When you pull a sheep out of its flock, it will instantly try to get back. When a sheep is alone, it does not eat anything. It just makes noise, calling any nearby sheep. Its eyes scan the horizon, looking for any sign of a flock of sheep. When it sees a flock around, it runs towards them as fast as it can. No animal suffers more from loneliness then the sheep. By looking at a lonely sheep, one can realize how much lonely people are suffering.

The Wiseman

It is now summer. In every day, right after the morning trains depart, I take water from the river with a bucket and bring it to my plants, to the whole garden. All plants need water, but the tobacco needs more. It always makes me laugh, that this plant needs water to make fire. Soon, we will be collecting its leaves and will be making handmade cigarettes.

I take the last cherries from the trees in my garden. There are so many things to do with them. We make syrup, jam, but not only. I know to do cookies with them. I have cookies at every meal, because I love to make them. Well, not only that. I like to improvise. Why not to make other things with them? they can be combined with other vegetables to get lunch. It has a strange, curious taste. I like it and I think so does Alia - Atan. Sometimes I talk with him about the foods he used to eat in the Civilized World. Unfortunately, it is impossible for me to do that. Firstly, we don't grow pigs, so pork meat is out of discussion. Secondly, we don't eat fish. In our history, when we lost a great war, millions of people were forced to leave these mountains, to the land Beyond The Sands. Many of them moved by water and more then half died on the sea. From those who managed to reach that place, more then half died of starvation. We associate that tragic genocide with the symbol of the fish. We never eat fish, for that reason, all of us who somehow managed to remain here.

There are many differences between the food we eat here and what you see in the Civilized World. I remember from his parents, what a luxurious kitchen they have. So many tools were there! Here, we don't even have a fridge. We cook using wood fire, which is the cheapest. No gas tanks, no sink with flowing water, no luxury that I've seen there. I remember that his parents have electronic devices for mixing ingredients and for slicing food. Alia - Atan told me about an electric boiler they have, that produces hot water in the kitchen. When he told me that it is only 5 kg, I didn't believe him. Instead, I searched the internet to see with my own eyes. And in the bathroom, they have a shower with its own boiler. There, water is heated by gas, from a separate gas tank. I would like to take his parents here, to see how we heat water and how we wash in a plastic basin, pouring water with a sponge. We have no bathroom, we wash in the kitchen. Anyway, their kitchen is as large as my whole house.

There is another thing, that I don't believe even now. Alia - Atan said that they have a fountain and a water pump, connected with a network of hoses, that go throughout the garden. And each hose has holes, so that water drops at each plant. I don't believe that! They are rich, but who can spend so much money on that? Who can pay so much electricity, to pump all that water? And the price of all hoses, the pump and all equipment, will fall far below the price of food produced.

Alia - Atan told me about the tools they use in agriculture. They have a device with its own engine, that prepares the ground before planting seedlings. I searched the internet by the brand he said... well, it is about 1500 $. 15 times my salary! How much money those people waste? I really cannot understand how they can live in that luxury. And they say it is not enough. They are not satisfied. Oh mine! Why is not a comet falling over them? So much greed in this world!

Honestly, I am very happy in these mountains. And why not? In the Land Of Dictators, people in the rural area are starving, despite the elite in their capital living in luxury. In the Land Of Sands, it is not good, too. And in the Land Of Fire, people die of starvation and of war. Christians are crucified, women are raped and sold, while Muslim men work to extermination. I would like to take someone from the Civilized World to those places and force it to live there a month.

Another thing that I never understood is what I see in American movies: a man with a shotgun shouting at you 'Get out of my property!' - this always makes me laugh. Well, I've never been that far and I will never have the money for a trip out there. Here, in these mountains, even if you get to a hidden contraband camp, people will never do that to you. They will first presume that you are lost and will try to help you. They will offer you something to eat and a bed to sleep. People walk through my garden. Children move to any garden they want and eat fruits. Here, it is quite the opposite. It is considered that you have to help a lost person. You have to be a good guest. If someone walks around your garden, want to eat some fruits and doesn't it is considered a sign of disrespect.

If anyone would offer me anything, in any place on planet Earth, I will refuse. No! This is my home and I will not move even for all the gold in the known Universe.

