your sisters are watching a DVD, The Never Ending Story I think, but your granddad has poured me a port and lemon, so I really have to go.’ She chuckled and added, ‘After all, it won’t drink itself.’
Jennifer fell asleep wondering what she’d let herself in for, but her gran would be going, so she wouldn’t be on her own, but she couldn’t help but wonder what Joseph would be like, though the idea of finally being able to dance was not only exciting but satisfying too.
After lunch her gran said, ‘Put a skirt on, Jenny. Something you’d wear dancing. Your denim one will be fine.’
‘Sure, Gran, but why?’
‘Because I don’t want a single man ogling my granddaughter’s backside in tight jeans in my house. All right?’
Jennifer laughed and said, ‘I thought you said he was a nice man?’
Her gran came back at her right away with, ‘I thought your granddad was once, and I daresay your mum thought your dad was too.’ Her voice suddenly took on a serious tone. ‘It’s complicated, Love. You’ve not been a girl long enough to really understand. In some ways you’re a lot younger than Helen, but you will understand eventually. For the moment just accept that your mum and I know what we’re talking about and you need our protection. Yes, Joseph is a nice man and decent and trustworthy too. He isn’t the problem, you are. In your naïveté you aren’t to be fully trusted to look after yourself. I’m sorry if that doesn’t make sense, but it’s true. Boys and men look after themselves physically. Girls and women can’t do that, so they have to learn other mechanisms, especially to deal with men who are much stronger. You haven’t even begun to learn about that yet, and you’re going to have to because as a woman you’ll not be able to fall back on your strength without giving yourself away and embarrassing yourself. And remember once those hormones start working you’ll not just start looking a lot more womanly you’ll lose a lot of your strength. Eventually you’ll probably be a big strong girl, but you’ll be nowhere near as strong as you are now. You’ll have traded your muscles for your bosom and hips. To survive you have to acquire a woman’s defences and you’ve sixteen years’ worth of learning to catch up on.’
‘I think I can see what your getting at, Gran, and I do accept it. I’ll go and change.’
Joseph was shy but keen to find a regular dance partner. He explained, ‘I used to have a regular partner. We’d danced together for nearly five years, but her husband was offered a promotion and they moved to Farnborough. If you don’t have a regular partner you end up sitting a lot of dances out at the club meetings and don’t get the practice you need to perform creditably at formal dances. If you have a regular partner it’s different because even if she dances with someone else you’ll find a partner because folk know if you don’t and it happens too often neither of you will dance with anyone else to make sure you get the practice. I’ve been going to dances with my sister, but she lives near Manchester which is too far away for us to dance together at our societies’ weekly meetings. Have you watched any clips of Scottish country dancing, Jennifer?’
‘Gran and I watched some last night. It looks like a lot of fun, and I loved the clothes some of the ladies were wearing. Are they very expensive?’
‘They can be, but don’t have to be. You’d look fabulous in the full skirt and accessories, but it’s not necessary. If you watch some more clips of formal dances rather than society meetings you’ll see a lot of women wearing a whole variety of things. Some people are a bit snobbish about it, but they’re usually southern English or from Edinburgh and not much liked. Most members would rather you were there in ordinary clothes than not there at all. Possibly only half of male dancers own a kilt. They’re expensive and are often inherited. Mine was originally my grandfather’s. Are you interested enough to want to try it, Jennifer?’
‘I was last night, but I was a bit nervous about it. Granny said if I went she’d go too and try a few slow dances too, so yes I’d like to try it.’
Joseph’s face lit up at that and he said, ‘I’ll be the most envied man there arriving with two new ladies. If you want to give it a go this season you’ve not got much time because it ends more or less when the school year does because so many members go away on holiday. I know you’re not going to be living here till you’ve taken your last exam by which time the season will be over, and next season begins with the schools in September. It’s a long way for you to travel till then and we dance on Thursday evenings at half past six till ten though it’s usually half past before we actually finish. I could take you home after the meeting, but I can’t pick you up. If that helps I am more than willing, but even if it doesn’t I shall be delighted to dance with you next season.’
The conversation went backwards and forwards discussing the transport situation till Malcolm who’d been more or less silent weighing Joseph up said, ‘If you wish to do it, Jen, I’ll drive you there and take you home. I’ve done more than my share covering for others at work so they can meet family needs. It’s payback time. Do you still want to go, Mum?’
‘Yes I do. I like dancing, and I like the idea of sharing something with Jenny too.’
‘Fine. I’ll bring Jen here and you can drive the pair of you to the church hall. I’ve no intention of dancing, so don’t even think about it. I’ll bring some work to do which will silence some of the juniors at work who are always moaning about the amount of time the partners take off.’
The arrangements concluded, Joseph advised the ladies as to where they could buy good dancing slippers at a reasonable price locally and what to search for on Ebay before leaving.
After Joseph had left, the girls were chatting about dancing and speculating about dances held at the college that Jennifer could attend. Christie started teasing her sister ‘You know, Joseph’s drop dead gorgeous, and you’ll be dancing and holding hands with him every week, Jenny.’
‘Do you mind, Christie? He’s thirty-two!’
‘I know you lucky pig.’
‘That’s the sort of thing I’d expect Helen to say.’
Just as their mother was about to pour cold water on the teasing that Jennifer seemed to be managing before it became more than she could could cope with Jessie entered the fray to say, ‘There was no call for that, Jenny!’ At which the four girls all collapsed into gales of laughter and their mum realised her daughters weren’t the ones who were having the most trouble accepting the new situation.
When they were alone Gwendoline asked, ‘You look puzzled, Mal. What’s the matter?’
Somewhat sheepishly he replied, ‘I suppose I want my bread buttered on both sides. Joseph treated Jen just like any other girl which is good from her point of view, but I’m her dad, and the idea of my naïve and pretty sixteen year old daughter keeping company with a charming, polite and good looking professional man in his early thirties who looks like he’s about twenty-five is a father’s worst nightmare. I was pulled up a bit sharply when I realised that all of the girls agreed with Christie when she said he was drop dead gorgeous. I’m just glad Mum will be going too.’
‘Get used to it, Love. There’re three more of them after Jennifer. Even Helen’s growing up and with three older sisters she’ll grow up faster than the others. It’s what happens with a group of sisters. Each one matures faster than the one before.’
Before the family left to return home her grandfather took Jennifer to one side and told her, ‘If you’re still doing it next season and wish to continue I’ll buy you what Joseph called the full skirt and accessories in time for their Christmas dance. It won’t be your Christmas present. It’ll be a present to celebrate you finding yourself and putting a lot of the family’s fears about you to rest.’
With tears in her eyes, Jennifer threw her arms round him and said, ‘Thank you, Granddad. I love you.’
‘And I love you too, Granddaughter.’ He kissed her forehead and said, ‘Now off you go, and try to keep Helen out of trouble.’
As Jennifer kissed her Gran goodbye she was asked, ‘When you come to stay, how much space will you need for boys clothes, Love? Just in case.’
Jennifer started to cry, but they were tears of joy, as she said, ‘None. Charity shops can have the lot, cos I can’t do that any more, Gran. I just can’t do it.’
I’M NOT CRYING NOW - A SEQUEL TO BIG GIRLS DO CRY
Jennifer, Jenny as her sisters and friends called her, had been Jerry. She was six foot four and sixteen stone [224 pounds, 102Kg] and had been bullied into a life heavily involved in sport by her schools. Though extremely talented at all sport she’d always hated it and had always wanted to dance. After a breakdown her supportive family had helped her to rebuild her life as a girl. Her new life replaced sport with Scottish Country dancing. This work picks up her life immediately following her breakdown.
Within a few days of the head teacher making it known to the PE(6) staff that their star performer was at maternal instruction focussing on GCSE examinations and taking no part in sport any more the pressure on Jennifer from the PE staff had stopped. The PE staff had been told(7) by the head that any attempt to persuade Jerry otherwise would bring immediate legal retribution from Pritchard, Lewis, Lewis and Harding, Solicitors at Law of which the senior partner was young Pritchard’s father. He told the PE staff that Malcolm Pritchard had said he would not only prosecute the school he would prosecute the head of boys PE for allowing it to happen on his watch and any PE or games teacher who approached his child on the matter. He made it clear that his child had finally had a breakdown because he’d never from the age of five wanted to play any sport but had been too afraid of his teachers to put up any resistance not least of which was because Jerry knew he would give in to the bullying in the end and had considered it to be less stressful to just go along with it.
‘How come the father only just found this out?’ asked the head of boys PE. He was angry that he was being told his best athlete was being taken away from him.
‘Because young Pritchard was so completely terrorised by male PE and games teachers, and that’s what his psychiatrists have said in writing they will attest to in court, that he never mentioned it to any one, not even his parents.’
At the headteacher’s meeting with his boys’ PE staff he’d said, ‘Gentlemen, if you do not comply with my orders completely this will probably cost you not just your job but your career. I passed the matter over to the education authority and their legal department has drawn up a document for each of you to sign. The psychiatric report on young Pritchard will crucify all of us if it gets to court and if you so much as speak to young Pritchard on the matter Malcolm Pritchard will have it in front of a court before the week is out. It is obvious that there is more going on here than what I have been informed of, but I’m certainly not risking my career trying to find out what it is. I suggest you behave in a similarly circumspect fashion. Janice in the office will give you the papers to sign. Your professional association legal man is outside to advise you. He has informed me he is going to advise you to sign, because he’s seen a synopsis of the psychiatric report too. I want them back signed before you leave for home. I’m certainly not threatening you, but if you don’t sign you are threatening me and the education authority and I’m sure you can envisage how you shall be viewed thereafter. Thank you, that is all.’
However the overall level of pressure on Jennifer had intensified. Jennifer was an excellent all round academic performer in all subjects except CDT and even there she was very good. As a result all her teachers and their heads of department were pressuring her to take their subject at A’ level.(8) Jenny was not happy at all the pressure, and it upset her till the day when her acceptance letter to study Art, French and DFD, as double fashion design was known, arrived from Whinheath College which was near her grandparents’ house. She would have shewn the letter to her teachers, but it was clearly a mail merge letter used for all new students, for it opened ‘Dear Jennifer Gwendoline Pritchard’. The letter made no reference to her trans status, but included a pack with details of the college and a provisional timetable. However, the other letter addressed to her from the college that arrived three days later was a letter acknowledging her trans status which assured her that she would have no problems to confront from the college authorities. The letter acknowledged her current parental address and noted that she would be living at her grandparents’ address to attend. It said the college had been in receipt of supporting details from her medical advisors and all that remained was for her to make any special requirements she may have known to the admissions office. The letter included details of the college LGBT+ society, and concluded by saying they looked forward to seeing her at the college in September. After that the pressure from the school staff no longer bothered Jennifer, for she had her next two years of education mapped out. She merely said to her teachers that she was still making her mind up regarding her subject choices for the next two years, but she would be taking French.
Dancing with Joseph who was six foot two had been as exciting and exhilarating as Jennifer had hoped. Initially she been perplexed by the written dancing instructions in the book Joseph had lent her because they only seemed to specify what the dancing couple should be doing. They said nothing about what the other couples should be doing. However, once she realised that, for example in a diagonal reel of three, the dancing couple’s instructions implied the other couples’ instructions too she progressed rapidly. It had been a little embarrassing at the first meeting she attended because a number of persons had assumed Jennifer was Joseph’s girlfriend because she looked much older than her age. Almost as red as Jennifer, thirty-two year old Joseph who was a dentist and appeared to be about twenty-five had explained, ‘Jennifer is sixteen and the granddaughter of a friend I play golf with. Her grandmother over there told me she wanted to dance, and I wanted a regular partner, so here we are.’
Jennifer spent most weekends at her grandparents’ where she lived and dressed as Jennifer. Her femininely styled hair was she decided one of her best features and it was always with regret that she brushed her soft curls out ready for her return to school as Jerry on Mondays. Jennifer was used to going shopping with her gran and was pleased with her dress making progress. One Saturday, she accompanied her granddad shopping for some bedroom furniture including a dressing table with a large mirror for her room. They met Evan a friend of his and her granddad introduced her as his granddaughter, Jennifer, who would be living with them whilst attending Whinheath college in September. Jennifer had three younger sisters and her heart was in her mouth when Evan said, ‘I thought your eldest granddaughter was a few years younger, Bert.’
However her granddad handled the matter with ease saying, ‘Aye well that’s what happens, Evan. They grow up, and we just grow old. Ellen says before we know where we are the youngest will be married with kids of her own.’
Evan nodded and said, ‘You’re right, Bert. When you look back you wonder where it all went.’
A fortnight short of going on study leave prior to her exams Jennifer was asked to call in at the sixth form office. She’d anticipated such a request, for others who had not registered their choice of subjects with the sixth form or who had decided to study elsewhere had received the same request. Without saying anything to her parents she decided to deal with the matter herself once and for all.
The admissions secretary told her, ‘If you want to have some choice you needed to register quickly before all the places on what may be your subjects of choice are taken.’
She told the admissions secretary, ‘That is not at issue. It is a matter of no consequence because I have already accepted a place at Whinheath College near my grandparents’ house studying art, French and double fashion design.’
‘Do you think that to be a wise decision?’ she was asked.
Jennifer replied, ‘It doesn’t matter whether it is wise or not does it because it is my decision to make not yours. I have the full support of my parents, so I certainly don’t need any advice, least of all from you, so I don’t want to hear any more on the matter. I can’t wait to leave this place because the school has bullied me from the day I first attended in year seven. No one ever asked me if I wanted to play sport. I hate sport and I always have. I didn’t object because I knew the bullying from the PE staff would eventually make me give in. I’ve never been any good at arguing, and I used to be intimidated by raised voices, but somehow the prospect of life getting much better as a result of leaving this place has made me realise how little I care what it thinks or does any more. I’m trans, and I always wanted to dance, not waste my time playing boys’ games. Legally I am now Miss Jennifer Gwendoline Pritchard. I have a regular dancing partner at a Scottish Country Dancing Society near Gran’s where I dance every week. Dad has written to the exam board concerning my name change and a letter will be arriving here saying the same thing, so my GCSE certificates will be in my proper name. From September I’ll be doing the same, and living as a girl full time, and I don’t care what anyone says or thinks about it. Granddad says he’s proud of me and he’s going to buy me the formal ladies’ wear for the Society’s annual Christmas dance, and Gran goes dancing with me. All of which would be impossible if I stayed here. I’d be obliged if you passed all that on to the teaching staff. I’ve nine more days to do before study leave, and after that I’ll only come in for the exams. I don’t wish to upset anyone, so I’ll come in for the exams dressed as a boy. Is that all?’
To say the admissions secretary was taken aback was a gross understatement. There was nothing she could say in response to such a comprehensive dismissal of the school. She merely said, ‘I understand, and I shall have your information circulated amongst the teaching staff. Do you wish them to know you are trans?’
‘Yes.’
When the admissions secretary informed the head of her conversation with Miss Pritchard he said, ‘Well at least I have the full picture now. Leave it to me to inform the teaching staff at the morning briefing tomorrow, Leslie. I’d be obliged if you informed the senior administrative staff when the opportunity arises.’
After school when Jennifer told her parents what had transpired her mum asked, ‘How will you deal with the fall out, Jennifer?’
‘There are only eight school days left now, and the truth is, Mum, I just don’t care. I’m actually enjoying being me, for the first time ever. Jerry was pretty insecure really, but I feel confident about being me. I don’t want to rock any boats unnecessarily, so I’ll go to school and into the exams dressed as Jerry, but after that never again. Any time I come back here I’ll be dressed as me, Jenny, and if you want to go shopping I’ll go with you dressed as Jenny. Life was pretty miserable for Jerry really, but I’m really happy being your and Dad’s daughter and the girls’ sister. Now, I want to change, and I have some studying to do. When you shout me I’ll come down for dinner as your eldest daughter. After dinner we’re putting highlights in Helen’s hair. I did a deal with her because she was going to go to school with a bright red lipstick and put it on when she got there. I saw it, and she looked like a ten year old tart, far worse than any Lolita. The deal was she’d not take the lipstick to school if I did her highlights. She’s been wanting them since I had mine, so she bought into it immediately. I wouldn’t be surprised if that hadn’t been the little vixen’s plan all along and she’d never had any intention of wearing the lipstick.’
Gwendoline was initially surprised at the way Jennifer had referred to Jerry as someone else, but given the remarkable differences in character between Jeremy and Jennifer she rapidly accepted that Jerry had been someone else and she was deeply happy that her eldest child was at last becoming at ease with herself and the world. ‘You’re probably right, Jennifer, thank you. At least I’ll not have the school ringing me up about the lipstick, but there will probably be something else they ring about.’
Jennifer chuckled and said, ‘Probably, Mum. Christie told me the ultimate deterrent she and Jessie can use on Helen now is they’ll tell me what she’s up to. Trouble is with Helen on her own at primary school she has her head, but there’s only one more year of that. When she goes up to the big school and is with the others life should get a bit easier for you. Got to go. See you later.’
Malcolm, the girls’ dad said, ‘Well, Darling, I have to say you were right. She may have been timid once, but she certainly isn’t now.’
‘I reckon this is going to work out just fine, Mal. I prayed she’d become more like the others when she accepted herself, and I have to say I think my prayers have been answered. The strange thing is I expected to feel a sense of loss with the disappearance of our only son, but I don’t and I’m certain I shan’t ever feel that in the future. It feels very natural, right even, to be the mother of four girls.’
Malcolm took his time replying, but eventually said, ‘Yes. I hadn’t thought about it but I feel the same, but perhaps the truth is we feel that way because deep down somehow we always knew we were the parents of four girls. Other than the sport, which only ever took place at school, we never had a child who we could see was a son, just an isolated child who took little part in anything. I suspect I always was the father of four daughters. At least now I have four children who all actively engage with us and the world around them, and not just three who do so and a fourth child I never did anything but worry about, for we never had any father son interactions. I don’t know about you, Darling, but my life has improved as much as Jen’s as a result of her accepting herself and becoming herself. It’s clear she is much happier now, and so am I.’
Gwendoline nodded and said, ‘You’re right, Mal, and from my point of view it all feels right. I’m sure there will be problems for all of us not just Jennifer to confront in the future, but at least that terrible fear of her hurting herself has gone for good.’
After school on the last Wednesday before Jenny left for study leave on the Friday, Colin, whom Jerry had been at school with since they were five and played rugby and cricket with, said, ‘Jerry, there’s a rumour going round that you are trans. You need to scotch that well rapid, Mate. I don’t know how it started, but it’s gone round spreading like a wildfire.’
‘No point in trying to scotch it, Colin. It’s not a rumour. It’s true, but so much for the staff at school respecting the confidentiality of pupil medical records. I’ll be talking to Dad about that. I’ll be going to college near Gran’s next term, and I’ll be going as a girl. I started transitioning a while back. My name is Jennifer, Jenny, though Dad and Granddad call me Jen. Dad’s already done the legal work to change my name to Jennifer Gwendoline Prichard. Gwendoline is Mum’s name.’
Colin’s eyes opened wide with surprise and he said, ‘You’re winding me up, right? You’ve got to be. With a dick the size of yours you can’t be a girl.’
‘That’s as may be, Colin, but Mum says when I have the surgery that will give the surgeons plenty to work with. I’m already on the hormones. At home and at Gran’s I dress as me: Jenny. It’s only at school I dress as Jerry now, and Jerry dies when I get home after the last exam, cos I was never Jerry. Dad’s taking me to Gran’s that evening so I can start living as Jenny full time and permanently. I’ll be leaving all Jerry’s clothes behind for Mum to donate to a charity shop. I’ll be studying art, French and double fashion design at Whinheath College which is near Gran’s. I’m now happy for the first time in my life and Mum and Dad are happy to have four happy daughters now. Gran and Granddad are cool about it. You can tell anyone you like about it because I’ve stopped hiding, or caring about it.’
‘Hellfire! You’re serious aren’t you?’
‘Too right I’m serious. You wouldn’t believe how close I’ve been to suicide, or how many times I was there. Mum made me promise never to hurt myself, but to talk to her and Dad. It wasn’t an easy to promise to make back then, but it is now that I’m essentially out as a girl because though I know there’ll be some bad stuff in the future I doubt any of it will push me to anywhere near that close to the edge again. If it costs me any of my friends that’s their loss. I’ll make new friends. There’s a really big and active LGBT+ society at the college, and I’ve already written to the secretary to join.’
‘What’s that? LTB whatever you said. That society?’
‘LGBT+ is lesbian, gay, bi, trans plus any one else who is not what society calls binary. Binary is folk with male and female mindsets born into male and female bodies respectively. Leastways that’s what I understand it to be.’
‘That’s the real reason your mum got you out of playing sport wasn’t it? We all knew your heart wasn’t in it, but you were so good at it. I suppose you’ll be playing netball, rounders, and table tennis now?’
‘You’re right that’s why Mum stopped the sport. I don’t like sport, I never did, so I won’t be playing anything, girls’ or boys’ stuff. I had a breakdown one Friday when I got home from school. I don’t think I’d ever been nearer to ending it all. Look at me, I didn’t think it was possible for me to transition, not with my physique, but Mum talked me down. She said Gwendoline Christie from ‘Game of Thrones’ was six three and pretty―’
‘Pretty! She’s as fit as a butcher’s dog,(9) Mate! With a pair of― I shouldn’t be saying that to you now should I?’
‘Probably not, Colin, but never mind. Anyway Mum convinced me to try, and I agreed. I think I look reasonably pretty as a girl. My sisters think I look fabulous, but they’re biased, cos they love me. I always wanted to dance, and I dance now every Thursday at a club near Gran’s. I dance with a regular partner called Joseph McDonald. Joseph is from Glasgow, he’s thirty-two or -three and is a dentist. He plays golf with Granddad. He used to have a regular partner at the Scottish Country Dance Society, but she moved away. Gran goes dancing with me too. Dancing is fun, but being seen and regarded as a girl whilst dancing is something that’s impossible to put into words.’
