What we see is like the shadows on the wall. To know the reality, you must see the real objects that draw the shadows.

Legend of the shadow

I want to go with Alia - Atan to have Christmas with is parents. But in order to do this, we must do something much harder. We must help a leader from the cigarette contraband mafia to succeed with a transport. In response, he will pay for our ticket towards the civilized world and back here. I have the exact details about the mission, but it is going to be hard. However, I have an ace in my sleeve. Atan is a man, but his feminine side, Alia, can pass as a woman. We can do some confusion. Will this succeed? It is a huge gamble. In old days, I used to do such things, to survive at the University. But I long stopped doing this kind of job. Well, I hope this is for the last time ever.

The reason I do this is for Alia - Atan. By helping him win the fight with his parents, he will be freed from their influence. I must help him become the man he needs to be.

The plan is complicated. We will go from here, with the evening train that comes from the mine and go directly to the Land Of Dictators. But in order to do so, he must become a woman. He knows how to drive a car, I don't. But he is not from here and could be found easy as a stranger. It is a good thing that he is about the same size with my sister Abida. He will use her documents.

This is a men job. So, why does Stromboli want me to do it? Because I am a woman and nobody would expect a woman to get involved into this. Well, I am more a man then a woman, but with the body of a woman.

All is done. The evening train, with miners, will come soon. I am in the train station with Cemis, who will work here until we return. Alia - Atan should come by train. I have everything prepared, but using him for this job is very risky. Will all this work? I must confess that I am nervous. Damn it, Atan! How many things do I have to do for you? Have you ever had a feeling that something terrible is going to happen? That you might succeed this time, but using the whole luck in your life, so that next time you will probably die? I promise to myself that this will be the last time in my life ever, that I risk my or his life. Really. No more. I just want a normal life, up here, in the mountains. In fact, this is why I came here, to have a quiet life where nobody will bother me.

The train comes and stops at the station. I get in, with a big luggage. The miners are no longer starring at me like before. I take a sit close to Atan and we both light a cigarette. I can see on his face that he is under huge stress. I can feel the tension inside him.

I look at his trousers, knowing that beneath them, there are pantyhose. I know their color: brown. I've seen them in the morning. Nobody knows this but me. And I look at my feet, beneath the green knee-long dress. I have black leggings and grown pantyhose beneath them, the same color he has. I wanted to have something in common with him, for this dangerous mission. He doesn't say anything.

"I want this one to be the last time I do this", I say.

"Me too", he says. "I want to be out of this, back in our home".

The train struggles to pass over the river. The bridge has collapsed a few years ago. As a desperate solution, the miners laid two wide tree trunks and placed the rail slippers and the rails above them. This is by far not something safe, but for a while, trains can pass. And then, the valley narrows a bit.

Here comes Almathea station, a small, red building. And in the station, I see Nadia, a woman that does exactly what I do: control train movement. We say hello to each other.

Then, the train continues its route. From here, the valley is larger, not so squeezed by surrounding mountains. Villages are on both sides of the rivers and stations are one after the other: Telesto, Himalia and others. Finally, where the mountains end and the valley is large enough, comes Jupiter, capital of the Land Of Mountains. Here ends our coal railway and other lines join. Most of them are also old and unrepaired.

We jump out of the train, taking our luggage with us, walking through the orange hall of this station. It is large, but with many cracks in the walls. "No time for this, Ana! You need to hurry, you know there is not much time!" says my shadow.

Fine, then! We go and pick two tickets for Neptune, capital of the Land Of Dictators. Then, we step right in the train. I force Alia - Atan into the toilette, to change. Oh, the pain I see on his face. Again, I promise myself that this will never happen.

He steps out as a woman. He has now a pink jacket, a red sweater, a black dress and the brown pantyhose, covered with black knee-high boots. I see his face. Almost exploding.
"Remember, you are Abida", I say.

He doesn't answer. We move to an empty bench in this train, where we put our luggage. We ask a young couple to watch our staff, while we go outside and smoke.

"Come on, you will draw attention!" I say.

"It is the first time I am dressed like a woman on the street", he says.

"It looks like you are the man and I am the woman! Stop crying!"

"Nicotiana, you really are a man!" he says.

I take a big drag from my cigarette and blow the smoke in his face. Oh mine! I almost made him fall on the back!

"On the other hand, it is incredible! Alia is walking free!" he says.

Yes, it is the first time he is walking like this, in a train station, surrounded by many people. But no time for that. A man comes with four large suitcases and says:

"Nicotiana?"

