When the Ottoman Empire attacked Constantinople, it was not the fierce cannons made huge holes in the walls, nor the horde of battleships passing through the Golden Horn that spread terror among the last Byzantines, that conquered the city. It was something small, that brought the Turks in: The Byzantines forgot a small door open. The Turks could not believe this... and after a few days of street fights, they conquered the most powerful city in Middle East.

History Of The Turks

Important note: Starting from this chapter, there are a few explicit scenes that are not suitable for children. Content can be sexy, erotic, but never porn. This is why, from this chapter on, 'audience rating' is set to PG15.

Autumn has come. Trees are starting to get more colored and leaves are starting to fall. Like in every year, I harvested tobacco, from my own production and from the village. I made cigarettes, part for my family (me and Alia - Atan), part for my extended family (my parents and my sisters) and a big part for sale, over the year. Most of cigarettes and huge amounts of tobacco leaves I sold to Stromboli. Now, I am free more time then before.

Trains are coming and going. The coal must flow. The grass (tobacco) must flow. It is a mandatory fact. I am free more time a day, but not the same is for my husband. He has to work much at the mine, as a Geological expert. He now works in the surface mine, which is 9 km from here, but he goes much earlier and returns far late. I miss him. We are together only at night. That is the only time when Atan becomes Alia, his feminine side. But he is always too tired. He only eats, washes and gets to sleep, hardly managing to watch a movie on our laptop. Almost nothing else. I think all day about him and I am afraid that too much work can harm him. Every day, at noon, I send him food and cigarettes by train. He keeps saying that soon he will have a few free days, as his survey will be completed.

I wish we could go back to the mountains, both dressed as women, to sit near the lake or just walk in the forest. Or, at least one free day home. I start to miss our smoky kisses, our gummy kisses, our pantyhose massages, but more then anything, I miss him. Our relation, which is something at the middle between a friendship and a relationship, has grown extremely strong. We are bound together like the atoms in a molecule, like the proton and the neutron inside a Deuterium atom. And talking about atoms, science and Astronomy, I long wish that he will be back, so that we will be talking again. First, there were his long monologues about Astronomy, but now, I have enough knowledge to talk with him about these subjects.

The morning trains have passed. Even if it is too early, I placed his new clothes on the bed, for when he will become Alia. I return in the kitchen. Today, I heard the words 'carrots and apples'. I have both carrots and apples. Well, is it possible to make food with them? I like to make unusual food (and it looks like he enjoys it too). So, why not? Let's try to make a soup with carrots and apples, combined with some handmade short spaghetti... Now, let's make a food more complex, that will contain many ingredients, including carrots. And finally, let's make some cookies. But how about a pie with cheese and apples? Will they taste good combined? I guess so. Add a glass of milk and everything is quite ready... only that Alia will return late from the mine.

I am a sfenist, but we, sfenists, like any human, have hormones. The life of a sfenist is like walking on a narrow path. Your body has the desire for love and sometimes urges you to look and feel, but your soul is wounded and always tries to move away. I always looked at handsome boys, but never came close. Look and not touch. Feel from distance, just like a spacecraft analyses a planet from orbit, but doesn't touch it. Attraction exists in any of us, but there also is a force that says 'stop'. It is just like the protons in an atom. If they are too close, their electrical charges forces them to move away. If they are too far, a force similar to gravity pushes them together. Too close and they will disintegrate. Too far and the atom will break apart.

But now, I feel that I am too far from Atan. I need somehow to get back closer. He feels the same, but has to work. I also feel that he wants to be Alia again, not only while sleeping. I finished cooking and sit in the kitchen. I have a green and black dress, long to my elbows and my knees. My hair is green and I wear demi-opaque shiny tights, with the same color of the skin, with green plastic sandals. He is up in the mine, wearing the same kind of pantyhose I do right now. I light a cigarette, thinking that he might be smoking right now.

I feel my body. I know well what this is, it happened many times to me. I lost my virginity when that infidel destroyed my life, may his soul suffer forever. People might think about me as half virgin, since that happened against my wish and those were the most horrible moments of my life.