Colin said slowly, ‘We’ve been mates, sorry friends I mean, since we went to primary school aged five yeah?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Dad says you don’t make many new friends once you become adult, and it gets harder as you get older. We’re still friends, and this doesn’t change anything for me. I can’t speak for all of the lads, but I know most will be fine about it like me.’ Jennifer wondered where this was going because Colin clearly hadn’t finished. ‘Can I call round one evening to meet Jenny? Nothing creepy, I promise. I just want to see what my friend looks like now. I’ve never had a girl as a friend before. I never even thought of it as a possibility, but none has so many friends that they can afford to lose one for no good reason, and I don’t reckon you being trans is a good reason. Is that all right with you, Jenny?’
Not quite sure what to reply, yet not wanting to over think the matter and throw away an offer of continued friendship, and Colin calling her Jenny had made a difference to her confidence about the situation, Jennifer threw caution to the winds and eventually said, ‘Sure. Tonight if you like. Then there’re two days of school left to tell the others. Given the rumour I may as well have the truth out in the open. At least that way what folk know will actually be correct rather than nonsense created by Chinese whispers(10) generated by the rumour mill.’
When Jennifer told her parents of her conversation with Colin her mum asked, ‘You truly happy with this, Jennifer?’
‘Yeah. Remember when I broke down, and you said I’d finally realised there was nowhere left to hide. Well I’ve realised I don’t want to hide any more. Colin’s been a good friend for a long time, and if this breaks our friendship, I’ll live with it. I hope it doesn’t, but if it does I’ll live with it.’
After dinner, Jennifer was revising her history in her room when Helen shouted up, ‘Jenny, there’s a boy called Colin here asking for you. He says you knew he was coming round.’
‘Half a mo’, Helen. I’m coming down.’
As Jennifer came down the stairs she was wearing a knee length, box pleated, plaid skirt with a fitted silk blouse of the same green that was the major colour element in her skirt. She had make up on, her hair up and she was wearing four inch heels with very dark green tights that matched her blouse. Colin’s eyes bulged. ‘Struth, Jer― Jenny! Your sister’s are right, you look fabulous. How the hell have you done all that? You look completely different. If I saw you out in the street I’d maybe reckon you were related to Jerry, but I’d never guess in a million years you were Jerry once.’
‘All down to silicone, a trace of make up, well fitting clothes and a genius hairdresser called Louise. The heels help too. Come on up to my room for a chat. And I’ll leave the door open, so Helen the babe from hell doesn’t have her ear firmly pressed to the outside of it.’
Helen flounced off and turned round to say, ‘You take all the fun out of life, Sis. If you’re not careful you’ll be a grown up before you can turn round, and it’ll serve you right.’ Colin was taken aback by Helen’s use of the word Sis.
‘I’m working on it, Helen. Don’t forget it’ll happen to you too eventually.’
As they went into Jennifer’s bed room Colin noticed a pile of washing waiting to be put away which included lingerie and a large bra on the top of the pile. Noticing Colin’s unease, Jennifer picked up the pile and placed it in a cupboard saying as she closed the cupboard door, ‘I’ll deal with those later.’
Colin looked around and saw a dressing table with make up and a couple of hair brushes on it. Behind the door was a woman’s dressing gown and a handbag [US purse] on a hook. The room whilst not overly pink and girly was clearly a girl’s bedroom. ‘I’m not sure I should be here, Jenny. I feel like I’ve strayed into the girls’ changing room [US locker room] by accident. It’s kinda creepy and more than a bit voyeuristic. Honest to God, Jenny, I’m no perve and I don’t like feeling like one. I’ve completely got my head round you being Jenny not Jerry, but I’d appreciate it if you tried to understand what this is like for me.’
Jennifer laught and said, ‘It’s no accident, Colin. I invited you in, and it is a girl’s room, cos that’s what I am. I get what you’re saying, so if you’re seriously bothered, let’s go outside and sit in the garden, on the patio or take a walk in the park? And I’m sorry for laughing. I wasn’t laughing at you. I’m a girl, so just imagine how you would react being in one of your sisters’ rooms.’
‘Yeah. I get what you’re saying, but I’d be happier to be out of here, cos you’re not one of my sisters, so it’s different. The park would be good, but only if you’re happy going there dressed like that?’
‘I’ve been out in public like this many a time at Gran’s, but not often here. It doesn’t bother me, and it bothers me less every passing day. I’ll get Helen to give me some bread and we can sit on a bench at the lake and feed the birds. I’ll tell Mum where we’re going and that I’ll be back in an hour or so.’
They walked in silence to the park. As they were feeding the ducks, geese and swans Colin asked, ‘How the hell do you do it? Doesn’t it scare the crap out of you?’
‘It surely does, Colin, but what’s the option? Live like a boy, which I’m not, and which made me suicidal? That’s the only other choice. I tried that. I mean I really did try, and it nearly killed me, cos I totally failed. At the absolute worst, this way I’m accepted by my entire family, and college looks promising. I think I’m beginning to feel the effects of the hormones. I certainly hope so. My gender consultant says it’s all looking good. The only down side is painful shots of hormones in the bum every four weeks, which make me cry from time to time for a few days. I can’t do anything about the crying, but once the tablets really start working I’ll not need the injections as frequently, and after a bit I won’t need them at all. At the moment I have them on Fridays after school because that way I’ve the weekend to recover and I can usually cope by Monday, but I’ve decided not to have the next one till after the exams are over and Doctor Millbank agreed with me. Mum said welcome to the world of women, and that girls cry, all girls cry. She said contrary to what was said by folk who don’t know any better big girls cry too, and for sure I do. I’ll be eighteen when I finish college, and Mum and Dad say I can have the surgery as soon as I’m eighteen. Dad reckons if I’d been interested in computer games he’d have spent more than the cost of the surgery over the years on that. Summer after this I’m going to get driving lessons, and I’m looking forward to that. It’s good being a girl with three sisters. I feel I belong which I never did before.’
Colin was clearly thinking hard, but eventually he asked, ‘How did you learn it all? Girls’ clothes, underwear, make up, hair styles? Whenever I listen to my sisters it’s like they’re talking a foreign language. Girlish I think it must be called, because for sure it ain’t English. What’s it been three, four months? No longer for sure.’
‘It was the end of February when it all happened, so it’s about three months, but I was going on trans websites for a long time before that, and I always paid attention to my sisters. The way they talked, what they talked about, the way they walked and used their bodies which is completely different from the way boys use theirs. My sisters have known about me for years and I used to read their magazines and Mum’s too when they were threwn away. I’d read them in bed and kept them in my school bag. Now they take mine when they get the chance, so I’m still hiding them, but now that’s so I get to read them first.’
‘Thinking back, I never heard you tell a dirty joke, nor laugh when someone else did either. I don’t want to pry, Jenny, but you’ve been my friend for as far back as I can remember, and I seriously do want to understand. Do you fancy girls or boys?’
‘I never fancied anyone till quite recently, Colin. Boys are becoming interesting, but my GP thinks that is probably due to the influence of the hormones. She says I’m probably only at Helen’s stage of pubertal development. Helen’s ten.’
‘So you’re going to end up like the other girls?’
‘I hope so. The long term future is too far away to speculate about, but I suppose if it came to it I’d not be upset by the prospect of a husband and a family which would have to be adopted, unless of course he already had children.’
‘You can cope with the idea of making love with a bloke?’
‘I don’t know right now. I can’t say the idea appeals to me, but it certainly doesn’t upset me as long as I’ve had the appropriate surgery. Right now, I want to do well at college and get a job in fashion. Before that I want to pass my driving test and just come to terms with being me.’
‘Hmm. Why do girls do that with their hair?’
‘Do what?’
‘Christ, you’re not even aware of doing it are you?’
‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘All that twiddling and flicking.’
‘Oh, that! It just seems to be the thing to do. I don’t think about it.’
The two friends talked for over an hour, and their relationship became more and more normal to them with every passing minute. Colin who normally became inarticulate in the presence of girls didn’t realise it, but he would never be tongue tied in their presence again for one of his longest friendships had been with a girl, he just hadn’t known it. Jennifer on realising that not all boys would react badly to her had a number of her fears put to rest. Whatever the next two days at school brought she knew she’d cope.
‘I really must be going home now, Colin. Dad worries if I’m out late. He can’t help it. I’m one of his girls now, and girls’ rules apply to me like they do to my sisters. I think that’s wonderful, and I really don’t like upsetting him. A daughter’s relationship with her dad is nothing like that of a son’s, and that makes me really happy.’
‘May I take some footage to shew the boys how fabulous you look, Jenny?’
‘Yeah. Why not? In for a penny in for a pound.’
Colin produced his phone and Jennifer turned around for him and walked a little distance whilst Colin shot the footage. ‘Christ, Jenny, from behind you even walk like a girl. How do you do that? Make your hips sway I mean.’
Jennifer laughed and replied, ‘I walk like Mum shewed me to. A lot of it is down to taking shorter steps and exactly where I put my feet down. The heels help, and my sisters pick me up on any and every non girl behaviour too. I’ve got four full time personal trainers in girldom.’
‘I’ve sent the video to all the boys on the teams and a few others too, but I’ve not said who it was of. A pound to a penny says none will guess. I’ll walk you home now, Jenny, if you like.’
‘Thank you, Colin, I’d appreciate it, and Dad will think better of you for doing it.’
Colin’s phone started to indicate incoming texts from his friends. They all were saying more or less the same thing. ‘Who’s the hot stuff?’ ‘How did a loser like you get to hook up with a drop dead gorgeous babe like that?’ ‘If she wants a better bloke than you I’m available.’ Colin shewed Jennifer the texts and said, ‘I’ll keep them in suspense till I get home, Jenny. See, I told you you looked fabulous.’
When they reached Jenny’s home, Colin said, ‘I’ll tell the boys as much as I can tonight, Jenny. Like I said, no promises about them all, but I know there’ll be enough of us solidly supportive about you to prevent anyone hurting you. There’s no saying what any of the idiots will say, but enough of us will stay close to you all day to make sure what ever happens is no more than hot air and bullshit. We’ll meet you where your Mum usually drops you off in the morning, and walk you home after school. We’ll do the same on Friday. If you let me know when you’re in for the exams I’ll arrange the same.’
‘I’m very grateful, Colin. Thank you again. Goodnight.’
‘Night, Jenny.’
‘Helen told me what was happening. How did it go, Jennifer? I presume things were fine because you were out for so long.’
‘It went great, Mum. Colin did his best to understand. We’re still good friends. He shot some video of me and sent it to the boys. They all want to know who he was with. He’s going to text the boys tonight and explain. They’re going to meet me when you drop me off at school, keep me safe all day and walk me home. They’ll do the same on Friday and when I’m in for exams. He said there would sure to be some unpleasant insults, but there’d be enough of them to stop the idiots ganging up and hurting me. I suppose that’s as good as I could have hoped for.’
The news about Jerry being Jenny circulated amongst all the children in the area before bedtime that night. When Malcolm dropped Helen off at primary school, she was challenged concerning her sister. Helen stood her ground and yawning said, ‘Old news. You really need to keep up. I’ve known about Jenny for years, before going to school anyway. What are you telling me? That all your family are perfectly boring and normal. You’re all completely bormal?’
As usual Gwendoline dropped the three older children off at the secondary school. Christie and Jessie she dropped off three-quarters of a mile away from where Jenny was dropped off which was at the opposite end of the school site. As the two girls got out of the car Christie said, ‘Good luck, Sis. We’ll see you at break in the middle refectory to find out how it went. Love you, Jenny.’
There was a crowd of thirty-odd boys waiting for Jennifer when her mum dropped her off at school. They were quiet and respectful till Jennifer said, ‘I don’t know which one of you texted it, but Colin is no loser, though I admit being called ‘hot stuff’ and ‘drop dead gorgeous’ is nice. You can do that again any time you like. It seemed a bit incongruous as Jennifer was dressed as Jerry, but she realised these boys were her friends, and there were far more of them than she had realised. That they’d all arrived at school early purely to protect her felt wonderful. They were full of questions which Jennifer tried to answer on their way to the upper refectory where as usual they went for a couple of slices of toast and a cup of tea before morning registration. On their way a boy who Jennifer recognised but didn’t know well shouted insults and the usual offensive bigotry that virtually all trans persons are only too familiar with. Colin replied, ‘Jenny is far too intelligent to be upset by the shit that falls out of your mouth alongside of your brains, Hargreaves, but I swear downright if you even try to lay a finger on her we’ll beat the rest of the shite out of your worthless, pathetic carcass. I suggest you fuck off and try to upset somebody else.’ A dozen of her escort moved towards Hargreaves, and he fled.
They sat down at a few nearby tables with their toast and tea chatting about Jenny’s transition. A couple of pretty girls in the year below the boys came across to them and Therese asked, ‘Is it true that you’re trans, Jerry.’
‘Yeah, and the name is Jenny, Therese.’
‘Cool. I always wondered why you were never interested in girls. We knew you weren’t gay, but it never occurred to any of us that you were actually one of us. You should have said ages ago. I’ll get your number off Christie and text you later. I saw Colin’s video when he sent it to my brother, but I thought it was a wind up when he said it was you. You looked stunning, Girl. A dozen of us are going shopping on Saturday and taking in a movie later. Any of you boys that want to come are welcome. If enough of you stay to get bored and embarrassed with us in the undies shops to keep Jenny safe from the idiots the rest can spend the time in the video games shops. If you take it in turns to be with us and Jenny I’ll make sure there are enough girls with us to make it worth your while in the cinema as long as you promise to not to kiss and tell. Do we have a deal, boys? Jenny, how about it?’
‘I’m up for it if enough of the boys agree to go, Therese.’
The boys were silent till Colin said, ‘If you seal the deal with a kiss now, Therese, I’ll make sure the boys turn up.’
‘Done.’ Therese’s kiss was a tonsil tickling teenage tournament and there were more than a few girls as well as boys cheering the pair on. When the pair finally surfaced for some much needed oxygen Therese whispered in Colin’s ear, ‘Meet me at my house at nine on Saturday.’
The boys all said, ‘It’s on, see you all on Saturday at half ten outside Tesco, if not before.’
The day passed more or less as Colin had predicted, with some verbal abuse, but most of the pupils were supportive. The staff who already knew Jennifer was trans were surprised at her being openly called Jenny in class, but there were no unpleasant incidents other than name calling which her friends dealt with by sheer intimidation. Since they were by and large the school’s best sportsmen and most were big and strong the tactic worked well. Jenny was accompanied home by the dozen and a half of the boys who lived on her side of the town. When she told her parents about her day they were a little surprised by the solidarity shewn her by her class mates, but her dad said that most folk were decent it was just that the few who were otherwise had a disproportionate effect on one’s awareness. Friday was more or less a repeat of Thursday except the details of the shopping expedition and the cinema visit were finalised.
After Friday, it was only on days when Jennifer had an examination in the morning that she dressed as Jerry on getting out of bed ready to go to school. Saturday was Jennifer’s first shopping expedition without her mum or gran, and she enjoyed every minute of it. Dressed as Jenny and accompanied by girls of her own age was a liberating experience for her, and the boys were initially amazed at the ease with which Jerry became Jenny. It was not only Jenny who accepted her new self so completely, the boys had to too since the girls, who were from Therese’s year and the ones above and below her as well, clearly did. The boys who got dragged into La Senza didn’t know where to look because nowhere was safe to look. There was sheer and transparent lingerie everywhere, even looking at manikins was kind of embarrassingly pervy in their minds. The girls did far more window shopping than purchasing, though most of the girls bought something in La Senza. Therese was seriously taken aback when she saw the label in the back of the bra that Jennifer had bought. ‘I don’t know anyone with boobs that big, Jenny. 44G is bigger than my gran. I didn’t know they made bras that big.’
‘They make bras a lot bigger than this, Therese. Mum bought my breast forms. She said at my size I’d need big ones or I’d be made fun of. Mum says I’m developing like her Mum. If that happens I’ll get a lot bigger than this and probably not be able to see my toes. The only problem with being big is there’s not much choice and stuff gets expensive. I bought this bra because it was reduced twice from fifty-six quid to thirty and then to fifteen and it is pretty. What do you usually pay for a bra? A fiver?’
‘Yeah probably, certainly no more than ten.’
‘Lucky you. Given that I’m trans, most clothes don’t fit too well, so I either have to alter stuff or make clothes myself from a pattern. I can only do simple stuff at the moment, so Mum and Gran do a lot for me, but I’m getting better.’ The cinema was enjoyable for all and a lot of the teenagers experienced their first real encounter with the opposite sex. The boys thought the girls were more experienced than they, but that was an age old illusion that girls had been casting since the beginnings of time as a self defence tactic.
Daniel took Jennifer’s hand and took her to a pair of empty seats. He said, ‘All is cool, Jenny. If holding hands is all you want to do that’s fine. If you want to kiss that’s fine too. Whatever you want is fine. I’m a bloke that has never thought that pressuring girls was acceptable. To be honest I suspect I’ve enjoyed far more from girls than most boys ever enjoyed because they pressed for intimacy. I reckon that’s because I’ve simply accepted whatever girls were prepared to offer because I like girls, and I like spending time with them regardless of what they wish to do in that time. I’m not manipulative. I am happy to enjoy whatever you wish to share with me and if that’s just conversation I’ll enjoy the conversation.’ Jennifer learnt a lot from Daniel’s honest enjoyment of the time he spent with her and his philosophy became the yardstick that she used to measure boys by.
It turned out that kissing Daniel was fun and Jennifer made arrangements to see him the following weekend with some of the others. That Saturday set the pattern for the teenagers. They enjoyed the not too serious relationships they had established, and like many youngsters of that age they subconsciously realised there was safety in numbers that prevented them from going further emotionally than they were ready for. Jennifer was devastated when Daniel died in a car accident three weeks after meeting him at the cinema, but his attitude to relationships lived on in her mind till her death as a great great grandmother many many decades later.
To counter her grief over Daniel’s death, Jennifer occupied herself for most of the following few weeks studying and spending time with the large group of fifteen and sixteen year olds she was close to. She still went to her Gran’s every week to dance, but the dancing season came to a close as the examination season got underway in earnest. The teenagers started to focus on their studies and social matters gradually faded away. Jennifer had been in two minds as to whether to stay with her decision to go to her Gran’s after her last examination. What decided her was that she’d knew she wouldn’t feel safe out in public without the company of her large group of friends, and that group was breaking up as their various futures beckoned. So, Jennifer made arrangements with her dad to go to her gran’s in the evening of the Wednesday when her last examination was over. The last five months or so had been a traumatic chapter in Jennifer’s troubled life, and though it had in the main ended spectacularly well for her she was not sorry to turn on to the next page in the book that was her life because Daniel’s death was something she couldn’t even envisage being able to move on from had she stayed at her parents’ house.
‘I was saddened to hear about Daniel’s death, Jennifer. It’s always a tragedy when anyone dies young. We all have tragedy to deal with at some point in our lives, and we all eventually have to move on, but it does seem that you don’t need to be here to come out as a girl do you? From what your mum tells me you managed it very successfully at home. The question is what do you plan to do here till college starts? Because you’ll need something to keep boredom at bay.’
‘I know, but I wasn’t sure I could move on staying at Mum’s. Life had been good, Gran. But the group I was always with made me feel safe. The trouble was with the exams over some were starting apprenticeships and others had summer jobs to go to. The group was breaking up, and there were too many transphobic idiots there who knew who I was, so I wouldn’t have been safe out on my own. I didn’t want to be effectively under house arrest, so I decided to come here. I’m still seriously upset about Daniel’s death for a whole host of reasons that I don’t want to talk about. I’m not even sure I understand all of them, and I’m glad to be away from the places that remind me of him which make me cry. I’ve no idea what I want to do, though I know I need something to do. I thought maybe I’d try some dress making from scratch. Granddad said there’s a two evenings a week youth club in the a church hall that’s not far away, so maybe I’ll try that. If you have any ideas I’m willing to try anything.’
‘I do understand what you’re going through, Love. Before I met your granddad I had a young man who died in an accident at work. We’d only been walking out together for two weeks when it happened. If you want to talk about Daniel I’m here for you, Love. I’ll have no problems if you don’t because I could never bring myself to talk about Benjamin to any for many years. Whatever you want to do is fine with me. However, what about a job, Love? There’re a few local places advertising for staff, some full time some part time. There’s a local sewing factory advertising for staff to work two days a week. The ad says it would suit students and training will be given. I can’t help but think any time you spend on a sewing machine will be helpful to you for both your private life and your college life. Surely getting paid for it has got to be a bonus. If you took the job you could see if you could find something else too to put a few more pennies in your purse. [US wallet] What do you think? You don’t have to work, Love. Your granddad and I have no intention of charging you for being here and your Dad and Granddad are both going to give you an allowance. Granddad and I are more than happy to have you living with us. I told your granddad ages ago I wished we could see more of you and your sisters. But like I said you’ll need something to do, or it’ll seem like an awfully long time till next term, and it would give you a much wider set of friends and acquaintances than just students, folk of all ages and backgrounds, not just clever folk of your own age.’
‘I like the idea of the sewing factory. I suppose I’d have to find out what days I’d be working before looking elsewhere. Have you got the details, Gran?’
‘It was advertised in the free paper. I’ll get it for you.’
Jennifer started work in the sewing factory the following Monday. She was asked if she could do three days a week, Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. She took the three days, and managed to find another job in a small supermarket stacking shelves and operating a checkout on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Sundays she slept in and spent the rest of the day dressmaking for herself. The three days a week she spent at the sewing factory improved her skills rapidly, and she was progressed to shirt making rather than just putting buttons on and hemming pillow cases and bed sheets. One Saturday, the day after her hormone injection, she kept making mistakes in the supermarket and her supervisor asked sympathetically, ‘Are you not feeling well, Jenny? It’s not like you to make the same mistake twice.’
