The worst thing we humans do is that we judge other people. We want to transform them into what we are. But we don't understand that this is the greatest treasure of the Universe: diversity.

Legend Of The Swan

The run is over. We are in Uranus, capital of Land Of Ice, in a cheap motel room, with new outfits. In this city, we can pass as completely unknown. Nobody will notice us, unless I want to. Alia - Atan made me some unexpected surprises. He purchased almost only green clothes, knowing this is my favorite color. So, now I have a green winter coat, green gloves, a green sweater and a green knee-long skirt. He even found some green shoes for me. I love them, even if it is a bit too cold for that. I put on black tights and layer on them green pantyhose, to keep my feet warm. And the greatest surprise of all, now I have green hair! I just love to look in the mirror and see this! My hair is not long and not short. It barely reaches my shoulders. I never tie it into a tail.

He also is a woman for this evening, with a green winter coat that could suit well also for a man. He also has a green sweater and a green skirt, a bit longer then mine, with green pantyhose. The only difference is that he wears boots, which are black and don't allow exposed feet to be seen unless he sits down.

Again, some work I need to do with his make-up. Men are not careful at details. He tends to use too much color, when in fact, being a woman means to be more soft. I apply him a faint lipstick and only a bit of make-up. Better now.

As we are done and prepare to go out, we hear the news:

Ladies and gentlemen, we have breaking news! A huge transport of contraband cigarettes has just been discovered inside a train passing from Land Of The Sea into Civilized World. Custom guard found a few cardboards full with cigarettes on top of a few wagons filled with coal. After a close examination, they discovered that beneath the coal there was much more, hidden in large metal boxes. Stay tuned for updates!

Well, these are foreign news, so they will be again in a few hours. We close the TV and get on the street.

People in the Land Of Ice are Christian and speak a language that is a bit related to the language Alia - Atan learned from his father. So, he can find his way around. But, to avoid problems, we speak my native language. I know this place and know nobody will answer.

"What do you think, Nicotiana?" he asks. "did we do what we were supposed to do?"

"Stromboli told us to put the packs there, so we did our mission", I say. "But the custom guards should have detected only what we put there. What are all those cigarettes doing, I don't know".

"Tons of cigarettes?"

"Well, this is how contraband goes", I say. People expect small cars with cigarettes or smugglers passing through border fences, but it never works like that. Small amounts of cargo are deliberately placed where guards will find them. The large chunk of staff is smuggled in inside trains, trunks or boats, with coal, grabble, cereals or inside concrete cubes. At least this is how drugs pass through, inside concrete bricks".

"I mean, that much?"

"Yes, what do you expect?" I answer laughing.

"I never imagined that much".

"Something else bothers me", I say, lighting a cigarette. "It was supposed there are no cigarettes inside that train. Did we put them on the wrong train?"

"If that is, we compromised everything".

I take another drag of smoke, as we move through the snow.

"If that is the case, Stromboli has the power to destroy our village. He will kill us", I say while blowing the smoke out.

"That is the worse possible", he whispers, while lighting a cigarette.

"But I think about something else", I say as I take some more smoke. "I never carried that brand of cigarettes. So, maybe there is something else".

"Are there other contrabandists like Stromboli?" he asks.

"Yes. Monte Carlo, San Marino, Torino, many of them", I answer. "Maybe they placed the cigarettes in that train, without knowing what Stromboli planned. But usually this never happens, everyone operates in a different land".

"But what if Stromboli wants to take someone out?" he says, taking another smoke from his cigarette.

I stop and look on the snowy road. Not many people around. A few cars go by. In the cold evening, someone screams in the distance. I notice a few shops and some blocks. A bus is stopped nearby. My blood freezes at his words. "You know what this is, Alia? It is war. If anyone finds out that Stromboli did it, they will be at war".

I inhale again the smoke, keep it in for a while and blow it down. I look at my shoes and his boots. What is going on?

"I think Stromboli wants to take out someone", says Alia, playing with one boot in the snow.