At some point in my life, I really don't know when, I started to play with my genitals and I got an orgasm. I had no idea what this is, only that it felt good. For a long time I had been doing this, without anyone knowing me. It took me much time until when I was in high school, other girls were reading a girl magazine. I wanted to read it too, but they did not allow me. Well, I stolen it and read it. That is the first time in my life when I heard about masturbation. Until that day, I had no idea. Yes, I did masturbate. And I am still doing this. How often? Sometimes, once a week, sometimes more frequent or more rare. Never followed a schedule and never counted how often. Some part of me told me that this is not a good thing, while another part told me that it cannot do anything bad.

When I was at the University, I've seen many bad things. It was first the hate I got for men, that grew day by day. I've seen many girls cheated by guys. I've seen guys that seduced a girl only to get to bed with her, then abandoned her. Girls also are attracted by sex and wish to get into a relationship. Well, normal girls, not sfenists. But things are different for me.

At some point, I came to the conclusion: Why do I need a man when I can make myself happy? Why should I allow them to touch me, when the same pleasure I can produce myself? What is the purpose? Why to endure so much, which, in my case, really is too much?

Then, I managed to read the internet about this subject. I got to a survey, saying that 40% of women prefer masturbation instead of sex. And not only, but I found a lot of toys, used for this. Well, I don't have the money for such devices. I don't have where to get such things... and when I was a student, where could I hide them, anyway?

There was once an incident, at the railway depot in Jupiter. they caught a woman masturbating in the depot, using a screwdriver. After that, all screwdrivers were placed in a locked metal closet. It might be only a story, but can be real too. In a village nearby, two women went drunk and they masturbated with carrots... and for a while, nobody there sold carrots. People required sliced carrots. Rumors about girls that did masturbate and broke their virginity this way, are common in these mountains, probably also in other parts of the world. Here, we call them 'disvirginated with the screwdriver' even if they did it with other methods. That got my attention. How to use a screwdriver? It is not a good idea to insert the metal part, which is used to work with screws, that will injure you. The solution is to use the back part, which is made of plastic, is smoother and might feel close to the real thing.

After the noon trains pass, I go back to the kitchen. Nobody is around here. I sit on the bed that we have in the kitchen and take the screwdriver. Should I? Or should I not? Then, I remember that this is the only way to keep my hormones under control. I know that my body produces the same hormones any female organism produces. So... I need to do this. Better now, when I am alone.

I gently take my skirt up, then push my pantyhose down. I like the soft fabric, but in the same time I think that somehow I betray Alia - Atan by doing this. But, am I cheating him with anyone? No... and anyway, I am a sfenist. I cannot cheat him with anyone. So, I continue, pushing the underwear down. Then, I gently touch. Slow and easy. Very easy. Very slow and gentle. Then, I start playing with the screwdriver. First, I insert only 1 cm of its black, plastic holder. Then, a bit more, also moving very gently. Then, more. With one hand I use my fingers, with the other hand I guide the screwdriver. Then, I move a bit faster. So good... Then, as I feel it's coming, I increase speed. And yes! Soon, I reach orgasm.

I take one hand and light a cigarette, still holding the screwdriver inside. I feel a bit exhausted, but pleased. Smoke gets inside my lungs, then to my arteries and vines, to each cell of my body. I remove the screwdriver, but remain in this position, smoking.

Suddenly, the door opens. Atan comes in, in a dark grey costume, with black spots of coal. He must have come by foot!

"My Geological survey is finished. I have a few free days", he says, as he opens the door. Then, his eyes are wide opened. "Nicotiana" he says, then gets out and closes the door.

Oh mine! Oh no! What have I done? I instantly stand up. I get some fresh water from a bucket and wash, then I take a towel and clean myself. Then, I pull my underwear and pantyhose up and arrange the skirt as it should be.

What have I done? I look on the window, he is nowhere to be seen. Has he abandoned me? Has he moved away? As he entered the door, he seen it all. He easily seen it, I was like a porn star, pointed with my organs towards the door.

"You should have stopped doing this a long time ago", says my shadow.

I become agitated. What should I do? I feel like a snowball fallen in hell. The flares will melt me and evaporate me and nothing will be left. How is this possible? How could I have done this? A million ideas go though my mind. Now, Atan will leave these mountains, will return to his parents who are still crying after him. Maybe their prays have reached to the sky. Maybe it is the gods that are doing this for me. Maybe I did something bad, a sin that I have to pay for.

I start crying. What should I do?

"Calm down, Ana", says my shadow. "Calm down, wait him a few seconds to calm down, then come and settle this. If you don't calm down, nothing good will happen".

