In a hospital room, a very sick old man had his bed close to the window. Everyday, he was telling the others what he can see out: children playing, birds flying, trees and flowers. There was a young man, more healthy, wishing that the old man will die and he will take his bed, so he will tell the others what is outside. The old man died and the young one took his bed. But, he was very surprised to see that out on the window all he could see was nothing, just a wall.

From a poetry cenacle.

A cold autumn morning in the mountains. The morning train will arrive soon. Alia - Atan will go to work, while I stay in the railway station, waiting to signal the train to go. I have a feeling something will happen today. I don't know why, but each time I feel something, it happens. So many things can go wrong, you don't need to be an expert to realize that mining is one of the most risky jobs. And now, that they are also digging after copper...

The train comes and goes. These trains are literally crying. Old, unrepaired, with decades lacking maintenance, they struggle to keep on track, on railways that have sometimes never been repaired. Everything is far from safe, far from any security protocol. They are much more careful in the mines, with safety measures, but still nothing is safe. Now, Atan, dressed as a man, is going up to the mines. He is the one that found that copper mining is feasible and insisted on mining it.

Soon after, a cargo train goes upstream, with 20 empty wagons to be filled. After I signal nearby stations in Morse code and let the train go, I watch it disappearing as it moves further away. We had problems with landslides a few weeks ago and we solved them with an improvisation. Hope it will resist... for a while.

A guy, about 20 years old, comes to me.

"You must be Ana", he says. "I need your help".

I look at him. Just the kind of guy that makes me angry. First I look at his shoes: fancy sport shoes, but not assorted with anything else. I look at his baggy trousers and vinyl jacket. He tries to look cool, but he looks in fact horrible. He has a punk haircut, an earring in an ear, a tattoo on an arm and another one that can be seen on a neck. I also smell a huge amount of perfume, a strong, masculine one. Also, I notice a fancy cell phone and some music. Horrible tastes this guy has. And anyway, what to do with a cell phone in these mountains, where no signal exists?

"What do you want me to do?" I ask.

"Ana, I know you have powers. I know how you twisted the mind of a man and make him become a woman", he says.

"Hey, bottle of perfume", I say. "Watch your words!"

"I know you are incredibly powerful and I need your help", he continues.

"Me?" I answer. "I have no power. Actit works through my hands, not me. And you should well know that the power actually comes from Allah, not from me at all".

"I will pay you as much as you need and much more in advance", he says. "Just help me".

"What do you want from me?" I ask him again.

"There is a girl in Ganymede", he continues. "Junit, maybe you know her".

So this is what all is about! I instantly feel his sinful desire. This guy makes me sick!

"Who are her parents?" I ask.

"Her father is Raggra and her mother is Comet".

"Yes, I know them. And I know her too", I say. "I guess I know what you want. But are you worth for her?"

"I love her, Ana. Please, make her want me!"

I look into his eyes and feel him. No, this is not what I would expect. I feel his sinful desire.

"You want to get to bed with her and then leave her!" I say, with an anger in my voice.

"No", he instantly defends himself. "I will never do this! I want her, I love her, but she avoids me".

"No surprise she avoids you, just look at you. I mean, what girl would be attracted by a punk like you?"

"Please, Ana!"

"Do you smoke?" I ask him, thinking that I could convince him to start smoking and make his lungs happy.

"No", he says.

"Then, we have nothing to talk about", I say short. "I mean, that is the minimum level if you want to be a man. If you don't smoke, what can I find, as a girl, good in you? You are still a boy, not a man. Just leave, start smoking and we will talk later".

I light a cigarette, while saying this.

"This is the minimum request for a girl to be a woman, to smoke", I say. "And it is the minimum requirement for a boy to be a man. I am sorry, but if you are not smoking, I will not help you at all".

I take a deep inhale and blow the smoke in his face.

"Please, Ana", he says and takes a lot of money, about 100 $. "I will give you all this, if you help me. And much more! I love her, I want her and I need her!"

I blow another cloud of smoke in his face, as he throws the money at my feet. Some of that money falls on my foot and I move, putting my plastic sandal on top of it. As doing so, I watch my dark pantyhosed toes.

"Please, Ana! I am desperate!"

I take the money and blow another cloud of smoke in his face. Then, I take my lighter and light, putting the fire close to the money.