"Land Of Dictators. San Marino operates there, with the Communists. As I said, Stromboli works within the Nomads. You realize, Alia, that San Marino will get bankrupt if all those cigarettes were his. He can recover, no doubt, but the others will turn against anyone they suspect did the attack", I say as I throw the filter down and I step with my shoe on it.

"I never imagined to see the mafia with my own eyes. Nicotiana, I really am amazed how you survived here for this long".

"I hope Stromboli or San Marino will survive as long as I did", I answer, laughing.

We keep on walking, until we reach a park. There are a few benches around. In the center, there is a lake. But since now it is frozen, it is used by children as a rink. We take a sit and stay with a foot over the other. Now, since his skirt is lifted a bit, I can see his green pantyhose above his boots. I take my hand and gently touch that point.

"Alia is out in the town", I whisper.

He says nothing. Then, he takes his hand and touches my knee, feeling the fine texture.

"I wear two layers, you just one", I say, smiling.

"I think no transgender ever managed to go that far", he says. "We crossed so many borders and nobody knew. Everyone thought I am Abida".

"I didn't plan to go like that, but we had no other way", I say.

"This, I never ever expected to happen. To be a woman. And everyone in this city think I am a woman. Nobody has the barest notion of what is going on".

"Well, except for your voice. This is the only thing I don't know how to solve".

"And now, people think we are just two women sitting on a bench and relaxing".

"There is something else", I say.

"What, Nicotiana?"

"Well, most guys make me angry. I am not a lesbian. But, I got that hate for all men with too much testosterone. Not for you. I mean, you are half man, half woman. I never were into women and not much into men. Well, you know I am a sfenist. But you, you are the first male creature that doesn't make me want to kill".

We stand and continue our trip through the city. I show him the University, where I spent some years of my life. And about 300 m away, there is that church still standing.

"You see that church?" I ask him.

"Yes, Nicotiana. That Orthodox cathedral?"

"Exactly. Soon after I got here, I seen it and enter. Inside, on the left side, there is a big icon. I went there, kneeled and start praying. I just felt the need to do that. Well, just at that time, the pope was keeping a speech. He was talking with anger against the heretics nearby. I didn't understand what was that about. At that time, I had no idea what a heretic is, only I knew it is something bad. So, I went out and looked. And you see, not far, there is an Adventist church. I looked at it and realized those must be the heretics. So, I entered, to see what is there".

As talking about this, we move closer to the churches.

"I entered, They had no icons, nothing, but long benches to sit on. I just kneeled somewhere. Well, their pastor was also saying ugly words about the Orthodox pope and his religion. I looked amazed at this. At some point I just couldn't support and went outside".

We move between the churches, while I step on the snow, exactly in the same spot I was a long time ago.

"There I were. Some people from the Orthodox cathedral noticed me and went after me, asking me why did I go to Satan's church. And immediately, some Adventists went out and started to argue with them. Oh mine, I just couldn't understand what is going on! Are they insane? So, I lighted a cigarette. Well, that was like a disaster. They started to prove me that tobacco is devil's grass. They just turned against me!"

"You were a lost sheep between two wolves!"

"I guess so. Well, I shouted to them: 'Leave me away! I am a Muslim!' and walked away. I didn't lie,as you know. But, they remained without words, as I moved away. I guess I will never understand how is possible for people of different religions to fight. And even more, people with the same religion. You can try to explain me as long as you wish, I will never understand how it is possible what I just encountered here. I mean, if gods are not fighting each other, why should we? And how people, serving the same god, be fighting one each other?"

We continue our way through the city. There are many areas I used to stay.

"You were not much into clubs and pubs at the university, were you?" he asks me.

"No, Alia. Usually, I tried to avoid them. I was more interested in learning, when I was not forced into contraband. Honestly, I never entered many of these clubs. You?"

"No. I was focused on learning. And because there was too much noise where we slept, I was always trying to go into parks to read and learn. When it was cold, I used to go to the subway and travel on all lines. I told you I were a book grinder".