Jennifer muttered somewhat indistinctly, ‘Damned hormones.’
‘Ah! We’ve all been there, Love. I’ll do your checkout for twenty minutes. You go and get yourself a cup of tea and take the weight off your feet. Calm down, you’ll be fine. There isn’t a woman alive who’ll give you grief for time of the month. If they’ve not suffered from it as sure as sixpence(11) they know what it can do to you and are just grateful for it missing them out.’
‘Thanks, Emily. I’ll be fine when I’ve cooled down a bit. I feel so hot.’
‘I’ll ask Janice to swap tills(12) with you. She’s on the end one which has the benefit of the breeze from the warehouse, which means at this time of year it’s pleasant, but in winter it’s freezing. The girls take it in turn to wear a coat and use that checkout for an hour at a time in winter. Now shoo, and go for your tea.’
As the end of August approached both of Jennifer’s employers told her that during her college holidays if she wanted a job to contact them whether they were running an advert at the time or not, and if she ever wanted a reference she was welcome to use them. She told her granddad it was nice to know she was that well thought of.
Jennifer’s first day at college was spent mostly dealing with administrative matters. She’d been informed by the admissions office that theirs was the only computer that had her recorded as a trans girl and it was a stand alone machine never connected to the internet, nor to any other computer in the college. All other systems had her recorded as female. They had said it was up to her who she told she was trans though likely it would be surmised she was different if she had any dealings with the LGBT+ students. ‘I’m out at home,’ Jennifer said, ‘but I want to do it gradually here.’
The second day her courses started in earnest. She was way in front of her entire class in French, way behind most in art and middling in fashion design. The double fashion design students followed virtually a completely different course from the single fashion design students. They only shared one two hour class a week which was ‘Fashion Sketching’ and involved the skill of transferring their ideas onto paper for others to see. Typically their lecturer would call a student to the front and present her with a picture. The student had to describe the model and what she was wearing to the class and they had ten minutes to draw what they envisioned from the description. They usually managed to do the exercise four times in the two hours and the students were selected in register order to describe the pictures. After the ten minutes were over they would discuss what they had taken from the description and how they had interpreted that onto paper. There were usually few boys in the class but this year there were none in Jennifer’s class though there were a couple in the single fashion design group. The lecturer said it was a shame there weren’t more boys because often boys took quite different visual interpretations from the same verbal descriptions, and their descriptions of the model and clothes were usually very different from those of the girls. She proved her point by, unknown to the class, giving one of the boys the same photograph that one of the girls had already described. The subsequent discussion gave them all some valuable insights into design concepts. It was a difficult class for Jennifer because of her relatively poor artistic skills, but she persevered and practised by sketching window displays in the windows of shops that sold(13) clothes.
Jennifer took an extra late afternoon class from the French department, ‘French for Fashion’. It was a course that concerned the vocabulary of the French fashion industry. It was mandatory for the double subject French students, and the other students on the course were usually all studying double fashion and design. Jennifer loved it. That she was so good at it helped her to maintain her belief that eventually she would master Fashion Sketching. After a few weeks her artistic skills improved and her already excellent dress making skills, thanks to her diligence, her gran’s help and the hours spent at the sewing factory, were drawing her to the attention of her tutors as someone worth watching. For Jennifer, unlike at school, study was no longer a chore because she only had to study things she enjoyed and was good at. Even the aspects of art that she struggled most with were interesting and spurred her to make greater efforts. Sport had become a dim and distant memory.
Jennifer had a close circle of friends most of who studied double fashion and design, art and French, which was a standard combination for students of DFD, as double fashion and design was usually referred to. That close circle of friends knew she was trans, but kept it to themselves. Jennifer also had a different circle of friends in the LGBT+ group. Most students who didn’t know her well assumed she was a lesbian though she’d never been seen keeping close company with any particular girl. Towards the end of November, Jennifer was approached by a colossus of a boy who was four or five inches taller than herself and of a much larger build than she had ever been. Even wearing four inch heels she had to lift her eyes a little to meet his. ‘Hi, Jenny. I’m Stewart. Is there any chance you would go to the Christmas ball with me? I’ve been watching you for a while, and I’ve finally summoned the nerve to ask you.’
Jennifer couldn’t recall ever having seen Stewart before, and to give herself time to think she asked, ‘What do you study, Stewart, because I’m sure I’ve never seen you before? I’d remember if I had, cos you’re kind of hard to miss.’
Stewart grinned at her reference to his size. ‘I’m an engineering student. I take physics, maths, engineering and systems. All my classes are in the Brunel building over the road. I only come over here to eat. I’m amazed you’ve never seen me before because I thought I must have been a bit obvious in the refectory.’ Stewart laught a wry laugh, ‘I suppose under other circumstances I could have been accused of stalking you.’
Jennifer was drawn to Stewart who seemed to have the characteristic awkwardness of some of the highly intelligent boys she’d known. That he was trying hard to appear to be more normal than he clearly was and was simultaneously fascinated by and terrified of her was obvious. Jennifer was touched by his insecurities, and no stranger to insecurity she tried to put him at ease. She knew she wanted to say yes, and also that she was as interested in him as he was in her, but if it were going to go anywhere he had to know she was trans, and she wasn’t sure how or when to tell him. She was hoping when he did find out it wouldn’t drive him away, or worse result in hate speech. After an uncomfortable silence during which she remembered that Daniel hadn’t been bothered she decided to just tell him. ‘I’m trans. Do you still want to take me to the ball, Stewart?’
‘I know. I mean I know you are trans, and yes I want to take you to the ball. I think you are beautiful, and I just don’t seem to be able to talk to girls who are much smaller than me. They make me nervous.’
‘How did you know I was trans, Stewart?’
‘Suzie who does DFD in the year above you is my twin, my older sister by twenty-five minutes. She told me. She’s known for ages that I was interested in you, but promised not to say anything. You haven’t answered my question yet, Jenny. Will you go to the ball with me?’
‘Yes, please. Thank you for asking me. I’ve got a lot of homework to do all week, but I’m going Christmas shopping on Saturday on my own. If you’re willing to be dragged round the shops all day you’re welcome to come with me. I’ll let you have a coffee break from time to time, and there are any number of places we could get a decent pub lunch. I’d like it fine if you wanted to spend the time with me.’
‘Where are you planning on going?’
‘The Bullring.(14) Why?’
Now she’d answered his question with the answer he’d been hoping almost against hope for Stewart was visibly relaxing. ‘If you give me your address I’ll pick you up, and we can park the car in one of the multi-storeys. That way if you’ve got a load of stuff we can take it back to the car, dump it, and you can start all over again. That’s what I do with Mum and Suzie when I take them into the city.’
‘You’ve got a car? How old are you?’
‘Well I’ve a shed on wheels, but it does the job, and I’m a good enough mechanic to keep it on the road. I’m saving for a Mercedes Sprinter van, so I can get a bit more work with it. I’m eighteen in the new year. How about you?’
‘I’ll be seventeen in the new year too. Are you really not bothered that I’m trans, Stewart?’
‘You look like a hell of a lot of girl to me, so why should I be bothered? They say good stuff comes in small packages, but it seems to me even better stuff comes in big ones.’ Stewart blushed and hesitated before adding, ‘I think you are truly beautiful, Jenny.’
‘Thanks, that’s sweet of you to say so, Stewart. Give me your mobile number and I’ll text you so you can save my number.’ Stewart waited till Jennifer had her phone ready and gave her the number without taking his phone out from his pocket. She was impressed and said, ‘Only weirdos know their phone numbers like that, Stewart!’
‘You bothered?’
‘No more than you are about me being trans.’
‘That’s cool. Now if you text me I’ll save your number.’ The couple parted both feeling a little smug and aware that they had started something that was possibly more than a shared shopping expedition and a ball appearance.
The following day Jennifer was hailed by Suzie. ‘Hey, Jenny. You going out with my insufferable, little brother?’
‘I suppose. I hadn’t thought about it like that, but yeah I suppose I am. He’s taking me Christmas shopping to the Bullring on Saturday, and I’m going with him to the Christmas ball. He may be insufferable as a brother, but it’s pushing it a bit to call him little when you’re what five six?’
‘In my dreams. I’m only five six with four inch heels on, Girl. What on Earth did you do to him, Jenny? He’s the most awkward, shy bloke I know. He’s like a different person at the moment. He’ll probably come down to Earth eventually, but he’s behaving like he’s superman and he’s just won the lottery. He’s had it bad for you for weeks, but he made me promise not to say anything. I agreed because he’s easy to hurt. If I’d said anything about it to anyone and he’d found out about it he’d never have spoken to you. I don’t get it, but that’s how he is. He’s amazingly clever, but vulnerable, so don’t hurt him please. He’s a really nice guy you know. He got all the brains and the body too. I got all the confidence and the communication skills. But I can’t figure where he got the nerve from to ask you to the ball and what did you do to him to get him to ask to take you shopping? Mum and I have to issue death threats to make him take us shopping.’
‘I know all about his insecurities. You don’t live this long when you’re trans without understanding and recognising insecurity. I’ll never hurt him intentionally. I don’t know where he got the nerve from to ask me to the ball. I came out as trans because the option of not doing it was worse, suicidally worse. Maybe it was like that with him. Not asking me was worse than risking the humiliating personal annihilation of rejection and being laught at for asking me. I don’t know, but I suspect that’s what it was. As for going shopping, I was going anyway, and I invited him along. He said yes and that he’d take me. That’s it really. I know smaller girls make him nervous, and he asked me because I’m not small and he thinks I’m beautiful.’
‘How do you know that?’
‘He was kind enough to tell me so.’
‘Crikey! He has got it bad for you, Girl. I never thought I’d see the day when he told a girl he’d only just met that he thought she was beautiful. What about you? What do you see in him?’
‘It was obvious he was clever and he really fancied me. He made me feel small which was a strange but lovely feeling, and he was the first boy to tell me he thought I was beautiful. When I asked if he was truly not bothered that I’m trans he said I looked like a hell of a lot of girl to him. He’s nice. I like him. I did right from the outset. You still mad with Alan?’
‘Nah. We made it up last night. He’s an idiot sometimes, but I reckon he is basically a decent sort. We’re going to the ball together. Does being trans help you understand boys at all, Jenny, cos if it does clue me in sometime will you?’
‘Sorry, not at all. That was always part of the problem about me being trans. I never did get what being a boy was about. Sure, I wasn’t bad at mimicking them when I was still in the closet, but I never understood them. Nobody ever told me anything like how much of a typical boy I was. Since coming out I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been told things like, ‘You’re such a girl’, or ‘Typical bloody woman’. The last admittedly only by boys, but the first by girls too, and a lot of them knew I was trans when they said it. So, sorry, but I can’t help, cos I don’t get boys either. I like them, but they may as well be aliens.’
‘Ah well. It was just a thought. Something else, Jenny. I’m really glad you said yes to Stewart, because he was really worried you’d go to the ball with someone else. That’s probably what pushed him into asking.’
‘I don’t see why. There was hardly a queue forming to ask me was there?’
‘Don’t under sell yourself, girl. There’re at least a dozen boys I know of who are going to be upset they didn’t ask you first because you’ve never put anyone down. You may not understand boys, but unlike a lot of girls you don’t behave like a bitch(15) and treat ‘em like something you scraped off your shoe either.’ Suzie hesitated and then in a rush asked, ‘Are you seriously interested in him?’
‘Yeah. Seriously, but we’ll see. I’m looking forward to Saturday. I’ll tell you all about it next week.’
Jennifer had told her gran about Stewart and the upcoming shopping trip. Her gran said, ‘When he calls bring him in to meet us, Love. I’d like to meet him, but you know what your granddad is like. If he hasn’t met Stewart he’ll be suspicious and worried. What’s he like, Love?’
‘He’s eighteen in the new year, probably six foot eight or maybe even six nine. I’m not sure what he weighs, but it’ll be at least eighteen stone [252 pounds, 115Kg] because he’s massively built and makes me feel quite small which is really nice. He’s clever and is a second year engineering student. I don’t know what his car is, but he said it’s a shed on wheels which he only manages to keep on the road cos he’s not bad as a mechanic. He’s saving up for van so he can earn some money with it. I know his twin sister Suzie who does DFD too, but she’s in the year above me. She’s really nice. Stewart is shy and nervous with girls, the complete opposite of Suzie who cares a lot about him. Suzie’s tiny and says Stewart got the brains and the body and she got the confidence and communication skills. You’ll like him. He genuinely isn’t bothered about me being trans, so tell Granddad not to scare him too badly, Gran, because I really don’t want him to make a run for it.’
Her gran chuckled and asked, ‘You reckon this one may be a keeper, Love?’
‘Maybe, maybe not, but I do want to find out.’
‘I’ll have a word with your granddad.’
Stewart was a couple of minutes late and Jennifer was anxiously watching the clock as it went over half past nine. When the door bell rang she opened the door to see Stewart offering her a bunch of flowers. ‘Sorry I’m late, Jenny, I missed a turning. These are for you.’
It was the first time anyone had bought flowers for her and Jennifer’s eyes were moist as she said, ‘Thank you, Stewart. Come in a minute. Gran would like to meet you. Granddad is not as bad as he appears, so don’t let him scare you.’
Jennifer hadn’t lowered her voice when she said the last and Stewart heard a male voice say with a chuckle, ‘No I’m much worse than I appear. Come in, Lad, and let’s have a look at you.’ As Stewart followed Jennifer into the sitting room her granddad added, ‘You could probably do a lot better than that minx of a granddaughter of mine, Lad.’ Stewart offered his hand and shook hands with Jennifer’s granddad.
He offered his hand to her gran, but she ignored it and standing on tiptoe she pulled him down to kiss his cheek whilst hugging him. ‘Sit down, Stewart. I’ll make a pot of tea whilst Albert and you have a chat. Jenny, come and help me in the kitchen and you can put your flowers in a vase. I’ve some sachets of ‘Stay Fresh’ the florist gave me. You can put one in the water.’ It was not a request.
‘I’m Bert, Lad, there’s only Ellen calls me Albert. What do you drive?’
‘A fifteen year old Isuzu utility. I get a bit of work with it and my trailer. I’m saving for a Sprinter, but I want one about five years old if I can manage it. I reckon if I do a bit of looking I can probably get one with a handful of change out of twenty grand. I’ve only got fifteen at the moment, so I need to get a bit more work to find the difference. I don’t want finance, because it only costs you more in the end.’
Jennifer’s granddad nodded and asked, ‘How did you get the fifteen grand you’ve got?’
‘Mostly doing removals, but general haulage helped, and I deliver parcels for couple of local delivery services. I put a few ads out where they don’t cost me anything. Supermarket notice boards and the local papers, that sort of thing. There’s only Mum, Sis and me at home and money can be a bit tight sometimes. Mum and Sis do a bit of sewing, like alterations for the dry cleaners to help out.’
‘What happened to you dad?’
‘He died at work when I was four. I don’t remember much about him. Mum’s been single ever since, so Sis and I try to do what we can. She’s twenty-five minutes older than me. It’s not too difficult because the mortgage was paid off when Dad died, but bills still have to be paid.’
‘Ellen, is that tea ready yet? The two of us in here are parched.’
Jennifer and her gran came in with the tea tray and a plate of home baked biscuits. [US cookies] ‘I baked the ginger nuts, Stewart. Granddad says they’re tasty, but he was a site foreman on motorway construction sites most of his life, and he’ll eat whatever you put in front of him, so that’s no recommendation.’
Fifteen minutes later Stewart said, ‘Thank you for the tea, Mrs Pritchard. I don’t know what time we’ll be back. I suppose it’ll depend on Jenny.’
‘I’ll text you, Gran, to let you know if we’ll be late back, but I think we’ll be back at about five. Come on, Stewart. Time to go.’ Jennifer held her hand out and took Stewart’s before they left the room.
‘So, what did you make of Jenny’s boy, Albert?’
‘First he’s not a boy. He’s a young man, and second he’s a decent one at that. There’re him, his twin sister and his mum at home. His dad died at work when he was four and he’s been helping out at home ever since. He didn’t say so, but I’m pretty sure he’s helping his mother out financially. They sound like a decent family. He’s managed to save fifteen thousand, but he wants twenty to buy a better van than what he’s got. He earns his money doing removals, parcel delivery and a bit of haulage. I like him. There’s nothing to worry about. He’ll look after Jen properly. He was obviously terrified of me, but he squared up anyway. Like I said I like him. Jen will probably take his life over for a bit, but that’s what you’ve been doing to me for half a century, so he’ll get used to it. Is there any more tea in that pot, Love? Jen’s biscuits are excellent. You shew her how to make them?’
‘No, Pet, she followed a Youtube clip. She’s going to bake a Swiss roll tomorrow from another clip. I’ve not had as much fun in the kitchen for a long time. I’m really glad she decided to live with us. I must give Gwendoline a phone call. I’ll ask them all to spend a weekend with us, because I want to see the girls.’
‘I thought you said you had car, Stewart. This is way better than a car because with the seats being higher you can see so much more.’
‘Honest? I was a bit worried you’d feel shewn up in this thing.’
‘Don’t be silly, Stewart. This is brilliant. Changing the subject, I’m shopping for presents for my family. Dad and Granddad are easy. I’ll buy them a bottle of malt whisky each and whatever other silly things I can find for them. I’m going to buy undies for my sisters and probably Mum too, so you’ll get dragged into places that may make you feel like a voyeur. I want to find a Cashmere cardigan for Gran which may take a bit of finding. What are you going to buy for Suzie and your mum?’
‘I don’t know. I always struggle to find anything that’s not a bit of a let down really. I’m not good at shopping.’
‘Want a suggestion?’
‘Please.’
‘I’ll buy Suzie some undies for you. I know her size. All of us doing DFD know everyone else’s sizes. Just say I helped, and it’ll be no problem. Do you know how big your mum is?’
‘No.’
‘Is she bigger or smaller than Gran?’
‘She’s taller and a bit thinner.’
‘How does she compare to Suzie?’
‘Taller and not much bigger round the―’ Stewart stopped suddenly aware he was on difficult ground. He looked uncomfortable and flushed.
‘Bust is the word you’re looking for. Right, lets find her a Cashmere cardigan too. You want to buy anything for anyone else?’
‘Just Gran.’
‘How big is she?’
‘Bigger than your gran, but not as big as you. Maybe half way between the two of you round the bum and in the bust.’ At the end of his sentence Stewart was down to a whisper.
‘How tall is your gran?’
‘Bout the same as yours.’
‘No problem that’s sorted. Another Cashmere. Depending on what we buy, your bill could come to between a hundred and a hundred and fifty. You fine with that?’
‘Yeah. I’d have probably wasted fifty in diesel just looking for stuff. If you could sort it all out for me today that would be a load off my mind.’
‘Right. Cashmere, undies, whisky and whatever else we can find. Problems solved.’
‘Are you always as organised as this, Jenny? Suzie and Mum never seem to have a clue what they want or where they’re going to go to get it. Shopping with them is a nightmare.’
‘Pretty much. Probably because I’m trans most clothes don’t fit me too well, so I know I’m going to have to alter them to get a decent fit. That means I often have to buy them in a size that’s too big, so I can take them in at the appropriate places. Shopping for me is a nightmare too, so I try to make it as least stressful as possible. To do that I have to plan which has worked out well for me at college. At the end of this year I have to present a project, which has to be a clothes collection of at least six garments and a dissertation of at least ten thousands words to accompany the collection. Most of the class are struggling for ideas, but I’m going to do my project on clothes for trans women, alterations and tricks. All I have to do is write up my experiences and present some of my clothes. I want to present a complete range of clothes, lingerie, skirts, blouses, dresses, trousers, jumpers and coats and jewellery too. I’m already working on it, and am writing down notes to create a plan that works. Today I admit I also have another objective. I want some time just for us, so I don’t want to waste any.’
‘What do you mean time just for us?’
‘You are planning on kissing me at some point aren’t you, Stewart? Because I’ll be very disappointed if you aren’t.’
Stewart went bright red and said, ‘I’ve wanted to kiss you for weeks, but―’
‘Yeah I know. You were frightened of offending me and then being blown out. Most of my life has been pretty grim really and I was terrified of what being seen to be the real me would do. I didn’t like it, so I really have a problem with girls, and some trans girls are every bit as bad as the worst of cis girls, who make boys feel insecure and afraid to just be themselves. Don’t get me wrong, I hate bullies and chauvinist jerks too, but most boys are neither and deserve like everyone to be treated fairly and honestly. I really like you, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise just to get you to behave the way I want you to. I want you to be you, and if you want to kiss me, just do it. If for any reason I have a problem with that I’ll tell you so and why. Suzie was bothered about me hurting you and she said so. She really loves you, and I reckon you feel the same way about her. Yeah?’ Stewart nodded. ‘I told her I would never intentionally hurt you and that I was seriously interested in you.’
‘Why?’
‘Because she needed reassurance that her brother wasn’t being set up to be hurt.’
‘No I meant why are you seriously interested in me?’
Jennifer took a while before answering Stewart, but eventually, after locking her gaze with his, she said, ‘None ever told me they thought I was beautiful before, and it moved me in ways I can’t explain, not even to myself. I could see you were terrified of rejection and of being laught at, but you said what you did anyway. I thought that was really brave. I’m not sure I would have been able to do that had our situations been reversed, so I was seriously awed. You told me small girls made you feel nervous. You make me feel small, and for a girl as big as me that is wonderful. It makes me feel more feminine than I have ever felt in my life. So of course I’m seriously interested in you. Why wouldn’t I be? I’m sorry if that doesn’t make any sense to you, but a girl would understand, so if you’re bothered ask Suzie about it. Changing the subject yet again, do you have a problem if Suzie and I set up a double date with you and Alan some time? I like Suzie and spending time with them would be cool.’