"Sorry! You don't smoke, you will receive no help. Next time, when you come here, better be a real smoker!"

"I will, if that is the only way. But please, help me!"

I look again in his eyes. I see how he looks at me. Now, time to play a little game. I take a sit in a pretty position and try to tease him a bit. I open a button at my blouse, so that he can see a bit of my breasts, then rise my dress a bit, clearly exposing my knees. His eyes are widely watching me. I see in his eyes a sinful desire, as I pose in an attractive position. I take another inhale and blow a cloud of smoke in his face, then look at the money.

"Ok. I might make a deal with you", I say. But as I said, my power is not mine. Actit works through my hands and the power comes from Allah. So, if they don't want to help you, there is nothing you can do. But, before anything, take a cigarette from me. If you don't smoke, there is nothing I can do.

I light a cigarette and give him.

"Take a little amount of smoke in your mouth. Only little... Now, take air in. Fast and much air... Then, keep the smoke in your body".

He does this, just as I tell him. Then, he does again, only that this time he coughs.

"Don't cough, dumb ass!" I shout at him. "Do it again, but take less smoke in your mouth. When you start smoking, start with only a little bit. You will take more smoke into, when you will be ready".

I keep instructing him, until he finishes a cigarette. By that time, he is so dizzy, that it is surprising how he can stay on his feet actually. At least, I helped him, I made his lungs happy.

"Now, if you keep doing this, you are a man. If not, you are just a boy that looks ridiculous in these clothes. You have to practice every day. And if you don't, then I will make the spell on you, so you will become a woman!"

"I swear I will", he says, scared.

Then, I put the money on a little table.

"I am going to ask Actit if she wants to help you or not. But beware. If your desires are not clean, if your soul is ruled by darkness or if she is not for you, then there will be nothing I can do for you".

"Just try, Ana", he says. "I will pay you anything!"

"I don't do it for money", I answer, almost shouting. "Now, let me concentrate".

I kneel, rising my eyes to the sky. I focus as hard as I can. I put my hands around my head and keep them about 5 cm from my ears, then touch the edges of my forehead. I struggle as hard as it's possible, thinking about this, then trying to send the message into the other world:

"What should I do?" I shout, as tears go out of my eyes. In my mind, I scream as hard as I can, saying "What should I do?" But I am not thinking about how to make Junit love him, I am thinking on how to stop him. I realize all he wants is to fuck her and nothing more. I know Junit, after all. I feel an enormous tension inside me, like I am inside a flame. All my energies are towards Actit or anyone out there that can hear me or help. Then, I see the shrine in my mind and a bright light above it.

"Actit, you hear me?" I whisper, as my whole body is shaking and sweat.

Then, I see the horrible moments of my life. The moment when that infidel destroyed my life, the endless nightmares, the tears on my parents' faces and the endless pain that is to be a sfenist. The images come deeper inside my brain and keep on going, keep on adding. That feeling of boys touching me, with their body made of infested rotten meat, full of worms... I see it all.

I cover my hands and scream, almost ending unconsciousness. He tries to catch me... but I feel his infected hands. His perfume is like the smell of rotten excrements.

"Move away from me!" I scream, as I rise to my feet and light a cigarette.

"You lied to me!" I say.

"With what?"

"You are not going to start smoking. You did this, only to convince me".

At least, this will convince him to become a smoker and will make his lungs happy.

"Ana, I swear I will smoke!" he says.

"Actit has seen your soul. It is all darkness! All you want is to fuck Junit and nothing else!"

"No, Ana", he lies... and I can see his lie in his eyes. "I swear!"

"Stop playing with me, infidel!" I say with anger. "Actit is here. Right now! And she wants to kill you for your sinful desires!"

He looks around, surprised, but also scared. "Where?"

"Just here", I say, looking to my right. "And she says something".

"Ana, please help me!" he says. "I love her!"

"What should I do with him?" I say to my right shoulder. "Please don't kill him!"

He looks more scared now.

"If he smokes, don't kill him!" I say to my right shoulder.

I throw him a pack of cigarettes.

"Here! At least one, every day. If you don't smoke, I will know and she will kill you!"

He takes them and looks scared at me.

"Now, about the money, I will do just what Actit told me to do", I say.

In my meditation state, I seen the money burning. So, I put them in the ashtray and take the lighter. I light them and they start burning.