***********************************************************

Well, soon the evening trains will come. Atan will arrive from the mine. Everything is done in the house. Food is ready, new clothes are in the house, everything is prepared. It has been a hot day. Even if the evening is coming, the air is still hot. Both in the house and the kitchen, the air is too hot.

When the train went to the mine, it was about 40 minutes late. Now, it returns with about 30 minutes away from schedule. Also the noon trains were late. There is something that I don't know. The train enters my station and Tesla, the engineer, screams to me:

"Ana, let me go, I am late!"

"What's happening?" I ask.

"The line is twisted at Himalia. I hardly managed not to derail!"

"Go, Tesla! I will signal the stations after you go", I say.

I immediately signal him to go, then I enter the station, to radio signal upstream and downstream stations. Oh no! This is a nightmare! The old rail sleepers are no longer resisting. Wooden sleepers have rotten, while concrete sleepers have cracked. In some places, distance between rails is changing... You don't need to be an expert in railways to realize that if rails are not aligned at the same distance, trains will derail. Soon, a train will derail and there will be no trains for a while, until the mine will spend some money to repair the rail.

We get to the kitchen and eat. Then, we go to the house. It was a hot day today. All the heat has accumulated in the house. It is that kind of heat when you want to sleep with nothing to cover your body and still will sweat.

I take a small green blouse, with no sleeves, that lets my belly uncovered. Also, I wear a small green skirt. For this weather, I take shiny, sheer pantyhose, with green plastic sandals. Now, almost all my feet are exposed. My pantyhose rise a bit above my skirt. Atan changes and becomes Alia. He wears a black blouse, that covers his fake breasts. He has a short black skirt, like mine. His feet are also covered in sheer shiny pantyhose and like at me, they rise a bit above his skirt. He has white plastic sandals. These sheer pantyhose require some sort of shoes even while walking in the house, if you don't want to rip them. We both have painted our hair back in green. And not only the hair, also our nails are green, both at the fingers and at the toes.

Also, I add a little make-up on him. A soft, shiny lipstick and some powder around his eyes and he looks just like a woman. I also do the same, but with a lipstick that is a bit more red.

We talk a bit about what happened at the mine and about the railway. It looks like everyone knows that the railway will not be functional for long. When trains will be unable to move, the mine will be closed until the rail is repaired.

We light a cigarette. And we try what we did many times, the smoky kiss. He takes his lips close to mine and touches my lips. I open my lips and allow the smoke to get in. I slowly inhale it, then allow the smoke to get out of my body both through mouth and nostrils. Then, I take an inhale and try to give the smoke to him, through a kiss. He touches my lips and receives my smoke. But, unlike previous times, we do this using a single cigarette and we both smoke from it.

Many things have changed. In past, if a boy offered me a smoke from his cigarette, it would have made me a repulsion, even an anger against it. But with Alia, all is different. I like it. I like to feel the little moisture on a cigarette, as he gives it to me. Even the fact that I see his lipstick on a cigarette, is not a problem for me. I watch as our lipsticks merge on the filter.

But, there is a single man that can touch me and that one is Alia - Atan. Nobody is ever allowed to do so. The same repulsion I feel for any other man.

I put my feet in his lap and lean down, with my head on a pillow. I allow him to touch my feet, to massage them. The only difference is that now it is very hot and there is some sweat on them. But even so, he touches them and massages me. I like that feeling. And even more, we talk and while we talk we change cigarettes between us, while my feet are still on his lap. We talk about the railway, about the many technical problems it has. As I stay on my back, I can see his head and I can see him smoking. My smoke is rising up in the room.

Then, we change seats. I start to massage his feet. I notice also some sweat absorbed by his pantyhose. In past, this is something I would never accept, but I don't feel repulsion. I can touch and massage his feet without a problem.

The days are far longer now. The night train should arrive here before getting dark, but it is nowhere to be seen. We move to the station. What if Almathea station forgot to radio-contact us? Is the train moving blind?

We are in the railway station. We sit on the bench, outside, breathing the evening cooler air. Actually, we are breathing some air, but also some smoke, as we immediately light our cigarettes. Alia moves his hand to my back, down to the top of my pantyhose. I try the same. I know that I must not touch the upper part of his back. And I manage to feel the smooth fabric, just 2 cm above from his skirt. We stay like this, while it gets dark. Then, at some point, we hear the radio signal. The train is coming and is over an hour late.