‘No I don’t have a problem with that. You may though, cos they spend a lot of time arguing. What worries me most is I’m not sure how he’ll react when he finds out you’re trans. He’s not exactly the most pro LGBT+ person in the world. Mind if he reacts to you badly Suzie will burn him permanently and start looking for someone else, so maybe that would not be entirely a bad thing if you don’t mind being used that way. I don’t like him, cos of things I’ve found out he’s done and said to Suzie. Last year, I heard he’d been bad mouthing me behind my back when he found out I’d been helping out at the LGBT+ society’s soup kitchen. I still help from time to time with a dozen or so other lads from the engineering group. Alan’s not much time for the homeless either. Suzie wasn’t happy when she found out I’d told him if he had a problem with me I’d appreciate it if he at least had the balls to tell me to my face. I also told him if he ever laid a finger on her in anger he’d need to leave the country because I’d leave him a quadriplegic. I honestly believe that their relationship has just about run its course, and from my point of view the sooner it’s over the better, then Suzie can move on and find herself a decent bloke who’ll treat her better, preferably one that’s a deal more tolerant than Alan. However, if you want a double date with them I’ll be nice about it.’
‘Crikey, Stewart! A tenner [$14] to park. Seriously?’
‘Yeah, but it’s the cheap and sensible thing to do. No matter what time you arrive the ticket lasts till midnight. If you go over midnight it’s another tenner. In some of the car parks you can only buy two hours at a time and have to keep coming back to buy another ticket. The car parks are patrolled and if you over stay the fines are like two hundred quid. [$270] Paying a tenner so you can then forget about it is the sensible thing to do, and don’t offer to pay me half, just buy the first coffees, which in this place won’t give you much change out of a tenner. Talking of which, let’s get a hot drink and something to eat before we start. I’m hungry. I fancy a cup of tea and a Cornish pastry with onion gravy from the spot just to the left of where we come out on exiting the lift. [elevator] I wouldn’t want to buy a meal there, but the snacks are excellent.’
‘You always drink tea, not coffee, Stewart?’
‘No. I really like coffee, but I drink it black without sugar, so it has to be decent coffee, and the coffee in most of the places in here is awful. As a matter of principle I won’t patronise Costa or Starbucks. Their prices are ridiculously high for poor coffee, dreadful service and all in a cardboard cup with a piece of plastic sprue(16) to stir it with. There are cheaper places in much pleasanter surroundings with good coffee, superb waitress service, that serve coffee in porcelain cups and saucers with proper spoons where the tables are clean. You just have to put a bit of effort into finding out where they are. In places like major shopping centres the tea is always drinkable if only just. You want something to eat too, or not?’
‘Yeah. A Cornish pasty with onion gravy sounds good. I eat a good bit more than most girls. I’m lucky because I don’t have to bother watching my figure.’
With a mock leer at her curves, Stewart said, ‘I can see that, but I’ve been watching your figure quite closely for weeks and, the pasties are obviously all going to the right places.’
Jennifer laught and said, ‘Pervert.’
‘I’m hurt! Where did the girl who propositioned me about kissing go to?’
They were still laughing as they left the car park. Stewart kissed Jennifer’s cheek and said, ‘Right, what’s first after pasties and tea, jumpers, lingerie or whisky?’
‘I seriously hope that’s not the best you can do for a kiss, Stewart. However, I reckon we can get the whisky last from the shop near the escalator, ‘The Malt Shop’ I think it’s called.’
‘That’s ‘The Malt Emporium’. Why don’t we go in and see what’s available, pay for it and ask them to box and gift wrap it and keep it for us to pick up on our way back? That kiss was just by way of friendship, so stop trying to provoke me or make me blush. Neither of which is difficult.’
Jennifer smiled and said, ‘Just checking. Good idea regards the whisky. I know neither of us are eighteen yet, but the good thing about being as big as we are is none has ever asked me for proof of my age.’(17)
‘You’re right, me neither.’
In The Malt Emporium Jennifer texted home and as a result she bought a bottle of cask strength Laphroaig [60.1% ABV] for her granddad who was fond of the highly peated malts and a bottle of cask strength Highland Park [63.3% ABV] for her dad. She was given a receipt and told the shop did not close till ten that evening. ‘Who were you texting at home, Jenny?’
‘Helen.’
‘I thought Helen was only ten.’
‘She is, but she knows a lot about what to get Dad and Granddad. It’s complicated, but you’ll understand when you meet her. She’s well into cooking and knows a lot about food and drink. Oh and Disney princesses too.’
The couple spent the next two hours on a fruitless search for Cashmere ladies wear. They found some, but none were deemed suitable by Jennifer. ‘Jenny, you reckon we’re going to find anything any good? I agree nothing we’ve seen so far was at all suitable. I know nothing about women’s clothing, but even I could see all that stuff was neither pretty nor well made and probably pretty insulting to give to someone you care about.’
‘We are beginning to run out of options, but there are a few decent places left to try. Tell you what, we’re getting tired, so lets have lunch and start again after that?’
‘Good idea. What do you fancy? Bearing in mind what you said about me being me, I’ll go for a pub lunch if you want to, but I’m not feeling that way out. I’d rather go for a silver service roast lamb dinner in one of the places in the Victorian Arcade. Springfield’s has a good reputation, I’ve never been there because it’s not long been opened.’
‘I have. Gran took me, Mum and my sisters there just after it opened. It’s a nice place. It takes a lot to impress Helen, but she said it was a good place and the food was excellent. Sorry for interrupting. What do you fancy eating with the lamb?’
‘Soup of the day, roast lamb with all the trimmings followed by fresh fruit and cheese platter with mixed nuts and seeds. A glass of rosé with the lamb and Earl Grey tea with the dessert. Like I said, I’ll go for a pub lunch if you want and I will enjoy it, but it wouldn’t be my first choice.’
‘You are amazing, Stewart. I’d never have thought of that, but it sounds lovely. How do you know so much about food at that level?’
‘Suzie does silver service waitressing from time to time at a big place not far from home called the Kildare Hotel. When we go out together or with Mum we usually eat at the Kildare because she gets a fifty percent staff discount. The food is excellent there and I learn quickly. You up for that?’
‘Too right. What will it cost?’
‘Don’t know, don’t care. I’m not trying to impress you. I just want to eat what I want to eat. It won’t be cheap, but what of it? I got paid just over two and a half grand last weekend after doing a long, dirty and tedious removal job that took me four week ends, eight sixteen hour days of hard graft, and I want to enjoy some of the benefits of my hard work. If that means you enjoy it too that’s good, but that’s not why I’m doing it. I will, however, be really glad to enjoy it with you.’
“That’s nearly twenty quid an hour?”
“Yeah, that’s what I charge, ten for me and ten for the utility, and I’m cheap compared with most guys, but the way diesel is going up I’m going to have to put my prices up soon.”
Jennifer realised that Stewart was telling her the truth as he saw it. Her enjoyment was important to him because it enhanced his enjoyment. ‘I’m up for it and I’m not bothered that you want to pick up the bill. However, later this afternoon I want a hot dog at that little place near the malt whisky shop. I want a genuine German sausage in a caraway seeded bun, with Coleman’s English blow your brains out mustard with German sauerkraut, and I want it with real Turkish bitter as hell coffee. It’s a brilliant but expensive combination and I’ll pay. I honestly don’t care who pays for what, Stewart, but I do want us to enjoy ourselves and be honest about it. Cool?’
‘Yeah, that’s fine.’
Lunch was exquisite, Jennifer’s description, not Stewart’s, and after it both felt ready to resume the challenge of shopping for Cashmere. After having ratched(18) through the contents of a further three major stores and finding nothing of any interest they were walking down a small alley that led to another section of the shopping centre when Jennifer said, ‘Whoa! Let’s just have a look in that tiny little shop over there, Stewart.’
Stewart, looking where Jennifer was pointing saw a place that looked for all the world like an army navy surplus store, was surprised, but he’d realised a while back that Jennifer always did things for a reason, so without comment he followed her. They worked their way to the back of the narrow store that had stuff piled up on each side of the narrow passageway to way over their heads. ‘Oh yes! This is the place we need to be, Stewart.’
There right at the back was a table on which there was a two foot deep pile of cardigans and jumpers of a limited number of styles and colours but a wide selection of sizes. All the garments were made of natural undyed yarn with a slight variability of shading and they looked to Stewart to be exceedingly attractive. Jennifer rapidly selected a dozen of the articles which to Stewart’s surprise were the softest wool he had ever touched. At fifteen pounds [$20] each even to Stewart they seemed to be incredibly good value. Jennifer paid for the dozen articles and on their way out Stewart asked, ‘How did you know there were Cashmere goods in there, Jenny?’
‘See that sign?’ Jennifer pointed to a chalked blackboard at the entrance to the tiny store that read, ‘Recent delivery from South America. Hand Knitted Vicuña Jumpers and Cardigans.’ ‘Vicuña are a llama like animal with the softest fleece in the world. Much softer than Cashmere. I can’t believe how cheap they were. This has been well worth all the hassle we had before. That was brilliant, trust me, Stewart, your mum and gran are going to be well impressed. Six months ago I would have had no idea, but having a girlfriend who studies DFD, has paid you dividends, my engineer.’
Stewart hesitated before saying, ‘Is that what you are? You’ve agreed to be my girlfriend?’
Jennifer’s voice was gentle as she replied, ‘Oh yes, my silver service selecting, truck driving, painfully honest boyfriend, that’s what I am. I told you, I know what I want and it’s you and I don’t have a problem saying so. I hate manipulative folk and if you tell the truth it’s really easy to remember. Liars usually trip themselves up. Now, coming up for you perhaps the worst part of the day. Lingerie. I’ll look for and select the articles, but I’ll want an honest view from you as a bloke as to how sexy you think they are. I’m buying stuff for Suzie, my mum and my three younger sisters who are not yet very sexually aware, but I still expect a totally masculine response from you so I can weigh my options up. You happy about that?’
‘Yeah. I suppose. You want to dump this lot before continuing?’
‘Good idea. We can pick the whisky up too.’ Unfortunately the whisky wasn’t yet gift wrapped, but the shop promised it would be as soon as the current rush eased a bit. After leaving the jumpers and cardigans in Stewart’s van he gently pulled Jennifer towards him. She offered no resistance, so he kissed her thoroughly. ‘Nice, very nice, Stewart, and nicer for being completely unexpected.’
‘You said if I wanted to kiss you, just do it. I wanted to, so I just did as I was told. It’s all your fault really.’
‘Doubtless I’ll be at fault again then. Meanwhile, frillies. Come on.’
A few minutes later it was Stewart who cried, ‘Halt!’ He dragged Jennifer over to a cheap shop, the sort of place that uses up residual lease terms when bigger stores have moved out to a site with a long term lease agreement. It was the sort of place that’s only there for a few months and then they disappear, probably to resurface not far away but with a different name. ‘What about these then?’ Stewart was pointing not at lingerie but at a collection of white chefs’ aprons and toques, all with Disney princesses all over them. There were three different aprons and the same number of different hats. ‘Any good for Helen?’
Jennifer was laughing so hard tears were running off her cheeks. ‘Absolutely brilliant. She’ll love them. I’ll get one of each. Helen is really hard to buy stuff for. Mostly I buy her kitchenware because she loves it. Either that or antique tin openers.’ Seeing the look on Stewart’s face Jennifer said, ‘She collects them. She must have well over a hundred. Some of the older ones look like mediaeval instruments of torture and are far too dangerous to actually use. But these are absolutely brilliant. How come you spotted them from that distance?’
‘We’d got nowhere looking for Cashmere in the usual places and ended up buying what you wanted in that camping shop. So I wasn’t looking in the big shops’ windows. I was focussed on places like this, and it paid off. Since I found them, I’ll buy them. No arguments right.’ Jennifer just nodded, for there was a tone in Stewart’s voice she didn’t know him well enough to interpret.
The couple spent the next two and a half hours looking at what Stewart considered to be delightfully feminine frippery. Stewart was initially exceedingly embarrassed, especially by Jennifer’s explanation concerning ‘Butterfly Panties’. ‘They’re also referred to as split crutch or split crotch knickers which does seem a little crude. If you spread them out flat like this they look like a butterfly, hence the name.’ He became gradually less embarrassed as he answered Jennifer’s questions concerning his reactions to the items she presented him with. One of the younger assistants said to Jennifer, ‘You are really lucky to have a boyfriend who is so honest about what he thinks about our merchandise. Most girls would kill for that kind of insight. Keep a tight grip on him, Girl. We don’t see more than three or four blokes of that kind in a year. Worth more than his weight in gold.’ After that Stewart relaxed a bit. He gradually came to realise that the girls and women working in the shops didn’t think him a pervert for his interaction with Jennifer and lingerie because they considered him to be a boyfriend that any girl should feel privileged to have. At Jennifer’s insistence Stewart started to think about the almost unthinkable, how Jennifer’s younger sisters would react to lingerie which by its very nature was designed purely for its sex appeal mostly with men in mind. That he was expected to express an honest opinion on lingerie for Helen, who had only recently turned ten, was at first terrifying, but with Jennifer’s and the shop assistants’ prosaic attitudes he gradually came to understand that for them it was merely a matter concerning the growing up of girls and they valued his opinions which tended to be more conservative than theirs.
‘I’d not want Helen to be so provocatively sexy as to put her at risk from older boys when she goes up to secondary school, Jenny, and trust me they’d find out about her underwear, probably from their sisters. I appreciate that she wants to experiment concerning her growing up from girlhood to womanhood, but lets do our damnedest to keep her safe. I’d suggest different colours and maybe motifs on her underwear, rather than more exposure and transparency, and those butterfly panties are a complete no no. She likes Disney princesses, so let’s see what we can find in that line. There’s got to be something that’s kind of little girl womanish if you get what I mean?’
Jennifer put her arm through Stewart’s and snuggled up to him. ‘Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Mum bought her some nice undies in TK Maxx a few months ago with Elsa motifs on. We’ll have a look in there too. Mum says she’s beginning to blossom and I imagine we shall be able to find some knickers and training bra sets with cartoon characters on them. As far as I’m aware she’s only ever worn crop tops before so some sets with padded training bras to give her a bit of maturity will be perfect. Eventually Jennifer was satisfied that she’d bought everything she and Stewart required including a lot of extras for both their families that she referred to as stocking fillers. Stewart’s intensive crash course into the mystery that was lingerie had been a shock to him. It had been an even bigger shock when on the way back to the car park after having collected the whisky which had now been packed in Christmas gift boxes, with complementary key fobs from the respective distilleries, Jennifer said, ‘There’s nothing complicated about lingerie, Stewart. We wear it to feel nice and to attractively package the goods. The goods that are best in my opinion shared in private. I know a lot of girls are willing to put all on display for the world to see, and many make a good living from doing so, but I don’t think there’s any dignity in that. Too, in my case since I’m still a work in progress, and I shall be for probably about eighteen months, display would be embarrassingly inappropriate, but like most girls I like pretty lingerie. Most of my bust is still thanks to the magic of modern silicone. Mum said right at the beginning of my transition that at my size I’d need a big bust to avoid being laught at, but thanks to the hormones the situation is now improving quite quickly. Of course I don’t expect you take my word for that, so rather than you having doubts I’d appreciate it if at some point you checked for yourself.’
Stewart went bright red and hesitantly said, ‘Does that mean what I think it does, Jenny?’
‘Yeah. On the way home pull up at the car park on Lawnmeyers Road. It’ll be dark by then, and the car park will be empty. I’ve only ever kissed one boy before, and Daniel died in a car crash not long after we met. That was this summer gone, and I still cry about him from time to time. We never got as far as any serious kissing, so I probably need the practice. That kiss earlier on was nice, but it made me really want more, and I’m sure we can improve. How about you, Stewart?’
‘I’d never kissed a girl before, except Suzie on the cheek. I thought that would be really embarrassing to admit, but it’s not. I suppose we all have to start somewhere, and we did make a start, but I reckon you’re right. I’m sure we can improve too.’
‘Oh yes! And I’ve never had a boy explore the contents of my bra before. I’m looking forward to it. I suppose I’m a bit bothered you’ll be disappointed because I’m nowhere near as a big as I appear. I’ll be upset if you laugh at me, so please don’t.’
‘You must be kidding, Jenny. I’ve never had a girlfriend and never kissed a girl properly before today. I’ve seen Mum’s boobs and Suzie’s, both only briefly and by accident, but that’s the limit of my experience. You want me to pull up on a car park in the dark, so we can do some kissing, and want me to touch your breasts, and you’re worried I’ll laugh at you. Not going to happen, Girl. This is like a dream and I’m terrified I’m about to wake up. You are the most amazing girl I’ve ever heard of. You’re certainly the most amazing one I’ve ever met to talk to. Most girls mess boys about, but you either tell it like it is or say nothing. I never dreamt I’d get this lucky.’
‘I told you what I think about girls who make boys feel insecure and afraid to just be themselves. I reckon I’m lucky too, because I never dreamt I’d find a boyfriend who’d tell me the truth about himself. Most boys bluff, and to hear them talk you’d think they taught Casanova everything he knew, and most of the girls I know have told me most boys haven’t got a clue about girls. I guess we’ll just have to teach each other as we go. If that isn’t the way other couples manage their relationship what’s that got to do with us? This is our relationship, and we’ll manage it as it suits us because it’s nobody else’s business. Right?’
‘Right.’
‘Okay then, hot dogs.’
‘They were the best I have ever eaten, Jenny, and the place was amazing. How come you knew about that place and the coffee?’
‘Some of the girls at college told me. It’s owned by an auntie of Judith who is doing year two single fashion and design. Her auntie is from Bavaria. The first time I came here was with a group of DFD girls and what they told me was nowhere near as good as it turned out to be. I don’t think much to hot dogs, or any fast food really. I don’t eat the rubbish sold by McDonald’s, Kentucky fried sparrow, or any other chain garbage because I prefer to eat real food in places that deserve to be referred to as restaurantes, which should be illegal for all of the afore mentioned places. Fast food is invariably poor food and it’s not cheap. Yes I know some would say I have a snobbish attitude concerning the matter, but if I’m paying for food I want quality, and I’m prepared to pay a little more to get it. It’s the same argument you used against Costa and Starbucks. I prefer to eat good food in a restaurante with decent tables, not Formica coated chipboard, with linen table cloths, waitress and waiter service, quality crockery and cutlery, and as you said often it doesn’t cost any more, you just have to look a little harder to find such places. It’s the only place where I have ever enjoyed eating a hot dog. I’ve never eaten a burger here, but I’m told they are exceptional too, and next time I wish to try one.’
‘Me too. Home?’
‘Please, but the car park first.’
Both were bright red as Stewart admitted, ‘You are one scary piece of very hot stuff, but I am grateful you make yourself so easy to understand. For a boy most girls are terrifying, but you are a little less so than most.’
‘That cuts two ways Stewart, so let’s get the initial unease and embarrassment over so we can enjoy each other better in the future. Okay?’
‘Yeah okay.’
Stewart turned into a completely empty car park. ‘I’ll leave the engine running so the heater keeps us warm. It must be a few below freezing out there.’ He laught and said ‘I’m not experienced enough to be described as hot stuff.’
‘Shut up, Stewart. Take your seat belt off and get over here.’ Several minutes later Jennifer said, ‘Goodness that was fun wasn’t it? I don’t think we’ve much left to learn about kissing, but just in case you can teach me some more if you like, Stewart.’
‘This girlfriend boyfriend thing is really cool isn’t it, Jenny?’
‘Not bad. Not bad at all, Stewart. Lean back so I can unhook my bra.’
‘You sure about this, Jenny?’ Stewart sounded uncertain.
Jennifer took his face between her hands kissed him gently and said softly, ‘Oh yes. I’m sure because I’m finally reaping at least a small benefit of what cost me so much torment for so long. I’m a girl, and I want to enjoy being a girl. We’re both more than a bit insecure here, Stewart. I’m not saying I want to get this over with, quite the opposite in fact. I am sure that once we have a little experience, things will be easier, less stressful for both of us after that. Move over a bit. There we are.’ After a few seconds to adjust her blouse and bra, Jenny said. ‘Now give me your hands.’ Jennifer almost melted into Stewart before asking, ‘Nice?’
‘Amazing! So soft. You okay with this?’ As Stewart’s fore fingers brushed across Jennifer’s nipples he heard her sudden intake of breath, so he stopped and asked in a worried tone, ‘I didn’t hurt you did I?’
‘No. Don’t stop. That’s incredible. I could get used to this! You happy about it?’
‘It’s the best experience of my life.’ It was nervous Stewart who asked, ‘Would you mind if I kissed them?’
‘Now there’s a thought! You’re getting the hang of this faster than me, Stewart.’ A few minutes later Jennifer gasped, ‘Amazing. Abso-bloody-lutely ay-mazing.’ Jennifer shuddered with desire’s completion, and as they separated to talk she said, ‘I really would like to touch you, Stewart. However, at the moment I am unhappy at the idea of your hands in my knickers. At least that is till I have GRS. If that seems unfair I will go with whatever you suggest, but I shan’t be happy about it. At least I know I shan’t be happy about it to begin with.’
‘What’s GRS, Jenny?’
‘Gender reassignment surgery. What the tabloids call the sex change.’
‘I don’t have a problem with that. I’d like you to touch me and I’m cool about you not wanting my hands in your knickers. It wouldn’t bother me because whatever you have or don’t have in your knickers you are Jenny, and Jenny is a girl. Most importantly to me Jenny is my girl, but I truly do not wish you to be unhappy about anything.’
‘Thank you, Stewart. You have no idea how grateful I am for your understanding.’
‘No problem. Changing the subject a bit, how long are you planning on us being here? I’m asking in case you want to text your gran.’
‘You want to continue here? I’m fine with whatever you decide. I’d like to touch you before you take me home, but if that’s further than you want to go no problem. I’ll wait. There’s all of the rest of our lives still untouched, but it’s half an hour to get home from here, so if you want me to, I’ll text Gran and say we’ll be home in an hour.’
