If you ask a bee, it will show you all the flowers and the beauties in the garden. If you ask a fly, it will show you all the garbage and the excrements. A bee cannot see dirtiness, just as a fly cannot see the beauties.

How To Open Your Eyes

For the first time in my life, I arrive in the Civilized World. Well, not quite in the center of it, but in a border province, not too far from the world where I live in. Alia - Atan is now dressed as a male, except for his hidden pantyhose and the fact that he now has green hair. I kept the same green clothes, which are in fact his gift to me. He gives me a fast, crash-course about how to move around:

"In here, you cannot attack anyone. You cannot smoke in public transport and it is not polite to interfere with other people. Watch your purse and your pockets. Thieves are everywhere. Police has a strong authority, don't bother with them. And watch out, there are far more cars".

We get out of the airplane. It is dark outside. I follow him automatically. I really know nothing about this place, other then what is on the map. People speak a language that I cannot understand. But what first shocks me is the way they move. They are like robots. In the first minutes, I get hit by many people. It is hard for me to follow him.

But there is another thing that I notice. I cannot hear my shadow. So strange! My shadow must have remained in the Land Of Ice. I feel quite alone, trying to follow this man in this crowded place.

As we reach outside, I notice a guy tries to fast pick-up what is in my pockets.

We get out of the airplane. A lot of taxis are waiting out. They are different: all are yellow. Also the people is different. Women seem to wear trousers and far less times I see them wearing skirts. And almost all women wear boots. Well, I never found my feet comfortable with that. I always wear shoes. And there is almost no snow.

We get in the street, where I light a cigarette. Oh, this place is overcrowded. The street is so busy! So many cars are moving! It is a boulevard with four sides in each direction, but even if it that large, cars don't have enough room. They are more sitting then moving. And again, there are too many people. I just keep following Alia - Atan, without having any idea where.

We reach a bus station. He goes fast and takes two tickets. When we get in, I notice this bus is better then a luxury train. It is all new, with no graffiti on the walls. But it is full! So crowded! I hardly manage to get inside. And once I am in, I feel like inside a sandwich. People is pushing me from all directions. The car accelerates and turns left-right, breaks and accelerates again. It makes me fall to other people. What a madness!

"Where is all this people heading to?" I ask him in my native language.

"I don't know. To work, to home, they know", he answers.

It feels like a nightmare going on. From time to time, when I can, I look out through the windows, to see this place. It looks like a big city. There is light anywhere: along the streets, on the buildings and also a lot of light from passing cars. Yes. Cars are everywhere. And their huge number seems to block everything around. They are blocked by their own huge number. And I feel like a meteorite falling into a black hole.

"Why didn't we take a taxi?" I ask.

"Because those guys would tax us even 100 times more then a bus ticket", he answers.

"Because they found nobody to twist their necks", I answer.

"Here, you don't have the right to attack other people".

"This place sucks", I answer. "I need a cigarette and fast".

But I cannot smoke here. I think I will explode!

"At least here people don't shut one each other like in the Land Of Dictators", says Alia - Atan.

"Ah, you remember that incident", I say. "Well, be sure that guy got punished. People there have a sense of self-justice. If the same people were here, they would have forced someone to have more busses running then this madness".

"Well, I have to confess you something", he says. "That gunfire in the Land Of Dictators made me feel relaxed. The fact that it draw attention, maybe this saved us. Immediately the train started to move".

"Well, people die all the time", I answer him.

After a whole hour, we get down from this bus. Oh mine! I feel like a piece of extruded meat going to become salami. I instantly light a cigarette. But even cigarettes don't have the same smell. They are original and full of chemicals. What are people here smoking? It makes me cough. My lungs want back their natural, handmade tobacco. Well, I am sorry, there is not much I can give you.

