What is the purpose for a human in its life? To build a house, to make a child and to plant a tree.
Ancient saying.
It is now summer. Over an year and half has passed since we are together. I never imagined that such a strong friendship will form. And it is even more. Being sfenists, we are somewhere half between a friendship and a relationship. Only one thing really counts: that we are happy and we form a very strong couple.
Some things have changed. My big sister Abida now has a child. My little sister Cemis is pregnant and soon will have her first child. In these mountains, were medical service does not exist, children are born in the old, traditional way. Families have many children. I grew up with two sisters and a brother. He moved to another valley and comes here more rare, but he also is married and has children.
As one would guess, my parents put some pressure on us, to make a child too. Well, I see they want one, but they know we are sfenists. They know it is almost (if not completely) impossible for us to have real sex. 3 or 4 months ago, we tried something that still is far from sex, mutual masturbation. We managed to do so, but it was only pain. From that day, we calmed down, realizing this is beyond our limits. It will only produce pain and suffering and in the end it will destroy us. From that moment on, our romance has diminished. We still make smoky kisses, we still use to put one's feet in the other's lap, we still are vey close, but something has changed. Now, we are somehow colder. It looks like our relation has cooled a bit... or a bit more. Or has it? There is less affection, but we still are strongly bound together. I cannot imagine how would it be to spend a night alone without him.
I remember what that old psychologist woman told us, that a sfenist relation has 5 phases. In the last phase, it looks like the relation is cooling a bit, but in fact it is the sign that it has reached maturity. In stage 4, the two are exploring their sexuality as far as it is possible, given the wounds of their souls. Finally, some sort of equilibrium is reached at some point. If this is how things are, then we just have reached the 5th step. But I don't know. Last time, I was trying to use the advices she gave to another sfenist couple and it all went wrong. Maybe it is the fact that those advices were not for us, were something specific for them.
Each sfenist has other kind of wounds. What works for one, will not work for someone else.
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In the evening, I wait Alia - Atan to return from the mines. I am in the railway station, smoking and talking with some people who also wait the train to go downstream. The radio has beeped in Morse code that the train is on its way, but also beeped the thing that worries me the most: DRUNK. The engineer is drunk. Oh mine! That can lead to a lot of problems. The train is coming, I can see it. It is a few minutes before schedule. That is not good, the railways are badly unrepaired. Not respecting the speed restrictions and... you derail and destroy the rails too. The train is coming too fast!
When the train reaches the station, it doesn't stop. What??? The train just passes our station. Then, we hear a powerful sound. The breaks! The train is passing behind the last switch, with a horrible sound. I instantly realize what is happening, when I hear another sound, much more powerful. The train has derailed! I and all people from the platform run to see what is going on. For sure the train has derailed. People step out of the train, shouting at the engineer. Well, I understand them, but I am more worried about how the train derailed. Very simple, indeed. The train stopped fast and the pressure forced the rails to move apart. The old wood rail sleepers are rotten or even no longer exist at all. In such conditions, a strong force is enough to make the rails move. Change distance between the rails and for sure any train will derail.
As the protocol requires, I check out the damage. Nobody looks hurt. Two of the 3 wagons are off rail. The engine is still on tracks, while the first wagon is with the last wheels off rail. I check the engineer. It's Stallion, he is drunk, but the impact made him wake-up, at least partially.
"You idiot, look what you've done!" shouts someone.
"We are hungry! We want go home!" shouts another worker.
Atan comes to me and we hug. Then, we look around.
"His wife is cheating him, that's why he got drunk", he says.
"Again?" I ask.
"Ana", says an old man. Separate the engine, so we can go home riding on it!"
"Does anyone know how to do this?" I ask.
A few miners go to the connection and separates the wagons. Now the engine can freely go. I insist that a few people get in the cabin, to make sure he will be awake. Then, I hurry to the station, to radio contact nearby stations. I inform Ganymede that the train has reached me, then I inform Almathea that the train is coming, adding the warning message: DRUNK. Then, I hurry and signal the engine to go. And it goes, crowded with people staying on all sides of the engine. Then, I return to the radio, to forward a message to Juipter Depot. Here, messages travel from station to station, via radio Morse beeps. My message is:
CA AL JUPITER TRAIN DERAILED ENGINE ON TRACK GOING TO JUPITER.