‘Send the text.’
Jennifer and Suzie went on a couple of double dates, but whilst the first was not a failure it was not particularly enjoyable for any of the persons involved either. The end came not long after the beginning of their second date when without thinking Jennifer made a reference to something that indicated she was trans. Alan revealed himself as the bigot he was and Stewart with one punch put Alan in hospital for eight days with fractured ribs and a collapsed lung. Despite Stewart acquiescing to Jennifer’s request not to hit Alan again as she held on to his arm in order to pull him away, he would have ended up charged with assault, but Alan had been foolish enough to have grabbed hold of Jennifer’s arms and violently shaken her whilst subjecting her to a tirade of transphobic abuse in front of several witnesses who had heard the conversation, so the matter came to naught. ‘I’m truly sorry, Suzie.’ Stewart told her, ‘But I’m not going to accept anyone talking about Jenny in those kinds of terms, and I’m certainly not going to let anyone hurt her. I don’t know yet, but maybe if I’m lucky she’s the one, and I’m not up for listening to shit of any kind about her.’
‘Alan’s history, Stewart. I didn’t want to believe he was like that, but looking back I think deep down I always knew, because I was always having to make excuses for his behaviour, not just to others, but to myself as well. I know you didn’t like him, and I know why, but, well you know all about the but. As for Jenny, you’ve changed. I’m not saying she’s changed you, but you’re a different person since meeting her. Mum can see it too. You’re more confidant, and I think a lot happier. You didn’t see the look on her face when you hit Alan. She certainly wasn’t happy to see him hurt, but she was really upset by what he did and said. When you sorted him out she was so happy that you were prepared to protect her like that, and so proud of you too. When she looked at you I could see the love shining in her eyes. That you let her stop you getting into deeper trouble by continuing the fight did you no harm at all in her eyes. No girl wants a boyfriend who loses it for nothing or one who can’t be stopped when it’s over. I think you’ve done really well for yourself, Little Brother.’
The Scottish Country Dance Society’s Christmas Dance to which Joseph escorted Jennifer and her gran was thoroughly enjoyed by them both and remembering her granddad’s promise to buy her the full skirt and accessories, if she were still dancing next season she was already looking forward to the next Christmas dance.
The college Christmas ball was a massive and glittering affair that was always organised by the fashion and design students who always had a huge presence wearing ball gowns, with the odd tuxedo threwn in, that they had designed and created as part of their course requirements. When Jennifer asked Stewart what he’d worn the year before she’d been shocked to hear him say, ‘I didn’t go. I was too embarrassed because I didn’t have anything to wear and I can’t dance.’ As a result Jennifer had taken charge of Stewart’s sartorial elegance as well as her gown and they were an impressive looking couple. Naturally both outfits provided grist to the mill that was Jennifer’s project. Stewart had been nervous at the idea of dancing for the first time, but Jennifer, Suzie and their friends had ensured that by the date of the ball he could dance without embarrassment and he enjoyed himself.
Stewart had always been derided for his gaucheness by the more popular and confident young men at the college, the so called Society Boys. That was before it became widely known that his sister and his girlfriend were two of the prettiest girls in the college. It had always been known that Suzie was his twin, but most had initially refused to believe that he was going out with Jennifer. Too, that as a result he was friends with all the girls in the fashion and design department who were all pretty and recognised as the female student social leaders was regarded with scepticism by the Society Boys. That scepticism died when it was realised that one of the consequences of him going out with Jennifer was the fashion and design girls always made room for him at a table in the refectory and invariably hugged him and kissed his cheek on saying, ‘Hi, Stewart’, or ‘See you later, Stewart’. The girls liked him, for he was kind and generous and had started any number of their cars for them on the college car park for no charge when they wouldn’t start due to cold weather flat batteries. That he would change wheels for them if they had a flat for free when he normally charged a tenner [$14] for that, which was much cheaper than calling a garage, established him as one of themselves. Though still shy, gradually his gaucheness and insecurity lessened. That when in a crowded refectory with no chairs available Priscilla, a devastatingly attractive brunette, had said, ‘Sit in my chair, Stewart. I’ll borrow your lap from Jenny till another chair is available,’ the food in the mouths of some of the more unpleasant Society Boys turned to ashes.
When the college broke up for Christmas Jennifer stayed at her Gran’s because her parents and sisters were arriving on Christmas eve to spend five days there. Jennifer’s sisters’ most pressing questions concerned Stewart who their Mum informed them would be spending a few days with them in the new year. Jennifer’s dad had been told by his mum that Stewart was a nice young man which provided him with no reassurances whatsoever because his mum was an incurable romantic. It was when his dad told him that Stewart was as straight as a die and someone he had no fears at all entrusting his granddaughter to that his fears were laid to rest, for he knew his dad was a hard man who was a shrewd judge of character, not at all easy to impress and virtually impossible to con. ‘He earns enough to drive a sports car, Malcolm, but he drives a truck because his truck and trailer earn him a living. He’s saving for a decent van, so he can earn more and won’t entertain the idea of buying one on the drip.(19) He helps his widowed mum out financially and looks after his twin sister too. The boy is a man and as sound as roast. Your mum thinks he’s thinking long term with Jen. For sure Jen is thinking that way about him. You got enough in the kitty to fund her surgery? Because if not I’ll stand it, Son.’
‘The money won’t be a problem, Dad. Gwendoline and I had it put by for a good while, but we won’t need to use it. The school broke medical confidentiality by letting it out that Jen was trans. It was a clear cut case and their solicitors advised them to settle out of court, but their offer was derisory, so I said we’d see what the court said about it. They took it up to the wire and agreed with what I wanted as we were walking into court. It was done, dusted and signed five minutes before we were due in court. As a result not only will the school be paying all Jen’s medical expenses, she has a tidy trust fund set up too. The joke is Jen didn’t really care that it became public information, but the school failed in their duty of care so her view was, “Nail ’em, Dad, so they don’t do it again under more serious circumstances to someone who’s really vulnerable.” What Gwen said to me was unrepeatable. I’d never heard her use language like that before. Christie, Jessie and Helen were just as bad, but without the profanities. Like mother like daughters. Solicitors see folk at their worst and I’ve known women are far more dangerous than men for decades, but I’d never seen it in any of mine so it was a bit of a shock, but you live and learn. However, thanks for the offer.”
“Not really a surprise, Son. Your mum’s just the same. All women are when folk they care about are threatened. The mum gene is programmed into their DNA by millions of years of evolution. They’re fine as long as their family is safe, after that all bets are off. They’re all born with it and their elder female relatives hone their skills as they grow up.”
“You’re probably right, Dad. I reckon you were lucky you only had me. Tell you, daughters are a nightmare. It’s not the money they cost you that causes the grief it’s the sleep they cost you that does that. Christie had a pack of boys sniffing round her for months. Then it got worse. She picked one out of the pack to start kissing. I admit Charlie’s a nice enough lad, who treats her with respect, but Jessie and Helen have decided if Christie has a boy for kissing they want one too, and all Gwen does is laugh at me and say that she told me so. Nightmare. I haven’t been sleeping well for months.’
‘You look like you need a bloody good drink, Son. I’ll join you, and you can tell me all about this Charlie.’
Jennifer’s selection of Christmas presents went down exceedingly well. The whisky was well received and her dad and granddad both laught when Jennifer said, ‘Thanks for the advice, Helen.’
The lingerie was much appreciated by the ladies and Jennifer’s mum quietly asked when only Jennifer could hear her, ‘How do you do it, Love. Find something so lovely and yet at the same time so age appropriate for Helen I mean? She was thrilled by those padded training bras. Your dad has said given the way she is growing up physically the nightmare of menarche can’t be far away. He’s terrified already before it has even happened. I’m just praying it doesn’t happen whilst she’s still at primary school.’
Jennifer laught and said, ‘If it does the school either lives with it or suspends her. If they suspend her send her to live with Gran for the rest of the school year. Helen doesn’t need to go to school, and Gran will be more than pleased to have her. Granddad won’t be bothered no matter what tricks she pulls. Looking back, I’m amazed at how calm he was when I was at my worst. Gran told me he had a lot to put up with her when she was bad with PMS(20) and she was even worse with her menopause.”
“I know. She told me about that years ago. I’ll have a chat with her so we can come up with a plan ready for Helen. But you haven’t told me how you found Helen’s undies yet.”
‘Actually that was partly Stewart’s suggestion and selections too. I recall the expression he used was that we needed something little girl womanish. Colours and motifs rather than transparency and exposure was what he said we should be looking for, so she’d be safe at school. He said the boys would soon find out from their sisters if she wore stuff that was too sexy. I remembered the crop tops you bought her in TK Maxx and that you said she was beginning to blossom. So I gave up on the big stores and started in TK Maxx. A woman shopping with a daughter about Helen’s age in there suggested a few similar places and we hit gold in the second one. Till the hormones have done their stuff I know I’d be mortified if I had to leave the house without my breast forms, so I kind of understood how Helen would feel if all her age group were in front of her. As a result, I decided that knickers and padded training bra sets would be appropriate, but it all started with what Stewart said. He’s worth his weight in butterfly panties, Mum.’
Jennifer, her Mum and her Gran were giggling when Helen said, ‘You’re getting to be a grown up, Sis. I warned you. I can tell because one of you is telling dirty stories, and you’re all laughing.’ That set the three off giggling again.
When Helen opened her present containing the chefs’ toques and aprons her squeals of delight took a few minutes to fade. ‘This is the bestest ever, Jenny. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.’
‘I suggest you read the card, Helen. Properly this time.’ All were as puzzled as Helen but she picked the card up and read it aloud. ‘For Helen. Have a Happy Christmas and enjoy using these, Love Stewart.’ ‘I only wrapped them up, Helen. Stewart spotted them and dragged me over to the shop. He paid for them too.’
‘Why would he do that for me, Jenny? He’s never even met me.’
‘He doesn’t have much in the way of family. Just his gran, his mum and his twin sister Suzie who is a friend of mine. That’s it. It would have been an impulsive thing, but he knew you liked Disney princesses and enjoy cooking. I think he liked the idea of buying stuff for a little sister. Who knows? Truth is he’s as difficult to figure out as you are, Sis. If you want to know more I suggest you ask him.’
‘Where did you find the cardigans and jumpers, Love?’ her Gran asked.
‘In one of those camping shops in the alleys between the big shopping squares. I saw the sign outside chalked on a blackboard. I couldn’t believe it. Fifteen pounds each. I bought twelve and I managed to get one big enough for Stewart. I passed it off as for me.’
‘Fifteen pounds, Love! That’s nearly theft for vicuña.’
‘I know, Gran, it’s the sort of thing you have to take advantage of immediately, so I did. However, twenty minutes ago I was told to let you know that Granddad and Dad are sorting out a drink for us all. Granddad’s mixing you a port and lemon, Gran. Dad said he’d get me a gin and tonic, and I think he’s getting you, Jessie and Christie a Bacardi and Coke, Mum. No prizes for guessing what Helen’s on.’
Helen was very quiet for the rest of the day clearly thinking about Stewart.
Jennifer went back to her parent’s house to spend a week there with her sisters. Christie told her about Charlie and Jessie and Helen told her about their schemes with various local boys and boys they went to school with. The sisters eventually finished catching up with the events of the last few months and Jennifer had a little time to work on her project collection. She was using her mum’s sewing machine altering a Morrison’s petticoat to go with a skirt she had made from scratch and was taking photos of each stage of the alterations when her mum came in to talk to her. ‘How are you, Jennifer?’ Jennifer looked puzzled and her mum said, ‘I can see you’ve given up on the bottom and hip shapers and are filling out those jeans all by yourself. I didn’t expect that to happen so rapidly, but I mind telling you what Mum looked like. I told you months ago you’d make a pretty girl and you do. Is your bust all you too?’
‘Not quite yet, Mum, but it’s not going to take long the way I’m going, and it’s costing me a fortune in bras. It seems they get to be too small in no time at all. Though that’s not what you meant when you asked how was I was it?’
‘No. I meant how are the hormones affecting you emotionally.’
‘The injections made me really emotional for anything up to four days, though usually I was fine by Monday morning, but sometimes I couldn’t stop crying and had to take a day off college. Gran had a lot to put up with, and I’m ashamed to admit I was horrid to Granddad a few times. Now I’m not having the injections any more, just the tablets and cream, I’m a lot better. Granddad has said he understood and that Gran had been worse from time to time. Thank goodness I’m fine now. I have the odd sad day, usually it doesn’t last all day, but I remember you saying welcome to the world of women. I’m fine, Mum, honestly. Life is much better now. Actually I never imagined it could be this good. Stewart understands, and is a great comfort when I’m sad. How is Christie these days, is she still a witch for a few days a month?’
‘No. She settled down not long after you left for your gran’s. It’s Jessie’s turn to be the witch now. I’m dreading when puberty hits Helen. The idea of a premenstrual babe from hell is terrifying. Your dad says he’s going to live at work for the duration. He loves his personal dæmon to bits, but I think that may break him. Your gran says Stewart is nice. What’s he like?’
‘Massive, clever, caring and very insecure. He’s probably been terrified of the idea of coming here since you invited him, but one of the things I like about him is it doesn’t matter how terrified he is of anything if it’s the right thing to do he’ll do it anyway. The only reason he accepted your invitation would have been because he knew I wanted him to. I’ll keep him away from Dad for a while and let the girls calm him down. He’ll be fine with them even Helen. Actually come to think of it especially Helen because he has a good sense of humour. Have you any five millimetre white satin ribbon? Mum, or quarter inch?’
‘I doubt it, Love. What’s it for?’
‘Threading through the bottom of this slip to create a slight ruche effect.’
‘I’ve some pastel blue, any good?’
‘Maybe. I’ll try it please.’
It was Helen who answered the door when Stewart rang the bell. She invited him in and said, ‘Jenny is in the kitchen. I’ll take you there. Hey, Sis, it’s a good job you don’t have to pay for boyfriends by the kilo. You’d never be able to afford this one without a mortgage.’
Stewart laught and said, ‘I take it you are Helen the babe from hell sometimes known as Mazikeen Smith?’
‘That’s me. I like this one already, Sis. Hey, Jessie, Christie, come and meet the jolly green giant, before Sis starts kissing him and he becomes unavailable.’
As Jessie and Christie came to meet Stewart, Christie said, ‘That was fast even for Helen, Jessie. She usually waits till folk get their coat off before picking on them, if only because it will take them that much longer to escape. Where’re Mum and Dad?’
As Jennifer kissed Stewart, Helen said, ‘Told you so, kissing already. Mum’s gone to the paper shop. I said I’d go for her, but she wanted a ratch(21) in the magazines, and Dad’s gone to the garage to fill his car up. If you all go into the sitting room and give me some space I’ll put the kettle on and make a pot of tea.’
Stewart looked round at the sisters and asked, ‘Is she always so…so…?’
Christie replied, ‘So Helen? Yeah all the time. You get used to it. Jenny is the only one who’s ever been able to control her. Mum can’t and Dad hasn’t got a hope. Jessie and I can ignore her, but we can’t control her.’
‘I said out!’
Jennifer reached for Stewart’s hand and said, ‘We’d better do as we’ve been told, or she’ll throw a strop.’(22) Jessie and Christie followed the couple into the sitting room and sat down on the settee. Stewart sat in an arm chair, and Jenny sat on his lap.
‘Is this what it’s like all the time here?’
‘What with Helen you mean, Stewart? Pretty much. Some days she’s worse, occasionally she does nice, but only when she wants something.’
‘I heard that, Christie. You know I’ll get you back for that. How many spoons of salt do you want in your tea?’
‘Hard to believe I know, Stewart, but we do actually like each other a lot.’
‘Speak for yourself, Jenny,’ said Helen as she brought in a tea tray.
‘Yeah,’ agreed Jessie. ‘Christie and I still haven’t forgiven you for running out on us and leaving us to cope with Helen on our own. That’s Mum coming in. I saw her car and I just heard her key in the door. I’ll get a couple more cups and saucers for her and Dad.’
‘I put them ready by the kettle, Jessie. We’re all in here, Mum,’ shouted Helen.
‘Hello, Stewart. Don’t get up, Dear. I see you have a lap full of daughter. I never thought I’d be able to say that concerning Jennifer. I wasn’t aware laps came in that size.’ After leaning over to kiss Stewart’s cheek she continued, ‘Girls, I’ve left your magazines on the hall table, and I want to read Woman’s Weekly first. Helen your Which Wine magazine is with the others, but the Food and Drink magazine is late, Mr Wreading said he’ll drop it off for you as soon as it arrives. Christie, Smallholders Monthly and Poultry News are both there. Jessie, Country Estates and Woodworker’s Journal are both late. Again Mr Wreading said he’d have both delivered as soon as they arrive. Jenny, I bought you a copy of Vogue. Thank you, Jessie.’ The last was said as Jessie passed her mother her tea. ‘Where’s your dad, Girls?’
‘He said he was going to the garage to fill his car, but seeing as he’s not going anywhere for a few days and he could do it on the way to work next week he probably went to the garage to buy some beer.’
‘You’re probably right, Helen, but don’t let him know you saw right through him. You’d be letting the side down. Men don’t need to know how transparent they are.’
‘Yes, Mum,’ was chorused by the four girls.
‘Regarding sleeping arrangements, Since both spare bedrooms have half their floors up due to the electricians not yet having finished I suggest Helen moves in with Jennifer and Stewart has Helen’s room as being the least disruptive arrangement. You all agree, Girls?’
Christie and Jessie just nodded in agreement, but Helen said, ‘Sweet. Just like it used to be before the extension was built. I used to sneak into Jenny’s bed when ever there were thunderstorms, Stewart. I hate thunderstorms. I sneak into Christie’s bed now, but Jenny was better at making me less frightened.’
Stewart who had at first been a little perplexed by the seemingly antagonistic relationships amongst the sisters finally realised it was just their way of caring about each other and they all loved each other. He made a mental note to ask Jennifer about her life with her sisters before she transitioned. He already knew the girls had accepted her as a sister long before any else knew she was a girl and that her new name had been given her by her sisters, but still he wondered how the four of them had managed to keep their relationships hidden for what Jennifer had told him was years not months.
When they heard a car pull up, Helen dived to the window. She sounded triumphant when she said, ‘As I thought. Dad’s got four six packs. Actually they look like those packs with ten cans in. I wonder if he remembered to fill the car up?’
‘Helen, leave your Dad alone. Stop picking on him.’
‘Yes, Mum.’ Helen didn’t sound very convincing to Stewart.
‘There’s a cup of tea in here, Dad, if you want one.’
‘Please, Helen, and before you ask. Yes I did remember the petrol. Hello, Stewart. My apologies for not being here thus subjecting you to a baptism of fire by womanhood, although it is debatable as to whether Helen is actually human. Helen one of those ten packs you spotted, I saw you spying on me from behind the curtain, is Guinness. The cans are half as big again as normal cans, so you may have one can, and one can only to drink. You may take what you want for the kitchen. Is that clear?’
‘Yes, Dad. What did I do that was good enough to be rewarded with a can? I want to know so I can do it again some time.’
‘You didn’t eat Stewart. Now, who’s cooking tonight, and what are we eating?’
‘I am cooking a honey glazed baked ham with clove studded crackling and Jenny is doing her magic with lemon meringue pie,’ Helen replied.
‘Do you want any help?’asked Stewart.
The girls’ dad shook his head in mock despair and said, ‘Bad move, Stewart. Recant and retract the offer immediately. Helen’s first rule is no males in the kitchen when she’s cooking. Her second rule is definitely no males in the kitchen when she’s cooking. If you break either she’ll break you. In confidence I’ll tell you I’ve never been near enough to the kitchen to see her cooking, so it could be a monumental bluff and she’s buying hot food in, but I’m not foolish enough to try to find out. The only thing that makes her marginally tractable is beer, but it’s got to be quality beer. The other girls all drink wine, but Helen only drinks beer. Remember that, it may come in useful some time. She’s full of integrity, but she can occasionally be bribed with a quality beverage. She only buys what she’d be prepared to drink, so all the beer in this house is good stuff. Even if some of it is unfamiliar and from some far flung part of the world you’ve never heard of you are safe trusting Helen’s judgement. Now, I’ve got some work to do unless I want to go into work a day before the holiday ends, so I’ll be in the office, and I shall appreciate a cup of coffee being supplied at roughly hourly intervals, Girls. I’ll catch up with what’s going on at dinner, but right now I need to make some phone calls. I’m expecting Frank Lewis to ring sometime. He’ll probably ring the house phone rather than my mobile, so let the phone ring a couple of times, so I can pick it up.’
After their father left their mother asked, ‘What are your plans for the afternoon, Girls?’
‘Aggie, Hillary and Denise are coming round with their Christmas clothes and Jessie and I are shewing them ours. They’re going to turn green when they see the undies Jenny bought us. We asked Helen to join us, but you know what she’s like when she’s cooking. Talk about a one track mind.’
‘I like to get it right, Christie, and it’s a complicated time consuming receipt I’m using for the ham. I’m doing a lentil and pumpkin soup from scratch. For the fish I’m using the last of those small plaice, so there will be a whole one each with a couple left over which will make Dad happy. For the vegetables there are roasties,(23) Yorkshires,(24) sprouts,(25) swede(26) and battered onion rings too. All from scratch, and I’ll use the onion pieces too small for rings for the gravy. I want to get all the preparation done first, cos I’ll need a lot of space and I want all that cleared up early so I don’t get in Jenny’s way when she’s making the lemon meringue. If I’ve got time after I’ve done all the preparation and before I have to start cooking I’ll pop upstairs for the fashion shew.’
‘Where did you get the pumpkin from at this time of year, Love?’
‘I bought two large ones at Halloween, Mum. I cooked both and froze one and a half of them to use later. Raw pumpkin doesn’t freeze well. Now if someone will start bringing the tea things in I’ll get them washed, put them away and make a start.’