We cross a few streets. There are so many cars passing by, that I almost lose my sense. I grab Atan by hand. It is all confusing now. Again, people start hitting me. What is wrong with them? They look like robots: getting out of these crowded busses and walking on these roads that are so crowded. It is like the population of a whole land is squeezed inside a single city.

We get to something different now. We are on a street. Again, it is full with cars and passing people. On one side, there are blocks. On the other, there is a metal fence and beyond it, there is a yard, full with other people and some strange type of cars. They are smaller then a bus, but bigger then a car. This yard is full with garbage and squeezed dirty snow. People are moving rather chaotically around. They also seem to carry plastic cups with coffee or tea. How much coffee are them drinking! And there are far less smokers. We get to one of these vehicles and Atan pays. We get inside. Now I get it, this is a minibus. So small! Well, I finish my cigarette and get inside. I manage to get to the window and he sits near me.

How fast this car gets filled with people? A few minutes. And people keep getting in and getting in and getting in... So good that I at least have a place to sit. I think there are 3 times more people in then the total number of seats. It is overcrowded, the air is not breathable, the window is covered with moisture and all around there is a horrible smell of mixed perfume. It is getting hot and I am getting to explode. Where is the civilization I thought I would find?

Then, the driver starts the car. Like this was not enough, he turns the music on. The car starts moving. It makes a few left-right turns, breaks, accelerates, breaks, accelerates... each time, almost twisting my brain.

I watch the streets. So crowded again! Cars seem to more stay then drive. And this goes on and on. But finally, after almost an hour, we are out of the city. Well, not quite as I would expect. There still are many cars, even outside. People travel in all directions. I watch the window. So many cars come from the opposite way, by the hundreds. They just keep on coming! And this minibus stops from place to place. People go down, people go up. What a nightmare should be for those who have no seat. Each time someone goes down, I see a few, those close to the door, going down too, to make room.

But there is something else. People seem not to speak one to each other. They are silent. Not even a single word! Oh mine! In our trains, stranger talk to stranger!

Dawn is approaching. The sky gets dark blue. Sunrise will be soon. I can finally see something around, at least the horizon. It looks like we are in a plain, with some distant hills. Just hope this madness will end soon! Well, there are settlements on the way. I don't know what they are: villages or towns. They look rich, with huge houses compared to ours. Every house is encircled by a fence or even a wall. And again, there is people all around.

We reach a town, the end of the line. I jump out, exhausted. What a nightmare this trip! But this town doesn't seem much different. Even if the streets seem smaller, it is still full of cars and people.

Well, here we get two tickets and get into a bus, to travel across the town. Again, it is crowded, but I might say not like the previous one. Since it is day, I see the streets and the buildings. There are many big, old buildings to see. What also catches the eye, is that there is a lot of light. The whole town is decorated with many lights. There are many things I don't understand what they are. I want to ask Atan about, when suddenly people start crumbling.

"Gipsy people!" he says fast. "Watch your pockets and the purse!"

Immediately, he pushes me to the doors. Then, I see some fat women in long skirts. They keep pushing everyone like crazy. Some people protest. I think they are between 5 and 10. They just push everyone and even scream to the passengers.

"They are heading to your purse!" says Atan.

I put my purse under the coat, watching everything. The next second, I realize there is a hand trying to get to one of my pockets. What to do? There is no space to move. Those over-fat women keep on pushing everyone, squeezing and squeezing us. Some small children move between our feet. What are they up to? I just keep my purse with all the power, but someone tries to push it. Not knowing what to do, I hardly push the purse up, above my head.

Suddenly, the pressure decreases. The bus stops in a station and all the fat women, with their children, move out. I look at my purse. It is partially cut beneath, but they did not manage to get much out of it. My lipstick and a lighter are missing, together with some coins.

A woman starts crying and saying something.

"What happened?" I ask Atan.

"What do you think? Those Gipsy people got her money, her regional passport, her house and car keys, her driving license... That happened".

"And everyone is just watching and not doing anything?" I ask, shocked.