"Reporting", I say.

He gives us the suitcases and an envelope with money, saying one thing:

"Stromboli".

He vanishes and we return in the train.

This is a completely different train, with chairs for passengers and with the walls painted. It clearly is old, about the same age as trains that go to the mine, but repaired. Such a difference in comfort! Almost immediately, the train starts moving.

Outside, all you can see are a few lights in the darkness of the night. The train moves pretty fast, about 50 km/h. Alia is looking at the window, scared. What should I do? I think a second... her hair is not as it should be. Men don't look at details. The first thing a woman does when she wakes up (after lighting her cigarette, as I do) is to brush her hair. And also, his make-up is not as it should be. So, I take my hair brush and start to arrange his hair. Also, I start to adjust his make-up. He doesn't know how to match colors. Too much lipstick!

"Look at yourself!" I say, trying to repair her make-up.

"I know! Sorry!"

When I hear his voice, the voice of a man, I realize this is what will betray him. I thought about all aspects. I epilated his feet, his back, his belly. Then, I've seen his arms with all that male hair... and I tortured him again. I thought that his beard and mustache will grow and I took what is needed for shaving. The hair looks feminine, even if short. The clothes fit him perfectly. I even managed to make false tits. I sewed some cotton and other materials inside two socks and sewed them inside the cups of a bra. With this, he really looks like a woman. Not to mention the huge effort that was for me to find boots. Men feet are larger then women!

What should I do to his voice? If someone asks him something, that voice will betray him. As I finish arranging his make-up, I add a few perfume.

"Here you are, Alia!" I say. "Aren't you gorgeous?"

"I hope so", he answers.

"We smoke too much and that's why our voices are like that", I add. "But you, my sister, have smoked far more then I did my entire life. Let's get on the corridor for another cigarette!"

We move out. It is like two women are having a smoke. Well, we both are between 20 and 25, so I guess we look cute. As the train hurtles through the night, we see the lights of a distant village. Other people come to the corridor to have a smoke. But what I like the most, is that Alia - Atan is no longer so embarrassed.

Just as we move in, the train controller comes and asks everyone about tickets. Don't I know how things work here? So much contraband is transported on these trains. And everyone knows. So, when he comes, I show him our tickets, my regional passport and Abida's, then give him a bag with 10 packs of cigarettes.

"Have a good journey, ladys", he says and goes to other passengers.

"Everyone gives him something", whispers Alia - Atan to my ear.

"Because everyone is carrying something", I add.

I fall asleep with my head on his shoulder. My hands are partially resting on his body. I know this railway so well. There are a few stations. Then, the train starts climbing in the mountains. And then, comes the great tunnel, that also crosses the border. At the last village, the train will stop for 20 minutes and detach all wagons but ours. Then, for a few hours there will be nothing to see outside, but the dark night. I know well, how the train changes speed to 15 km/h while climbing to the pass and that inside the tunnel it makes a completely different sound. Then I know that the train will move along the steep grade towards Neptune, the capital city of the Land O Dictators.

I wake-up in the tunnel. Alia - Atan is not sleeping. his eyes are looking at the window.

"The tunnel!" I wisper. "We are crossing the border right now!"

"Like this, without a custom house?" he asks.

"I need a cigarette!" I say, taking him to the corridor.

There is nobody here, now, but a multitude of suitcases, filled with who-knows-what. As we sit, I see how he starts to become a copy of myself. He stays just like me. He is copying my movements. Even the way he smokes is similar.

"Nice boots you have", I say as I light my cigarette.

"You should try some higher boots instead of booties", he says, looking at my feet.

"And you should try to wear two layers of tights or pantyhose with leggings", I add.

"I will try", he says.

The tunnel ends. I know the place. Now, we will see the Land Of Dictators from above. The train will slowly descend towards their capital. He looks almost stunned at the landscape. A lot of lights can be seen far away, in the plain. There are almost no villages in the mountains here. Only a dim light from the moon illuminates them.

"So beautiful! The other side of the mountains!" he says.

"And you didn't want to come! Shame on you, Alia", I say, to boost his courage. "We will be there by 3 AM".

"I hope Cemis wakes up for the 3 AM train", he says.

"She will sleep in our house for the night", I answer.

After we finish our cigarettes, we return to our seats. The train continues to descent until he finally reaches the capital, Neptune.

We take our luggage down. How many suitcases! But not only us. Many people do the same. The platform is filled with luggage.