Stewart was amazed that her mum and sisters clearly took Helen seriously, and at the look on his face Jennifer told him, ‘Remember I said Helen is seriously into food and drink. She is the kitchen manager. She does virtually all of the food and drink shopping and her cooking is to die for. She wants to be a chef when she leaves school. She takes it very seriously, come to that it’s the only thing she does take seriously. You should taste her vertically cooked guinea fowl that she drops over a can of Smithwick’s red beer. She only uses half the beer and she and Dad split the half she doesn’t cook with.’
‘So your dad was being serious about her drinking beer?’
‘Yup. She only cooks with wine. The rack in the kitchen with beers, wines, spirits and the like on purely houses stuff for Helen to cook with. The table wine and every thing else to drink is stored in the walk in pantry next to the utility room or in Helen’s chiller units in the kitchen. It was all designed in when the extension was built which more than doubled the size of the house.’
‘It looks like you’ll be on your own for a while, Stewart, which seems rather inhospitable of us. Jennifer’s dad was only half joking about Helen and men in the kitchen when she’s cooking. I wouldn’t say she’s sexist, but she takes no prisoners in her kitchen and won’t tolerate anyone under her feet when she’s cooking, male or female. Is there anything you’d like to do? We have a decent selection of DVDs and music and subscriptions to several on line networks. There’s a huge screen with a full surround sound system in the library if you’d like to watch a film or TV or even listen to music, and there is Malcolm’s Autocar in the hall you can read if you like.’
‘I’ll be fine, Mrs Pritchard. I’ve a few vehicle magazines I’ve yet to look at and I’d like to read the Autocar. I’m looking for a new van, well new to me anyway. I’ve maybe got enough money for what I want. If not I’ll look over the Sprinter van manuals, but I’ll be fine.’
The girls’ cousins arrived and the five of them went upstairs to look at and try on clothes. As Jennifer had suspected would be the case Helen didn’t leave the kitchen. Jennifer spent some time with Stewart whilst her mum did some sewing. She offered him a soft parcel and said, ‘Happy Christmas, Stewart.’
It was his vicuña jumper and it was a large enough for even his massive torso. ‘Thank you, Jenny.’ He reached into his pocket and withdrew a small heavy package maybe six inches square and three thick. ‘This is for you. Happy Christmas, Jenny.’
Jennifer opened the package to find an exquisitely carved, velvet lined, wooden box containing what appeared to be a huge brooch about four and a half inches in diameter with a deep violet cut stone about two inches in diameter set in the middle of an intricately Celtic knot patterned reddish looking metal. The violet stone appeared to have hints of blue in it. The brooch seemed vaguely familiar but Jennifer couldn’t place where she had seen such an item before. ‘What is it for?’
‘The stone is an amethyst which is your birthstone. It is set in twenty-four carat Indian gold. It is I believe referred to as a sash brooch by Scottish Country dancers. I had no idea what to give you and Uqaab a good friend of mine had this made for you. He explained it is as big as it is because you are the size you are. It will go perfectly with the formal clothes your granddad said he will buy you for dancing in.’
‘I have no idea what this cost, but I can’t accept it, because you must be mad spending that much on me. No Stewart. No. I’m not worth sacrificing your new van for. I’d never forgive myself if I allowed you to do that.’
‘Yes, Jenny. Yes, you will accept it. You are right in one way. You have no idea what it cost, and neither have I. It cost me nothing in money. I have done nothing criminal, nor even anything reprehensible. I rang Uqaab who doesn’t even know how much money he is worth and told him I was looking to find something for you for Christmas, and it mattered to me, for I was not good at shopping. I told him none else had been able to give me any ideas and I would appreciate any ideas he could offer. That was all I was asking for, ideas. I had thought a pretty woollen jumper, but you finding the vicuña blew that out of the water. I extricated him from some unpleasantness a few years ago. He is Arabic and from a wealthy family. He asked me about you to try to help me resolve my problem. I told him you were almost as tall as me and sent him a photo of us. One of the things I said was that you did Scottish Country dancing. He knows you are trans and asked me what I felt about you. I told him that one day if I were lucky you would consent to be my wife. He said, “I see. So it is a really important matter. Leave it with me, Stewart. I don’t have a solution, but I know someone who will be able to provide us with one.” He also told me you were very pretty and I had done well for myself. He was extremely happy to be able to help.
‘This is the result. He made me promise that when we married we would honeymoon at his expense near where he lives. We have been friends for about ten years. He used to live over here. He told me a few years ago if there were anything he or his family could ever do to help me all I had to do was ask. I considered finding something to express how I felt about you to give you for Christmas was something I needed help with, so I asked him for help because he understands women far better than I do. This is the help. I’m starting to repeat myself, Jenny, so I’ll shut up. Just accept it please.’
‘And I thought my life had been difficult and peculiar. You are a mystery man my shed driving boyfriend. Thank you for the brooch. It is beautiful, but I love it because you gave it to me. That you did not think of it, nor have any say in it’s creation matters not to me, for you did know who to approach for help with your problem. I don’t expect any reciprocal statement, but I think this is the appropriate time for me to tell you that I love you, Stewart. I appreciate I have reached that decision rather quickly, and I don’t want you saying anything to me out of a sense of obligation, but I would appreciate it if you thought about the matter.’
Jennifer had an unfathomable look in her eyes as she wondered whether to voice her suspicions. Eventually she decided she would. ‘I’ll tell you what I think. I think your friend is Prince Uqaab, Crown Prince of Sahinla, and I recall an unsuccessful assassination attempt on him in the media when he was fourteen, you’d have been fifteen at the time. It was reported that the changes his father had brought about to liberate and modernise life for the populace were resented by those who had oppressed and exploited them for centuries and that Uqaab was thought to be even more liberal than his father. The attempt took place just outside The Grand Hotel not far from the Bullring. There was never any explanation given as to why the attempt failed, and I recall it was considered to be a bit of a mystery with an unknown European teenager involved. I presume his family didn’t provide an explanation in order to protect you from any revenge attacks from the radicalised terrorists who rumour suggested had been paid to end Prince Uqaab’s life. Eventually as with all such things it became old news and something else took the public’s attention away from it. I shan’t say anything to anyone, but I can tell from the look on your face that I am correct. One day please tell me how you two came to be friends in the first place.’
Before Jenny went to the kitchen to prepare the lemon meringue, the awkward silence was broken by Stewart’s phone ringing. It was Suzie. ‘Is Jenny there with you, Little Brother? If she is put your phone on speaker.’
‘Done, Sis.’
‘It’s about our birthday party. Do you mind if I book the dancehall at the Kildare? Thing is I can’t afford to pay for it all. Even with staff discount it’ll be eight hundred quid all in which includes the buffet. I could run to half that. What do you think? After all it is our eighteenth. While Little Brother has a think. Hi, Jenny. Is he behaving himself?’
‘Hi, Suzie. He hasn’t had any opportunity for misbehaving yet, but I’ll be disappointed if he doesn’t at least try. You got any news?’
‘Have I! I met a gorgeous bloke at work the other day. I served him in the bar. His name is Morning Cloud Johnson. Is that super cool or what? He’s a native American over here studying. He’s doing chemistry at Whinheath, and he’s asked me to go to the Valentines Day ball with him. Of course I said yes. I’ll tell you more when Stewart isn’t around, but I reckon he could be just the medicine I need to get over that idiot Alan. Made your mind up yet, Little Brother?’
‘Yeah. I was just waiting for a turn to speak. Book it. I’ll pay the entire bill for the hall and buffet if you’ll do all the organisation. How’s Mum?’
‘Thanks, Little Brother. Mum’s fine. I’m not sure, but I think she might be breaking out of her vows of chastity. I reckon she has a bloke in mind even if she hasn’t done anything about it yet. She looks secretive and is prone to sudden blushes and they are blushes not hot flushes due to an early change. I’ll get back to you later on that one. That would be good, cos we’re not far off leaving home and I don’t like the idea of her on her own. Got to go, things to do, and a party to arrange. Love you, Little Brother. Bye, Jenny.’ Suzie was like that, typically she was gone before Stewart had time to say anything. He’d told Jennifer he reckoned it was because she didn’t want to embarrass him by expecting him to say he loved her too in the possible presence of anyone.
Jennifer’s mum had come in and she’d heard most of the conversation. ‘Little Brother‽’ she asked incredulously.
‘Suzie is twenty-five minutes older than I am, and she’s called me that since she was old enough to understand that one twin is born before the other, and despite barely topping five foot she still does. What are you doing about your birthday, Jenny? It’s only eight days after ours isn’t it? We’re on January the twenty-eighth, and you’re on February the fifth. Suzie would be fine sharing ours with you, but what about your family?’
‘Don’t know. I don’t want a big bash. I’ll save that till next year. What do you reckon, Mum? A quiet family do with a few friends, either here or at Gran’s.’
‘I’ll talk to your Gran, but I’d suggest here and your grandparents can sleep over. The electricians will be finished by then. I wouldn’t want to put your Gran to the trouble of the cooking, but Helen would love it.’
‘I’ll leave it to you, Mum. Did you find anything in the way of a van, Stewart?’
‘No. I reckon I’ll still need to earn another couple of grand before I can afford a Sprinter, Jenny. The ones in my price range sounded shady or the folk selling them did. I’ll leave it a bit.’
‘Isn’t the party going to set you back a bit?’
‘Not really, I’d already mentally set a grand aside for that. I knew Suzie would want to have the party at the Kildare. It’s where she works, Mrs Pritchard. I’ll transfer the money to Suzie when we go home, Jenny. Then she can sort things out in what ever way she wants. She’s a good organiser which is just as well, cos I’m not too good at that sort of thing.’
‘No kidding. I stand back in deep astonishment. I find that really hard to believe, and many other expressions of surprise.’
‘Enough. I’ll give you that one.’ Stewart pulled Jennifer towards him and kissed her forehead whilst watched by her mum. ‘As you probably gathered, Mrs Pritchard, I really am rubbish at organising anything, and Jenny thinks my attempts are risible.’
At the doorway Helen who’d witnessed Stewart kissing Jennifer said, ‘Jennifer Gwendoline Pritchard, get your hormones under control and put Stewart down. Get in the kitchen and start cooking. I managed to find a net of two dozen of the small Spanish Primofiori lemons that you prefer in The Lime Tree, that little greengrocers on the opposite side of the pedestrian crossing from the pet shop. They are plump, fully ripe and in perfect condition. They are unwaxed so you don’t need to deal with that. The biscuits are the gloriously unhealthy Hobnobs you specified and the butter is the unsalted Lurpak you wanted. Everything else you wanted is out waiting for you and Christie bought a new zester you can try. The new one and the old one are both out as are all the pie dishes with push out bases.’
‘I’m coming, Helen. Got to go, Stewart. Since Helen always has everything ready for the rest of us when we’re cooking and she gets upset if we keep her waiting because it messes up her timings the least we can do is do what we’re told.’ Jenny kissed his cheek and waved as she disappeared in the direction of the kitchen.
‘How are you finding us, Stewart?’
‘I think Jenny tried to prepare me, and certainly she did tell me what it would be like, but the telling fell way short of the reality. If that makes sense?’
‘That’s pretty much what everyone says when they meet Helen for the first time. She’s a force of nature. Every parent’s apparent waking nightmare, but the reality is different. Fortunately for all of us she has a hard line understanding of right and wrong and won’t cross it. But I’ve still had more phone calls from school concerning her than the other three put together. She’s not actually even been particularly naughty, both Christie and Jessie were a fair bit naughtier than she ever was, especially at primary school, though I never had a single complaint about Jennifer. It’s just that Helen deals with adults as their equal and a lot of adults can’t cope with that. She’s difficult now at ten, but she’s been the same since she could talk, and that was before she was twelve months old. Those who deal with her as she is have never had a problem with her, and she does has a wicked sense of humour years in advance of her age. She’s also highly intelligent and we anticipate a lot of problems in years to come when the school will doubtless try to push her towards academic subjects, and she will dig her heals in to do catering. She’s made it very clear she has no intention of doing A’ levels and is already investigating apprenticeships involving college courses with hotels and restaurantes. She says she wants to eventually do a degree with the Open University in Hospitality Management.’
‘I like her a lot, Mrs Pritchard. I wasn’t sure before I met her that I’d like her at all, but I do.’
‘Good, because she and Jennifer are very close. In a way they’re a kind of package deal. If you’re interested in Jennifer, you’ll not be able to turn your back on Helen.’
When Jennifer returned she said, ‘The pies are made and Helen is going to put them into the oven at the appropriate time. She asked me to lay the table and she’s put some white wine in the chiller and has opened the red to breathe. Do you want to drink astringent red wine or a beer with the ham, Stewart? If beer what kind? Helen says there’s a choice of Hofmeister Bavarian Lager, McEwans India Pale Ale, Dublin Guinness, Smithwick’s Irish Red Ale or Ruddles County Bitter. Dad will be drinking McEwans IPA.’
‘I’ll join your dad with the IPA, please.’
‘I’ll tell Helen to put another couple of cans in the chiller for you. Helen said she’ll be plating up at half six going on quarter to seven. She’ll know better in half an hour exactly when because it depends on how the the ham is cooking. I’ll leave it to you, Mum, when to tell Dad.’
When Jennifer returned she said, ‘I’ll take Dad a coffee first, Stewart, but then I’d appreciate your help to set the table please.’
They were spreading the linen table cloth when Stewart asked, ‘How often do you eat like this?’
‘We always eat dinner in here and it’s always the home equivalent of silver service. It’s only at weekends or during the holidays that Helen goes to town on a meal like today. During the week dinner is much faster to prepare, but Helen has a lot of the initial work pre done and then frozen. She’s got dozens of home made ready meals frozen for the rest of us to use, and anything left over of tonight’s ham will end up as sliced cold meat, ready meals or soup. There will a good few ready meals because the ham is huge. It’s an entire ham off what must have been an enormous pig. She probably pre ordered it specially from one of the farmers she deals with. She shops like that so she can prepare ready meals as a result of preparing a single meal. We can all cook, but Helen probably cooks more than everyone else put together, because she wants to. She cooks, bakes bread as well as cakes, makes preserves, pickles even sausages and bacon. I don’t know, but she probably cured the ham we’re eating.
‘She usually buys entire carcasses direct from local farmers and butchers them herself. They arrive here freshly slaughtered but completely untouched and in need of skinning and eviscerating. She uses everything, even the contents of the guts are used by Christie as compost. She can winch an entire bull up off the floor to process in the covered outside kitchen extension. The entire veranda was built so high in order to enable her to do that. You wouldn’t think a little girl of her size could manage it, but she has electric hoists that slide on overhead rails to deal with stuff till she can butcher it down to handleable pieces. Jessie designed it all, ordered the parts and installed it for her. I think she was six when a lamb she’d ordered was delivered alive because the farmer wanted to humiliate her because she’d driven such a hard bargain on the price and he thought he’d recoup his losses by having it slaughtered for her. When she thanked him for delivery and killed it in front of him with a kitchen knife he threw up and fainted. Because she’d already paid for it, it was her animal, so slaughtering it herself to eat was legal, and it was entirely in character that she knew that. None have ever tried to take advantage of her since. She’s highly thought of by local farmers and rather than risk an animal dying and returning only the insurance value they’ll do a deal with her and share the meat knowing she has contacts who’ll buy any excess. A lot of the local fishers and shooters provide her with game of all sorts, often in exchange for her returning some of their bag as ready to cook carcasses with appropriate stuffings and vegetables.
‘She buys superior quality shellfish by the lorry load from coastal villages struggling to survive at more than fair prices because she knows her money keeps them going and that folk who trust her to sell them a superior product will keep buying what she has no need of. Those who tried to chisel her only did it once because it cost them a fifty percent premium thereafter. A national newspaper asked her concerning the difference in prices she charged different buyers and she replied, “Extortion is the price of thievery, and I have no issues with extorting from thieves. After all they don’t have to do business with me do they? But even with me ripping them off I’m still a better deal than they get anywhere else, however since I know what they’re like it’s always cash up front. No cheques, or anything that can turn into fresh air.”
‘She’s currently investigating relationships with sustainable fin fisheries. By that she means fisheries that are limited by fishing effort as opposed to some arbitrarily imposed catch. That means a given number of boat hours of fishing. If the fish are there they catch a lot, if they are not there they catch little before being forced to retire for the season. That ensures the breeding stock actually breed. Whereas fisheries controlled by an at best arbitrarily determined tonnage catch, which could be, and given the political pressures probably would be, seriously far too high, could force the available fish to be so few as to reduce the remaining fishing fleet, within a couple of seasons, to rot in their harbours. Given fish she has internet friends who would be happy to accept any surplus, many of them already buy shellfish from her, but she is only interested in sustainable fishing. She runs quite a business and by the time she leaves school will probably be worth enough to never have to work for a living, but to her it’s just fun. She has some kind of a business relationship with a local trout hatchery that owns and stocks a lake for paying recreational fishermen to use.
‘Dad dines out on the tales of what his daughters get up to. He thinks it’s really funny that none of the folk he works with and deals with socially have sons that can do what his girls do which is probably why he just lets us get on with it and and is perfectly happy to pick up the bill. In the end we all live better, and he reckons we actually live quite cheaply. Dad usually takes Helen shopping because Mum works alternate Saturday mornings in return for having every Wednesday off, but all he does is pay. Helen decides what to buy including all the alcoholic stuff too. All the places she shops at know her well and will cheerfully put trolleys full of booze through the checkout for her because they know Dad will be around somewhere and turn up to pay. Mind you, I reckon if he gave her his credit card and waited for her in the car they’d serve her anyway.
‘If the rest of us want anything we just tell her, or write it on her list that’s on the kitchen upright freezer and she deals with it. At the last count she had five freezers and a full height larder fridge plus her chiller units. That’s not excessive because the turnover of food is quite high due to Mum and Dad’s social commitments. This table pulls out and can seat twenty-four comfortably, thirty at a push. She has a laptop in the kitchen and can not only tell you exactly what she’s got in which freezer, but exactly where it all is in that freezer. She has stuff for just about any and every emergency you could imagine. There are three bottles of port in the pantry that only ever get opened for Gran’s port and lemon. Helen bough a case of twelve bottles of top quality stuff dirt cheap via the beers, wines and spirits club she’s a member of, and the other nine bottles are at Gran’s, if she hasn’t drunk them yet. Actually I think Mum is registered as the member, but Helen is the only one who deals with the club. Helen doesn’t touch the stuff, but she knows at least as much about whisky as Granddad and Dad put together. That’s why I texted her when we were in The Malt Emporium. Helen can usually get stuff cheaper, but she said to buy the cask strength because she couldn’t get hold of it at the time. Dad and Granddad just let her get on with it. Every now and again she’ll get them something right off the wall, Irish whiskey or something from the States, Jack Daniel’s and Jim Beam to name but two. She bought them a couple of bottles of a Japanese whisky once because she said it had a good write up in some food and drink magazine she reads. They both said it was good but not worth the money. She said, “That’s all I wanted to know. I’ll not bother with it again.” ‘Food and drink, that’s what Helen does.
‘Jessie is into housework including painting and decorating. She does a lot of woodwork in her workshop and she wants to study interior design. We all had input into the extension to the house, but it was Jessie who designed it and drew it up on the computer for submission for planning approval, though it was Mum who oversaw the builders and made them do what Jessie wanted and not what they thought they should do. Tell you Mum seems to be really easy going and most of the time she is, but you really don’t want to upset her, especially if one of her kids is involved. Jessie sacked the first set of builders and a couple of other tradesmen too. When one firm of builders came round to discuss the job they refused to work to the ideas of a little girl. Mum told them to leave because that little girl was their paymaster. They tried to backtrack at that point, but Jessie told them, “Too little and too late gentlemen. I don’t want a grudging acceptance of my ideas.” The firm that actually did the work thought she was wonderful and the boss said she’d given him a number of ideas that he would suggest on future jobs.
‘Christie is into gardening and she wants to go to agricultural college to study horticulture. She grows most of our fruit and vegetables and looks after the hens. She has an incubator to raise chicks, and though to look at her you wouldn’t think her capable of it she regularly kills one of her older hens for the table. She wants to start beekeeping and raise rabbits and ducks for meat too. Jessie is already making her hives and hutches. Most of the house plants are either scented or have edible parts.
‘Helen collects old cookery books as well as antique tin openers, and when Dad asked her what she wanted for her tenth birthday, she told him, “I’ve just over fifty old cookery books, Dad, and I’d like some bookshelves near the kitchen to put them on. I’d like a small bookshelf over the worktop for the few that I’m always using for ideas. If you’ll pay for the materials I’ll ask Jessie to order what she needs and then make and install the shelves.”
‘Helen has a huge smoker and barbecue set up out side under the veranda roof. Helen told Jessie and Christie what she wanted, Christie set them out and determined where they should go and Jessie actually made them. Helen smokes hams, bacon, whole salmon, trout and an endless variety of of other stuff including vegetables using fuel that Jessie supplies. When the weather is good we all enjoy barbecue cooking, though Helen keeps a close eye on Dad because she maintains his barbecue style has more in common with the crematorium than any known conventional cooking technique. I suppose in our own ways we’re all a bit unusual. Mind till I gave up on trying and failing to be Jerry and as Jenny became interested in clothes and fashion I didn’t do much for myself other than read. I used to help Christie in the garden with her plants and poultry, Jessie in her workshop and the house and Helen in the kitchen, so I was the odd one, not one of my sisters.’ Jennifer sounded resentful as she said, ‘Most of my time in those days was wasted by school on sport.’ She sounded more cheerful when she continued, ‘But as for Helen, apart from her obsession with food and drink she’s pretty much a normal stroppy ten year old girl and we’re all bracing ourselves for the hormones to make her even worse.’
‘Who likes beer.’