Soon, the train comes, struggling to catch-up time. I radio upstream and downstream stations before the train arrives, then, as it stops and a few passengers step down, I signal it to go. The train should arrive at 9.33 PM, but it is 11.28 now.

We return to the house and we go to sleep. At 3 AM, like always, I wake for the night train to go downstream. The train comes as usual. do my job and the train continues its route. Something tells me that this time it will derail. Unlike other days, I don't return to sleep. I stay out and hear the radio beeps from Almathea station, as the train reaches it. Then, I return home, but without sleeping. I have a feeling. In the end, I start sleeping, somehow, but not for long. The first rays of dawn wakes me up. And so does Alia - Atan. I have to prepare breakfast.

And just as I am in the kitchen, I hear the radio beeping. This time, it is different. It is not the same signal used for an approaching train. I hurry to the station, where I have a chart depicting all letters in Mores code and a sheet of paper to write it. The radio beeps again, this message:

AL CA PT CANCEL DERAIL (Almathea to Callisto, passenger train cancelled, derailed).

Then, a second message comes:

AL CA PLEASE CONFIRM (Almathea to Callisto, please confirm).

I write the message: CA AL CONFIRMED. Then, I receive this message: AL CA NO TRAINS TODAY PLEASE CONFIRM. I answer: CA AL CONFIRMED LINE CLOSED. I notify Ganymede, the upstream station: CA GA PT CANCEL DERAIL. I send the message again. Then, I receive a message from Ganymede: GA CA PLEASE REPEAT. I send a message: CA GA PT CANCEL DERAIL, then CA GA NO TRAINS TODAY PLEASE CONFIRM. I receive the message: GA CA CONFIRM NO TRAINS TODAY.

Alia comes to the station and I tell him what is going on. The repeated beeps can be heard almost in the entire village. They are a signal for everyone that a train is coming, only that most people don't understand the beeps. People start coming to the station, thinking the train is earlier today.

What amazes me is that Alia - Atan is now dressed as Alia, with a black top and short black skirt and with pantyhose, but people don't say anything about him. They now got used to this situation. We explain them what happened. It takes time until the hour when the train should really come.

Then, the radio beeps again, a long message: JUPITER TO EVERYONE LINE IS CLOSED TODAY MINE CLOSED TODAY EVERYONE FREE TODAY EVERY STATION TO CONFIRM. As always, message is repeated. This is our protocol. First, we send a long 'tone' signal, then the message. Then, we wait a bit (about twice the time needed to write the message) and repeat it. When I hear it for second time, I radio Ganymede, the upstream station. I do it as should be done, repeating the message. Then, I signal to Almathea, the following message: CA AL JUPITER CONFIRMED LINE CLOSED MINE CLOSED. It then takes 4 minutes, until I hear message from Ganymede: GA CA JUPITER CONFIRMED NO TRAIN TODAY MINE CLOSED. I send the message downstream to Almathea, to be further sent to Jupiter. It takes other four minutes and I get another message: EUROPA GA CA JUPITER CONFIRMED TRAIN DERAILED ALL CLOSED. I send the message to Almathea, to be forwarded all the way to Jupiter. And finally, the mast message: IO GA CA JUPITER CONFIRMED WE CLOSE THE MINE TODAY.

We all get a free day! Well, people, hearing all the beeps, keep coming to the station. They ask us over again what is happening. We explain everyone that the railway is closed. We go home and eat breakfast, then come and stay up to the hour when the morning train should return from the mine, to tell any passengers to go home. Nobody comes. The news have spread through the village. Everyone knows now that the line is closed today.

Since we are both free today, we go back to house and decide to go for a walk in the mountains. Not far from here, just a small walk. I take my favorite green dress, the one with a white leaf in its front. Alia takes another green dress, with something written in yellow on it. We take our sandals and head for a lake. there are a few dams built on a few streams not far from where we are. 30 years ago, there were plans to build a complex hydro energy power plant, with a lot of dams and many tunnels in these mountains, but the project was long left abandoned. Many people go to the larger reservoirs to take a bath in summer. I prefer a small lake, which not many people visit. It takes two hours to reach it. Built on a stream that barely flows in summer, the lake is 50 meters long and deep enough to swim in it. The dam is made of concrete and large enough to support a lake twice this size. Water flows through a pipe that should reach another dam in another valley, but it's broken somewhere at the middle. There are trees all around the lake, but there is a shore, where you can stay, very close to the water. We also decide to take some food with us, if we stay too much, as well as a small carpet to sit on it.