"Gipsy people are a minority and they are protected. If you dare to do something to them, police will turn against you, for discrimination. There is nothing you can do".

"This is insane!"

"Well, only a fraction of the Gipsy population do this, the rest is working and even hard. But this is the way things go around. You are not allowed to defend yourself, but they are protected. The same applies to all minorities, including sexual minorities".

I take some money and try to give to that woman.

"Here! I want to help you", I say in 4 or 5 languages. She does not take it.

"Damn it, Atan! Translate her!" I say.

He translates, the woman answers something and doesn't take the money.

"She says thank you, but she cannot take your money", he says.

"Why?"

"Because here people don't accept gifts from strangers".

What a strange place! Back in the mountains, there are people who voluntarily go in trains and serve passengers with food, hot tea and cigarettes. And if a stranger is attacked, people always fight back. Here, it looks like everyone for itself.

We get out of the bus. Here is another minibus station, but this time it is just on the street. We get something to eat from a small shop. I notice that just behind, there is a railway station.

"Why don't we take the train?" I ask.

"Because trains are very rare. There are only two a day".

"Still better then this nightmare!" I say.

"Nobody takes the train in here. People rush with their cars or with a minibus. It is all about time. Trains travel empty".

"But why such a hurry? It seems everyone is in a hurry here".

"To go to work, to go back home, to go shopping, to go to a date", he answers. "This is how life is here".

Well, we eat something and smoke. We stay for maybe an hour. What a strange place is this station! You have no bench, no seat, no nothing. We stand in cold and wind. Good that it is not snowing. People are crowding already. And on the road, cars are everywhere.

Finally, a minibus arrives. We enter. But this time, we hardly manage to get in. No empty seat! We have to travel like this.

The car immediately gets on the road. I can see nothing but the many people surrounding me. All I can hear is the engine, combined with a strange music playing on. All I can smell is a horrible mixture of perfume combined maybe with some sweat. All I can taste is these people's breath. And all I can feel is how people push into me each time the car accelerates, breaks or turns left or right. This is madness! Real madness! And all this keeps on going maybe for an hour.

Finally, we get down. We are in a village, with huge homes surrounded by large fences. In the distance, I hear something like a train. And I manage to see it. It is a small vehicle, a bit larger then a minibus. That is the train? And even more shocking is that I see no passengers. It is empty!

We light a cigarette and walk along the road, that still is filled with cars. We look for a way to get across. And then, as we finish our cigarettes, we reach a house. There, we get in.

Now, there is another difference. Here, the fence door is locked. In the Land Of Mountains, we never lock any door. Then we enter a yard, with four dogs. They are incredibly fat! Each one is tied by a chain. I've never seen so fat dogs before! Everything shows so much luxury! The yard is paved, the house is huge and there are also other buildings around.

"My parents know English, so you can speak to them this way", he says as he takes a key and opens the front door.

We enter a huge room. There is a lot of furniture everywhere. I hear some music (probably a distant TV) and feel the heat. Then, I hear someone speaking. Now, that is something I never seen. How can you lock the door when you are in your house?

Two people emerge. They seem to be around 50. I carefully look into their eyes. They seem so much different.

Atan makes the presentation, They are his parents. But when he talks about me, he says:

"She is Nicotiana, my future wife".

Well, isn't that too much? Now, as he played my game, I should play his.

"Nice to meet you", they say. Then, they kiss my chicks. Interesting.

Immediately, they take us into a large room. My eyes keep on twisting around the extreme luxury of this place. What a large room! I And all that furniture! And what a huge TV! And not only. There are a lot of things in here that I don't know what they are. They return in a few minutes with food.

It all comes with general questions, like: where are you from, what do you work, how is life there, for how long are you together, things like this. I also compline about the horrible minibus trip to here, but his parents seem to find it natural.