Jennifer smiled and said, ‘Yeah, who likes good beer. I’ll do a place setting and you just set those on your side of the table the same, Stewart. I’ll set Christie’s up because she eats left handed.’
When the couple had finished they returned to find Jennifer’s father in the sitting room. ‘Still here then, Stewart? I was half expecting to be told you’d fled hours ago. You must either be a young man of extreme foolhardiness or one of extreme resilience. I’d have fled years ago, but even then I knew they’d have tracked me down and dragged me back kicking and screaming. It was the potential loss of dignity that forced me to stay. That and Helen’s cooking of course. Welcome to the Pritchard family madhouse. I was pleased to hear you’d be joining me drinking IPA. The ladies will be drinking red wine and the resident dæmon as usual will be on Guinness.’ He extended a hand to Stewart.
As the men shook hands, Jennifer said, ‘The resident dæmon as Dad refers to her as is without doubt Dad’s daughter and it’s pretty obvious where she gets it from. Granddad refuses to tell us any tales of when Dad was young because he says it would completely undermine what little prestige and authority Dad has left.’ There was great deal of laughter at that before Jennifer added, ‘The sheer cantankerousness she gets from Mum.’
Jennifer’s dad said, ‘I knew I should have had sons. It’s so much safer. As a solicitor I know that to be the truth. Eventually sons leave home. Daughters never truly do. It’s very rare that we have to have daughters tracked down for the purposes of a will, but it’s a frequent occurrence with sons, and they turn up in every imaginable corner of the globe. On the other hand, daughters tend to stay relatively close to their mothers.
Helen came in wearing one of her Disney princess aprons and toques. ‘These are the bestest Christmas present ever, Stewart. Thanks. I’d kiss you, but Sis would possibly hit me. I don’t know for sure, but she could be a jealous type, and I don’t want to find out. I’ll be plating up soup in ten minutes. I’ll want the soup dishes clearing for me whilst I deal with the fish. Anyone who wants to drink chilled white with their fish can deal with that whilst I plate up the plaice. After that we can all relax and I’ll deal with the ham.’ Helen looked around before asking of none in particular, ‘What are Christie and Jessie doing? I don’t want any delays because the fish will spoil if it’s over cooked, and then I’ll be seriously upset.’
Her mum said, ‘You’ve no need to worry about the fish, Helen Love. Your cousins have gone home. Your sisters will be down in a minute once they’ve put their clothes away. I’ve told them you’re under a bit of time pressure.’
‘Right. Thanks, Mum. I’ll get back to the soup.’
The three sisters were not in fact relatives, but Agatha was Gwendoline Pritchard’s god daughter and Adella Archer the girls’ mother was Christie’s god mother. The two mums regarded each other as sisters, hence their daughters were cousins. The two families had always been close, and Jenny coming out had somehow made them even closer. The two fathers of the seven girls were close friends and business associates who played golf together. Bernhard Archer was Malcolm’s Accountant and Malcolm was his solicitor. The two men were in total agreement that having a family of daughters did not always make for an easy life, but it did make for a very rewarding one. Several months ago after a round of golf in the bar of the nineteenth,(27) Bernhard had asked Malcolm, ‘How is it going now, Malc? Is Gwendoline any less upset with things now?’
‘Things are a lot better, Bernie. Now she’s convinced herself Jen’s not going to hurt herself Gwen’s back to normal. It seems the girls knew about Jen years ago and the shrinks say it was only their support that prevented a tragedy. Neither of us like to think about it, but we know that’s what Jerry was: a tragedy waiting to happen. Now have four girls, and it all seems so natural that it’s hard to remember it being any different. We realise that we never had a son. Jen’s a completely different person now, a natural girl who is a joy to have around which means there’s nothing to accept. How are your girls taking it? It seems as if they’re spending even more time with mine than before Jen came out.’
‘I could say the same about your girls, all four of them never seem to be away from the house, and long I say may it continue. Adella tells me Jen is accepted as a make up and clothing guru and that she’s about as good a rôle model as the girls could have. Apparently she’s a proponent of the less is more school of thought regarding cosmetics and jewellery. The girls regard her opinion as the last word to be said on such matters. From my point of view I’m just grateful the girls aren’t constantly going head to head with their mum over make up and jewellery any more. The house is a lot more peaceful without four females not speaking to each other if that makes any sense. I preferred it when they were shouting at each other rather than pointedly ignoring each other for days because it was less wearing on my nerves. In the event of any dispute these days, peace is instantly restored once Jenny has been contacted, she is the ultimate authority and can always come up with a solution agreeable to the girls and their mum. God bless the smart phone. Another pint?’
When they all sat down to eat Stewart was amazed. Helen issued crisp commands, and they were followed by everyone to the letter. The food was absolutely superb. The wonderful tasting soup had a slightly sweet curry like hint about it, and though it tasted of neither lentil nor pumpkin he couldn’t decide what it did taste of. ‘I want the white wine in glasses and the table cleared in less than three minutes or the fish will spoil.’ In three minutes the fish was served along with wafer thin slices of lime and a sprinkling of some finely chopped fresh green aromatic herb that Stewart couldn’t identify. It was the tastiest fish that Stewart could every remember eating. There were three plaice left over, and Jennifer’s dad, Christie and Jessie made short work of them. Helen said, ‘If it’s the herb that is causing the puzzled look on your face, Stewart, it’s shungiku. It’s also called garland chrysanthemum though strictly it isn’t a chrysanthemum. It’s strong and bitter, so you only need a tiny bit. Christie grows it in a pot on the kitchen window sill for me with a load of other herbs in pots too.’ Stewart smiled in appreciation of Helen’s explanation.
‘Right. We can all relax now. It was only the fish that was critical.’ Helen announced. ‘I’ll have to see where I can get some more from. Trouble is most fish that you see isn’t fresh enough to be worth going to the trouble of cooking. Mum would you deal with the red wine and the beer please? Sisters, I’d appreciate some help bringing the vegetable tureens in.’ Stewart saw Jennifer’s dad shaking his head at him, so he didn’t offer to help. Whilst her sisters fetched the vegetables, the gravy and various sauces, Helen brought in the huge ham and proceeded to carve it with a wide bladed knife that she’d just sharpened on a scythe stone and then a steel. The knife’s blade was Stewart estimated fourteen or fifteen inches long and two and a half inches wide. The only knives he’d seen that were anything like it had been on Youtube clips shewing Japanese master fish butchers carving up bluefin tuna and the like.
Helen separated the clove studded crackling off the top of the meat and the brittle skin shattered under the flat of her knife into pieces which she piled on to a hot plate to be served with the vegetables and the Yorkshires. She sliced off thin slices of the ham plating them up as she went. Jessie put apple sauce and mustard on the plates and passed them to the table where they were passed around. Within the minute the vegetables and all else was being served too. The onion gravy was Stewart considered to be orders of magnitude tastier than what he and Jennifer had eaten with their Cornish pasties on their Christmas shopping expedition. The apple sauce was completely unsweetened and very sharp and the mustard was eye wateringly and nose searingly hot. ‘Helen makes the apple sauce from crab apples off the standard trees in the garden hedge every autumn,’ Christie said on seeing his lips pucker in response to his first taste. ‘She also makes rowan berry sauce and haw berry sauce at the same time, again from standard trees in the hedge, and uses the surplus crab apples to make spearmint jelly with. She makes her mint sauce using either apple mint or Bowles’ mint, sometimes black peppermint for exotic dishes, and her rose hip jelly is made using the Rosa rugosa hips that are in the hedges too. I grow all Helen’s herbs, so they can be harvested fresh, though some of the annual herbs she chops and freezes in ice cube moulds. Helen makes her mustard from either freshly crushed seeds that I grow and harvest or from Coleman’s dried powdered English mustard. Both are very powerful though cooking tames them considerably. She cooks fresh crushed seed for hot dogs, so you can eat plenty off it and enjoy the taste without requiring the services of an ear, nose and throat specialist afterwards. This is is Coleman’s prepared cold and needs to be treated with caution. She says the French call English mustard ‘Gunpowder’ due to it’s explosive effect on your nose and eyes.’
The ham course was a leisurely affair without the time pressure of the fish course. Helen explained to Stewart, ‘Fish is really easy to over cook and then it becomes dry and tasteless. It’s just not worth the trouble of eating it at that point. Those small plaice were really fresh when I bought them from the fish market, and they were potentially excellent, but being so thin they would have been even easier than most to over cook and spoil. I only had them under the heat for forty-five seconds, and they finished cooking on the warm plates as we were preparing to eat, and I mean warm not hot plates. At the market I’d been looking for either lemon sole or Dover sole, but you can only buy what’s available, and when I saw the plaice I couldn’t resist them. I bought all the fishmonger had left. I used half of them that day for dinner and froze the rest which is what we ate today.’
The sisters cleared the table of everything ready for the lemon meringue pie which Jennifer dished up. The family waited till Helen had tasted it and pronounced judgement. She said, ‘Excellent, Jenny. Absolutely up to standard. Superb! You haven’t lost any of your magic touch, Sis. No one makes lemon meringue like Jenny, Stewart. Mine is good, but not up to this standard, so to be honest I don’t even try.’ Helen he realised was a harsh critic, but a completely honest one. It was true, the lemon meringue was superb. The base wasn’t a pastry. It was some sort of oat based mixture like a lot of cheesecakes used. Jennifer said little, but her base was based on unsalted butter and Hobnob biscuits [cookies] which according to the packet were made from a mix of jumbo oats and rolled oats. The first layer on top of the base wasn’t anything like the usual commercial offering of a bright yellow gelatinous slab made from a gelatine and E102, a tartrazine food dye, mixture flavoured with citric acid and artificial lemon flavouring, rather it was a cloudy, pale, barely yellow, bitingly sharp layer resulting from the reduced and slightly arrowroot thickened fresh lemon juice. Above that was a still pale, but slightly deeper yellow layer based on the mix for the layer below it containing the finely grated lemon zest. It was the zest that gave it the deeper colour. It was sweetened just enough to relieve the sharpness of the layer below it. Finally all was topped by a crisp meringue layer with a perfect combination of the crisp and the chewy which was achieved by careful oven temperature and timing control. Stewart was impressed.
‘I’ve been thinking about trying an orange meringue for a while now, Helen. You got any ideas about that?’
Helen instantly replied, ‘I’d start by trying Seville oranges, Jenny. They’re pretty sharp, but only available at this time of year. I’ve got a box full ready for making marmalade. Take what you want and I’ll get some more. See how it works, and if it’s a success I’ll prepare and freeze some for you so you can make it at any time of the year. If you like I’ll get you some grapefruit to try too?’
‘Yes. Please.’
To Stewart that the meal had been entirely organised and mostly prepared and cooked by a ten year old seemed incredible. That she managed the family’s food shopping and cooking even more so.
‘I’ll pour the coffee and have the cheese board and dessert fruit on the table in a minute or two. The coffee tonight is a medium roast Ethiopian Yirgacheffe bean that I managed to get hold of on the internet for a not too steep price. I was planning on using it for Christmas dinner, but we went to Gran’s. I ground the beans just before putting them in the percolator. There’s refined white and a natural brown sugar and both milk and cream for those who wish them. The box of cheese biscuits is the cheap one from Lidl that everyone said was so good when I offered them last month. I had Mum pick up a dozen boxes when she was going past there, so there’s maybe three or four months’ worth of them in stock. There’re Nairn’s rough oat cakes to go with the cheese too. If any one fancies some smooth oak cakes I’ve put a single packet out, Nairn’s again, but I do have some more if required. I’ve Shropshire blue, Derby sage, Red Windsor, Wensleydale, Somerset Brie and a Welsh goat cheese to go with red and green grapes, our own Lady apples and a Charentais scented melon. I’ve half a dozen Dairylea® cheese triangles left over from the barbecue party. If any wants them fine, if not I’ll breadcrumb and deep fry them along with some Stilton one day for lunch. There’s a bottle of a decent vintage port for Dad and a decent Xérès fino too for any one else who’d like to try either with the cheese, and of course there’s a little of both wines left over. Dad, will you go halves on a can of Ruddles with me?’
Her father nodded and said, ‘I’ll fetch it, Love. You did us proud tonight, especially with a guest in the house.’
‘Thanks, Dad. When we’ve finished eating if someone will load the dishwasher for me I’ll deal with the food. And prepare what I can ready for supper. Christie is cooking mushroom and mandarin omelets with crispy streaky bacon for breakfast, so I’ll have everything out ready for that. Yorkshire breakfast tea is the offering, but if any wants something different let me know. Jenny, shew Stewart what I’ve got in the way of teas and coffees sometime will you please? Jessie, when I’ve taken the rest of the meat off the ham bones will you cut them up for me on your band saw? I’ll be making pea and ham soup tomorrow with them.’
‘No problem. I’m planning on spending a couple of hours in the workshop later, so just bring the bones in when you’re ready and I’ll do it while you wait. It won’t take more than a few seconds.’
Over the holiday every evening they ate in similar fashion, and Helen cooked breakfasts, lunches, snacks, dinners and suppers. She even provided packed meals for those going out for the day. She was in her element in the kitchen which all acknowledged was her domain, and in her spare time she involved herself in food preservation. The sisters and their mother all cooked but in the main the kitchen was Helen’s space. According to Helen, Jenny’s orange meringue was excellent, but both agreed that the grapefruit base could stand a little more citric acid in the lower layer. Helen’s considered opinion was, ‘I think it lacks the bite to offset the sweetness above it, Jenny, but the taste is good. I’ll buy some limes for you to try sometime.’
The Pritchards were the strangest family Stewart had ever heard of never mind known, yet there was a stability about their lives that he considered enviable. They were close, caring and provided a safe and happy environment for all, but especially Jennifer and Helen, to exist in. Before he and Jennifer left to spend a few days at his mother’s house he came to realise in their own way each member of the family was as different as Jennifer and Helen and they all covered every other member’s back. Christie was not in the house much because she spent most of her time in the garden and greenhouses. Jennifer said that if any wanted to find Jessie they just listened for the sound of a vacuum cleaner or power tools in her workshop. He asked, ‘Jenny, for how long has Helen been been doing the cooking?’
‘It’s kind of hard to say. She started cooking at the age of four. I mind putting a stool in front of the stove for her and lifting her onto it back then. I wasn’t at secondary school then, so I’d have been ten or eleven, yeah, she’d have been not long turned four. That first time she was making pancakes, and I mind they were excellent. It was like an avalanche after that. She started doing more by the day rather than by the week. She started by writing shopping lists for Mum, only she was adding whatever she wanted to the lists. I mind the first time she provided the genuine Canadian maple syrup she’d had Mum buy when we were eating pancakes. Compared with the cheap corn syrup and Tate and Lyle’s golden syrup we’d used before the taste was a revelation. By the time she was five she was cooking so much and it was so good as a result of the extras she was buying that none of the rest of the family considered challenging her. She was not turned six when she presented Beluga caviar, smoked salmon and crème fraîche blinis one Sunday lunch in the heat of the summer with a chilled borscht soup. To say we were all impressed seriously understated the matter.
‘Even when Dad found out what the genuine Russian caviar had cost he never mentioned the matter because on average even then as a result of Helen’s skills and knowledge we actually ate rather cheaply. For a long time we have eaten even more cheaply as a result of Christie’s activities. Not long ago Helen had an old sheep delivered by a farmer friend of hers because she wanted mutton not lamb. She wanted it cut up in a special way for some dishes she wanted to try. In the end the farmer gave it to her and he took the two prepared rear legs which she wasn’t bothered about. It was the ribcage that she was interested in. Christie and Helen had it completely butchered, labelled and in the freezers well inside an hour. Mum had long had a laptop in the kitchen, but Helen took it over as soon as she started cooking. She spent most of her time studying, and that’s the only appropriate word, cooking on the internet, and she became incredibly good at it overnight. As a result she also became highly literate in not just English but any number of languages that YouTube cooks used. She has no problem understanding Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, Japanese and any European cooks even without subtitles. I don’t know how much besides cookery stuff she understands, but I’d hazard a reasonable sum she’d have no problem with general conversation in any of those languages. I know she can read and write receipts in Chinese, Korean, Japanese and just about any other language too. It’s probably true to say she is completely self educated. Without doubt she taught herself to read and write English long before she started cooking.
‘Even when she first attended primary school the school was always ringing home complaining about her. I mind the day, Helen would have been not long turned five, when Mum finally lost it. We all heard her say to the head teacher, “Fine. You’re telling me you can’t cope with a five year old who hasn’t actually broken any school rules. If that’s the way it is I’ll home school her, because she doesn’t cause Mal and me and her older siblings too any problems at all. She’s probably the most intelligent child you’ve ever had to deal with, far brighter than you or any of your staff. You let me know when you’re prepared to make the effort to deal with her, and I’ll let you know if I’m prepared to give you the opportunity to try. Good day.” Mum slammed the phone down at that point. She was hopping mad for days, and it was only Helen who managed to calm her down. The rest of us including Dad had tried and failed any number of times.
‘In the end it was what Helen said that calmed Mum down. “Mum, please don’t be so angry with me, my sisters and Dad.” That she made no reference to having a brother was the clue my parents missed about me being trans and it was the one and only time Helen made a mistake till I came out. “I’m not bothered if I go back to school or not, as long as I can carry on cooking. That’s the main thing. I can do every thing they’re trying to teach the other kids already. It’s not the teachers’ fault they’ve got no brains, but I’ll miss playtime with the other kids if you home school me. I love playing with Jessie, Christie and Jerry, but it’s not the same as playtime with kids my own age. But please don’t be angry with the family, cos it’s not their fault. We love you, and right now you’re so angry you’re not letting us get close enough to love you. Mum, please.”
‘Mum was trashed by that and it calmed her down immediately. When she rang the school she told the headteacher, “Helen says she wants to return to school because she likes playtime with kids her own age. She says she’s not learning anything from the teachers that she doesn’t already know. She also says the most important thing in her life is cooking, so here’s the deal. I’ll not put in a complaint to the Local Education Authority that you are persecuting a highly intelligent little girl because you lack the professional capability to deal with her, and I’ll allow Helen to return to school if you stop the teachers from harassing her over the way she interacts with adults. If you don’t and this happens again I’ll open a weekend playgroup so Helen can enjoy interacting with her peers and I’ll homeschool her. You know she’ll pass any LEA(28) test that measures her against her year group, so there’s nothing you can do other than face the resulting inquiry concerning your bullying and professional inadequacy. I don’t care one way or the other. Actually I’ve just realised that’s not true. I’d rather I had no dealings with you at all, because it will certainly make my life easier and I’m thinking that would be better for Helen too, but I’ll give you the opportunity. However, you’ll only get one chance. The next phone call home complaining about her personality and I’ll home school her. Her next complaint that she’s been unfairly treated when she hasn’t done anything wrong and I home school her. You’ve used up all your chances. This is it. If you don’t like it don’t try to negotiate because I’ve run out of reasonableness, just say so and I’ll remove her out of your hair and my husband will institute court proceedings. Yes or bloody no? What’s it to be?” ’
‘What happened as a result of all that, Jenny?’
‘Helen is still at the same primary school, but I reckon the school will be more than glad to see her leave in July. The problem is they were so scared of Mum’s threat that Helen has got away with murder. Still, going to secondary school with Jessie and Christie will take some of the steam out of her. I also reckon Helen hasn’t been bothered about playing with kids her own age for years. She’d rather interact with folk interested in cooking irrespective of their age, and I reckon that means someone of eighty who likes cooking is far more interesting to her than the average ten year old. She’s loads of folk she calls internet friends from all over the world many of who are well more than seventy, but they’re all cooks, retired cooks or amateurs who just do a look of cooking.’
When Stewart was packing his utility with his and Jennifer’s luggage to go back to his mother’s he was stunned to be kissed by all of Jennifer’s sisters and to be told by Helen, ‘We can see why Sis loves you, Stewart. You’re special, not just to Jenny, but to us too. I won’t ask you to take care of her because I know I don’t have to. We all know you will. She told us what you did to your sister’s ex boyfriend when he gave her a load of hate speech, so we’ve told her to look after you. I reckon what you did then is why she loves you. She’s not used to being protected. It’s a feeling no girl is unaffected by, but it makes Jenny uneasy, cos she’s not always been accepted as a girl. One day I hope I’ll find a boy who looks after me like that, because when I do I know I’ll not be able to avoid loving him. No matter what happens, Stewart, never give up on her. If it ever gets bad between you talk to me, please. I understand Jenny like nobody else does, and I’ll be able to sort the pair of you out. It may be embarrassing, but I know I will be able to get you back together again. Please, Stewart? I care about both of you, so please talk to me, Stewart, cos Jenny due to her past may be so hurt she is not able to talk to any?’
‘I understand what you are saying, Helen, and yes I agree. Should that happen I’ll talk to you. I’m still not sure why I did what I did for your Christmas present, but even then I thought it was a good move. I’m completely convinced now it was even if I still don’t know why. It’s weird, Little Sister, but I do love you all. If any of you ever need a big brother for anything at all, especially weighing up boys, give me a text and I’ll do my best for you. Completely changing the subject, Helen. I have a few mates that regularly drive eighteen wheelers and smaller trucks too through Cannock Chase. Every now and again they hit a deer. Would you be interested in a deer carcass. It wouldn’t be dressed and it would possibly be a bit mangled, but if you want it I can make it yours, though the lads would be appreciative of a few pies to scoff on their travels.’
Stewart was amazed to be hugged and kissed all over his face, ‘I knew you were wonderful, Stewart. Anything, deer, rabbit, hare, pheasant, whatever, yeah I want it. You get it, and bring it back here, with Jenny of course, and you’ll get a brilliant meal, and I’ll provide as many pies as you want for your mates. Seville oranges have just become available and I bought a load to make marmalade with next week. They’re what Jenny made the orange meringue with. I always set aside a few jars for Granddad and I’ll do the same for you too seeing as you really liked it. Changing the subject again, has Dad said anything regards sleeping arrangements for you and Jenny?’