"No, Ana! What are you doing?" he shouts, trying to get the money out. "You're burning them?"

"This is what Actit told me. Until you clean your soul, you are not to touch Junit, ever!"

"Ana, are you crazy?" he says.

"No, not me, infidel! You are. Actit is the first human and the mother of Adam and Eve. But before anything, she is a woman. She knows your sinful intentions and your false words. You are just pretending. It is not you that loves Junit, it is your penis that wants her!"

He tries to get the money out, but in that moment I go mad. I smash his genitals with my knee. He shouts of pain, but I give him a punch in his mouth, then another one.

"You care about money?" I say, hitting him with a foot in his belly. "But don't you better care about your life, infidel?"

I hit him again, but this time, so hard that my hands hurt, then give him another foot in his belly, then another one, until he falls on the floor. As he falls down, I realize what I am doing. Again, my body acted so fast, that surprises me. And again, it was not me hitting him. It was my body, while my mind was like possessed. What have I done? Again? Well, at least he deserves this.

I look as he lies on the floor, trembling of pain. I spit him close to his mouth.

"You should die, infidel", I say, taking the last inhale from my cigarette. Then, I take the still burning filter and touch his cheek, saying "This is a kiss from me".

He screams at the pain, then rises and tries to attack me. Too late. I manage to hit him again in his genitals.

"You are insane!" he screams, going to the door.

"Just die, infidel!" I scream, coming for him.

But he goes away, running to the railway station. He screams again something... but as he runs, his foot falls into a little crack on my bridge... and he falls into the river. A man with two children is coming and when he sees this, he tries to help him.

"Don't help him!" I scream. "That infidel deserves to die!" I say this and take an axe.

"I'll kill you!" screams the guy.

"Unless Actit kills you first!" I say, laughing.

The man comes to me, with his children. I know him. He is Kerai and he is a bit over 30. He lives in our village, is married and has two children: a girl of 13 and a young boy of 5. They had another child between these ages, but it died soon after birth.

"What happened?" he asks me.

"Nothing!" I say. "That infidel wanted me to make a spell so that he could be with a young girl".

"And?"

"And Actit told me all he wants is to fuck her, then abandon her. So, I said 'no' and he got mad".

"I see".

"So, I burned the money he wanted to give me and he wanted to attack me... And he got what he deserved".

"How much?"

"About 100 $", I say.

"100? says Kerai amazed. Why didn't you take the money?"

"I don't do this for money, you know well".

"You know better, Ana", he says.

"What brings you here?" I ask.

"It is about my boy", he says. "His belly hurts. I think someone made a spell on him".

"Kerai, there might be a spell, but maybe not. Maybe he needs some medicine". I advice the boy to lean on the bed, as I gently take his sweater up and I gently push in his belly. "Does it hurt here? But here?" I ask him, as the child answers.

"What did he eat?" I ask.

"What we all do, but he loves milk with bread".

"That is good, soft for the stomach", I say.

Then, I put my ear on his belly, to hear his guts.

"Could he have worms?" I ask.

"We don't know, Ana".

"I think this is it", I say.

Then I go and return with a piece of garlic and some bread.

"Eat this", I say to the child.

"I don't like garlic", he says.

"Are you a man or a baby?" I ask. "Come on, show us you are a man! Show us how powerful you are!"

The child takes and eats this, then says "Thank you".

I also move my hands around his head, then say: "I don't think he is under a spell. If the problem continues, go to Jupiter, to the pharmacy. There, say that you need a pill for worms. I think that is all he needs".

"Thank you, Ana!" says Kerai, as he gives me two packs of cigarettes. "One for you and one for Actit".

"Do you smoke, Kerai?" I ask, lighting a cigarette and giving him one.

"Yes, I do. And so does my wife. I suppose she smokes too (looking at his daughter), but we don't know. Cigarettes vanish from our packs".

"That is ok", I say. "If she smokes, don't stop her. Try to be a good parent, understand your children. Be her friend, not a dictator over her life".

I also give her a cigarette... and the girl takes it, but doesn't light it.

Well, they go back home and I go to the garden.