I light a cigarette. My hands are shaking and tears come from my eyes. Only if I don't lose him. I will stop doing this! I will!

I smoke too fast, so that it gives me a bit dizzy, but works. It calms me. Then, I wash my face... in fact I take my face inside a bucket with water, also making a bit of my hair wet. Despite using a towel, some water flows over my dress.

"What should I do, now?" I ask my shadow.

I would like to get swallowed by the ground, to vanish and never have existed.

"When you do something bad, only a coward will run away. Go and support the consequences", says my shadow. "Respect the unwritten law!"

Yes, I have to respect the unwritten law. Even the mountains, even the clouds respect it. Even the gods do. So, I open the door and step away from the kitchen. I instantly light a cigarette. I listen. A few birds are singing somewhere, the river is flowing. I hear some noise around, then see. A drunk man is walking along the railway and some children are making fun of him, throwing with dirt and rocks in him. Well, that's something usual, children always love to make fun of alcoholics.

I look around. There is no sign of Alia - Atan in the garden. So, I go to the house. When I touch the door, I feel like touching carbonic ice and my body twitches. I enter the shoe room and hear little music. My laptop is working. Should I continue?

Well, I have to take my punishment. I did something bad and have to pay for it.

I always was amazed, from American movies showing people on the death rope. They just move alone to the place where they will die. I always thought this is only in movies, that real people scream 'I don't want to die' and oppose execution. I thought they are carried by soldiers, while they cry and fight with every way they have, to get out of there. Well, now I have to move straight forward and receive my punishment, as anyone from these mountains should do. So, I take a deep breath of smoke and ether the room.

As I get inside, I see Atan has become Alia, with the clothes I placed on the bed. He now is just like me, with a green and black dress, with shiny, demi-opaque pantyhose with the same color of the skin and with green plastic sandals. He closes the laptop and signs me to sit near him. I don't dare to stay quite near him, I sit at some distance.

"I am sorry for what I did and accept any punishment I deserve", I say.

He looks at me, carefully. Then, he says:

"Just come closer. I will not hurt you".

I move closer, but don't dare to get that close as we used to sit.

"Just come closer", he says.

"I cannot. After what I've done..."

He looks puzzled at me, then smiles, then looks down. I think about the highest disaster. Now he will say that we have to go our separate ways. Now, everything will end.

"I don't understand", he says. "Nicotiana, what actually were you doing in the kitchen?"

I look again in his eyes, then look down and say:

"Masturbating".

He twitches, in a way that his eyes are almost rotating in his head. He now looks so surprised.

"Like this?" he asks with half a smile. "Is this how women masturbate?"

"Like this", I answer, with a tear in one eye.

"I've seen in videos, but never had the chance to see one in reality. Wow! Now I understand all".

I drop a few tears.

"Do with me what you want, punish me in what way you feel correct", I answer.

He stands up and comes to me. He leans down in front of me, so he can be at the same height.

"What to punish you? What have you done?"

I cannot rise my eyes to him. All I can see is his feet, his pantyhose and a bit of the dress, but all the image is unclear because of my tiers.

"Because I betrayed you".

His body twitches like hit by a shock wave.

"With who?"

"With me. With my own body", I answer.

He cleans my tears by taking his man clothes, then puts his hands to my shoulders.

"Nicotiana, please, let me help you. How you cheated me with?" then he stops. "I get it. You... masturbated. Well, is that a problem? Is there anything else I don't know? Please tell me, so I can help you. Nicotiana?"

"No, that is all. And I did it. Not only once".

"You've been masturbating in my absence?" he asks. "How often?"

"I don't know. About once a week, I think", I say, still crying. "I've been doing this even before we meet. I am sorry and ready to take my punishment for this".

He sits near me, lights a cigarette and gives it to me, then lights one for himself.

"I thought you were doing witchcraft", he says.

"Witchcraft?" I answer, almost losing all my tears. "Like this?"

"Yes", he answers. "I know about Gipsy people doing witchcraft, using a fish that they insert in a woman's genitalia, then forces a man to eat it".

"You know I am not a real witch", I say.

He takes a deep inhale, blows the smoke and then says:

"So you were not doing anything then masturbating".

"Yes", I say. "Nothing else".

"Ok", he says.

"And I accept any punishment for doing this and for not telling you this".

"Why should I punish you? You did nothing bad in this. Maybe the fact that you did not tell me, but that is not a problem. I guess I was not prepared for this yet".