I wait with Atan, until we get the confirmation. The message is:
AL JUPITER IO TRAIN DERAILED LINE CLOSED OVER NIGHT BE READY FOR MORNING.
I go to the house, with Atan. There, he changes into Alia, his feminine side. This night, we don't have to worry about the 3 AM train.
In the morning, we both are at the station, examining the damaged rails. I am wearing a white dress, Alia has a yellow dress. Both of us have sheer, shiny pantyhose and plastic open-toe sandals. A working train comes, with some equipment, to put the derailed wagons back on track and take them to Jupiter. What surprises me is that Arnold in person is here. He is the man that gets the money for producing and transporting coal. As he sees us, he comes directly to us. He is a bit fat, high and with black eyes, dressed in a black costume and with clean shiny shoes. A man with power, that many people fear.
"What happened?" he asks.
"The train derailed. Stallion was too tired and got asleep", I lie, not saying that he was drunk. "Someone pulled the emergency break".
"Sure he was not drunk?" asks Arnold.
"I don't know", I say, knowing that he can know if I lie. "I was more busy to see if anyone is injured".
Then, he looks at Alia - Atan.
"Atan?" he asks. "I heard you are a transgender, but I didn't believe it".
"Yes, sir", he says. "How can I serve you?"
"You have been a great achievement to us, improving our mines".
It is something very rare, to see a boss talking like that to an employee. He is up to something.
"I do what I can", says Atan.
"What can we do with these alcoholic engineers?" says Arnold, looking straight in his eyes.
So, he knows Stallion was drunk.
"I know Geology", says Atan, "but I know nothing about people. What I do know is that nobody must find out what happened, or a technical inspection would close the railway".
"You think so?" asks Arnold.
"For sure. I know what keeps the railways still functional, while they are too damaged for anything".
"Bribery", says Arnold short.
"Nobody must know that Stallion was drunk, or we risk a state inspection", says Atan. "We must say it was landslides. And about Stallion, he must be punished, but not hard. He must understand that he did something bad, but not punished to the point where he will say something he shouldn't".
"And what punish would you suggest?" asks Arnold, playing with the skin of his face.
"Moral punishment is much better then cutting from his salary", answers Atan. "At least in these mountains. You can force him to chose: pay for the whole damage, which is far greater then his salary, or do something symbolical. For example, tie a bottle to his neck or shave his hair, something that everyone will see".
"Or paint his hair", I answer, with a big smile.
"You know, this might work", says Arnold, thinking about. "I thought about pointing a pistol at his mouth, but you know how people are here. He might have a reason to try to kill me for this".
"Or, force him in every station to get down from the engine and say 'I swear I will no longer drink' so that everyone will hear him", says Alia.
"Could work, but we don't know if he will do this".
"Or, make him stay in a railway station, with a note saying: 'I swear I will never drink again'. That should work", says Atan.
Arnold lights a cigarette and offers one to each of us. These are contraband cigarettes from Stromboli that taste close to the real ones.
"I will put him here, in your railway station", says Arnold. "Just make sure everyone will see him".
I smoke this smooth and strong cigarette with pleasure. I know it is from the cigarettes I made here last summer... and many others are on the way.
"The line can be repaired. Ana, I want you to signal upstream stations, that the line and the mines are closed for today and tomorrow. I give people a free day today. Tomorrow, miners will come here and repair the line. I think it can be repaired in one day. And starting from tomorrow, Ana, you have a new job. I will send Stallion here, with an inscription on a sheet of metal, saying 'I swear I will never drink again'. Your job will be to make sure he will stay in the station and not go, so that everyone will see him".
Arnold returns to the pick-up train and goes back to Jupiter.
As this happens, I look at what Alia - Atan has become. From a dominated man, he is now a negotiator. In past, when I said something, he instantly did anything. He still lacks any authority. In many regards, he is more a woman then a man. What major difference is now, that he tries to negotiate and even to take initiative. What a change!