"Had you many friends?"

"Nicotiana, to be honest, only a few, rare. I was in good ties with all fellows and all roomies, but only that. I've never been to parties or to hangout. All I knew was school, learning and in weekends back home".

"A real sfenist!" I say.

"Well, now I realize this. But at that time, I just asked no questions".

"I only stopped at two places, to eat. This is because they have good food, with much cheese and no meat in it. Well, I didn't want to enter, but I really want some heat. It is a cold night".

We enter. Well, many things have changed here. This place had glass tables before, but now it is more decorated. The products are exposed for sale. We take them. Some sort of cookies, with cheese and with chocolate. A good fast snack. We go to the table and eat, then light a cigarette.

"I remember that once I was reading my school notes, with my feet on the table. And also smoking. Well, something like this!"

And I put my feet on the table, like in the old times. All I need is a good book.

"Put your feet up, too!" I invite him.

And he puts his boots up. He starts playing with the zipper, partially opening one boot and exposing the pantyhose, while with the other hand is holding the cigarette. I know the employees will not say anything. After all, I've done it over and over.

"Feel much better then in school library", I say, laughing. "At least here you can smoke. There, you have to go out".

"I used to avoid the library because it was too quiet and many times I fallen asleep. And it was not opened long enough", he says. "But you are right, a good book should fit well here".

I take another inhale and slowly let the smoke out from my mouth. Just like in those YouTube smoking fetish scenes. Then, I take two drags at one and let some smoke out through my nose and then through the mouth, remembering the old days. Many times, these cookies were all my food, but smokes were more important.

Suddenly, two guys appear and go to our table. I instantly take my feet down. Alia does not move yet. I realize what will happen.

"Hi, girls!" says one of them. I am Vladimir and he is Alexei", he says.

"We have some money and wonder if we could spend it here. I see you are the hottest ladies in the city!"

"How about a couple of drinks? What shall it be? Red wine or vodka?"

Alexei puts a hand on Alia's boots and start massage his foot. He is trying to pull the boot off. I see the disgrace in his eyes. In the same time, Vladimir comes closer to me and looks into my eyes:

"What are you doing this evening, princess?"

"Leave us alone, infidels!" I say short.

"Woo!" says Vladimir, getting closer to me and starting to touch my feet below the table. "What's your name, babe?"

"Nicotiana", I say.

"Princess Nicotiana, then", he says, taking a pack of cigarette out from his jacket.

"Leave us alone", says Alia.

"What happened to your voice?" says Alexei, continuing to get closer to Alia.

"Underage smoking", I say for him.

"Just keep distance, guys", says Alia. "We don't want any trouble".

"Neither do us".

Vladimir gets closer to me. One hand is working with my thighs, the other one is trying to make its way to my shoulder.

"Stop it right now!" I say.

"Are you afraid, princess Nicotiana? Are you going to throw smoke and fire over me?" he says.

"Just leave us alone", tries Alia to stop them.

Oh no! I feel just like slimy worms are getting out of his hands. Just like he is made of rotten, infected flesh. I know how this will end. And I look at Alia how he is starting to hyperventilate. He looks like going to throw-up. Desperate and hopeless. Then, Vladimir moves his hand from my shoulders to above my breasts. I feel his breath, a smell of alcohol and food.

The next second, I start beating him with my purse.

"Keep your hands off me, infidel!" I scream so loud that I think people could hear even from outside.

Then, the next second, I grab a metal plate from another table and smash it in Vladimir's head. There was a cup of coffee with a few other staff on the plate, that now are spread on his clothes. He screams, as the coffee was hot. I hit Alexei too. Immediately, I jump and start beating both with the plate and with my feet. I hit Vladimir hard in his genitals, so he falls down and screams of pain.

"Die, infidel! Just die!" I scream to him, while people from the room start to come around us.