We reach the lake and find the best place to sit. We put the carpet down and sit on it. Taking out our plastic sandals, we let our feet to touch the water. I watch how a few small waves get formed and feel the smooth mixture of clay and sand that we touch. There is nobody here. And nobody will actually come here. There is no path or trail to this lake, you have to go directly through forest. It is not hot. The trees allow only a few rays of light to reach us.

We both light a cigarette and hold it with one hand. With the other hand, we are hanging each other. Our hands are now exploring our back. We do this for the first time in our lives. We touched our pantyhosed feet many times. We touched our hands and we exchanged smoke. We touched our lips and our face. Except for a few kisses and the fact that we hug each other, there is not more. Now, we touch our backs. I feel his hand exploring me. He gently moves his fingers and gets to the top of my pantyhose. And I do the same. Our feet meet in the water. Only that this time, it is wet pantyhose on wet pantyhose. The water gets a bit dirty, as we repeatedly touch the bottom of the lake. I also see some fish in the water.

We both light a cigarette again. With one hand, we hold the cigarettes, while with the other hand, we hug each other.

"This is my secret place", I say, after many minutes of silence.

"It is unique", he says.

"Not many people know it. This is the most lonely place in the forest".

"Thank you for taking me here".

"There are so many wonders in this world. This one is so quiet".

He takes a deep inhale, then says:

"You picked the most intimate place in these mountains".

"This is the place where I used to spend even hours, when I was a child", I say, taking another inhale. "And after all this time, I still come here. This lake has shared all my happy thoughts and all my tears. This is where I hided when that infidel destroyed my life. The lake knows all. all the cigarettes I smoked on its shore, nobody knows how many... are in here. The lake has been my hidden friend for such a long time".

"Nicotiana, it is a honor for me that you brought me here".

"You are the only one. I never took anyone here. Most people don't even know about this lake. It is said that it should not even be built. It was the ambition of an architect, who wanted to divert every river to the power plant".

I take another dose of smoke from my cigarette, slowly letting it out of my mouth.

"Many times I smoked here, just where we sit now. Here I laughed and here I cried. Like I said, Alia, this is my secret place".

I inhale again, then let the smoke out through my nostrils.

"Please, don't tell anyone about this place. I want it to be as it is".

"I won't, Nicotiana. You know I won't. And I will never go here again without you".

"You are welcome to come, Alia. I trust you. A part of me lives in you and a part of you lives in me. I didn't take you here because you were not ready... and I was not ready too. But now I am and I think we both are".

"I've never been closer to anyone in my life", he says. "I long wanted to be with someone, but you know what happened each time. I will never betray you. I abandoned my past for you. And you did the same".

"I know", I say, letting smoke out, together with my words. "We've been through many things".

"I think this is just the beginning of a long story", he says, also exhaling smoke while speaking. "No woman in my whole life has shown so much affection. And not only to me. My former friends from the Civilized World should envy us. Just how many I've seen sad, depressed. Two of them even tried to suicide".

"Why?"

"Because they were with girls that wanted only money and nothing more then this. But the guys loved them. And when a girl found a richer man, she instantly abandoned him".

I look at him, thinking of this.

"Many rich guys tried to get to me. Stromboli, for example. But you know what happen. And I ask you this. Please speak sincerely. What happiness would have awaited me with one like Stromboli? Supposed I was not a sfenist. Was there any happiness?"

"Except for money and a good life, no".

"Will that good life last long? At some point, they look for another girl. And what pleasure is that, to be with someone only for money? If I wanted money, I would have stopped you from getting citizenship. I could have used your money when we got to your parents. But no. I did a job for Stromboli, to get money".

"And even if one day I will get fired from the mine?" he asks.

"You still think that love is about money?"