"Wow!" whispers Alia - Atan. "What on Earth are they carrying?"

"Many are peasants, transporting food to the city. Others are bringing alcohol. And some of them, are carrying cigarettes", I whisper him back. "Everybody struggles to survive here. Then, they bring back clothes and electronics".

We start carrying all our luggage. We go to the exit of this large, sparkling white station. The walls are decorated with ancient Communist paintings.

"The city is nice and interesting, but we don't have that time", I say. "Come to register and grab a car!"

We struggle with all our luggage. I stop at a police officer and show him our regional passports.

"We will be back in 10 hours", I say. "We go to Oberon, to our aunt".

I also give him 10 packs of cigarettes. He immediately takes them and signs without any question. We move on, to a place outside the station. There, we see a few taxis and what I wanted: a rent-a-car. A fat woman is sitting there, smoking a cigarette.

"We want to rent a car, to take this staff to Oberon", I say. "We will return in 6 hours".

"Where are you from?" she asks.

"Callisto, Land Of Mountains".

"And she is..."

"My sister, Abida", I say short.

"Ok. Leave here one passport. To rent for a day, it's 20 $, but you need to leave 500 $ as insurance. You will get the money when you will return".

Stromboli gave us enough money for this job. I pay her and we upload all this staff inside a white car.

"Abida, you drive", I say. "It is now all up to you, girl".

He takes the wheel and starts to drive. Easy, there is ice on the road. But the roads are clear. Even at noon, there are not many cars in this city. I guide him:

"At the next, turn left. Then, go right, to the boulevard".

Unlike Jupiter, which is a mountain town, Neptune is in the plains. The town is flat, with parallel streets and with many concrete blocks. Streets are illuminated, but there is almost no light in the rooms. People are still sleeping. Nobody is expecting us here. I know well that after 3.30 AM, even police is sleeping. That is the best time to strike. We see one car. It comes from behind and goes forward, vanishing somewhere ahead.

We slowly pass out of the city. The road becomes narrow and unrepaired. I know well the poverty of rural areas in here. Famines are common. With many holes in the road, it becomes difficult to drive. But not for him. Then, I advice him to turn left, on a country road. Here, the ice covers the road, but we still can go.

Now this is the plan Stromboli gave us: In this station, there will be a cargo train stationed. It is full with coal. Our job is to take cigarettes from all the four suitcases he gave us, to put all the packs up on the coal, but partially buried. This train will go to Land Of Sea and from there it will go towards the civilized world. When it will cross the border to the civilized world, customs will see the packs and will stop the train for an inspection. They will think that they hit a jackpot, when in fact a second train will pass, full with contraband cigarettes.

So, in the silence of the night, I change clothes, taking some dirty ones. I start the work. But, surprise! The cigarettes are of a brand I never carried and I never knew Stromboli makes. Well, no time to lose. At this hour, personnel at the station is for sure sleeping. I climb on the wagons and Alia - Atan throws me the first cardboard box. I do my job well. Then, he gives me the second one and the third one. We keep on doing this for about half an hour. All looks clear! I finish placing the last pack and get back to the car.

Now, time to wash my hands and face from coal and to change clothes back. Changing in the freezing winter is by far not pleasant. Then, I hurry inside the car.

"Alia, turn the car heat on", I say as I light a cigarette. "We need to get rid of these clothes. Just turn left and we will cross a bridge".

We do just that. Alia stops on the bridge and I look around. Nobody. take the dirty clothes in the river. Working with coal always makes your clothes dirty. I even wash again my face and my hands in the snow. Then, I take off my booties and throw them too. Immediately I jump in the car, with the cigarette in my mouth.

"Turn around back to the city!"

As I give the order, I look through the luggage of other clothes. I know I have other booties around... and here they are. I put them on. No sign of coal on me! All looks good! Now, let's return to the station. We enter the city, which now is a bit busy, but not too much. Good time to travel! Between 5 and 8.30 AM, nobody will stop you. Everyone is in a hurry to work. I guide Alia - Atan back to the railway station, to the rent-a-car point. We deploy the car and I take back the 500 $ insurance. How much money! Five times my salary!

We enter the station fast, to take tickets for our next destination. We will be heading to Land Of Ice, but in order to do that, we need to go back to Land Of Mountains, to Jupiter station. The train will depart in two hours. Until then, we go to a small secluded park behind the railway station. Nobody will check us here. I know the place very well. It is a park between blocks, with a playground for children. Nobody is here at this hour. From time to time, one person goes out or in from the blocks. I go out and pick something to eat from a small shop.