Like everybody here, we don't have a fridge (and anyway we could not pay the electricity that one consumes). Instead, we have other means to store food over the winter. We conserve a lot of food in salty water. And a lot of vegetables can be conserved in sand. We have a special building for that, partially buried in the garden. Its roof is not much above ground and covered with a thick layer of ground. The door opens to outside, while inside, in darkness, we have a lot of vegetables, like carrots (and many others, some of them without an equivalent name in English), that can hibernate there. Now, in autumn, I pick plants from the garden and plant them there, in the sand. I work on this, then I start cooking.

Soon, the noon trains will come. Also, my parents will come, as they always do. And yes, just when I am in the station and wait for the noon train to go upstream, they come. I advise them to go to the kitchen and wait me. Then, I return to them. They came with some meat. Someone decided to cut a cow. And like always when this happens, everybody buys small amounts of meat. I pay my part, with 3 packs of cigarettes. This is good, today and tomorrow we have meat at lunch.

The noon train returns, but with a big surprise. It is full of people. Also, Atan comes from the mines. He jumps off the train and hugs me. After I signal the train to depart, we go.

"What happened?" I ask.

"Bad things", he says. "A gallery collapsed. Kong and Alter died".

I knew it! I felt it! Thanks to all gods that Alia - Atan is ok!

"I told you so many times to stop working at that mine!" I say.

"I know, but it is a source of money!" he says.

"Is money more important then your life?" I ask him with anger.

He doesn't answer and goes to the house, to change clothes, then returns to the kitchen, as Alia, to stay with my parents. He now is a woman. He wears a yellow dress, with a black jacket over. He has opaque, light-brown pantyhose, covered with black fishnets, with white open-toe green plastic sandals. Again, we pick to have similar clothes. He has green hair and his nails are painted green. I add him a bright-color lipstick and work a bit with make-up around his eyes. Then, I add a green belt around his body. He looks like a copy of myself. I am dressed exactly like he is, with no difference.

We both light a cigarette, from the same lighter. We take the smoke deep inside us, then exhale in the same moment. My parents also light their cigarettes.

"I see you are trying to copy each other", says my dad.

"Yes, we do", I answer.

"How that you came so early?" asks my mother.

"The roof of a tunnel collapsed", says Alia. "Kong and Alter died".

"What?" makes my dad a sound. "Alter has died? He has 3 children. What will his wife do now?"

"People go there for money and this is what they get", says my mother.

"I told you to stop working there", I say to Alia.

"Relax", he says. "I usually work out, on the computer".

"But sometimes you go in", I say.

"Yes, I do. But I never work with equipment, at best I take rock samples".

"Well, may peace be upon them", says my dad. "How many people have died in those mines..."

"And now?" asks my mother. "What will happen to the mine?"

"It is closed for two days, to see if anything else falls. Then, we will get back, secure the walls and keep on the work".

"Very good", says my mother. "People need a break after this".

"They do", says Alia. "Everyone requested a few free days".

"Was that in the old or in the new mine?" asks my dad.

"In the old", says Alia. "The new one is built in a different way".

"Many people died in there", repeats my dad. "And those who survived, died sick".

"Things will change", says Alia. "Many things will change. The way they dug the first tunnels was really chaotic. Now, we use a different approach. More machines are to be used. It is safer and cheaper".

We talk about what happened, but more about the poor guys who died there. I hope that Arnold will do as always and give some money to their widows. He always gave them something. This is his way to say 'I am sorry'. My mom thinks about their poor children that now are orphans.

What can we do? It makes me cry each time this happens... and happens about once every year, still much better then in past.

The radio beeps. A train is coming from the mines. Most of sure it is cargo train, with coal. I go to the station, light a cigarette and wait for the train to pass. I just think about the tragedy. When I was a child, the worst happened. About 40 people died when a tunnel collapsed above them. But is only mining deadly? Here, in Heptagon Valley, it is coal mining that provides some people with a salary. In Hexagon Valley, it is the forest. How many died while chopping or carrying wood? I know, this is how our lives are, with a sharp axe above our heads. I think about as the train, full with coal, comes here.

"Is it coal or blood?" I ask my shadow.

"Life is like smoke", says my shadow, as I look at smoke getting out of my mouth and nostrils.

"Quite like that", I say.

"And the soul moves away like smoke".

After the train moves away, my parents go back home. I remain here, with Alia. In the evening it starts raining. Their souls are sad to leave.

All the evening, I stay with Alia, which now explains me the new, much safer technology. We don't feel the will to do anything, only to think about what happened.