"You are not angry for this?"

"Nicotiana, I love you. And I am ready even to break mountains for you".

"I thought you will leave me for this".

"So, that's why you were crying", he says. "No, I won't leave you. I love you".

He looks in my eyes, as I take another breath full of smoke.

"I've been doing the same", he says.

"You?" I say. "But I had no idea".

"Yes. I never had the courage to tell you. Sometimes, at night, when I went out of the house, before we got to sleep".

This makes me freeze. I stop breathing, maybe also my heart stops for a few seconds.

"And I did this even before we meet. Sometimes, I felt the shame, like I was betraying you, but now I have the courage to confess you all. Now, you know it all".

I listen his words, thinking about. I never had any idea. Probably the same things work. His body also produces hormones, like mine, but just like me, he is a sfenist. So, no surprise he does this, to keep his hormones in a safe level.

"No problem", I say. "Thanks for telling me".

"We should be more transparent", he says. "We should not hide anything one from another. From now on, Nicotiana, we will not hide anything one from another. What happened today could not have happened if we talked and not decide to hide any secrets".

He hugs me with his hand, in the same way we did many times: down over the back, to the point where he can feel my pantyhose. I do the same. We hang each other with one hand and smoke with the other. A few tears manage to flow from my eyes, but I even see a tear in his eyes too.

"Guess we were not ready to know this yet", he says.

"Thank you for all", I say, releasing another cloud of smoke.

"You've been chewing gum for such a long time and I had no idea", he says. "From now on, there will be no secrets between us".

After he says this, I make a bubble of gum, just as giving him an answer that I will not hide anything from him.

"And you also must not hide anything from me", I say.

"It could be me in the kitchen, but it was you", he says. "You were less lucky, but we both did the same thing".

I hear the radio beeping. A train is coming.

"I have to go to the station", I say.

"I will stay a little in the house", he says. "I need to rest a bit".

I move to the station. The noon train is going upstream. While I wait for the train, I just keep on thinking about want happen. most of all, I think about what could happen. Another guy would have rejected me for this, not Alia - Atan. He accepted me with all this. Who else would accept such a thing? And now I know that he does the same thing. He hidden this from me such a long time, the same way I did. Or is it real? Is he really doing this? Or he just said it to make me feel comfortable.

Before the train comes, I hear another train. This one comes from the nearby mine. They don't have a radio station there, so trains just go blind. I always keep line 1 free, for this event. The train arrives, with 3 engines and 20 wagons full with coal. I sign it to stop and wait for the noon train to pass.

But, just as the noon train becomes visual, I hear the radio beeping again. AL CA CT. Almathea to Callisto, cargo train. Well, it is forbidden to allow a train to pass before you have confirmation from the next station that the line is clear, but sometimes it happens. This way, two or more trains travel one after the other in a convoy, but still distance must be long enough so if one stops, the other must have enough space for brakes.

The noon train arrives to line 2. I signal upstream and downstream stations about the event, then signal the train to depart. It has 3 rusted wagons for passengers. A few people leave the train and find their way between the coal wagons of the train on line 1. Now, I have to wait until the other cargo train comes from Almathea. And I wait, until it arrives here, on line 2. Immediately, I go and change the switch, so that the train on line 1 can pass downstream, I return to the station, radio signal to Almathea that one train arrived and another one will depart to them. Then, I return.

The train that arrived from Almathea has 3 engines and 20 empty coal wagons. He sure goes to the surface mine, but I must ask first. I scream:

"Where are you going?"

"The surface mine", shouts one engineer.

"Let us go, Ana! I am starving!" shouts another one.

I run to the opposite end of the station, to change the switch. Then, I signal the train to go, from there. The 3 engines start pushing their cargo along the industrial line. They move away, forward, matching their speed with 10 km/h which is the speed limit on that line. Then, I change switches again, so that line 1 will be for the industrial line and line 2 will be opened for the main line.

As I return to the station, the radio beeps again. The noon train has arrived to Ganymede station. Good, the line is clear upstream. Then I hear the beep from downstream, from Almathea. All is good now.

I return to the house and it doesn't take much that another train is coming. A cargo train comes from upstream, followed by the noon train. It is returning. Only that this time, Alia is here with me. We passed over the incident. Again, we are two women, staying in the station and waiting the trains to pass. As we have the same clothes and our hair painted in the same color, one might think that we are tweens, even if he is higher then me. A long time has passed since people were looking with strange eyes at him. Now, they all understand us as we are, only that nobody knows we are sfenists.