I look at the food. Such expensive plates! And the food contains a lot of meat. I just look and get shocked about the huge waste. They also bring some wine, saying that they made it themselves. But I say that I never drink alcohol. After all this eating, I feel like two pigs are inside me. Oh mine! And they also bring cookies!

I take a cigarette and prepare to light it. Then, his mother stops me in an instant.

"You smoke?"

"Yes, I do".

"Please, stop this. It will kill you".

"No, it won't. That thing in the glass is going to kill you, not this", I say, pointing a glass of wine.

"Maybe she can go out and have a smoke", says Atan.

"You can smoke in the kitchen", says his mom.

So, Atan is trying to hide from his parents that he smokes? I grab his hand and take him by force to the kitchen. There, I light a cigarette and also give him one.

"What?" screams his mother. "How could you?"

"I learned him", I say.

His dad comes, when he hears the scream. He looks shocked.

"What have you done, son! I don't believe it! This thing will kill you!"

"I learned him", I answer again.

"No way! Only delinquents smoke!"

"I am an adult, now I am in charge of my own life", he says.

"You also made his hair green, like yours", his mom continues. "What have you done to our child?"

"Did I do anything wrong?" I ask. "I don't think so".

"You will stop smoking now, or I will order you to stop going back to that mine", his dad says.

Atan looks at us all. While his parents look really scared, he takes another drag from his cigarette and says:

"For so long you've decided my life. Now, I won't listen to you. If you don't want me the way I am, I go now. And the same is for she. Don't even dare to judge her. She saved my life... but also, almost killed me".

He takes my hand, while his parents look really scared. What a strange thing! We just errived and everything is going into a fight!

"You never were so rude to us!" his dad says. Just let that girl go and I will get you back to your previous job", his dad says.

"Listen and understand!" says Atan. "I am going nowhere with you. I finally have my life, my house, even my family. If you only judge her because she smokes, it is your problem. Not mine".

"How dare you talk to us like that!" screams his mother.

I look and don't believe my eyes. I just lighted a cigarette and the whole world is about to explode.

"Stop!" I shout to them. "If you don't want me here, it is ok, I will head back. But if you don't like him, you don't have the right to decide. Let him decide what he wants to do".

"How dare you?" his mom says, looking with anger at me. "He is my son. And he will do what I want, not what you want, green bitch!"

"I am going back to the mountains. Atan, do you come with me?"

I say this and start going out.

"I am going back with you", he says.

"Atan!" says his mother. "Atan! Do you hear that name? She gave him a new name! How on Earth is that possible?"

He comes with me and we are heading to the front door. But, the next second, his dad grabs him back. I stop and turn back.

"I thought we are the savages", I say, lighting another cigarette. "I thought this is the civilized world".

"My parents will never accept this", he says. "But be sure, mom and dad, that once I get out of your hands, I will get back to the Land Of Mountains".

Then, his mother goes directly to me and hit my face hard. I look at her, not knowing what to do. She looks at me and starts crying.

"You, bitch! You destroyed our loved child! Look what he has become! Smoking and with green hair... Oh, dear God! Why did this happen to us? What sins did we do to suffer this much?"

She is crying in front of me and I really don't understand what is going on.

"I will not let you go back", says his dad.

"I don't need your permission", says Atan. I will go. It is my life and my future there".

"Just shut up!" says his mother, crying. "Shut up! Shut up! And do what your father tells you", she cries and falls down to a corner.

Her face is now red and she is crying. What to do? I look around and find a clean towel and a glass of water. I take the towel and clean her face, then moist it a bit in water and wash her. Then, with another dry end of that towel, I clean her face. I give her another glass of water, to drink. And I help her stand up.

"My parents accepted him without any questions", I say.

"What kind of people are them?" asks his father.

"Farmers. Peasants. They have cows, a horse. They cultivate tobacco and then we make handmade cigarettes and sell them".

"And you self-sustain with this?" asks his dad.

"Yes. Well, I also work at the railway station".