"No. Real love has nothing to do with money or with sensual love. I realized it a month ago, when we went to Inah. At that moment, I realized all. How strong was her love? How much affection! For Inah, she was ready even to sacrifice her life, to save her husband's". She takes another inhale, then speaks: "Most guys will never understand this, but the real love goes through all walls and beyond all limits".

He takes another inhale, then says: "Were have you been, Nicotiana? All those years I was lonely, I dreamed about this ideal love, but I never found anyone. I never knew that far here, at the End Of The World, I will find you. I ran away and found you".

I look carefully in his eyes. I see a lot of affection, but almost no passion. Every single cell in his body is paying attention to me. Every single cell in his body is... Oh mine!

"With other words, you say that you love me", I say, with a smile.

"Yes, I love you", he answers. "I do. And I will do anything it takes to make you happy. I am ready even to kill myself for you".

I look at his green dress, at his green face, at his share pantyhose. He did anything possible to become a copy of me.

"I love you too", I say.

We finish our cigarettes and drop them in the water, as I did so many times. Then, we touch both our hands. We move our hands up to each other's shoulder. Then, we move our hands on each side of our body. He carefully avoids my breasts and my neck and I do the same. As we move down, we touch our stomach. For the first time in my life, I feel where is the belly of a man, with my fingers. What is really incredible, is that I am comfortable doing this and my body accepts him. He feels the place where my pantyhose starts and moves slowly to my feet, avoiding my genitals. I also move my hand to his feet, just in the same way, to the end of his green dress. As we move our hands lower, to the knees, our heads come much closer one with the other, until our hairs touch.

I take my hands out and look at him. He does the same thing. Then, in the next second, we kiss. It is first a short kiss, followed by a longer one, then a third one, even longer. Our bodies come even closer and we kiss again, while our hands explore our bodies. Then, he twitches and tries to pull away from my hands.

"You touched my back", he says, lighting a cigarette.

"Sorry, I had no intention", I answer, lighting a cigarette too.

"I am sorry to move like this".

"No problem, next time I will be more careful".

He is shaking. Oh, this is my fault. These are the stigmatas of a sfenist. We will have to carry them all our lives. I need to find something to solve the problem and fast.

"How about a swim in the lake?" I say.

"Here? Now?" he says. "If you want, I'll do it".

"Take on your sandals. There are rocks down there".

I take my sandals and move in the water, which rises to my knees.

"Shouldn't we first undress?" he asks.

"No", I say. "After all, it is summer. Come on!"

I move deeper into the lake, while he takes his sandals and comes after me. The water is not hot and not cold. A few fish swim around us.

"Just light two cigarettes from the shore and bring me one!" I say.

He does just as I said and comes with two cigarettes. I open my mouth as he puts one there, then, trying to imitate me, he takes the other one in his mouth. We go deeper in the water. I know the lake. The shore is covered with sand and clay. Deeper, you find stones that are not pleasant to walk on. Then, in the center and mostly close to the tail, there is a soft mud. Close to the dam, water is deep and anyone could swim.

We move deeper into the lake. Now, only my head is above water. Alia is higher then me. But, as he comes closer, leans deeper into the water, so that he is at the same height with me. And we stay there, in the water, for pretty long time. Slowly, our cigarettes burn, as the ash falls on the water and clouds of smoke get out of our mouths. Then, we drop the filters in the water.

I get deeper and start to swim. It is this lake where I learned to swim. I never did this in any other place. I am happy to see that he also knows to swim. This does not take long and we decide to return to the shore, holding each other by hand.

We move back to the carpet, with our clothes wet. Our dresses now stick to our skin and have become translucent. His fake breasts are now smaller and not as firm as should be. I start to feel cold.

"Nicotiana, you are getting cold", he says, as he starts to pick dry branches from the ground.

"Yes, but this cooled the heat of the day", I answer. "What are you doing?"

"I want to make a fire", he says. "You might get a cold".

"Not near the lake", I say. "The campfire will ruin the landscape!"

"Then, I will build it somewhere else".

"Ok", I say. "How about below the dam?"