Alexei starts to pull his friend away from my attacks, when I hit him again. I grab his hair and pull so hard that when my hands are away from his head, there is hair between my fingers.

"Leave us alone, you crazy bitch!" cries one of them.

They try to stand and move out, but I manage to hit one of them again with the plate. This time, with all my force. A powerful metal sound. Then, I take the glass plate we were eating on and smash into the other's head. It breaks apart, while both of them go out.

"Don't you ever dare to touch us again!" I scream.

"I'll kill you, bitch!" shouts one of them.

"You should be castrated!" are my last words.

Again! Like always. It all happened so fast, that I didn't even have time to react. It was like my body did all this, not me. I hear my heart pumping blood like crazy, my lungs desperate for air, some sweat on my back and the adrenaline in my head. Then, I see Alia, looking half scared, half amazed.

"Why didn't you help out?"

"I never beat any other human", he says.

The seller comes here. She is for sure a student, with a part-time job. She looks at us:

"Are you ok?"

"Yes, I answer. Too bad that infidel got out alive".

"Well, you've done some damage to my shop. I need to do something with it".

"I will pay for everything", says Alia. "Nicotiana, thank you for saving me out of this".

I laugh. We get out of here.

"It is always like I am the man and you the woman", I say.

"Now I know what happens to guys that mess with you", he answers.

"They get what they deserve", I answer. But next time, it should be time you show some help".

We go back along the street, to another park, where we stop a bit. I light another cigarette.

"Alia, listen", I say. "It might hurt you, but your parents did the worst things to you. The way you act is not good and might get you killed. You tend to do what you are told. You are too dominated. They must have strong personalities and you had no room to grow".

"I am by far not as strong as you are".

"False! I scream loud, that people turn their heads towards us. "See how we crossed all these borders? See that now you are a woman? You have the strength to rebuild your life, but not the will to do it. And all is because you are thinking in the wrong direction. I see you have an ambition. I've seen how hard it was to make you start smoking. But now, it is time to take things into a different way".

"I am a nobody, compared to you".

"Do you think I was better or smarter? But I was alone, here in this city. I had to fight. Well, the solution is never to go forward. In life, you have to turn left and right over and over. Think at how a snake moves. Sort of that. You see two classic solutions: fight or hide, even if I say you prefer to hide. Now, the truth is different. None is the option".

"What is your point?"

"Look at this: You are stocked in a room. On left, there is a door that leads into a hole. At right, there is another door that leads into a deeper hole. What do you do?" I ask him, taking the last amount of nicotine from a cigarette.

"I go to the larger hole", he says.

"And you would expect me to say that is not the solution. But also not the small hole is a solution. The answer is that you must break the walls and find your own way. People think there are two main sexual orientations: classic and gay, heterosexual and homosexual. Well, none fits for us. We are sfenists. We have to break the walls, even if the whole world will think that we are crazy, to find our ways. When you have to chose between two options, the third is the best. But if you play dead and not chose anything, you take the worst possible."

"I will need time to", he says.

"You will not understand these words now, as I didn't at my time. But there will be a time when you will".

We continue our way back to the cheap motel. There, our staff waits us.

Well, we don't have too much time left. We talk with room service that we want them to watch some of our luggage while we will be gone. They put it down inside a closet. I know, some staff cannot be transported into the civilized world. It is now time for Alia to become Atan. But still, he will have something hidden: the green pantyhose.

From this point further, we cannot use regional passports. We need to use international ones. And he no longer can stand as Alia or Atan, just as I cannot be Nicotiana. Not to mention that bribery can no longer help this far. Also, my handmade cigarettes cannot go pass. From this point, we will need to buy them.

It is night, it's dark and cold. We take a taxi directly to the airport. We now only have a small luggage, what you can take in your hands and nothing more.

We buy cigarettes and smoke for the last time before entering the plane. From this point, I enter a world that I have never visited. Beyond that airplane, I have no plan and no idea what will happen, only that we have limited time. Well, Alia - Atan seems more nervous then me.

We will see.