Smoking And Pantyhose

Part 1, Chapter 1

If everybody walks the same path, find another one. If nobody follows your path, make sure you are not lost.

The Wiseman

My name doesn't matter, everybody knows me as Ana. I am a woman, just a bit over 20. I graduated the University and got a job close to where I once lived, in the mountains, on an industrial railway station. Life just couldn't got better for me. I stay in this industrial station, I change switches, such a simple job. A train will pass at a few hours, the rest of time is mine. Time to read, play on computer, gardening and whatever you want. And all with a modest salary. Easy money!

You can find anything you never expected in these mountains. People speak many languages, have many religions. We are at the gate between East and West, between Christianity and Islam, between so different civilizations. Here, you thought you've seen everything and realize you don't know anything about this place. Everyone is so friendly... but everyone might kill you.

Today I sit in front of my station. It is a late autumn, but still not cold. I sit on the bench and smoke. And I love to smoke, which gets out of my mouth and nostrils. I wear a dress and as I smoke I watch my hands. "Nicotine is getting through my vines all the way through my body", I thought. "It moves up to every single cell, to each finger." And then, I looked at my feet. Wearing a knee-long dress, I can see my feet through demi-opaque pantyhose. "How are you, toes, today?" I whispered. "Mom will give you the nicotine you so strong need."

As I laid on the bench, I let a cloud of smoke from my mouth towards my feet.

I continue to smoke. Then, I check the rail signals. A train will come from the mountains, taking miners down to their villages. And yes, in 4 minutes, it arrived. The old, rusted wagons stopped here, carried by an over 50 years old engine. A few people move out from the train. But wait. Among them, there is a different guy. He seems to not know the way around. The others move away, only he remains.

"Excuse me" he said. "Do you speak English?"

"Yes", I answered amazed. Here people speak so many languages, but nobody ever spoken to me in English. "What are you doing here?"

"I work on Geological research at the mine."

So strict, but shy... What is with this guy? Maybe he is from a completely different civilization I thought, as I watched his shoes, part clean and part dirty.

"You don't seem to be from here. Where are you from?" I asked him starring in his eyes.

"From over the sea" he answered.

"I see... Take a seat. I have just this modest bench. Do you want a cigarette?"

He sits down near me. Doesn't want a cigarette, but I insist... and he takes one, but without smoking. That is strange. He doesn't seem to watch me like the others. I've seen many guys around, but the vast majority will try to seduce me... without knowing that I am a sfenist. Not this one.

"Where are you heading?" I asked.

"I try to find a place to stay. There is too much noise in the barracks. And too much alcohol. And many indecent things."

"Indecent things?"

"Yes. Some guys came with girls and had sex there in the sleeping rooms, with all of us around. This is crazy."

There is something different about this guy. I see no sinful desire in his eyes. Majority of strangers from over the sea are looking for cheap fun. Not this one.

"And how are you supposed to find a home in this village if you don't know the language spoken here?"

"I don't know. Buy, if you don't try, you get nothing".

"I can help you" I said. "You can sleep this night there, just over the river. That house is mine, I have a bed in the kitchen."

"Thank you. How much should I pay you?"

"Nothing. I do this to help you. Helping a traveler is something in our tradition."

"Thank you. I never seen so much kindness in my life."

I invited him. Houses here are small and the kitchen is a separate building, which can occasionally have multiple uses. That evening and later in night I talked to him until late. There was something different then any other guy. He was not trying to seduce me. Not at all. But still, I can feel a hidden desire. Sometimes, his eyes keep looking at my feet... and looking, but always hiding from my eyes. For the first time since I graduated the University, I found a person which also graduated an University, even if over the sea. And he is smart, in all domains. He knows about religion, about Geology, about Math, Astronomy, about Biology. So many things. We have many things to talk about.

I can feel a hidden desire to be with me. Not to sleep with me, but to be with me. For a second I ask myself: Could he be a sfenist? For sure, he has no intention to harm me and not to steal anything.

Late in night, I move back to the house, eat and smoke. I know that in the morning at 3 AM I must be at the station, when a train carries the coal downstream.

Morning comes. The train hardly puffs up the hill. Now, let's make some food for our guest. I want him to remember the kindness of the people from here. "Come on, Ana, honor your guest, just as anyone should do" I said to myself. So, I run to my parents' house and make a fast breakfast, with cheese, vegetables, bread and a glass of milk. "Hope he likes this..."