‘No. Why?’
‘He will. He’s accepted you as a couple, so he will. It’s how he is. We can all see you love Jenny. If you sleep together, he’ll be cool, and Mum will accept it because she knows he’s better at understanding folk than she.’
‘Are you sure you’re only ten, Helen?’
‘Yeah, but I’m ten going on tenty-eleven. And despite being a genius I’m still into Disney princesses.’
Jennifer’s dad said, ‘If you think you can survive it a second time you’re welcome to come back, Stewart. If your relationship with my girl changes, perhaps I mean deepens, tell her mum and we’ll make different sleeping arrangements. There’s no need to respond. Have a safe journey.’
Stewart was still coming to terms with what Jennifer’s dad had just said when her mum kissed him and said, ‘I was really bothered about Jennifer finding what I suppose I thought of as a decent and normal young man. I’d read about all sorts of strange men taking up with trans girls for all sorts of strange reasons, none of them without at least the potential for abuse. I’m no expert on any of this, but I was surprised and very pleased and happy to discover you were what I considered to be a decent and normal young man. Thank you, Stewart. I can tell you care about Jennifer and I know she cares about you. You came with the highest recommendation we know of. My father in law is a hard, tough man, a shrewd judge of character and a very difficult man to fool. He thinks highly of you. On top of that Helen likes you and if anything she’s even harder to fool than her granddad. Have a safe journey home.’ She kissed him again and stepping back waved to the pair of them as they got into Stewart’s truck and he pulled off.
‘So, now we’re leaving what do you reckon to my family, Stewart?’
‘They’re just like you told me, only I couldn’t take it all in then. You’re all oddballs aren’t you? But your family is one of the most together families I have ever come across. Helen is the one that hits you first, closely followed by your dad and maybe you if of course one were aware you are trans, but your mum, Christie and Jessie aren’t that different really it’s just that it’s not so obvious. Despite the way it appears you all cover each other’s backs all the time. I like all your family, maybe because they all went to the trouble to tell me they liked me, which was a new experience for me. I’ve never really been liked by any one before. Sure, Gran, Mum and Sis love me, but liking is different. I was made welcome by all your family. However, something I’ve been meaning to ask you is how did you manage when only your sisters knew you were a girl? Wasn’t that really difficult?’
‘Not really. They all promised they’d keep it secret till I was ready for any else to know. Christie and Jessie are naturally discreet. It may be natural for you to think there was a risk that Helen would have blurted it out, but that’s far from reality. Helen is a natural secret keeper. She knows exactly how I make lemon meringue and could easily do it herself, but wild horses couldn’t drag it out of her. She told me years ago, ‘You did all the experimentation to perfect it, Sis, so it’s your secret to tell or not, not mine, but if I were you I’d keep it tight close to my bosom.’ She’s called me Sis for years yet none other than Christie and Jessie ever heard her do so till I came out and transitioned. Christie and Jessie didn’t call me Sis in those days because they were afraid they’d give me away by accident. I reckon there’s so much that Helen knows that none will ever find out about it’s not real. Whenever Jessie, Christie or I need an empathic ear concerning something that we want to go no further it’s Helen we talk to. Nothing passes her lips by accident, ever. It was something that Christie said not Helen that was overheard by Gran that gave my grandparents and parents the first insight into me being trans. They didn’t say anything because I was very introverted in those days and Mum was afraid if they did I would close down altogether. It only all came out when I had a total breakdown in February last year. The shrinks reckon it was only my relationships with my sisters, especially Helen, that had prevented me from self harming or even worse. But enough of me, what’s your mum like?’
‘I told you Dad died when we were four. Mum never has said much about him. We don’t even know whether they got on or not. The mortgage got paid off by the life assurance policy when he died. There was a small widow’s pension that came with that, but it’s nowhere near enough for Mum to live off. Mum did a bit of sewing, alterations and the like for Sketchley the dry cleaners, but when they closed all their high street shops that dried up and she started advertising in the same places I do, anywhere that’s free, the local papers, supermarket noticeboards and the like. As far as Suzie and I are aware she’s never bothered with a man since Dad died. We’ve no reason to suspect she’s ever been interested in women either. She’s a good mum, but she’s very private even to us. She loves us, and would do anything for us that she could. She’s not particularly clever and enjoys reading women’s romance novels from the library. I told you she’s maybe five foot six and quite slender. That cardigan you bought for her was a good fit, she’s not got a big bum nor a big bust, and she looks about twenty-five but she’s ten up on that. She got married at sixteen and we were born a month before she turned seventeen. She’s been on her own since she was twenty-one
‘You heard Suzie speculating that Mum’s thinking about a man, but I’ve no idea whether that’s true or not. It may just be Suzie’s imagination, though she’s pretty good at reading folk. Mum left school with no qualifications so, despite doing okay from sewing, she doesn’t earn a fortune. Suzie and I help out with the bills when we can, cos she doesn’t charge us rent nor keep. She gets on really well with Suzie, more like an older sister than her mum, but I’m a bloke, so it’s different. I know she was always worried about me not really getting on with folk and especially about me not being able to talk to girls. Course now we’re going out together talking to girls isn’t a problem for me any more because now they’re just people. I’m not looking for a girlfriend any more because we’re together. All of the girls in the fashion and design department are good friends, and they’re the only friends I’ve ever had, cos as you know I’ve never had any boys as friends, not even in the engineering department. In a way I’m a bit like Mum, cos I’ve always been a loner really. Suzie says Mum’s really happy I’ve met you. She knows you’re trans, but I’ve got no idea how she is about trans issues or any LGBT+ issues come to that. When I started helping at the college LGBT+ soup kitchen I had no idea what she thought about that because she gives every one else the privacy she takes for herself. I think she sees it as the sort of thing she has no right to hold an opinion on, but I don’t really know. That’s all I can say really.’
When Stewart and Jennifer arrived at his mum’s house they were met by Suzie who said, ‘Mum’s not in. She took some stuff she altered back to a customer and said she’d be back in an hour. That was about twenty minutes ago. You two want a coffee?’
‘Please, Suzie.’
‘Aye, go on then, Sis.’
Suzie made the coffee, and the three were chatting about Stewart’s visit to Jennifer’s parents’ house when they heard the front door open. ‘We’re in the living room, Mum. Would you like a coffee?’
‘Please, Suzie. Just give me a minute. I’ve some more work that I’ll put in the sewing room first.’
Jennifer was taken aback when Mrs Latham walked into the room because what Stewart had not mentioned about his mother was she was one of the most beautiful women Jennifer had ever laid eyes on, and her glorious deep red and obviously entirely natural hair which fell in a riot of curls all over her shoulders and a quarter of the way down her back was stunning. She wondered why he had not told her, but rapidly came to the conclusion Stewart being a man and having lived with his mother’s face and hair all his life probably explained why he didn’t think it of sufficient note to warrant an explanation. ‘Mum, this is Jennifer, Jennifer Pritchard. Jenny, my Mum, Sandra Latham.’
‘My, my. I can see why Stewart is taken with you, Dear. You must be the only girl he knows who can look him in the eyes and you’re so pretty.’
Jennifer chuckled and said, ‘I asked Stewart to describe you to me and he completely over looked your beauty and your wonderful hair.’
‘So what did he say about me, Dear?’
‘He said you were about five foot six and slim when I asked him for details to help him select your Christmas present.’
‘I wondered how he got that right.’
Jennifer was made welcome, yet when she left three days later she felt she knew no more about Stewart’s mother than what he had told her before she had met her.
Jennifer enjoyed the birthday party the twins shared with her, but was surprised their mum was not there. ‘Mum doesn’t do parties, Jenny, she’s too private. You could say she’s isolated and that she lives in a world of her own,’ Suzie explained, so Jennifer let the matter drop. Most of the guests at the party went to Whinheath College, so shared experiences with others they knew at least by sight provided a basis for a good social event. There was far more dancing and chatting that there was drinking. The three hosts were not heavy drinkers and most of their friends were the same, so at three when the party ended there were a good few giggly girls and even more somewhat inebriate boys, but there were no folk retching and throwing up over the garden hedges of the properties near the Kildare Hotel. It was so civilised an event the manageress returned a hundred pounds to Stewart saying, ‘That was to cover the damage that didn’t happen and the clearing up that wasn’t necessary. You have my gratitude and that of the staff too, Stewart, because it made for an easy weekend for all of us. I know most wouldn’t believe us, but we really would rather sell less drink and not have to deal with the subsequent consequences. Thanks again.’
‘No problem, Mrs Jenkinson. It was a good night, and the food was excellent. Some of the lads were grateful you set up that TV so they could watch the match. They told me to thank you.’
Later Mrs Jenkinson told a couple of senior staff of her conversation with Stewart, and Alex her deputy said, ‘There are decent kids about, there just are a lot more of the other sort. Maybe we should consider some sort of arrangement with the Student Union at Whinheath, after all the college is a neighbour of ours. Cover all possible costs up front but make it clear that a sizeable refund is available if the event proves to be as civilised as the one we just hosted.’
‘I’ll have a chat with Suzie about it, Alex. It’s hard to believe, but I’m told her brother’s girlfriend is trans, but what a lovely girl she was. I wonder if she’d be interested in us hosting the College LGBT+ Society’s Summer Dance in late July. If we only deal with decent kids there could be money and employment in it for us and the staff, and a decent venue at a decent price in it for the students. Delia, it might be a good idea if we took a more proactive stance at recruiting waitresses and especially waiters from the college, bar staff too. Would you look into it please. Alex is right, a good relationship with the Whinheath students could be a very good thing for all of us, and the students would benefit from the employment opportunities and subsequent references.’
Jennifer’s own party at her Mum’s house was a family affair with a few friends which included Stewart and Suzie escorted by Morning Cloud. Helen had excelled herself, so much so that her dad gave her a second can of Guinness.
Suzie who’d been asked by Morning Cloud to go to the college Valentines day ball with him had spent an afternoon with Jennifer sharing gossip, most about men. Morning Cloud was a native American from Alaska who had left the US to study organic chemistry in the UK with a view to becoming a mining explosives specialist. Cloud, as he was known, was a silent man with deep respect for his ancestral practices, but he was no militant and accepted that what ever others said or believed they had a right to say and believe, but he never considered their views to be of any more import than his own. He was his own man, and Suzie was seriously smitten. Jennifer and Stewart enjoyed their double dates with Suzie and Cloud as much as did Suzie and Cloud. Stewart was much happier about Suzie’s new relationship than he’d been about her relationship with Alan, and he’d said, ‘Cloud’s a decent bloke, Jenny, who knows how to treat women. I hope he and Suzie last.’
Stewart managed to buy the desired Mercedes-Benz Sprinter van eventually for twenty-two and a half thousand pounds which was a bit more than he’d expected to pay, but to his delight he got a much better van than he’d expected to be able to afford. He parted with twenty thousand and his somewhat battered Isuzu and considered he had a bargain. The van was the longest bodied version available with a load capacity of fifteen and a half cubic metres. As a result his earning ability increased considerably. He had a tow bar fitted so he could use his fourteen foot, three axled Ifor Williams trailer with it and managed to obtain a roof rack that spanned the entire roof off Ebay for next to nothing because he had been the only bidder.
As the academic year moved forward Jennifer’s artistic skills became better and better. Eventually she realised that strictly it wasn’t her artistic skill where the problem lay, for there was nothing amiss with her hand and eye skills. Her problem was in her visualisation skills. Once she had realised that her skills bounced because it was merely a matter of focussing on what she was trying to achieve. Her project turned into a comprehensive set of garments and accessories including shoes, hand bags, jewellery, hair styles, make up and perfume. Her one hundred and fifty thousand word dissertation and the hundreds of photographs that accompanied the text which explained not only what she had achieved, but the exact sequences of how she had achieved it and the thought processes which she had used in order to achieve it, included a lengthy section on hairstyles which she’d had considerable assistance with from her stylist, Louise. The section on hair included details of wigs and any number of methods of transitioning from a crew cut to a full head of styled hair whilst presenting as an attractive woman throughout the process. Another chapter included an analysis of various readily available breast forms and other similar products. The project not only won her the student of the year award which had a five thousand pound cash prize with it, but a job offer from ‘Le Metro’ a relatively newly founded Paris fashion house. The job would start after she finished college.
Le Metro had been considering a foray in to trans fashion for a couple of years. There were trans fashion designers and clothes producers, but none were operating on anywhere near the scale that Le Metro were considering. They considered it was a market ready for a major fashion house to make a serious impact in and of course the financial implications for the first major player in the market were considerable. They were desperate to be that first player, but unfortunately had not been able to find a designer of sufficient creativity and dedication to the task. All the younger designers they had interviewed had clearly seen it as a stepping stone to better things, ‘proper fashion’ as they put it. All the more established designers they had interviewed had seen it as a side line Le Metro was toying with. In fact Le Metro were prepared to commit considerable resources to the project which they saw as ultimately a whole new market potentially worth many hundreds of millions, but only if they could find a dedicated guiding hand who could ensure motivation and commitment from the team they would put together. They had in mind a team that they were convinced could deliver but only under the direction of the right person. That they had not considered exploring designers who were themselves trans was subsequently a matter of considerable embarrassment to their management. When Jennifer’s design tutor had sent a copy of her dissertation and photographs of her collection and also of her fashionably dressed self around the college to a friend who worked for Le Metro the friend had considered it to be a gift from God and far too good an opportunity to waste and more to the point risking a competitor taking advantage of first. It was an opportunity to do far more than merely produce trans fashion, it was an opportunity to provide a complete service for trans women, and that market was vastly bigger than everything they had considered up to that point.
Suzie married Morning Cloud and they rented a flat not far from the college. It was their intention to move to the states as soon as they had both finished their education. Cloud had his degree to finish and wished to study for a Masters and then a doctorate, both in the UK, and Suzie was enrolled in a creative arts and education degree that would qualify her to teach.
Suzie had been correct. Their mother had a man in her eye and the twins were stunned when their mum told them she had married Arthur the previous weekend. Arthur Wright was two years older than Sandra and a professor of English literature at a local University. As a side line he wrote highly acclaimed romance for Mills and Boon(29) under the pen name Guinevere LeBreton which earnt him far more than his university salary. It was his writing that had attracted their mother, not his academic title, nor his income of which she’d been unaware. It was her fascination with his fiction rather than his academic prestige that had attracted Arthur. When he proposed he gave her a hand written and bound hard back novel that was their romance complete with all the problems they had initially faced because they were both uncertain that the other was serious because their backgrounds were so different. He’d said it was the only hard copy in existence and the only backups were electronic and on his removable hard drives not on his laptop. It was he said her property to do with as she wished, to publish or not. She accepted his proposal and suggested the novel be published after bringing it up to date for their tenth anniversary.
Stewart had received an offer to study mechanical engineering at Aston University Birmingham which would keep him local and thus close to Jennifer for at least the next twelve months whilst she completed her course at Whinheath College. Jennifer was still dancing with Joseph and was dressed in the formal attire her granddad had bought her at her second Christmas dance. Her sash brooch was much admired and she was careful to say nothing about what the insurance company had valued it at.
Jennifer had been thrilled to pass her driving test second time around and Stewart had bought her a Ford Ka with a blown up engine. He’d bought a low mileage Ka engine from a scrapyard and completely rebuilt it to as new. The resulting vehicle Jennifer considered to be ideal for ease of parking in the city and Stewart, though he preferred to drive his Sprinter, used it when he wanted an easy trip in to the city, a purchase and a quick exit. At that point in her course Jennifer was not only studying hard she was working on a line of high fashion items for trans teen girls ready for her employment in Paris. She had plans for a line for more mature trans women the following year and was making notes and sketches as they occurred to her. Le Metro had decided they were going to eventually establish a presence in the UK and had naturally enough decided that should be in London. Jennifer had put forward a case for locating in the Midlands, based on four things. First, cost. It was much cheaper to establish anything away from the capital. Second, unlike London, there was an established clothing industry based around Birmingham which would facilitate production at any scale required. Third, it was envisaged that a lot of sales would be on line and Birmingham was at the centre of a vast distribution network in terms of both road and rail and had an international airport that was much less expensive to use than the London airports. Fourth, as she smilingly admitted, it’s where I am currently based, and where my boyfriend will be studying for the next two years, and it’s where I shall be having my GRS. The matter was looked into and it was decided to set up in the Birmingham area with a design and production facility on a conveniently located industrial estate near Halesowen and a main office in the city centre.
When Jennifer came round from her GRS at the Queen Elizabeth hospital, Stewart was there with a ring and with her family’s blessing she said ‘Yes’. Weakly, Jennifer asked, ‘Mum, remember you said “Big girls do cry” ? Well I feel dreadful, but I’m not crying now.’
‘Yes you are, Sis,’ Helen said squeezing Jennifer’s hand, ‘but that’s fine, cos the rest of us are too, and we’ll never be big girls.’
Albert Prichard Jenny’s grandfather
Ellen Prichard Jenny’s grandmother
Malcolm Prichard Jenny’s dad
Gwendoline Prichard Jenny’s mum, Agatha’s godmother
Jennifer Gwendoline Prichard Jenny, Jen, used to be Jerry
Christie Prichard Jenny’s sister
Jessie Prichard Jenny’s sister
Helen Prichard Jenny’s sister
Bernhard Archer Jenny’s uncle
Adella Archer Jenny’s auntie, Christie’s godmother
Agatha Archer Jenny’s cousin
Hillary Archer Jenny’s cousin
Denise Archer Jenny’s cousin
Joseph McDonald Jenny’s dance partner
Stewart Latham Jenny’s boyfriend eventually husband
Suzie Latham Jenny’s friend, Stewart’s elder twin
Sandra Latham Suzie and Stewart’s mother
Arthur Wright Sandra’s husband writes as Guinevere LeBreton
Morning Cloud Johnson Suzie’s boyfriend eventually husband
1 PE, physical education.
2 GCSE, General Certificate of Secondary Education. Examinations usually taken in ten to twelve subjects by 16 year olds about to leave compulsory education.
3 CDT, craft design technology.
4 Le Monde, a French daily newspaper.
5 GP, general practitioner, a family doctor.
6 PE, physical education.
7 Told, told.
8 A’ level, advanced level. Subjects studied by 17 and 18 year olds.
9 Fit as a butchers dog. An ancient expression originally only referring to health. In times gone by a butcher’s dog would get plenty of meat scraps to eat, so would be fit in the usual sense of the word at a time when most dogs were half starved and ran lose on the streets. The play on the expression arises because a more modern usage of the word fit is it also means sexually attractive in English English. It is comparable to the use of the word hot. The expression is widely used in the UK.
10 Chinese whispers, an age old term that refers to the corruption of information after it has passed through enough folk. There is a tale, well known in the UK, of a message passed back from the battle front back to HQ. The message passed through many soldiers, and what had started as, ‘Send reinforcements we’re going to advance,” became “Send three and four pence [17p, 20 cents] we’re going to a dance. That the tale refers to UK old money indicate it it at least pre decimal day [15 February 1971] but the tale was ancient even then. The tale is clearly not a true one and none knows what its origin is but the term Chinese whispers is still widely used to refer to widely talked of information which is of dubious truth.
11 As sure as sixpence, a shortened form of the expression ‘as sure as sixpence is half a shilling’. The expression indicates a certainty. In UK pre decimalised currency (the change occurred on 15th February 1971) there were twelve pennies in a shilling, so sixpence was half a shilling. A not very common expression any more.
12 Till, a Checkout.
13 Sold, sold.
14 The Bull Ring as it used to be known is a major shopping centre in central Birmingham It is the United Kingdom's largest city centre based shopping centre. It has a link bridge to Grand Central a shopping centre above Birmingham New Street Railway station Two shopping centres have been built in the area; in the 1960s, and then in 2003; the latter is now styled as one word, Bullring, a change which sparked some controversy.
15 Bitch, is being used in one of its standard UK meanings here. To be unpleasant, to give boys a hard time. Bitchy behaviour is another standard usage. The latter could equally be said of a man as a woman. To bitch about something is to complain about it. A lessor usage found in the north east is to describe a young woman or girl as a bitch, there is no negative connotation when used thus. A common expression there is she’s a canny wee bitch meaning she’s a clever and astute little girl or young woman. The word needs to be used with care, for in the north west it is a synonym for a prostitute.
16 Sprue, the waste piece on an injection moulding that forms in the space through which the mould was filled.
17 In the UK 18 is the legal age to buy alcohol. Children may legally be served alcohol with a meal at the discretion of the responsible adult.
18 Ratched, rummaged or sorted through, an old northern English word.
19 On the drip, via a hire purchase agreement.
20 PMS, pre menstrual syndrone.
21Ratch, rummage or search.
22 Throw a strop, get bad tempered, stroppy.
23 Roasties, roast potatoes.
24 Yorkshires, Yorkshire puddings.
25 Sprouts, Brussels sprouts.
26 Swede, rutabaga.
27 The nineteenth hole. Most golf courses have eighteen holes and the nineteenth is a humorous term for the bar in the club house.
28 LEA, Local Education Authority.
29 Mills & Boon is the UK’s number one publisher of romantic fiction. They are also a huge publisher of academic textbooks.
Comments
Whew!
The two installments make for a lengthy but very enjoyable read. I really liked the snappy dialogue and interactions. Well done!
Very enjoyable.
Well! I thoroughly enjoyed that. Reading about family relationships is often painful for some who might have endured difficult childhoods but this story was refreshing and uplifting. Thanks for the unanticipated delight it brought me.
Beverly.
Was decimalisation really
Was decimalisation really 1973 ? I thought Decimal Day was 1971, though the 50p coin came out in 1969.
Decimalisation
You are correct. 15th of February 1971.
Oops! I'll fix it. Thanks for letting me know.
I can only blame a senior moment because it's a date one of my nieces was born on, so I know it and don't need to look up.
Regards,
Eolwaen
Eolwaen