"Maybe you are not savages, after all", says his dad. "Well, stay with us this day, but tomorrow you will go back. And he will stay with us".

"I am not staying here", says Atan. "The moment she leaves, I will go with her".

"Son", says his dad. "How dare you? Do you realize what people will say when they see you married a savage woman? Do you realize what that will be for the prestige of our family? You need to get a woman with a similar wealth and with a similar school training".

"She has her own house and she graduated an university", says Atan. "Isn't that enough? Only that she is from somewhere else".

"Why doesn't she come to us?" says his dad again. "That will be an increased privilege for her, to be in the civilized world".

"What civilization is this?" I ask. "Yes, you are far richer then we are, but in rest, you have nothing. You are empty holes. I never imagined to see this. You have destroyed and you are destroying your child. My parents would never do to me such a thing".

"Your parents probably don't love you", says his mother.

"My parents never beaten me in their life. Ever. But you did".

"We never beaten our son, too", says his father.

"But you did", I answer to him. "Not with your hands or a stick, but with your words. With your authority. Your child ran to the end of the world from you!"

"Is that true?" asks his dad.

"Yes", answers Atan.

His parents look surprised.

"This is the respect you give to us, the parents who gave you life?" says his mom surprised.

"I love you and I will always love you", says Atan. "But this is my life. And now I do it the way I want. And if you don't like me the way I am, we will go right now".

"How dare you define my orders?" says his dad with a lot of anger. "Get in the house right now!" he screams as loud as he can. "And you, bitch, get the fuck out of my property!"

His mother comes to me and starts beating me. I don't fight back, thinking about what to do.

Two seconds later, Atan grabs me and we get out of the house. We go directly into the road. Cars start beeping at us. Atan takes my hand and we run. We hear his parents screaming in the distance. We run, along the road. Then, we enter a small bar. There, he says hello to the seller.

"Adrian, I fast need your phone. I need to call a taxi!" he says.

"Ok, right now", he says, taking his cell phone. "Who is she?"

"She is my wife", answers Atan.

"Where are you going?" says Adrian.

"To town".

"Go with Daniel, he is heading to the town too. He just stepped by for a bottle of cola".

I didn't understand anything of what they said, only that the next second we enter a car and heat the road. I have no idea what is going on. Atan is in the front with the driver. They speak in their local language, which I don't understand at all. A few minutes of tension, until we reach a town.

There, we go down and take a taxi. Again, I have no idea what Atan is talking with the driver. We keep on going until we reach a train station. Atan jumps down from the taxi, while I wait inside. The driver asks me something, but I answer in English:

"I am not from here, I don't understand your language".

Then, Atan comes, takes me out and talks something with the driver. The driver takes a large cell phone and they work something on. I don't know what. Finally, Atan takes my hand and we move to what appears to be a railway station.

"We are safe", he says. "We have a train in an hour or so, back to the capital. From there, we have one last airplane in this evening. We're going home".

The railway station is almost empty. Only a few people can be seen. Compared with the madness on the roads, railways here seem so strangely unused. And also the train is a small one, with an engine and two wagons. We are the only passengers!

"I've never seen parents with so much authority", I say.

"Well, this is a tradition, that parents decide for their children. In past, all marriages were dictated by parents. For the boys, there was a little freedom, but girls, in many places, were simply both by boy's family".

"That would never happen in the mountains", I say with anger.

"My parents love me, but they draw straight lines. They never accept any deviation from those lines".

"So, no matter if you are happy or not, you must do as they want".

"Yes", he says. "But don't get it wrong. They act like this because they think this will help me. Ironically, they love me a lot and it is their strong love that makes them act like this".

Then I see a tear in his eyes.

"It hurts me to do this. They are my parents after all and I know they love me. But I have to leave them behind".

I hold his hand and gently massage it.

"Your parents love you", I say. "I've seen it in their eyes. It is only that they think they are doing the right thing".

"Many friends said that I would need to talk with my parents and explain them that I need my own vital space", he says.