The evening comes and evening trains come and go, like always. Rusted wagons and old engines struggle to reach their destinations on this old railway. The train is a bit late, because of a horse that was sitting on the railway. Things like these are common, someone tied a cow close to the railway, with a rope that was about 5 meters long... only that the cow somehow got its rope blocked between two rails... and the train could not pass without killing the cow. So, someone had to get down from the train and cut the rope.

Now that the trains are gone, we go to the kitchen and eat. My improvisation with carrots and apples proves to be good. The soup is good, the meal is very interesting, while the pie, I think it went a bit too much on the fire. The truth is that, when you cook with wood fire, the fire is not the same. In some parts, it can burn the food, while in others it will have no power at all. All in one, it was good. And like always, we have milk. Without a fridge, people tend to cook in each day. Things that are hard to store, like meat, are eaten fast. When someone decides to cut a calf or a cow, the meat is sold within the village fast and consumed in the same or in the next day. Anyway, I am not much into meat.

Then, we return to the house and smoke, while watching a movie on my laptop. Alia wants us to make a smoky kiss. At first, I don't want, but after thinking a while, I accept. Our lips touch, then we open a channel and smoke passes from his body into mine. I then let the smoke out through my nostrils. I then take an inhale and we touch our lips again, as I pump smoke into his body.

"Are you ok?" he asks me.

"Yes, I guess I am. Are you ok?"

"Yes. Why should I not be? But you are not quite ok".

"I am just thinking about all what happened".

"Nicotiana, you did nothing wrong".

"I know, Alia, but somehow this was too much for me".

"Too much for you?" he asks amazed. "Is there anything too much for you?"

"Sometimes".

"When we went to the Land Of Dictators and did what we did to that train, I was scared like a cat in a dog exposition", he says. "And you were moving like natural. We changed clothes and identities, we bribed customs and no tension was on your face. And now, because of nothing, it is too much. Come on, Nicotiana! You are a warrior!"

"There is a major difference, Alia", I answer. I helped Stromboli for only one reason and that reason is you, to get to your parents. I did this because I tried to help. But now, it is different. My purpose was not to help".

"No, not that", he stops me. "Back in the Land Of Dictators, what you did... what we did, made may custom officers to retreat, government officials to be arrested and could risk our lives. If anyone knew, we would have been long dead by now. But we managed to survive and do our job. But here, it is nothing. Nobody is going to kill us for this. I really don't see anything bad. After all, so many people do what you just did. Really, it is nothing".

"I don't care. If the whole world goes on fire but you are happy, it is ok to me. But if everyone is happy but you are sad, it is a nightmare to me".

He listens my words, then looks around and says:

"Well, if you keep on this track, you are going to get me sad".

"Ok", I answer, understanding what he means.

"And if you still punish yourself for what happen, I am going to stop smoking".

"You won't", I say short. "You know that when you do that, I will kill you. No matter how much I love you, I will kill you for that. I will have to".

"And I will kill you too if you stop wearing pantyhose", he says.

Only that this time, his voice is different. He is not joking.

"I will wear pantyhose as long as I will live", I say. "And even after I die, I will be buried with pantyhose on me, so that I will wear them forever".

Then, he touches my feet and gives me a short kiss. He lights a cigarette and I light one too. I made him a smoker as addicted as I am.

"I am fine", I say. "I recovered from what happened".

"That is what I wanted to hear", he says.

The night train goes up to the mines. This is the signal for us to get to sleep. Soon, it will be an year since we are together. An year and we still had secrets. And also I am thinking about what our psychologist told us about sfenist relations. At the 3rd step, we will try to explore ourselves, but at the 4th step, we will try an intimate relation, as much as we can without harming ourselves. Are we entering the 4th step now? Is this happening already? I feel like a passenger in a runaway train. I know the railway, I know where it goes and the stations along the line, but I cannot see the railway. Is there an obstacle in front of us? A fallen tree? A missing bridge? A boulder? We cannot see. And we cannot do anything. The train is moving faster then it should be. Will we derail at some point? Will the line hold as we move with this speed?

So many books have been wrote about family life, about couples and relationships, but nobody ever wrote a book about sfenist relations. The only help we have comes from the words of an old psychologist and from the sfenists I managed to find.