********************************************
Since we have a free day, we decide to go to the lake. There is a small abandoned reservoir in these mountains, where almost nobody comes. It is my secret place. We decide to go there, to spend the noon near the water, in the dense forest. For this, we change clothes. I take my favorite green dress, the one with a white leaf on its top, while Alia takes his green dress. With sheer, shiny pantyhose and plastic sandals, we go to the lake.
We have been here many times. It is the place where I come from time to time. To this lake, i told all my sadness and suffering and also all my happiness and joy. It is like a close friend. Probably it really is a friend, that cannot speak. How many times I came here and how many cigarettes I smoked, throwing the filters in its water? Hundreds of packs, for sure. All filters got vanished in the water. At some time, I used to collect the shiny metallic paper in cigarette packs... and I got over a hundred on the shore, but one day, I lost them all.
We put a small carpet on the shore and sit on it, like we done so many times. We take our sandals off and touch the water with our pantyhosed feet. Small waves form in circles. We stay like this for a while.
"Nicotiana", says Alia, as he holds me with one hand and a cigarette with the other.
"Alia?" I ask, lighting my cigarette, then move one hand to hold him.
"Do you still think we can have a child?"
I let the smoke get out of my mouth slowly, thinking about this.
"I don't know. But I don't think we can go through all we went".
"That was a bad way to solve something impossible", he says.
I take a double inhale.
"Maybe there is another way", I say.
"I think we would have done it in a different way. Some way that our wounds will not be opened again".
"Do you want to try again?" I ask.
"Yes, but in a different way".
I take a deep inhale, with two drags, thinking about. Why not? Maybe it still is possible.
"Ok", I say, letting the smoke out. "But how?"
"We should masturbate, then I take my fluids in a pack of cigarettes. Then, you try to pour the fluids in you. Hope it will work".
"Let's try", I say.
As I say this, we try. We both put one hand under the skirt, pull the pantyhose down and start working on it. I don't have my screwdriver, but still I try with a lighter. As doing this, I look at the lake, where I see the waves our feet make in its water. We have done this many times, masturbating together, but without touching each other. And even this time, we don't touch. As Alia gets close, he removes all cigarettes from his pack and takes the pack, empty, under his dress. It doesn't take much until I also reach an orgasm.
Then, comes the moment. He gives me the pack. I move on the carpet, asking him to stand and give me some space. It is not easy. I try to take the pack and pour the fluid inside me. Gently. It doesn't want to flow, well it is not quite liquid. It is something dense, between milk and honey. I lean my head down on the carpet, with my butt a bit higher. Slowly, my fingers manage to push the fluid out of the pack, into my genitals. I try to push it all, as deep as possible, with my feet and even with the lighter. I think I done it. It is also a strange feeling.
"Put something under my butt", I say.
Alia takes our luggage, our food in fact, which is in a plastic bag. He puts it beneath me.
"My fingers are slimy", I say. "I need a cigarette".
He then comes and washes my fingers with water from the lake, then cleans them with his own skirt. He gives me a cigarette.
"I think I should hold your feet up", he says.
"I don't know", I say.
Well, he goes to my back and sits behind me, taking my feet up to his shoulder. He also lights a cigarette. We stay like this for a while. Sitting with my head below my body, gets me dizzy.
"That was really easy", I say.
Alia gently pushes my pantyhose back and then adjusts my skirt. Well, I am too dizzy to react.
"Sorry, Nicotiana", he says, "but from here I could see all your organs. Better this way".
"Thanks", I say, lighting another cigarette.
"How long should you stay like this?" he asks.
"I don't know", I answer. "As long as we can".
We stay for about an hour and in this time we also smoke a few cigarettes. Then, we return to the position we had. I feel that a new chapter of our lives is starting to be written.
Two girls were sitting at the lake, near the shore. Both had a green dress and green hair. Their pantyhosed feet were touching the water. With one hand, they were hanging each other, while with the other, they were holding their cigarettes. One of the girls is me. The other was not a girl at all. He is my husband.