As he moves, I can see through his dress his fake breasts and his underwear. I realize that he can see my body too. We move downstream, where I made fire a few times before. The dam is 15 meters high. Downstream, the valley is dried. I see the water pipe that starts from the dam and know it very well. About 1 km further away, it is broken and water falls back in this valley. We are not going there. Just close to the dam, there are a few chunks of concrete. And between them, I used to make a fire. I sit on a piece of concrete, while he makes the fire fast. We stay here, face to face. I am sure that as my skirt became translucent, he seen my bra and underwear. I notice him looking at me, but when I look at him, he points at something else.

"I know what you were looking at", I say.

"Sorry", he says.

"No, you don't need to be sorry. Just look at what is happening!"

He now looks at me, without hiding.

"It is the lake that did this to us", I say. "Or maybe it is Actit, working through the lake and telling us to continue".

He looks amazed at what I say. Then, he says:

"If this is the work of Actit, then we should..." he stops and thinks. "Maybe no. I will say it anyway. We should not hide our bodies..."

"You mean we should show one each other our bodies?" I ask him.

"Maybe not yet, but we should at some point".

We stay close to the fire and we light another cigarette. We practice the smoky kiss. Everything goes well, until at one point I don't give him only smoke. I also give him my gum. Realizing that he might breath it in and might die, I instantly move myself away, with a desperate look.

"Stop!" I scream.

He stops, with my gum hanging between his teeth. He is also scared by this unexpected event.

"Chewing gum?" he asks. "I had no idea you were chewing gum".

"I do", I answer. "I always do".

"I've noticed that your lips sometimes are moving, but I thought that you move like this, just like some people are shaking their hands or lips".

"Give it back to me", I say, taking it from his mouth. "Well, it is a long story. When I started school, I needed something to hide the smell of cigarettes".

"I've never seen chewing gum around you. Never had any idea".

"Well, now you know", I answer. "At school, we were not allowed to chew gum in class. Teachers would put it in our hair. So, I got used to not chew, just to hold it in my mouth. And after all these years, I am still doing it. I could stop it a long time ago, but after all this time, the gum is like an extension of my tongue. I take a gum every day, when I wake-up. Not at the 3 AM train, when I start making breakfast, but you are usually still in bed at that time. When I eat, I put it in a pocket, then back in my mouth. I even don't sleep without it. Keeps the taste of tobacco away in the morning. And I always have some gum with me, just in case".

Then, I throw my gum in the fire and take two pieces of gum. I give him one.

"Here!"

**********************************************************

After our clothes are dried and the fire starts to fail, we return to the village, to our home. Once we arrive, I want to prepare lunch. Like always when he is home during the day, Alia is trying to help me with everything. We cook together. Then, we sit and relax, smoking a cigarette. Nearly ending it, we also do a smoky kiss.

"There is something else that we should try", says Alia.

"What should that be?" I ask.

"We have a smoky kiss. How about a gummy kiss?"

"That should be funny", I answer.

We touch our lips. I take his gum inside my mouth, then push mine into his mouth.

"I cannot believe that you never knew I always have chewing gum in my mouth!" I say, with a big smile.

"You are full of surprises. You are the definition of a surprise", he says.

"And you surprised me with the gummy kiss. Never knew that such thing exists".

"My own invention".

"Have you any other inventions?" I ask.

"I don't know, Nicotiana. Smoky kiss, gummy kiss... What else should be?"

"Should we try everything we put in our mouths?"

"If you want to, I will try".

As lunch is ready, we eat. My cherry invention meal seems to be a good thing. As we eat, I show him how each time I put my piece of gum in a pocket or somewhere on the furniture, for later. Also, I show him how each time I finish eating, I take it back.

We then have desert: cookies with cherries and milk. As I put the plate with cookies on the table, he laughs.

"What is it?" I ask.

"I was just thinking about a cookie kiss and a milky kiss", he answers.

"We could try", I say.

And we try this, too. Exchanging aliments between us is not the same thing, but still it is funny.

Then, evening comes. No evening trains are now going to the mine. We just change clothes again. Only that, this time, for the first time ever since we are together, we do this without hiding, both in the same room and in the same time. We don't look one at each other, but we do.

Later, when we go to sleep, after I put what remains from my cigarette into the ashtray, I blow a bubble of gum. How could he not observe this for such a long time? I think about all that happen today, about how our lives are getting transformed. Our psychologist said that our friendship will get stronger by the day and that there will be a lot of affection. What will be next?