"That will solve nothing", I say. "They will never listen to you. Honestly, you did the best decision and I am proud of you today. If you stayed, you would have ruined the little you've built of your new life. If you tried to argue with them, they would only suffer more", I say as I gently move my hand to his back. "What do you think they will do?"

"Nothing. They will cut-off any connection with me. They will go to the church and pray over and over, to get you away from me and me back home. But this will last a few years. In the end, they will try to contact me back and we will make peace. I've seen this over and over. This also happened with them and their own parents".

We go to our destination, to the capital. The journey took about twice more time by train then it would take by minibus, but we were no longer in an overcrowded space. Atan takes me to a park. We find an empty bench and not far from here is a small shop selling something like doughnuts. It also has a small TV set. We sit there and eat something. The, we have a smoke.

"I am very sorry for my parents", h says. "No matter what appears to you, they love me".

"You know, when I went to the University, my parents were strongly against this. But I decided on my own. They suffered a bit, but everything worked just fine".

"I am sorry that they beat you", he says again.

"Don't worry! At that moment, I was just thinking what to do".

Then, he tells me to keep silence, as on that TV, the news go on. We move closer to the shop and he translates me;

Shocking news regarding the train with cigarettes. The corruption department says that for the moment, it looks like a lot of officials were implied in this. It appears that bribery was so common, that clients just came with money in their hands, as they took the packs of cigarettes.

They say that two directors from the customs have been arrested, while another one gave his demission today morning. they also say that nobody ever imagined so many cigarettes can cross the border. They were not only for this land, but also going further away.

The investigation turns out to be on an international scale, as this transport was not only for us. The train was supposed to detach some wagons at a thermal plant, then continue its way into the Civilized World.

"False! It was only for you, but you really don't know how much people smoke!", I whisper.

As the investigation shows that the train was coming from Land Of Dictators, we start to ask ourselves what is going on there. Satellite images show large areas cultivated with tobacco, also possible manufacturing facilities. Nobody has ever imagined that contraband has grown to this size.

So far, nothing about Stromboli! Might he be ok?

Experts say that, once the train has been discovered, cigarette mafia lost a huge amount of income. Traffickers need to pay their men and to keep the business going on. Their godfathers will risk bankruptcy. If this becomes true, we will see violence in the Land Of Dictators.

Now, finally, I understand what was Stromboli up to. He wanted to destroy his competitors.

We stay for a few hours around, but honestly I don't like. I just want to be out. I want to be back to my mountains. I see how much suffering is in Atan's eyes. I also know how much his parents suffer. But why all this? I will never be able to understand how people think in here.

It was such a bad, such a horrible day, like I never had in years. And it is the suffering that pushed everything beyond my limits. It was harder then the entire trip, herder then the moment when his mother started to hit me. I cannot close my eyes, because, when I do this, I see his parents, how they suffered for their child. At that time, I wanted to be safe. Now, their eyes are ripping myself apart. And his eyes too. He sure loves his parents, as they love him.

At some point, I see a cathedral. It looks somehow similar to that cathedral in the Land Of Ice. I need to get inside. We both get and we kneel together at one of the large icons. I start crying. My eyes close and I see his parents crying, in front of an icon too. What should I do? I cry and he starts to put his hands on my shoulders. But no matter what he does, I keep on crying for a few minutes.

Then, I stand up and see. It is an Orthodox church. In front, two popes in golden clothes are speaking, accompanied by a chorus. I feel the need to stay and Atan stays with me. We stay all until the preying ends. Then, we wait in a line, to kiss the icons in front, as one of the popes touches our faces with something like a transparent lipstick, with an incredible perfume.

I feel much better now, much lighter and ready to keep on going. Outside, it is dark. It is getting late. We go to the airport and we have to stay the whole night waiting. In the morning, our plane will take us back to the Land Of Ice. So good that we move out of this strange place.