We eat and then light a cigarette. Alia is dangling her boots on the snow. He is feeling the cold. Good that he was not the one to change clothes in the cold.

"I don't like the way this is going", I whisper.

"What?" he whispers to me.

"I don't remember Stromboli to ship cigarettes from here. Maybe he now works with a completely different strategy".

"Just hope we get out of this", he says.

"Also, he gave us too much money for such a simple task", I whisper. "There must be something behind. He gave us 6000 $".

"How much does he usually pay?" he whispers.

"Never more then 1000".

"What do we do now?"

"We get in nearly when the train will depart", I say. "We enter the station on main door, walk like everyone and get in. Don't look in any direction, just move forward".

"I am scared".

"I am scared too", I say. "We get directly to Jupiter and then we pick a ticket to Saturn. We have a link in 10 minutes to the Land Of Nomads".

"And then what?"

"We go to Uranus, capital of the Land Of Ice, as fast as possible. There, we take the airplane to your parents".

"I hope you're right".

"By the time we reach Uranus, we will know what happened. I have good friends there".

We stay in the park, in the cold. The wind starts. Morning is the coldest time of day. And just 12 minutes before the train starts, we go to the station. We walk forward, directly to where the train will be. I check if this is the train and we get in, with the little luggage we had. Time goes slowly. The train is late a few minutes. I hear something on the platform:

"Hold it! Stop right there!"

Oh no! What to do now? Is it for us? Then, I hear:

"You grab my money! I'll kill you!"

Then, I hear some pistol fire and someone screaming. No, more people screaming. And the train starts going. Ah, what a change! We're safe! Some people speak near us, on the corridor:

"He shot him! You seen it?"

"That thief shot the man!"

"Man! This country is rotten-up and turned upside down!"

The train is catching speed. We exit the city fast and start climbing the snow-covered mountains.

"Thanks God we're safe", whispers Alia - Atan.

The train climbs up. Then, the controller comes and asks for our tickets. I know well how things work: I show him the tickets and offer him the equivalent of 5$ in currency used in the Land Of Dictators. He again takes it without any word. We're safe! But I really feel safe only when we enter the tunnel. That is the border. Now, nobody can reach us.

The train continues its route down towards our capital, Jupiter. There, I know well how things go. We jump down from the train and go to take tickets. We jump onboard the train that will take us to Saturn. No time for anything, we only have a 7 minutes window to change trains.

Jupiter and Saturn are very close. They are separated by a large river. So, the train does not take much to cross border. A controller checks our tickets and papers and says:

"Girls, why didn't you check your passports when you left Land Of Dictators? You might get me into trouble".

"We almost lost the train", I answer, giving him about 10 $.

"When you reach Saturn, go immediately and check your regional passport, or you will be in trouble".

We cross the river and stop at Chiron. Here lies the thermal plant, where all coal from our mines is burned. We sell the nomads coal and they sell us electricity. Then, we reach Saturn.

We step down from the train, carrying our luggage. Not much, since most of it was made of cigarettes that we left in that train. We go to check our passports and then I look at the train schedule. We have some little time, enough to change. So, I decide and we take a taxi directly to the largest shop in this city. No time to look at anything. But even so, Alia - Atan looks at some items that I like. Green staff. And even the thing I was looking for by so long time: green hair paint. Well, not much time to check on items. We see if the items suit us well and we return to the station, check our passports and get in the train. This is an expensive train, but the fastest way to reach Uranus, the capital of Land Of Ice. The cruise takes 3 hours and has no stop. I immediately go to sleep.

I open my eyes at some point and see Alia - Atan sleeping. Looking at the window, I see the landscape I know so well: and endless plain. Villages are seen from place to place.

Well, we finally reach Uranus, capital of Land Of Ice, around 4 PM. All is working fine. We step out of the train and check our passports and immediately go to a cheap motel that I know well. The purpose is not to sleep there (even if a sleep should be good), but to take a shower, change clothes and paint our hair. We will stay the whole evening in here. The airplane departs a bit over midnight.

I start making my hair, then his hair. We will be women for the evening, but then he needs to change back as a man. We are sorting our clothes and trying to get dressed in this motel room. I turn the TV on, to see what is going on. Then, after a few minutes, I take care of my make-up and his. It is now time to go to city and have some fun!