"What if he steals anything?" I asked myself. "If he steals anything, I have the right to request him punished. Better check out myself." So, I decide to enter the kitchen.

He was dressing up. I immediately moved out, saying sorry and "I have breakfast ready!", but there was something different. I thought I seen him wearing pantyhose. What??? I am not sure. At the University, we had a guy who was gay, I also knew two lesbians, but never seen this. What is this guy? Or maybe I didn't see it right. Maybe he didn't wear pantyhose. But I want to find out. At school, we were encouraged to search and find answers... and I want an answer. And the same question arises: Is he a sfenist? I keep thinking until he opens the door. He looks scared a bit... or caught(?) or I don't know to read his face?

"Good morning", I say. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, I did. Thank you. It is the first time I sleep in such a small room."

I give him breakfast and we both eat. Then, I light a cigarette and give him one.

"Take it!"

"I don't smoke. Thank you!"

"You know, it is not polite to refuse. It is like cursing someone."

He takes the cigarette and keeps it in his hand. He lights it, but does not inhale.

"Workers train will arrive in 40 minutes. Before that, you will hear the radio beeps. We use Morse code".

As he answers, I notice that he takes a fast look at my feet. Is he looking at my pantyhose? Let's test him somehow... And I have an idea. After we eat, we go back to the station, to the bench. I light another cigarette and force him take one. I remember he talked with passion about Astronomy. So, let's give him something to work on...

"You told me that the Americans have sent a spaceship to Pluto."

"Yes. New Horizons."

"Can you tell me more? You know, the last planet is far away..."

"The probe passed Pluto this summer..."

As he starts a monologue, I pretend to listen to him. I take off my shoes and put my feet up on the desk, just between me and him. Immediately, his eyes move to my feet. But when he sees my eyes were watching him, he immediately looks in another direction. As he continues his monologue, I start playing with my toes. It takes time until his eyes look back in this direction.

He has a pantyhose addiction. I've never seen this before.

As the morning train comes, I ask him to return at evening. He can sleep another day. I wait the train go and return to my cabin.

"Why, Ana? Why have you done this? People from over the sea are not serious." said my shadow.

"Let's see what he does. Let's investigate this specimen. I thought I've seen everything, but still nothing" I answered without voice.

"What if he will steal something? What if he abuses you?"

"I don't think it. Maybe he's gay, Shadow. But gay people don't behave like this." I light another cigarette, take a deep drag and keep the smoke long inside me. "Maybe he is a sfenist, Shadow!"

"Come on, you know that no more then one in 3000 is a sfenist. What is the chance for two sfenists to meet? 3000 X 3000 = 9 million! Don't be ridiculous, Ana. It just is impossible. Accept what you are and that there is no way to find another sfenist around."

I take the cigarette out from my mouth and put it between my toes, watching as pantyhose shines in the light of the sun. "Here you are... Who knows, maybe you could make a new nicotine addict!" I convinced so many people to start smoking over time. I used to keep a record, but there were over 100. Why not to convince this guy too? Maybe my feet will work.

But what if he falls in love with me? I start laughing. What a jerk! How many guys tried this? As soon as I see they are trying to go to bed with me, I cut it short and deep through what hurts the most.

There was that rich guy from over the sea, Stromboli, which made a fortune from black market tobacco. He tried to get his way to me, until I smashed his face with a pan full of pizza... Oh mine... and that pizza I made was for him to eat, but he deserved it that way. And that guy from over the ice, Igor, which always had a lot of alcohol in his body. He had a lot of money and thought he could buy me. I liked him giving presents and money, but I knew what he had in mind. I could see in his eyes. And one day, when he insisted to have more then just kisses, I went to get some vodka... and smashed the bottle in his head. "Damn it! Call an ambulance!" he screamed. "Get out of here, infidel! How can an ambulance come here, at the end of the world?" I answered. And don't forget the worst of worst, Ahmed, the guy from over the sands. He tried to do everything to impress me. And this took over an year, but I knew what he wanted in fact... to sleep with me. Until one day, he forced me. I smashed his chick so hard with my nails, then I gave him a hard knee in his... organs. Then I got out from his hands and I started beating him with my feet, with all the anger in the world. Too bad he didn't die. His crying made some people to come and saved him.

We'll see at the evening, stranger, what will happen.